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[DRAFT] Gunboat Diplomacy?

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Langan
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[DRAFT] Gunboat Diplomacy?

Postby Langan » Mon Oct 19, 2020 12:08 pm

Inspired by the South China Sea and Greece-Turkey disputes, Langan presents the issue Gunboat Diplomacy?:

[desc] The North @@REGION@@ Sea has been at the forefront of territorial disputes between countries near the sea for years. Tensions have been exacerbated by the discovery of a large reserve of oil near @@DEMONYM@@ waters. It is estimated that the reserve can provide @@NAME@@ with cheap energy for years to come, and turn it into a superpower in the world petroleum market. However, the neighboring country of Annar claims the reserve as its own, citing the reserve's proximity to its own territorial waters, and its coast guard has started driving off @@DEMONYM@@ survey ships headed there. With the international community watching out for a war, you have decided to hold an emergency cabinet meeting in your office concerning the issue.
[validity] All nations.

[option] Your defense minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ speaks first. "That reserve is rightfully ours, and they have no right to drive away our ships," @@HE@@ scowls. "A little gunboat diplomacy with a naval show of force should do the trick. And if their still that stubborn, we can always carpet bomb them."
[effect] the nation sends battleships to drive off foreign vessels every time a new oil reserve is discovered
[validity] All nations that have high military spending.

[option] "I knew we shouldn't have let our military go to waste," sighs your defense minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should start developing our own arms manufacturing industry. While we do that, we should order military equipment from all countries willing to sell to us. Our military needs to acquire new guns, tanks, fighter jets, and warships ASAP. Bring back conscription. If we don't save our military now, every country in this world will be able to pick on us, and we'll lose opportunities like this. Please @@LEADER@@, do it for @@NAME@@!"
[effect] the nation goes on a war footing when just a small energy reserve is discovered.
[validity] Nations that have weak militaries, bad arms manufacturing industries, and have ended conscription.

[option] "Perhaps we can use another, less gung-ho approach," speaks up your trade minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Annar trades with us a lot, despite our cool relations. Trade sanctions would cripple their economy, and they would yield the oil reserve in return for the lifting of sanctions. This definitely doesn't risk all-out war."
[effect] sanctions have replaced guns as the nation's main weapon against its enemies
[validity] All nations.

[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to join an antiwar protest."
[effect] diplomats are replacing soldiers
[validity] All nations that allow the right to protest.

[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar."
[effect] diplomats are replacing soldiers
[validity] All nations that ban the right to protest.

[option] With a crash, glass pieces from the window cover your carpet. In jumps frustrated environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who had to climb up a tree to evade your security. "That's not the real problem here," @@HE@@ rants. "Why is it that our leaders are even considering using fossil fuels? Climate change is real, and we need to stop it. @@LEADER@@, ban all nonrenewable energy sources and mandate that our country use only renewable energy sources. Solar and wind energy works too! Do it for @@NAME@@'s future." @@HE@@ continues ranting about renewable energy as @@HE@@ is dragged out of your office by your security guards.
[effect] the nation has ended its use of fossil fuels in favor of renewable energy
[validity] Only nations that aren't signatory to a climate treaty and have a toxic environment.


Your thoughts my fellow NS users? I'd appreciate advice, please.
Last edited by Langan on Sun Nov 01, 2020 4:16 pm, edited 8 times in total.

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Untecna
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Postby Untecna » Mon Oct 19, 2020 1:54 pm

Lower the amount of options. I find it hard to read due to all the different options and ideas, as others probably do. Otherwise, good idea.

Edit: Nevermind, I see the availability in all of them.
Last edited by Untecna on Mon Oct 19, 2020 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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United Engiresco
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Postby United Engiresco » Mon Oct 19, 2020 2:57 pm

This looks like a pretty cool issue idea, if I do say so myself.
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Untecna
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Postby Untecna » Mon Oct 19, 2020 2:58 pm

[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to join an antiwar protest."
[effect] The nation believes diplomacy is the solution to all international incidents.
[validity] All nations that allow the right to protest.

[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar."
[effect] The nation believes diplomacy is the solution to all international incidents.
[validity] All nations that ban the right to protest.

You doubled the option.
Pacifism, economic growth, capitalism, right-wing parties, except far right parties, gay rights, abortion rights, birth control, stopping global warming, knowing Delaware is a real state, cheese
Buy my oil, it's quality oil
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News: New Provisional government seizes power, 10th season of "Necromancer" released, oil discovered in Jerusalem.

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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Mon Oct 19, 2020 3:41 pm

Untecna wrote:[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to join an antiwar protest."
[effect] The nation believes diplomacy is the solution to all international incidents.
[validity] All nations that allow the right to protest.

[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar."
[effect] The nation believes diplomacy is the solution to all international incidents.
[validity] All nations that ban the right to protest.

You doubled the option.


These are variations of the same option, with the text differing based on validity. On a different note, your effect lines should not be capitalised and should not end with punctuation. It's also a good idea to come up with something wittier than just restating the fallout of an option, though that can always come later.
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Langan
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Postby Langan » Mon Oct 19, 2020 6:08 pm

bump

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SherpDaWerp
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Postby SherpDaWerp » Mon Oct 19, 2020 6:24 pm

Langan wrote:bump

Don't bump your issue, it's only been 3 hours since the last comment. You should only bump when your issue falls off the front page, and even then probably only once every few weeks.

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Langan
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Postby Langan » Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:32 am

SherpDaWerp wrote:
Langan wrote:bump

Don't bump your issue, it's only been 3 hours since the last comment. You should only bump when your issue falls off the front page, and even then probably only once every few weeks.


Oh. That's really good to know. Appreciate it. :)

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Langan
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Postby Langan » Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:34 am

Westinor wrote:
Untecna wrote:[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to join an antiwar protest."
[effect] The nation believes diplomacy is the solution to all international incidents.
[validity] All nations that allow the right to protest.

[option] "Don't listen to @@HIM@@, @@LEADER@@!" yells your Minister of Peaceful Solutions @@RANDOMNAME@@, frowning at the defense and trade ministers. "War is not the solution to everything. We should negotiate with the Annarians, use diplomacy, you know? Perhaps we can even share the reserve and improve our relationship with Annar."
[effect] The nation believes diplomacy is the solution to all international incidents.
[validity] All nations that ban the right to protest.

You doubled the option.


These are variations of the same option, with the text differing based on validity. On a different note, your effect lines should not be capitalised and should not end with punctuation. It's also a good idea to come up with something wittier than just restating the fallout of an option, though that can always come later.


Hmm. This is good. For the sanctions option, I could put something like: "drill sergeants have been replaced by accountants." What do you guys think?"

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Untecna
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Postby Untecna » Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:36 am

Langan wrote:
Westinor wrote:

These are variations of the same option, with the text differing based on validity. On a different note, your effect lines should not be capitalised and should not end with punctuation. It's also a good idea to come up with something wittier than just restating the fallout of an option, though that can always come later.


Hmm. This is good. For the sanctions option, I could put something like: "drill sergeants have been replaced by accountants." What do you guys think?"

Sounds like a good idea
Pacifism, economic growth, capitalism, right-wing parties, except far right parties, gay rights, abortion rights, birth control, stopping global warming, knowing Delaware is a real state, cheese
Buy my oil, it's quality oil
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Langan
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Postby Langan » Tue Oct 20, 2020 10:24 am

Any other advice, my fellow NS users?

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Fauxia
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Postby Fauxia » Wed Oct 21, 2020 7:42 am

The intro is very wordy. Some of the options are as well, especially considering you have 5 options. Consider dropping one or trimming the longer ones down in size.
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Langan
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Postby Langan » Tue Oct 27, 2020 8:50 am

Fauxia wrote:The intro is very wordy. Some of the options are as well, especially considering you have 5 options. Consider dropping one or trimming the longer ones down in size.


What parts of the description should I get rid of? What options should I drop or trim down?

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Langan
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Postby Langan » Wed Oct 28, 2020 7:09 am

bump

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Chan Island
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Postby Chan Island » Sat Oct 31, 2020 3:41 am

The description is very wordy.

When you write a description, you should think 2 things- 1) is how could you write it as short as possible and 2) what is the story? Ultimately, in this one, the issue is that another country is aggressively claiming a marine oil reserve in waters @@NAME@@ considers its own, or at least knows is disputed.

Usually it's good to have a specific inciting incident too. Think of it as a spark that sets everything ablaze. The sad part is you already have a really good one- a foreign country's navy driving away your country's civilian vessel is 100% a tension! But it's lost in all the weeds of everything else you have.

Consider doing something like this then:

Tensions in the North @@REGION@@ Sea, long a bone of contention between @@NAME@@ and the nation of Annar, exploded today when an Annarian frigate rammed a @@DENONYM@@ surveying ship confirming a large oil reserve in the disputed zone. With the international community already preemptively putting out their anti-war statements, you've called an emergency cabinet meeting.
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Langan
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Postby Langan » Sun Nov 01, 2020 4:14 pm

Chan Island wrote:The description is very wordy.

When you write a description, you should think 2 things- 1) is how could you write it as short as possible and 2) what is the story? Ultimately, in this one, the issue is that another country is aggressively claiming a marine oil reserve in waters @@NAME@@ considers its own, or at least knows is disputed.

Usually it's good to have a specific inciting incident too. Think of it as a spark that sets everything ablaze. The sad part is you already have a really good one- a foreign country's navy driving away your country's civilian vessel is 100% a tension! But it's lost in all the weeds of everything else you have.

Consider doing something like this then:

Tensions in the North @@REGION@@ Sea, long a bone of contention between @@NAME@@ and the nation of Annar, exploded today when an Annarian frigate rammed a @@DENONYM@@ surveying ship confirming a large oil reserve in the disputed zone. With the international community already preemptively putting out their anti-war statements, you've called an emergency cabinet meeting.


This works. What else should I trim down?

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Zwangzug
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Postby Zwangzug » Sun Nov 01, 2020 7:15 pm

FYI--we're currently editing an issue on a similar topic that is likely to be added soon, so it's unlikely that this issue would be accepted as is. Maybe wait until that issue comes out and then see if you want to rewrite this to work around it, or try a completely different topic for drafting.
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Langan
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Postby Langan » Mon Nov 02, 2020 1:44 pm

Zwangzug wrote:FYI--we're currently editing an issue on a similar topic that is likely to be added soon, so it's unlikely that this issue would be accepted as is. Maybe wait until that issue comes out and then see if you want to rewrite this to work around it, or try a completely different topic for drafting.


That's good to know. When it comes out can you provide me with a link please?

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SherpDaWerp
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Postby SherpDaWerp » Mon Nov 02, 2020 4:20 pm

Langan wrote:
Zwangzug wrote:FYI--we're currently editing an issue on a similar topic that is likely to be added soon, so it's unlikely that this issue would be accepted as is. Maybe wait until that issue comes out and then see if you want to rewrite this to work around it, or try a completely different topic for drafting.


That's good to know. When it comes out can you provide me with a link please?

It'll get reported in the Spoiler Thread after it's publication, so if you keep an eye out there you'll see it.

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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Nov 10, 2020 3:24 am

What claim do both countries have to the oil? How close is it to either country?
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Langan
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Postby Langan » Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:32 am

Australian rePublic wrote:What claim do both countries have to the oil? How close is it to either country?


The oil is in an area like the Aegean Sea, which is controlled by Turkey and Greece. In this case, North @@REGION@@ Sea is controlled by both @@NAME@@ and Annar.


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