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[DRAFT] [EGG] We're Going On An Egg Hunt

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Dabarastan
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Posts: 109
Founded: Jul 29, 2019
Tyranny by Majority

[DRAFT] [EGG] We're Going On An Egg Hunt

Postby Dabarastan » Wed Dec 09, 2020 2:01 am

This issue is co-authored by Jim the Baptist

The Issue

You have a tough decision to make. The annual @@DEMONYM@@ Easter egg hunt is upon us, and you need to decide what type of chocolate will be used. Overwhelmed by the weight of this decision, you have put out a public call for suggestions.

1- "Umm, obviously milk chocolate!" squeals @@RANDOMNAME@@ with a mouth full of the sugary stuff. "Everyone loves milk chocolate, it's neutral and it'll please the most people. Plus, that’ll mean less wastage, right?"
Effect: inoffensive populism is the new normal

2- "Everyone knows dark chocolate is the superior variety," dryly interjects Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst swirling around a glass of red wine. "My research shows that dark chocolate is healthier and objectively tastes better."
Effect: only the opinions of pompous intellectuals matter

3- Your pet monkey, donned in full tuxedo and monocle, calmly proposes. "Why my dear leader, have you not considered hazelnut? Not only is it the most flavoursome, the health benefits of nuts will mean your subjects, er… I mean citizens will be as smart as me: Bubbles, your genius pet monkey!"
Effect: @@LEADER@@ consults their maniacal pet monkey before making any major decisions

4- "But what about people with a nut allergy?" pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@. "In fact, it's not just nuts I can't eat - you need to cater for me and other vegans! It's not that complicated, it just needs to be allergen-free, dairy-free and vegan-friendly, duh!" @@HE@@ enters anaphylactic shock following exposure to Bubbles' hazelnuts.
Effect: only a small group of health-conscious vegans participate in the annual Easter egg hunt

5- A small bunny wearing a blue jacket hops into your office, who announces himself as Peter R. "The true spirit of this day is all about me, and what I want. I am the star attraction, and I say we make the switch to white chocolate. Never mind it’s not the real thing, people will eat what I tell them to eat."
Effect: a grumpy bunny polices the streets ensuring everyone is only eating white chocolate

6- Peter's wife bounces into the room. "I have to apologise for my husband’s behaviour, he woke up on the wrong side of the burrow this morning and didn’t have his morning carrot. Hey, that’s an idea, why not have a carrot hunt this year instead?"
Effect: children are a lot less hyperactive at the annual Easter egg hunt

7- Big game hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@ charges into your office on the back of a lion. "Egg and carrot hunts? That's small game, you know what really gets the blood flowing? Hunting Brazilistanis. There's too many of them here illegally anyway. We should have a day where we hunt them for sport and sell their organs on the black market."
Effect: for one day a year, not a single Brazilistani can be found



You have a tough decision to make. The inaugural Great @@DEMONYM@@ Egg Hunt is upon us, and you need to decide what type of chocolate will be used for the eggs. Overwhelmed by the weight of this decision, you have put out a public call for suggestions.

1- "Umm, obviously milk chocolate!" squeals Milkayla Udderidge with a mouth full of the sugary stuff. "Everyone loves milk chocolate, it's neutral and it'll please the most people. Surely that’ll mean less wastage, right?"
Effect: @@LEADER@@’s milking inoffensive populism for all it’s worth

2- "Everyone knows dark chocolate is the superior variety," dryly interjects Dr. Glen Cocoa while swirling around a glass of red wine. "It’s sophisticated and elegant, and will surely add an air of class to your monotonous and juvenile festival. You’re welcome in advance."
Effect: only the opinions of pompous intellectuals matter

3- Your pet monkey, donned in full tuxedo and monocle, has hatched his own plan. "Why my dear leader, have you not considered hazelnut? Not only is it the most flavoursome, the health benefits of nuts will mean your subjects, er… I mean citizens will be as smart as me: Bubbles, your genius pet monkey!"
Effect: @@LEADER@@ consults their talking pet monkey before making any major decisions

4- "But what about people with a nut allergy?" pleads local green grocer Nutalie Butternut. "In fact, it's not just nuts I can't eat - you need to cater for me and other vegans! It's not that complicated, it just needs to be allergen-free, dairy-free and vegan-friendly, duh!" @@HE@@ enters anaphylactic shock following exposure to Bubbles' hazelnuts.
Effect: health nuts are going nuts that there’s nut a nut in sight

5- A small bunny wearing a blue jacket hops into your office, who announces himself as Peter R. "The true spirit of this day is all about me, and what I want. I am the star attraction, and I say we make the switch to white chocolate. Never mind it’s not the real thing, people will eat what I tell them to eat."
Effect: a grumpy bunny has established egg inspection checkpoints throughout @@CAPITAL@@

6- Big game hunter Butch Eryerleg charges into your office on the back of a lion. "Egg hunts? That's small game, you know what really gets the blood flowing? Hunting Brasilistanis. There's too many of them here illegally anyway. We should have a day where we hunt them for sport and sell their organs on the black market."
Effect: “Sunday Bloody Sunday” is ringing through the streets of Brasilistan
Last edited by Dabarastan on Wed May 12, 2021 3:56 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Terrabod
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Posts: 183
Founded: Jan 10, 2018
Iron Fist Socialists

Postby Terrabod » Wed Dec 09, 2020 5:34 am

Why is the leader of the nation deciding which chocolate people eat for Easter?

Also, Easter isn't celebrated in Terrabod.

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Baggieland
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Founded: May 27, 2013
Corporate Police State

Postby Baggieland » Wed Dec 09, 2020 6:15 am

Terrabod wrote:Why is the leader of the nation deciding which chocolate people eat for Easter?

Also, Easter isn't celebrated in Terrabod.


Baggieland's leader doesn't have a talking pet monkey either.

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Terrabod
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Founded: Jan 10, 2018
Iron Fist Socialists

Postby Terrabod » Wed Dec 09, 2020 7:40 am

Baggieland wrote:Baggieland's leader doesn't have a talking pet monkey either.

The fact I didn't even consider that :lol:

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Dabarastan
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Posts: 109
Founded: Jul 29, 2019
Tyranny by Majority

Postby Dabarastan » Mon Mar 22, 2021 11:57 pm

Any other feedback on this egg issue?

On the above feedback - yes, it's absurd, but the issue's really designed just to be a silly egg issue that pops up around Easter time.
Last edited by Dabarastan on Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Authoritaria-Imperia
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 453
Founded: Nov 06, 2019
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Authoritaria-Imperia » Tue Mar 23, 2021 3:55 pm

I like the idea! It'd have to be an official Easter-Egg issue to work, though, at least with a talking monkey and stuff.
I'd drop options 6 and 7 — I feel like they maybe exist more because "Easter Egg issues have lots of options" than because they contribute anything. The sixth is a health-food option too close to the allergy-free option, while the seventh option feels a bit too dark/serious for a light issue like this, in my opinion. Five seems like enough.

Still, a really good idea! I think it's fun. :)

Edit: Consider adding some egg puns! I think that'd be an eggstremely eggcellent idea. :P
Last edited by Authoritaria-Imperia on Tue Mar 23, 2021 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Australian rePublic
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Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Mar 28, 2021 4:51 am

Talking pet monkey? That's not how you planet of the apes. ! Also, why would you change anything to what you did last year?
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Dabarastan
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Posts: 109
Founded: Jul 29, 2019
Tyranny by Majority

Postby Dabarastan » Wed May 12, 2021 3:55 am

Have updated a little according to the feedback above.

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Jim the Baptist
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Posts: 148
Founded: Aug 08, 2019
New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Sun May 16, 2021 2:51 am

Bump

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Jim the Baptist
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Founded: Aug 08, 2019
New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Sat May 22, 2021 1:21 am

Any other thoughts on the issue?

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Kashyaps
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Founded: May 21, 2021
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Kashyaps » Sat May 22, 2021 1:26 am

Dark Chocolate


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