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[DRAFT] A Sticky Icthy Situation

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Palos Heights
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Founded: Apr 25, 2017
Ex-Nation

[DRAFT] A Sticky Icthy Situation

Postby Palos Heights » Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:41 pm

That's right Billy, I'm BACK and I want YOU.

Please give feedback, I literally have not done this in years, I expect no fewer than three posts saying, "Seems alright", Aussie to offer feedback that confuses me but somehow addresses a counter-counter-counter point?, a post or two from old colleagues saying, "Welcome back!" but then offering no feedback, and for me to sit and stew in anxiety through 3-4 drafts until submitting it until I forget about it. Ah, classic Got Issues?

So, let me know what you all think!

[title] A Sticky Icthy Situation

[description] An ecoterrorist belonging to the Cult of the Dammed is threatening to release 2,000 eggs belonging to the invasive Cathay Carp fish species into the largest waterway in @@NAME@@ unless their demands are met immediately.

[validity] Nation with any fishing industry present

[Option1] "Behold @@LEADER@@! The wrath of the Cult of the Dammed!" bellows ecoterrorist Pewter Tress. "You over-fish these waters and pollute our seas with your industry. One single Cathay Carp can lay 1,000,000 eggs, imagine what 2,000 can do? Cease all fishing in @@NAME@@ or witness the terrible vengeance of the Cult of the Dammed!"

[Fallout1] aquaculturists and fish-breeders often find themselves on government watch-lists.

[Option2] "Something is fishy here, @@LEADER@@" states your Czar of Perfect Fishing Casts, Reel Irwin. "Obviously they are bluffing, no one likes the taste of Cathay Carp and killing off local fish species goes against everything these wack-a-doos stand for. I know some people who have dealt with these cultists before, let me make a call to Captain Arthur Menthol and we'll make sure this never happens again."

[Fallout2] toilet-bowl funerals for pet goldfish are banned outright.

[Option3] "Now, I don't want to rock the boat here," counters fishing mogul Gordon Silver, "but as someone intimately familiar with cooking fish, but Cathay Carp cooked just right makes the perfect lightly fried fish fillets. @@NAME@@ will revolutionize the culinary world and to the naysayers, let them eat fishcakes!"

[Fallout3] anything is edible deep-fried and slathered in the sauce of your choosing.

[OptionNewVegas] "Deep-fried Cathay Carp? You ruin it you stupid, fat halfling!" exclaims notorious sushi chef Tro Hald. Flinging perfectly cut sashimi into your mouth he continues, "Fish should be fresh, give it to us raw, and wriggling! I don't agree with their methods, but maybe these cultists have a point. Nothing but the cleanest agriculture practices and the freshest foods for @@NAME@@ moving forward!"

[FalloutNewVegas] olive oil smugglers cruise @@ADJDEMONYM@@ waterways at night with illegal contraband.
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Esthe
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Postby Esthe » Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:45 pm

Maybe change “ecoterrorist Pewter Mills” to “the ecoterrorist”, and some of the speech feels a bit too casual, but otherwise it’s alright.
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Palos Heights
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Founded: Apr 25, 2017
Ex-Nation

Postby Palos Heights » Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:48 pm

Esthe wrote:Maybe change “ecoterrorist Pewter Mills” to “the ecoterrorist”, and some of the speech feels a bit too casual, but otherwise it’s alright.


Pewter Tress is there as an explicit reference, especially to a past issue that I have done. An easter egg if you will. If I didn't have it in there explicitly for that reason, I'd be in agreement.

As far as the casual speech goes, personally, I think the issues need some zaniness and to be so out there that sometimes rigid serious language only hurts that. That being said, what would you recommend?
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Daarwyrth
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:50 pm

Have we met the Cult of the Damned before? It feels like there is some history with them already but it doesn't seem to be explained in the premise. That could of course be just me, and that I forgot about them or didn't encounter them yet. However, perhaps it might be an idea to make a small remark about past encounters with the Cult of the Damned :)

The issue premise and text seem quite familiar though. Have you worked on this issue draft before, or worked on something similar? I really feel I read this somewhere already, but I am not sure whether it was a draft or an actual issue in the issue base (albeit I doubt the latter).

My advice would also be to maybe change the language a teeny tiny bit. It can come down to personal preferences of course, but I do feel as if the language is indeed a little but too informal.

I like the issue draft though, it has an interesting subject, but it does feel familiar for some reason which I can't place.
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Palos Heights
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Ex-Nation

Postby Palos Heights » Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:55 pm

Daarwyrth wrote:Have we met the Cult of the Damned before? It feels like there already is some history with them already but it doesn't seem to be explained in the premise. That could of course be just me, and that I forgot about them or didn't encounter them yet. However, perhaps it might be an idea to make a small remark about past encounters with the Cult of the Damned :)

The issue premise and text seems quite familiar though. Have you worked on this issue draft before, or worked on something similar? I really feel I read this somewhere already, but I am not sure whether it was a draft or an actual issue in the issue base (albeit I doubt the former).

My advice would also be to maybe change the language a teeny tiny bit. It can come down to personal preferences of course, but I do feel as if the language is indeed a little but too informal.



Issue 951, "The Wrath of the Fish King" is where they first arise, albeit under the leadership of one Kelly Tizad.

As far as this issue draft goes, I have no idea. You know when you have one of those days where you're just fed up with life and the way things are, so you have the epiphany that you could probably blackmail the US and Canadian governments into doing something like eliminating student loan debt or free healthcare with releasing thousands of Asian carp eggs into Lake Michigan, but you really know that'd be a bad idea because that'd effectively end the ecosystem there and in the Great Lakes as you know it? That's the inspiration here. Issue 951 tackled ecoterrorism with biological warfare, this is ecoterrorism but under the guise of addressing invasive species and how desperate sometimes people can be. As informal language is a concern, and I am rusty, can you point out some instances and some suggestions?
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:02 pm

Palos Heights wrote:
Daarwyrth wrote:Have we met the Cult of the Damned before? It feels like there already is some history with them already but it doesn't seem to be explained in the premise. That could of course be just me, and that I forgot about them or didn't encounter them yet. However, perhaps it might be an idea to make a small remark about past encounters with the Cult of the Damned :)

The issue premise and text seems quite familiar though. Have you worked on this issue draft before, or worked on something similar? I really feel I read this somewhere already, but I am not sure whether it was a draft or an actual issue in the issue base (albeit I doubt the former).

My advice would also be to maybe change the language a teeny tiny bit. It can come down to personal preferences of course, but I do feel as if the language is indeed a little but too informal.



Issue 951, "The Wrath of the Fish King" is where they first arise, albeit under the leadership of one Kelly Tizad.

As far as this issue draft goes, I have no idea. You know when you have one of those days where you're just fed up with life and the way things are, so you have the epiphany that you could probably blackmail the US and Canadian governments into doing something like eliminating student loan debt or free healthcare with releasing thousands of Asian carp eggs into Lake Michigan, but you really know that'd be a bad idea because that'd effectively end the ecosystem there and in the Great Lakes as you know it? That's the inspiration here. Issue 951 tackled ecoterrorism with biological warfare, this is ecoterrorism but under the guise of addressing invasive species and how desperate sometimes people can be. As informal language is a concern, and I am rusty, can you point out some instances and some suggestions?

No, nevermind about the informal language comment. I reread the issue and tried to think of suggestions, but came up short when trying to think of something better. As such, I take back that comment :)

Perhaps it's an amalgamation of things that make the issue feel familiar, so as I said before, that could just be me!

I recall the issue you mention now, yes. In that case, it's not necessary to add any elaborate reminders on what the Cult, but perhaps a few words on them would be nice. Something that concisely encapsulates what they did in issue 951 :) but of course, if you feel otherwise then it's not necessary!
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Esthe
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Founded: Feb 21, 2021
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Postby Esthe » Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:03 pm

Palos Heights wrote:
Esthe wrote:Maybe change “ecoterrorist Pewter Mills” to “the ecoterrorist”, and some of the speech feels a bit too casual, but otherwise it’s alright.


Pewter Tress is there as an explicit reference, especially to a past issue that I have done. An easter egg if you will. If I didn't have it in there explicitly for that reason, I'd be in agreement.

As far as the casual speech goes, personally, I think the issues need some zaniness and to be so out there that sometimes rigid serious language only hurts that. That being said, what would you recommend?

Well, at least “the ecoterrorist, who is called Pewter Tress”.
Last edited by Esthe on Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Thu Apr 22, 2021 10:53 pm

This does seem odd. Why would an environmentalist group intentionally do environmental damage? Especially when there are so many other ways to be a pest in order to get your message out there- such as- gluing yourself to the road, for one
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Palos Heights
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Ex-Nation

Postby Palos Heights » Sat Apr 24, 2021 1:57 pm

Work bump
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Electrum
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Postby Electrum » Mon Apr 26, 2021 4:16 am

Is this supposed to be a follow up issue? I don't get why we need two issues on a crazy fish cult.
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Palos Heights
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Founded: Apr 25, 2017
Ex-Nation

Postby Palos Heights » Mon Jun 27, 2022 12:05 pm

Bump
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The Marsupial Illuminati
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Postby The Marsupial Illuminati » Mon Jun 27, 2022 1:35 pm

Bonjour. I do not think that ecoterrorists would be introducing invasive species to places since that would harm the ecosystem.

Also, you're back! 8)
Last edited by The Marsupial Illuminati on Mon Jun 27, 2022 1:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Verdant Haven
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Postby Verdant Haven » Mon Jun 27, 2022 2:41 pm

Good to see you back, Palos.

- Last time we met them, the Cult of the Dammed was angry that you weren't supporting the fishing industry, and demanded totally unregulated fishing. Now they're demanding that you stop fishing because you have insufficiently regulated fishing? Feels like a different group is needed, or some kind of acknowledgement and explanation for that contradiction.

- Threatening to destroy the fishing industry, unless you destroy the fishing industry, is a non-sensical threat. I mean, I realize that these kinds of folks aren't scoring high on the ol' IQ charts, but it's another contradiction that probably should be explained or acknowledged in some way. Given that the fishing industry may care more about profits than about ecological diversity, they may well cheer the release of a large, fecund, gamefish.

- Cathay is an old European name for China and is still occasionally used today, so this is the same as just calling it a "Chinese Carp." I would suggest a name that isn't based in the real world.

- Real world common carp can lay 300,000 eggs at a time, and there are thousands of them out there, frequently as non-native species. I'm not sure 2,000 eggs is really a huge disaster – especially given that under wild conditions, you might get a 1-2% survival rate from those eggs to adulthood, where the laying numbers start to come into play. It might make the threat more real to focus on why exactly this species is bad, and what it can do when released, rather than raw numbers that rapidly become indistinct.

- It's not clear what Option 2 is doing. If a player doesn't know that Capt. Menthol recommended using military power against the cult in Issue 951, then this just comes across as "let me call somebody" without saying why.

- Speaker 4 isn't really responding to what is laid out. They say the cultists having a point, and suggests that the demands are for clean Ag. practices and fresh food. That's not what the cultists demanded – they demanded the cessation of fishing, period – simply adopting cleaner practices wouldn't satisfy the situation presented.
- Verdant Haven


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