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[SUBMITTED] Reprimand My Wayward Son

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Jim the Baptist
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Founded: Aug 08, 2019
New York Times Democracy

[SUBMITTED] Reprimand My Wayward Son

Postby Jim the Baptist » Tue Dec 08, 2020 12:42 am

This issue is co-authored by Dabarastan

The Issue
A recent spike in late-night security incidents on @@NAME@@’s public transport has commuters in an uproar. They claim young "riff raff" wielding colourful lollipops are violently rampaging through public transport, predominantly late at night, attacking innocent passengers and stealing their valuables.

1- "The solution is simple," regular commuter and avid public transport user @@RANDOMNAME@@ proclaims. "Just cancel late-night services. They're inefficient and a waste of money - hardly anyone uses public transport at that time anyway. Sure some people will miss out, but we can use the extra money to increase services when we really need them like peak hour commute times. Majority rules, no?"
Effect: the city streets are laden with stranded citizens out after dark

2- "This isn't just on public transport, young ones are ripping through our nation everywhere running a muck," laments concerned senior citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I see the young ones break into my yard every night, steal my garden gnomes and cut up my hose! What we need is a strictly enforced youth curfew! No youth around after dark would mean no pesky riff raff on public transport at night. Plus I get to keep my garden gnomes."
Effect: senior citizens no longer have to nurse their garden gnomes to sleep at night

3- "Need I remind you that not ALL young people are the problem here?" Youth Committee Member @@RANDOMNAME@@ interjects. "Punishing young people for the behaviour of a few bad eggs is just unfair and wrong. Wouldn't it be more sensible to simply add some security guards to late-night services? That ought to sort out the troublemakers - well, as long as there aren’t too many of them at once, I suppose."
Effect: public transport security guards finish their shifts with lollipop-shaped bruises

4- "Why use security when we can use the military?" suggests your hawkish Minister of Defence. "An armed soldier can surely stop a riot easier than a glorified mall cop! We should also double the amount of cameras and have TV monitors in easy to see places so passengers can see themselves being filmed. If passengers know they are being recorded they'll be less likely to cause a ruckus. Some users might complain, but only wrongdoers need be worried about being surveilled."
Effect: public transport users can receive souvenir photos of their ride thanks to the new all-pervasive camera systems

5- Your Chief of Police bursts into your office. "These people have got it all wrong, why not stop the problem at the root? Ban anyone with a criminal record, even for non-violent misdemeanors, from catching public transport. It’s easy to enforce if we overhaul the fare system and have bio-scannable public transport cards managed by the state. I'm thinking something like a ‘one strike, you’re out’ kind of policy. Anyone with a record won't get a card, first-time offenders get banned, and those thinking about breaking the rules will probably be sufficiently deterred anyway. Sound good? Next stop: utopia!"
Effect: the omnipresent Department of Transport are notorious for their thorough background checks and secret police

The Issue
A recent spike in late-night security incidents on @@NAME@@’s public transport has commuters in an uproar. They claim young "riff raff” are violently rampaging through public transport, predominantly late at night, attacking innocent passengers and stealing their valuables.

1- "The solution is simple," regular commuter and avid public transport user @@RANDOMNAME@@ proclaims. "Just cancel late-night services. They're inefficient and a waste of money - hardly anyone uses public transport at that time anyway. Sure some people will miss out, but we can use the extra money to increase services when we really need them like peak hour commute times. Majority rules, no?"
Effect: the city streets are laden with stranded citizens out after dark

2- "This isn't just on public transport, young ones are ripping through our nation everywhere running a muck," laments concerned senior citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I see the young ones break into my yard every night, steal my garden gnomes and cut up my hose! What we need is a strictly enforced youth curfew! No youth around after dark would mean no pesky riff raff on public transport at night. Plus I get to keep my garden gnomes."
Effect: senior citizens no longer have to nurse their garden gnomes to sleep at night

3- One of the troublesome youths, Little Billy, struts into the room. “You can’t lock us up at night, we’re not criminals, we’re just misunderstood! When my parents walked out on me, I had nowhere to turn to. Now, the streets are my home and public transport burglaries are my income, prescription and psychiatry. It’s about time you open up some more recreational facilities and counselling services for young people, maybe if we weren’t so lonely and bored we would have something better to do. Or are you too dumb to realise that?”
Effect: teens caught mugging on public transport are punished with counselling and a cup of hot cocoa

4- “Billy! Shut that big mouth of yours!” snaps Billy’s mother, shaking her head disapprovingly. “Youth services won’t get these young thugs into line. As a parent, I always learned that you need to punish bad behaviour with negative reinforcement, not reward it. These children need some structure and discipline from an authority figure. Maybe some decent security guards on late-night services would scare some sense into ‘em. They’ll sort out your troublemakers - well, as long as there aren’t too many of them at once, I suppose."
Effect: public transport security guards finish their shifts covered in bruises

5- "Why use security when we can use the military?" suggests your hawkish Minister of Defence. "An armed soldier can surely stop a riot easier than a glorified mall cop! We should also double the amount of cameras and have TV monitors in easy to see places so passengers can see themselves being filmed. If passengers know they are being recorded they'll be less likely to cause a ruckus. Some users might complain, but only wrongdoers need be worried about being surveilled."
Effect: public transport users can receive souvenir photos of their ride thanks to the new all-pervasive camera systems

6- Your Chief of Police bursts into your office. "These people have got it all wrong, why not stop the problem at the root? Ban anyone with a criminal record, even for non-violent misdemeanors, from catching public transport. It’s easy to enforce if we overhaul the fare system and have bio-scannable public transport cards managed by the state. I'm thinking something like a ‘one strike, you’re out’ kind of policy. Anyone with a record won't get a card, first-time offenders get banned, and those thinking about breaking the rules will probably be sufficiently deterred anyway. Sound good? Next stop: utopia!"
Effect: the omnipresent Department of Transport are notorious for their thorough background checks and secret police

The Issue
A recent spike in late-night security incidents on @@NAME@@’s public transport has commuters in an uproar. They claim young "riff raff” are violently rampaging through public transport, predominantly late at night, attacking innocent passengers and stealing their valuables.

1- "The solution is simple," regular commuter and avid public transport user @@RANDOMNAME@@ proclaims. "Just cancel late-night services. They're inefficient and a waste of money - hardly anyone uses public transport at that time anyway. Sure some people will miss out, but we can use the extra money to increase services when we really need them like peak hour commute times. Majority rules, no?"
Effect: it’s urban warfare as stranded commuters out after dark are left to fend for themselves against wayward youths

2- "This isn't just on public transport, young ones are ripping through our nation everywhere running a muck," laments concerned senior citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I see the young ones break into my yard every night, steal my garden gnomes and cut up my hose! What we need is a strictly enforced youth curfew! No youth around after dark would mean no pesky riff raff on public transport at night. Plus I get to keep my garden gnomes."
Effect: senior citizens no longer have to nurse their garden gnomes to sleep at night

3- One of the troublesome youths, Little Billy, struts into the room. “#*%@ off, you old hag! The young people are the future and we own the night! There’s no #%$@!^# youth centers, you don’t do nothin’ for our mental health, you leave us nothin’ to do in this damn one-@@NATIONALANIMAL@@-town! Stop punishing us for your laziness, get off your behind and pump some coin into youth services for once! $^*%#^ ##%$ @!$#@!” He trails off into incoherent expletives.
Effect: teens caught mugging on public transport are sentenced to counselling and a cup of hot cocoa

4- “Billy! Shut that big mouth of yours!” snaps Billy’s mother, wagging her finger disapprovingly. “Youth services won’t get these young thugs into line. As a parent, I always learned that you need to punish bad behaviour with negative reinforcement, not reward it. These children need structure, discipline and strict supervision. Enlisting a few of your burliest security guards and fitting out our public transport fleet with the latest innovations in high-tech surveillance equipment should be enough to sort out those troublemakers. Well, as long as there aren’t too many of them at once, I suppose."
Effect: public transport security guards finish their shifts covered in bruises

5- Your Chief of Police bursts into your office. "These people have got it all wrong, why not stop the problem at the root? Ban anyone with a criminal record, even for non-violent misdemeanors, from catching public transport. It’s easy to enforce if we overhaul the fare system and have bio-scannable public transport cards managed by the state. I'm thinking something like a ‘one strike, you’re out’ kind of policy. Anyone with a record won't get a card, first-time offenders get banned, and those thinking about breaking the rules will probably be sufficiently deterred anyway. Sound good? Next stop: utopia!"
Effect: the omnipresent Department of Transport are notorious for their thorough background checks and secret police

The Issue
A recent spike in late-night security incidents on @@NAME@@’s public transport has commuters in an uproar. They claim young "riff raff” are violently rampaging through public transport, predominantly late at night, attacking innocent passengers and stealing their valuables.

1- Veteran train driver Wheels McToot furiously waddles into the room leaving a trail of donut crumbs behind him. “I don’t feel safe at my job anymore! Not to mention my passengers who I took an oath to transport and protect. Give us transport workers a break - let us stay home with our families and just cancel all the late-night services. It’s no secret that they run at a loss anyway since they’re practically abandoned, and you could pass on the savings by making fares a bit cheaper throughout the day.”
Effect: it’s urban warfare as stranded commuters out after dark are left to fend for themselves against wayward youths

2- "Cutting late-night services is just a band-aid for the real problem. This isn't just public transport, the problem is young ones are ripping through our nation everywhere running a muck," laments concerned senior citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I see the young ones break into my yard every night, steal my garden gnomes and cut up my hose! What we need is a strictly enforced youth curfew! No youth around after dark would mean no pesky riff raff on public transport at night. Plus I get to keep my garden gnomes."
Effect: senior citizens no longer have to nurse their garden gnomes to sleep at night

3- One of the troublesome youths, Little Billy, struts into the room. “#*%@ off, you old hag! The young people are the future and we own the night! There’s no #%$@!^# youth centers, you don’t do nothin’ for our mental health, you leave us nothin’ to do in this damn one-@@NATIONALANIMAL@@-town! Stop punishing us for your laziness, get off your behind and pump some coin into youth services for once! $^*%#^ ##%$ @!$#@!” He trails off into incoherent expletives.
Effect: teens caught mugging on public transport are sentenced to counselling and a cup of hot cocoa

4- “Billy! Shut that big mouth of yours!” snaps Billy’s mother, wagging her finger disapprovingly. “Youth services won’t get these young thugs into line. As a parent, I always learned that you need to punish bad behaviour with negative reinforcement, not reward it. These children need structure, discipline and strict supervision. Enlisting a few of your burliest security guards and fitting out our public transport fleet with the latest innovations in high-tech surveillance equipment should be enough to sort out those troublemakers. Well, as long as there aren’t too many of them at once, I suppose."
Effect: public transport security guards finish their shifts covered in bruises

5- Your Chief of Police bursts into your office. "These people have got it all wrong, why not stop the problem at the root? Ban anyone with a criminal record, even for non-violent misdemeanors, from catching public transport. It’s easy to enforce if we overhaul the fare system and have bio-scannable public transport cards managed by the state. I'm thinking something like a ‘one strike, you’re out’ kind of policy. Anyone with a record won't get a card, first-time offenders get banned, and those thinking about breaking the rules will probably be sufficiently deterred anyway. Sound good? Next stop: utopia!"
Effect: the omnipresent Department of Transport are notorious for their thorough background checks and secret police

The Issue

A recent spike in late-night security incidents on the nation’s public transport network has commuters in an uproar. They claim young "riff raff” are coordinating late-night attacks on innocent passengers, stealing valuables and damaging property.

1- Operations manager of @@CAPITAL@@’s rail network, Buns McToot, waddles into the room leaving a trail of donut crumbs behind him. “@@LEADER@@, I’ve been glazing over the numbers, and frankly, our after-dark services are as empty as a store-bought eclair. Why does our network even operate for a handful of antisocial animals commuting at that time anyway? Cutting late-night services would disarm those young hooligans, and the extra dough could go towards some much needed upgrades for our fleet. Practical as pie! Now, onto the topic of my strudel budget...”
Effect: it’s urban warfare as stranded commuters out after dark are left to fend for themselves against wayward youths

2- One of the troublesome youths, Little Billy, struts into the room. “#*%@ off, you old dog! The young people are the future and we own the night! There’s no #%$@!^# youth centers, you don’t do nothin’ for our mental health, you leave us nothin’ to do in this damn one-@@NATIONALANIMAL@@-town! Stop punishing us for your laziness, get off your behind and pump some coin into youth services for once! $^*%#^ ##%$ @!$#@!” He trails off into incoherent expletives.
Effect: teens caught mugging on public transport are sentenced to counselling and a cup of hot cocoa

3- “Billy! Shut that big mouth of yours!” snaps Billy’s mother with a dreadful hiss. “Youth services won’t get these young thugs into line. As a parent, I always learned that you need to punish bad behaviour with negative reinforcement, not reward it. Let’s hit ‘em from all angles - I’m thinking a national youth curfew, your burliest security guards on all services after dark, and anyone caught doing the wrong thing gets hit with a lifetime ban. Something like a ‘one strike, you’re out’ kind of policy should do it."
Effect: Little Billy’s crime syndicate is now a work-from-home operation

The Issue

A recent spike in late-night security incidents on the nation's public transport network has commuters in an uproar. They claim young "riff raff" are coordinating late-night attacks on innocent passengers, stealing valuables and damaging property.

1- One of the alleged miscreants, Little Billy, struts into the room. "Listen here, #^@%-face! The young people are the future and we own the night! There's no #%$@!^# youth centers, you don't do nothin' for our mental health, you leave us nothin' to do in this damn one-@@ANIMAL@@-town! Stop punishing us for your laziness, get off your fat behind and pump some coin into youth services for once. Don't make me get my boys onto you!"
Effect: teens caught mugging on public transport are sentenced to counselling and a cup of hot cocoa

2- "Billy! Shut that big mouth of yours!" snaps Billy's mother with a dreadful hiss. "Youth services won't get these young thugs into line. As a parent, I always learned that you need to punish bad behaviour with negative reinforcement, not reward it. Let's hit 'em from all angles - I'm thinking a national youth curfew, your burliest security guards on all services after dark, and lifetime bans for anyone caught doing the wrong thing. Something like a 'one strike, you’re out' kind of policy should do it."
Effect: Little Billy's crime syndicate is now a work-from-home operation

3- Operations manager of the @@CAPITAL@@ rail network, Buns McToot, waddles into the room leaving a trail of donut crumbs behind him. "@@LEADER@@, I've been glazing over the numbers, and frankly, our after-dark services are as empty as a store-bought eclair. Why does our network even operate for a handful of antisocial animals commuting at that time anyway? Cutting late-night services would disarm those young hooligans, and the extra dough could go towards some much needed upgrades for our fleet. Practical as pie! Now, onto the topic of my strudel budget..."
Effect: it's urban warfare as stranded commuters out after dark are left to fend for themselves against wayward youths
Last edited by Jim the Baptist on Sun Jun 20, 2021 12:51 am, edited 11 times in total.

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Baggieland
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Founded: May 27, 2013
Corporate Police State

Postby Baggieland » Tue Dec 08, 2020 3:47 am

This issue has potential. There are other issues concerning out of control youth, but as this is centered on behaviour on late night transport, is indeed something the government could get involved with.

But why, oh why do you have...
Jim the Baptist wrote:wielding colourful lollipops are violently rampaging through public transport,

Please get rid of this nonsense and change it to something realistic.

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Terrabod
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Founded: Jan 10, 2018
Iron Fist Socialists

Postby Terrabod » Tue Dec 08, 2020 6:12 am

Baggieland wrote:But why, oh why do you have...
Jim the Baptist wrote:wielding colourful lollipops are violently rampaging through public transport,

Please get rid of this nonsense and change it to something realistic.

I like this! But my advice would be if you're going to do this, really do it. Have the gang lick lollipops and stick them onto peoples clothes, have them put toffee in people's handbags when they aren't looking and have them spit chewing gum into people's hair. Also for some reason this made me think of that bit in The Wizard of Oz where a gritty group of Munchkins come up to Dorothy with a giant lollipop. Look into that (and watch the scene, it's funny), maybe it could be a subtle reference. I think that group was called the Lollipop Guild, so maybe your gang could be too. It doesn't have to be ultra-realistic, it can be fun but consistent.

On a more critical note, I think you have too many options. I get why you're included options 4 and 5, to give all the possible answers to the problem, but one of the things about issue writing is that you only need the right options to tell the story, not all the possible options. I don't think 4 adds anything to the issue that 3 realistically doesn't, and if you're going for a crazy fun option then 5 isn't particularly crazy or fun. I'd personally like to see your gang members have their turn to speak, and maybe while they act tough they're really only causing trouble because there are no youth services (at least in their local areas) so they have to amuse themselves. Bonus points if they introduce themselves like those Munchkins do.

Sorry to want to chop and change your stuff - for what it's worth, I'm upset about that too because all of it is very well written. Good luck with this draft - I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with it!

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Jim the Baptist
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Founded: Aug 08, 2019
New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Tue Dec 08, 2020 9:38 am

Terrabod wrote:
Baggieland wrote:But why, oh why do you have...

Please get rid of this nonsense and change it to something realistic.

I like this! But my advice would be if you're going to do this, really do it. Have the gang lick lollipops and stick them onto peoples clothes, have them put toffee in people's handbags when they aren't looking and have them spit chewing gum into people's hair. Also for some reason this made me think of that bit in The Wizard of Oz where a gritty group of Munchkins come up to Dorothy with a giant lollipop. Look into that (and watch the scene, it's funny), maybe it could be a subtle reference. I think that group was called the Lollipop Guild, so maybe your gang could be too. It doesn't have to be ultra-realistic, it can be fun but consistent.

On a more critical note, I think you have too many options. I get why you're included options 4 and 5, to give all the possible answers to the problem, but one of the things about issue writing is that you only need the right options to tell the story, not all the possible options. I don't think 4 adds anything to the issue that 3 realistically doesn't, and if you're going for a crazy fun option then 5 isn't particularly crazy or fun. I'd personally like to see your gang members have their turn to speak, and maybe while they act tough they're really only causing trouble because there are no youth services (at least in their local areas) so they have to amuse themselves. Bonus points if they introduce themselves like those Munchkins do.

Sorry to want to chop and change your stuff - for what it's worth, I'm upset about that too because all of it is very well written. Good luck with this draft - I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with it!

I like your point about emphasising the candy motif, we will try to incorporate that more so it’s more consistent.
Also, I know what you mean about options 3 and 4. They are similar but we felt that we needed more reasonable options. If we simply had option 4 for example about using the military, it may be a bit over the top for moderate nations, while option 3 about adding security is moderate but likewise may be seen as not doing enough for more security conscious nations, meanwhile option 5 is very extreme. So I think they all are relevant in the sense they convey a different sense of extremity.
In saying that, I do like the idea about the youth gang members having a say, we will think about that.

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Jim the Baptist
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New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Tue May 25, 2021 8:15 am

We've taken on board some of the feedback above and updated the issue. We're quite happy with how it's looking now, does anyone have anything else to add?

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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Tue May 25, 2021 9:34 am

As others have pointed out, this is a well-written issue with clear potential. However, I have to echo Terrabod's comment: there are too many options. Here's a simplified breakdown of the options, from what I have gathered:
  • Option 1: get rid of late-night public transportation
  • Option 2: impose a curfew only for minors
  • Option 3: invest in youth services
  • Option 4: put more security guards on late-night public transportation
  • Option 5: put armed soldiers on late-night public transportation and invest in cameras
  • Option 6: prohibit any criminals from using public transportation

In my opinion, unless an issue's story truly requires it, an issue should have no more than three or four options. In this case, I do not think this issue needs more than three. Here is how I would do it, if I were drafting this:
  • put more security on late-night transportation + a lot of cameras
  • invest in youth services
  • either prohibit criminals from using public transportation, get rid of public transportation, OR impose a youth curfew

There is just too much going on with the current six options. I think if you narrow it down to just three, this draft will improve significantly, as you would have more room to invest in those options. A good rule of thumb is the more options you have, the shorter each should be. No one likes being confronted with an issue that has a bunch of options, each a paragraph long.

As for the remaining options, I like the idea of having a troubled youth speak. The problem is -- the youth doesn't sound very troubled! Little Billy sounds very educated, boasting a large vocabulary. I think you need to get in character and imitate what a troubled youth would actually sound like, one who hasn't had a great education. And to that extent, I really think everyone here sounds the same. Such as, you can tell they all were written by the same person. That's not a bad thing! You are a solid writer. But, it would improve the draft a great deal if you differentiate each of the speakers and give them their own flair.

Lot of potential here -- I will be keeping up with this draft. :)
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Laka Strolistandiler
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Postby Laka Strolistandiler » Tue May 25, 2021 9:36 am

Add validity for crime rates, will you kindly?
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Jim the Baptist
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New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Tue May 25, 2021 10:14 pm

Thank you for the additional feedback.
We have merged the former options 4 and 5 into one option from Billy's mother.
We also agreed that Billy (one of the youths) needed to be re-characterised and have made his character into someone less articulate and educated.
We changed the title too because we decided to no longer continue with the lollipop motif.
There are now 5 options, but we really don't want to cut anymore because we feel they are sufficiently different and like having the smorgasbord of options.
Last edited by Jim the Baptist on Tue May 25, 2021 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sat May 29, 2021 4:17 am

Option 1- reduce night services and add more peak services- it doesn't work like that. There's only a finite number of buses, trains, ferries and trams. They'd still be getting used at peak hour irrespective of whether or not they're used at night. And the network can only handle so many buses and trains at a time. Whether or not there are any trains operating at night has will not increase the maximum number of services possible during the day
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Dabarastan
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Postby Dabarastan » Sun Jun 06, 2021 1:56 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Option 1- reduce night services and add more peak services- it doesn't work like that. There's only a finite number of buses, trains, ferries and trams. They'd still be getting used at peak hour irrespective of whether or not they're used at night. And the network can only handle so many buses and trains at a time. Whether or not there are any trains operating at night has will not increase the maximum number of services possible during the day

Thanks, we took your feedback on board and have rewritten option 1, and modified option 2 for a better overall flow.

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Candensia
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:11 am

This draft has real potential. Here are some things to consider.

I know you've voiced that you'd prefer not cutting options. I think more trimming is required, and if done correctly may preserve the intent of all the current options while considerably strengthening the issue.

Options 2, 4, and 5, all seem to be rather punitive in approach. Do you think it would be possible to craft a punitive option that encapsulates all three viewpoints? It seems feasible to me to have a cranky old man just list off things;

"Curfew youth from dusk 'til dawn, increase surveillance, and ban criminal riff-raff from public transportation!"


To that end, I think Sacara's suggested framing is viable, but I also think something like this would work.

Option 1 - Punish Crime / Curfew Youth / Increase Security (Merge Options 2,4, and 5)
Option 2 - Dissuade Crime / Expand Youth Services (Current Option 3)
Option 3 - Cut Public Transport (Current Option 1)


Some slight tweaks may be necessary to balance tone, if you decide to go this route.

Additionally,

...security incidents on @@NAME@@’s public transport...


I'd avoid @@NAME@@'s, as the macro gets busted for nations that end in the letter "s". For example, if @@NAME@@ is United States, @@NAME@@'s becomes United States's. Replacement phrases include "the nation's" or "national" or "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@".
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Jim the Baptist
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New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:37 pm

We have essentially re-written the whole issue, except for option 2 which we brought across from the previous draft.
We now have only 3 options, and we also edited the premise slightly so the whole issue is much more succinct.
Any other ideas or feedback are appreciated

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Jim the Baptist
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New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Thu Jun 10, 2021 11:28 pm

We have just revised option 1 as it didn't really make sense for socialist nations or capitalist nations with free public transport. Also, we've added a bit more characterisation to it too.
We didn't think it was necessary to make a new spoiler as we only made minor changes to option 1, and we hadn't gotten any new feedback yet.
Thanks

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Candensia
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Fri Jun 11, 2021 8:53 am

This is looking better. Some comments:

Each viewpoint is decent, but the options feel somewhat unbalanced. Option 2 in particular feels a bit overboard. The rebellious tone is okay, in my opinion, but try toning it down.

manager of @@CAPITAL@@’s rail network


Just like @@NAME@@'s, @@CAPITAL@@'s will fail for capital cities that end in "s". Try "the @@CAPITAL@@".

one-@@NATIONALANIMAL@@-town!


Just @@ANIMAL@@ here.

Additionally, it may seem tedious, but apostrophes and quotation marks throughout the entire issue should be of the smart ( ' , " ) variety, and not the dumb ( ’ , ” ) variety.
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Dabarastan
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 104
Founded: Jul 29, 2019
Conservative Democracy

Postby Dabarastan » Sat Jun 12, 2021 10:38 pm

Candensia wrote:-snip-

Thanks, we've taken your feedback on board, rearranged the options, fixed the formatting, and toned down Little Billy's option a little bit.

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Dabarastan
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 104
Founded: Jul 29, 2019
Conservative Democracy

Postby Dabarastan » Mon Jun 14, 2021 9:32 pm

Bump - obviously this has already gone through quite a few rounds of feedback and redrafts, but are there any more thoughts on this draft from anybody? Thanks.

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Jim the Baptist
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 148
Founded: Aug 08, 2019
New York Times Democracy

Postby Jim the Baptist » Thu Jun 17, 2021 10:17 pm

We've put this issue on last call, and I'm giving it a final bump in case anyone has any new ideas or feedback. Thanks


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