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[DRAFT] Commend Tim-Opolis

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Penguin Palace
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[DRAFT] Commend Tim-Opolis

Postby Penguin Palace » Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:10 pm

The Security Council,

Asserting that there are some individuals whose commitments and contributions to the global community that are highly commendable and cannot go ignored , especially considering that the Security Council is always pleased to commend those who serve to further their cosmopolitan ends,

Noting the fact that Tim-Opolis, through their puppet nation of The Spirit, founded the region of Spiritus, a region which is now a cornerstone of the international community, a region that at one point having peaked at a population of over 800 concurrent residents,

Remembering, that this was a feat that was accelerated by the nominee’s recruitment work and the way they shaped the region through numerous government positions, and a region that helped to lead the faction of An Alliance of Potatoes into nuclear war,

Citing the instance in which Tim-Opolis saved the aforementioned region and its allies from nuclear annihilation through steady leadership, refusing to back down in the face of total destruction, instead roaring back to a spot as an international leader on nuclear sciences,

Lauding Tim-Opolis's time in the region of Osiris, for which under their puppet nation of Tim Stark the nominee served as the Pharaoh no less than three times for a total of over 250 days, signalling the nominee's significant commitment to the leadership and community of the region, a community for which they started many programs and ideas which have carried into the modern era,

Realizing that Tim-Opolis also took control of the region of Osiris in order to, conversely, prevent an incoming coup headed by The Almighty Jesus Whale, a dangerous threat to regional functions that was ultimately stopped in its tracks by the nominee’s actions in conjunction with the nation of Cormactopia Prime.

Pointing out that the nominee served as the Arch-Chancellor for the Founderless Regions Alliance, one high point in their defending career, shaping its role in the protection and defense of regions who are not able to fully do so on their own, providing quick and efficient aid to these regions,

Recognizing that Tim-Opolis played a major role in the refounding of Greece, a region which faced many trials and was ultimately enhanced vastly by the nominee's role in said refounding, where he handed control over the founder state to the natives of the region,

Recalling that the nominee was a founding member of the second and current iteration of the Grey Wardens, bringing the tally up to two notable regions which were started or helped to start by Tim-Opolis, and noting the implications that the founding of the region had on the greater world, with the Grey Wardens quickly becoming a beacon for good as a, if not the most, prominent defender organization.

Noting that the nominee is a prominent leader and force for good in the Order of the Grey Wardens, among one of the largest and most visible defender organizations on the global stage, having served in numerous important roles in the region's leadership, including High Constable, Warden-Commander, and now First Warden of the region, making him the commander-in-chief for the region, and with these positions came leadership over many defender operations similar to the aforementioned refounding of Greece.

Revering the speed, skill, precision and talent exhibited by Tim-Opolis in defender operations, often being one of the first to arrive on the scene and protect the native inhabitants of sovereign regions, never giving raiding and opposing forces a chance to rest, keeping them on edge in an almost taunting manner,

Lauding Tim-Opolis' efforts to inform the public, in an often and entertaining fashion, the results of defender activities to better the world whilst fighting the endless propaganda of those who seek to destroy it

Building upon the nominee's four security council resolutions and one co-authored passed resolution, all of which were used to champion the issues favored by the defender cause, which Tim-Opolis headed in this body for some time, which include:

  • Condemn Lone Wolves United, a condemnation for a truly despicable nominee who committed atrocious raids and actions,
  • Liberate Eternal Scholars, a liberation for a region which desperately needed the aid from the Security Council in order to re-establish itself,

Thanking Tim-Opolis for the maintenance of an archive of passed Security Council resolutions for nearly three years, an achievement which helped countless nations keep track of the items passed by this body and a grueling administrative task not fit for everyone,

The Security Council hereby commends Tim-Opolis.




First draft here. Still waiting on some further research into Tim's pre-GW defending experience to come in, but feedback on what is here so far would be vastly appreciated!
Last edited by Penguin Palace on Sat Jan 23, 2021 10:31 am, edited 19 times in total.

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Boston Castle
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Postby Boston Castle » Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:13 pm

I...wouldn’t antagonize TITO with the TGW line. Also, the introductory clause feels a bit bland to me.
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Penguin Palace
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Postby Penguin Palace » Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:17 pm

Boston Castle wrote:I...wouldn’t antagonize TITO with the TGW line. Also, the introductory clause feels a bit bland to me.

Edited the TGW line slightly to leave room for TITO to be given a nod as well

will look at the introductory clause

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Comfed
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Postby Comfed » Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:25 pm

Looks pretty good Pengu! Though I would remove the references to Spiritus' embassy list.

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Makdon
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Postby Makdon » Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:53 pm

This a very full resume, but you could stand to elaborate on your points significantly. Serving as GCR delegate and founding regions are really hard, so they deserve a lot of info. What did he do as delegate? How did he make Spiritus so successful? The answers to these questions will greatly increase the strength of this draft. Also, expanding on what he's done as a defender will be good. Talk about specific operations and benefits he's provided to the orgs he's been in. Generally, you can and should flesh out almost all of your points, but these are the most important ones.
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Penguin Palace
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Postby Penguin Palace » Sun Dec 13, 2020 4:58 pm

Comfed wrote:Looks pretty good Pengu! Though I would remove the references to Spiritus' embassy list.

Thanks, will do!
Makdon wrote:This a very full resume, but you could stand to elaborate on your points significantly. Serving as GCR delegate and founding regions are really hard, so they deserve a lot of info. What did he do as delegate? How did he make Spiritus so successful? The answers to these questions will greatly increase the strength of this draft. Also, expanding on what he's done as a defender will be good. Talk about specific operations and benefits he's provided to the orgs he's been in. Generally, you can and should flesh out almost all of your points, but these are the most important ones.
I'll work to elaborate on each of the points.

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Postby Honeydewistania » Sun Dec 13, 2020 6:47 pm

The Condemn LWU reads like it's praising LWU, especially 'truly deserving'. You should change it
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Postby Jakker » Sun Dec 13, 2020 7:08 pm

The line about taking control of the delegacy of Osiris to prevent a coup is kind of funny since he along with others were actually couping lol
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Postby Chingis » Sun Dec 13, 2020 8:06 pm

In terms of maximising the strength of the proposal given a finite amount of space to work with I'd honestly recommend just dropping the osi coup paragraph altogether.
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Postby Great Algerstonia » Sun Dec 13, 2020 9:53 pm

Penguin Palace wrote:The Security Council,

Recognizing that there are some individuals whose commitments and contributions to the global community that are highly commendable and cannot go ignored, and believing that Tim-Opolis is one of those nations,

Taking note of the fact that Tim-Opolis, through their puppet nation of The Spirit, founded the region of Spiritus, a region which is now a cornerstone of the international community, at one point having peaked at a population of over 800 concurrent residents, a feat that was accelerated by the nominee’s recruitment work and the way they shaped the region through numerous government positions.

Lauding Tim-Opolis's time in the region of Osiris, for which under their puppet nation of Tim Stark the nominee served as the World Assembly Delegate no less than three times for a total of over 250 days, signalling the nominee's significant commitment to the leadership and community of the region, a community for which they started many programs and endeavors which have carried into the modern era,

Realizing that Tim-Opolis also took control of the region of Osiris in order to prevent an incoming coup, a dangerous threat to regional functions that was ultimately stopped in it’s tracks by the nominee’s actions,

Applauding that additionally, Tim-Opolis served as the Foreign Minister for the South Pacific for two terms, contributing immensely to the foreign relationships of the region during their tenure and securing friendships across the world stage, achievements which at one point even spurred the nominee into launching a campaign for delegate of the region,

Highlighting that the nominee also served as the Minister of Integration for The East Pacific, implementing a program of world assembly updates which encouraged nations to endorse the delegate of the region,

Pointing out that the nominee served as the Arch-Chancellor for the Founderless Regions Alliance, shaping its role in the protection and defense of regions who are not able to fully do so on their own,

Asserting that Tim-Opolis played a major role in the refounding of Greece, a region which faced many trials and was ultimately enhanced vastly by the nominee's role in said refounding, where he handed control over the founder state to the natives of the region,

Noting that the nominee is a prominent leader and force for good in the Order of the Grey Wardens, among one of the largest and most visible defender organizations on the global stage, having served in numerous important roles in the region's leadership, including High Constable, Warden-Commander, and First Warden of the region, leading many defender operations similar to the aforementioned refounding of Greece.

Building upon the nominee's four passed security council resolutions and one co-authored passed resolution, which include:

  • Condemn Lone Wolves United, a condemnation for a truly deserving nominee who committed atrocious raids and actions,
  • Liberate Eternal Scholars, a liberation for a region which desperately needed the aid from the Security Council in order to re-establish itself on the world stage,

Thanking Tim-Opolis for the maintenance of an archive of passed Security Council resolutions for nearly three years, an achievement which helped countless nations keep track of the items passed by this body and a grueling administrative task not for fit for everyone,

Adding all these accomplishments together and concluding that they are duly worthy of recognition,

The Security Council hereby commends Tim-Opolis.




First draft here. Still waiting on some further research into Tim's pre-GW defending experience to come in, but feedback on what is here so far would be vastly appreciated!

"Security Council" and "World Assembly" (bolded and underlined) need to be capitalized.
Last edited by Great Algerstonia on Sun Dec 13, 2020 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Penguin Palace » Sun Dec 13, 2020 10:13 pm

Jakker wrote:The line about taking control of the delegacy of Osiris to prevent a coup is kind of funny since he along with others were actually couping lol

It's a spin! :rofl:

will address other points in the morning

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Sedgistan
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Postby Sedgistan » Mon Dec 14, 2020 2:13 am

The proposal has an impressive list of achievements, but a proposal on Tim really needs to capture more of his personality and Tim-ness. He's loud, he's brash, boastful, and a Grade A shitposter.

It almost feels like a Commendation of him should start "10 REASONS WHY TIM-OPOLIS SHOULD BE COMMENDED (NUMBER 6 WILL SHOCK YOU!)".

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Postby Praeceps » Mon Dec 14, 2020 2:25 am

Sedgistan wrote:The proposal has an impressive list of achievements, but a proposal on Tim really needs to capture more of his personality and Tim-ness. He's loud, he's brash, boastful, and a Grade A shitposter.

It almost feels like a Commendation of him should start "10 REASONS WHY TIM-OPOLIS SHOULD BE COMMENDED (NUMBER 6 WILL SHOCK YOU!)".

I'm not falling for this again.
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Penguin Palace
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Postby Penguin Palace » Mon Dec 14, 2020 7:28 am

Sedgistan wrote:The proposal has an impressive list of achievements, but a proposal on Tim really needs to capture more of his personality and Tim-ness. He's loud, he's brash, boastful, and a Grade A shitposter.

It almost feels like a Commendation of him should start "10 REASONS WHY TIM-OPOLIS SHOULD BE COMMENDED (NUMBER 6 WILL SHOCK YOU!)".

If I thought I could get away with that believe me I'd go for it!

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Sedgistan
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Postby Sedgistan » Mon Dec 14, 2020 7:37 am

I'm sure it would be possible to legally write a proposal in clickbait/shitpost style. Whether you could get it past WA voters is another question.

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Penguin Palace
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Postby Penguin Palace » Mon Dec 14, 2020 8:00 am

Sedgistan wrote:I'm sure it would be possible to legally write a proposal in clickbait/shitpost style. Whether you could get it past WA voters is another question.

Perhaps I'll give it a shot then. Maybe WA voters will appreciate it's uniqueness :P

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A Bloodred Moon
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Postby A Bloodred Moon » Mon Dec 14, 2020 8:04 am

There is most certainly a case to made to commend Tim. I'm not sure if this proposal does quite that, but it's at least well-written and not lacking in content.

Penguin Palace wrote:Taking note of the fact that Tim-Opolis, through their puppet nation of The Spirit, founded the region of Spiritus, a region which is now a cornerstone of the international community, at one point having peaked at a population of over 800 concurrent residents, a feat that was accelerated by the nominee’s recruitment work and the way they shaped the region through numerous government positions.

A good enough start, but does Spiritus stand out in any way other than it's size? What are some of their notable feats? Not required, but I think expanding on it would not be a bad idea.

Lauding Tim-Opolis's time in the region of Osiris, for which under their puppet nation of Tim Stark the nominee served as the World Assembly Delegate no less than three times for a total of over 250 days, signalling the nominee's significant commitment to the leadership and community of the region, a community for which they started many programs and endeavors which have carried into the modern era,

I'm sorry, I laughed. Which programs and endeavors has he invented, and which carried over after he was banned from the region? I am not sure if Osiris is all that happy to see Tim commended for supposed contributions to their community.

Realizing that Tim-Opolis also took control of the region of Osiris in order to prevent an incoming coup, a dangerous threat to regional functions that was ultimately stopped in it’s tracks by the nominee’s actions,

By staging a coup? :p I like this line, though, I think you should keep it. In a way he did.

Applauding that additionally, Tim-Opolis served as the Foreign Minister for the South Pacific for two terms, contributing immensely to the foreign relationships of the region during their tenure and securing friendships across the world stage,

Wasn't he banned from the region?

achievements which at one point even spurred the nominee into launching a campaign for delegate of the region,

How is running for delegate commendable?

Highlighting that the nominee also served as the Minister of Integration for The East Pacific, implementing a program of world assembly updates which encouraged nations to endorse the delegate of the region,

The region he joined in order to plot a coup of it?

Pointing out that the nominee served as the Arch-Chancellor for the Founderless Regions Alliance, shaping its role in the protection and defense of regions who are not able to fully do so on their own,

Okay, meaning what? What did the FRA do while Tim led it? What significant changes were made under his leadership, what objectives were achieved?

Asserting that Tim-Opolis played a major role in the refounding of Greece, a region which faced many trials and was ultimately enhanced vastly by the nominee's role in said refounding, where he handed control over the founder state to the natives of the region,

Noting that the nominee is a prominent leader and force for good in the Order of the Grey Wardens, among one of the largest and most visible defender organizations on the global stage, having served in numerous important roles in the region's leadership, including High Constable, Warden-Commander, and First Warden of the region, leading many defender operations similar to the aforementioned refounding of Greece.

Fair enough, though I think the Noting clause could use some more examples other than Greece.

Building upon the nominee's four passed security council resolutions and one co-authored passed resolution, which include:

  • Condemn Lone Wolves United, a condemnation for a truly deserving nominee who committed atrocious raids and actions,
  • Liberate Eternal Scholars, a liberation for a region which desperately needed the aid from the Security Council in order to re-establish itself on the world stage,

Perhaps reword the Eternal Scholars thing. Eternal Scholars does not quite look like it "re-established itself on the world stage" - I get what you mean, but others might not.

Nothing other than that. Good luck.
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Fauxia
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Postby Fauxia » Mon Dec 14, 2020 8:19 am

Yeah, not sure about The East Pacific line, since he kinda helped coup the region. But, you know...

You should mention Tim's role in the Potato Alliance for N-Day this year. He was one of the top dogs leading the comeback from getting utterly destroyed to almost winning the thing.

We didn't win, but it was an impressive comeback nonetheless.

I'll vote for, but I suspect it will be a hard sell, as a Tim generally has a lot of enemies. We'll see though.
Last edited by Fauxia on Mon Dec 14, 2020 8:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Penguin Palace
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Postby Penguin Palace » Mon Dec 14, 2020 10:06 am

Cut the TEP clause and hit the rewordings needed. Added N-Day to the Spiritus section to expand that. Will do further research on the FRA and TGW to grow those sections.

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Aumeltopia
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Postby Aumeltopia » Tue Dec 15, 2020 12:54 am

Penguin Palace wrote:Applauding that additionally, Tim-Opolis served as the Foreign Minister for the South Pacific for two terms, contributing immensely to the foreign relationships of the region during their tenure and securing friendships across the world stage,

The South Pacific holds no positive feelings towards Tim with regard to his time as a citizen. His time as Foreign Minister ended unceremoniously with a motion of no confidence in the entire Cabinet because he was increasingly negligent of his duties and, when he was active, unilaterally forced his own agenda over Cabinet policy. I therefore do not blame you for not having much more than the vague "securing friendships across the world stage" in this clause. His time in TSP ended with a ban by the Administration team and he is not welcome in the region. Regardless of the other merits of this proposal, his history in TSP is the very opposite of commend-worthy. I strongly suggest that you remove this line. The South Pacific will certainly not be voting for a proposal that (however unintentionally) misrepresents the relationship between Tim and the community of TSP.

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Postby Jakker » Tue Dec 15, 2020 8:19 am

If you want to say that maintaining the passed SC resolutions thread is commendable that is up to you. I think the language of it not being "fit for everyone" is also kind of funny. I guess you could make the argument that the thread would not necessary be given to anyone in the entire game but as far as I can tell if you are around in the SC and active enough to actually update it, you are qualified.
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Praeceps
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Postby Praeceps » Tue Dec 15, 2020 10:49 am

I don't think I'll be supporting this. However, my feedback on the resolution:

Penguin Palace wrote:The Security Council,

Taking note of the fact that Tim-Opolis, through their puppet nation of The Spirit, founded the region of Spiritus, a region which is now a cornerstone of the international community, a region that helped to lead the faction of An Alliance of Potatoes into nuclear war, where Tim-Opolis saved the region and its allies from nuclear annihilation through steady leadership, and a region that at one point having peaked at a population of over 800 concurrent residents, a feat that was accelerated by the nominee’s recruitment work and the way they shaped the region through numerous government positions.
I got tired halfway through this clause. Might I suggest splitting it up until several or using a list?

Lauding Tim-Opolis's time in the region of Osiris, for which under their puppet nation of Tim Stark the nominee served as the World Assembly Delegate no less than three times for a total of over 250 days, signalling the nominee's significant commitment to the leadership and community of the region, a community for which they started many programs and endeavors which have carried into the modern era,
What programs and what endeavors did they start that have carried into the modern era?

Realizing that Tim-Opolis also took control of the region of Osiris in order to prevent an incoming coup, a dangerous threat to regional functions that was ultimately stopped in it’s tracks by the nominee’s actions,
Regardless of whether this should be included or not, if you do include it, you should include what Tim's actions were that took control of the region.

Applauding that additionally, Tim-Opolis served as the Foreign Minister for the South Pacific for two terms, contributing immensely to the foreign relationships of the region during their tenure and securing friendships across the world stage,
Sorry but I don't find making friends to be Commendable at all...

Pointing out that the nominee served as the Arch-Chancellor for the Founderless Regions Alliance, shaping its role in the protection and defense of regions who are not able to fully do so on their own,
How did he shape the role?

You could probably change out Asserting for a more positive/congratulatory verb.

What did he do in the positions here? What other defender operations did he lead? Also, sentence ends in a period here, not a comma.

This is well-written so far. His region building contributions read more like a list of what positions he held than what he did though.
Last edited by Praeceps on Tue Dec 15, 2020 10:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Tue Dec 15, 2020 11:11 am

A reasonably well written attempt, though as others have said, it has its minor stylistic faults. While you have done a fair bit of research a number of your points have met with rebuttals from those more in the know.

Overall, not bad, but not convincing enough for me to support at the moment.
Last edited by Bhang Bhang Duc on Tue Dec 15, 2020 11:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Bormiar
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Postby Bormiar » Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:54 pm

Sedgistan wrote:The proposal has an impressive list of achievements, but a proposal on Tim really needs to capture more of his personality and Tim-ness. He's loud, he's brash, boastful, and a Grade A shitposter.

It almost feels like a Commendation of him should start "10 REASONS WHY TIM-OPOLIS SHOULD BE COMMENDED (NUMBER 6 WILL SHOCK YOU!)".

Haven't read the draft, but I already agree with Sedge. Tailoring a proposal to a nominee's personality says more than talking about what they did. If you think about it, who knows more about Tim: his lifelong best friend who's never heard of NationStates, much less know what he does there; or his NationStates biographer that knows every useless piece of information about his career.

The only time I ever hear Tim talk about his history is to brag about that stupid VD thing in TNP. Most of the facts we spit out in the SC just ain't that important.

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Postby WayNeacTia » Wed Dec 16, 2020 3:58 pm

Not enough salt in this here proposal. If a commendation of Tim isn't saltier than the Red Sea, then it does Tim an immense injustice.
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