[SUBMITTED] The Unremembered

[Baggieland]

It's been a while, so here goes!

Inspiration:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shot_at_Dawn_Memorial

[TITLE] The Unremembered

[DESCRIPTION] Every year the nation comes together to remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in defence of @@NAME@@. While the majority of the population partakes in this act of remembrance, there is a minority that dreads this day – the relatives of those who were 'shot at dawn'. There are now growing calls to include everyone who lost their lives during past conflicts.

[VALIDITY] has a military

[OPTION] "My great-uncle @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@ was no coward," sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, as she remains unfazed by a passing spider. "Military records show that while under attack he retreated just 50 yards before engaging the enemy. Yet he was accused of abandoning his post, was tried by officers who weren't anywhere near him at the time and without a lawyer present. All I ask is for is a posthumous pardon, so that at the next remembrance service I can lay a wreath with pride knowing that he did serve his country."

[EFFECT] white feathers have replaced red poppies on remembrance wreaths

[OPTION] "That's preposterous!" proclaims General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, as @@HE@@ let's out a loud shriek and jumps onto @@HIS@@ chair as that spider gets a bit too close. "Pardoning those men would be an insult to those who died honourably on the battlefield, and everyone was tried fairly by officers who were proficient in the laws of the day. To be quite honest, I feel the army has gone too soft in recent years and stricter punishments for cowardice should be introduced."

[EFFECT] soldiers are 'encouraged' to advance by armed officers behind them

[OPTION] "There's one way to ascertain whether these soldiers are worthy of a pardon," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Entertainment as @@HE@@ squashes that spider once and for all. "Let's make a death-defying assault course – full of all kinds of horrors – that these soldiers' ancestors have to complete. If they complete the course, then we know that bravery flows in that family's blood, and Grandpappy gets his pardon. If they chicken out at any time – no pardon!"

[EFFECT] nerdy teenagers have to prove that they're made of the same stuff as their grandparents

[TITLE] The Unremembered

[DESCRIPTION] Every year the nation comes together to remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in defence of @@NAME@@. While the majority of the population partakes in this act of remembrance, there is a minority that dreads this day – the relatives of those who were 'shot at dawn' – executed after being found guilty of desertion. Recently released documents have shown that many were killed as a result of sham trials.

[VALIDITY] has a military has prisons

[OPTION] "My great-uncle @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@ was no coward," sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, as she remains unfazed by a passing spider. "Those military records show that while under attack he retreated just 50 yards before engaging the enemy. Yet he was accused of abandoning his post, was tried by officers who weren't anywhere near him at the time and without a lawyer present. All I ask is for is a posthumous pardon, so that at the next remembrance service I can lay a wreath with pride knowing that he did serve his country."

[EFFECT] soldiers who shoot themselves in the foot are regarded as heroes

[OPTION] "That's preposterous!" proclaims General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, as @@HE@@ let's out a loud shriek and jumps onto @@HIS@@ chair as that spider gets a bit too close. "Pardoning those men would be an insult to those who died honourably on the battlefield, and everyone was tried fairly by officers who were proficient in the laws of the day. To be quite honest, I feel the army has gone too soft in recent years and stricter punishments for cowardice should be introduced."

[EFFECT] soldiers are 'encouraged' to advance by armed officers behind them

[OPTION] "Let's test these blighters to see if cowardice runs in their blood," asserts @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Head of Covert Operations, as @@HE@@ finally wallops that spider. "We can send them out to nations with whom we have not-so-friendly relations, Blackacre for one. Put them on a dangerous spying mission and if they complete it, Grandpappy gets his pardon. We might even find ourselves a few decent spies – they're so difficult to come by these days."

[EFFECT] nerdy teenagers have to prove that they're made of the same stuff as their grandparents

[OR]

[OPTION] "Why's it only stiffs getting pardons?" probes Tony Bonanno, a criminal lawyer in every sense, as he finally wallops that spider. "One of my clients, Luigi 'Knuckles' Gambino, was sentenced to life for a crime he says he didn't commit. The five-0 said his fingerprints were all over the scene, but he tells me he was at home with his mother… choosing the colour for her new curtains. There are thousands of dodgy convictions like Luigi's. Pardon them all!"

[EFFECT] it's safer to be in prison than it is on the streets

[TITLE] The Unremembered

[DESCRIPTION] Every year the nation comes together to remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in defence of @@NAME@@. While the majority of the population partakes in this act of remembrance, there is a minority that dreads this day – the relatives of those who were 'shot at dawn' – executed after being found guilty of desertion. Recently released documents have shown that many were killed as a result of sham trials.

[VALIDITY] has a military, has prisons

[OPTION] "My great-uncle @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@ was no coward," sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, as she cradles a photo of her relative. "Those military records show that while under attack he retreated just 50 yards before engaging the enemy. Yet he was accused of abandoning his post, was tried by officers who weren't anywhere near him at the time and without a lawyer present. All I ask is for is a posthumous pardon, so that at the next remembrance service I can lay a wreath with pride knowing that he did serve his country."

[EFFECT] soldiers who shoot themselves in the foot are regarded as heroes

[OPTION] "That's preposterous!" proclaims General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, as @@HE@@ places a white feather in front of @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME(2)@@. "Pardoning those men would be an insult to those who died honourably on the battlefield, and everyone was tried fairly by officers who were proficient in the laws of the day. To be quite honest, I feel the army has gone too soft in recent years and stricter punishments for cowardice should be introduced."

[EFFECT] soldiers are 'encouraged' to advance by armed officers behind them

[OPTION] "Why is it only the deceased being considered for pardons?" probes @@RANDOMNAME@@, a specialist in criminal law, as @@HE@@ grasps the lapels of @@HIS@@ jacket. "One of my clients, @@RANDOMNAME@@, was sentenced to serious time after a very dubious trial. Some evidence wasn't allowed to be submitted and the eye-witness statements were questionable at best. There are many dodgy convictions like this. We should set up a special commission to re-evaluate them all."

[EFFECT] it's safer to be in prison than it is on the streets

[OPTION] "Let's test these blighters to see if cowardice runs in their blood," asserts @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Head of Covert Operations, as @@HE@@ discreetly places a tiny spy-cam on the handbag of @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME(2)@@. "We can send them out to nations with whom we have not-so-friendly relations, Blackacre for one. Put them on a dangerous spying mission and if they complete it… Grandpappy gets his pardon. We might even find ourselves a few decent spies – they're so difficult to come by these days."

[EFFECT] nerdy teenagers have to prove that they're made of the same stuff as their grandparents

[The Free Joy State]

Baggie! It's great to see a new Baggie draft!

This is a great topic (it's one of those where you read it and go "this is great; how have we not covered this before")

[EFFECT] white feathers have replaced red poppies on remembrance wreaths

I get the white feather, supposed "cowardice", reference. But weren't they given to conscientious objectors in WW1, rather than those who were shot at dawn?

How about something like, "the nation salutes soldiers who shot themselves in the foot" (a reference to the "Blighty injury" -- which could also lead to the death penalty if it was believed you'd done it to yourself).

My other comment is about the last option -- deathly competitions have been done a lot in the base. Perhaps you could think of another way to have the descendants bear the brunt of their ancestors' actions?

[SherpDaWerp]

I don't think there's enough emphasis on the fact that the titular "unremembered" were actually executed.

When I got to the end of Option 1 I thought the great-uncle was shot by the enemy while retreating, and posthumously found guilty of desertion, and so his record was tarnished, which prevented him from being memorialised with the rest of the troops. None of the rest of the issue did a particularly good job of dissuading me of this idea, so I was somewhat surprised when I read the linked wiki article and found out he was executed.

Maybe after you say they were "shot at dawn", a short explanatory clause could be added to make this slightly clearer.

[Trotterdam]

It seems like a rather trivial issue. It's not like I can bring them back to life (what with how long ago World War 1 was, it's not like anyone who fought in it is likely to still be alive regardless), nor like them being posthumously considered "guilty" or "innocent" on some piece of paper affects individuals' ability to honor or condemn their memory (your Wikipedia link shows the memorial was erected, and presumably had people visiting it, years before the government decided to release an official pardon).

[OPTION] "There's one way to ascertain whether these soldiers are worthy of a pardon," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Entertainment as @@HE@@ squashes that spider once and for all. "Let's make a death-defying assault course – full of all kinds of horrors – that these soldiers' ancestors have to complete. If they complete the course, then we know that bravery flows in that family's blood, and Grandpappy gets his pardon. If they chicken out at any time – no pardon!"

You mean "descendents". "Ancestors" is the exact opposite.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Agree with Sherp on this one. I had no idea what the issue was about till I read the wikipedia link.

I also agree with Trotterdam to some extent, in that I think we're conflating remembrance and posthumous pardons. There's no rule or law against remembering convicts, after all.

Maybe focus it more on posthumous pardons for those tried in wartime, on the basis that the trials were probably not fair trials.

[Baggieland]

I get the white feather, supposed "cowardice", reference. But weren't they given to conscientious objectors in WW1, rather than those who were shot at dawn?

How about something like, "the nation salutes soldiers who shot themselves in the foot" (a reference to the "Blighty injury" -- which could also lead to the death penalty if it was believed you'd done it to yourself).

The white feather is a general symbol of cowardice, although obviously there's no point in giving one to someone who has just been executed! However, I wasn't that fussed about that effect line, so I've gone with your idea.

My other comment is about the last option -- deathly competitions have been done a lot in the base.

You're absolutely right, and I'm sure one of them was one of mine (author or editor, I don't remember). I was thinking about that previous issue with the same idea, but when I made the 1st draft, nothing else was coming inside my brain.

I've now made two choices for the 3rd option, I'll let GI decide which one is best. The first one is the same; let descendants go through a trial to see if a trait runs in the family blood, but I've moved it away from a TV gameshow type trial.

The second one is everyone getting a pardon.

I don't think there's enough emphasis on the fact that the titular "unremembered" were actually executed.

When I got to the end of Option 1 I thought the great-uncle was shot by the enemy while retreating, and posthumously found guilty of desertion, and so his record was tarnished, which prevented him from being memorialised with the rest of the troops. None of the rest of the issue did a particularly good job of dissuading me of this idea, so I was somewhat surprised when I read the linked wiki article and found out he was executed.

Maybe after you say they were "shot at dawn", a short explanatory clause could be added to make this slightly clearer.

Thanks for the input. With Candle backing up this point as well, I made an adjustment as you suggested.

It seems like a rather trivial issue. It's not like I can bring them back to life (what with how long ago World War 1 was, it's not like anyone who fought in it is likely to still be alive regardless), nor like them being posthumously considered "guilty" or "innocent" on some piece of paper affects individuals' ability to honor or condemn their memory (your Wikipedia link shows the memorial was erected, and presumably had people visiting it, years before the government decided to release an official pardon).

Not trivial enough enough for government ministers to first deny the pardons, then later grant them and to have a special memorial erected in order to 'right the wrongs'. The posthumous pardon is extremely important to the families of these men, in that they felt shame and the need to hide on Remembrance Day for 100 years or so, before eventually calling upon the government for a pardon.

Maybe focus it more on posthumous pardons for those tried in wartime, on the basis that the trials were probably not fair trials.

Tried to squeeze that in.

[Honeydewistania]

Tony Bonanno

If you go for this, could you give Tony an adjective relating to his weight or fitness (as previous issues have mentioned a Fat Tony, Morbidly Obese Tony, Actually Quite Thin Tony and Buff Tony, so I think it’s a recurring joke by now )

[Baggieland]

Tony Bonanno

If you go for this, could you give Tony an adjective relating to his weight or fitness (as previous issues have mentioned a Fat Tony, Morbidly Obese Tony, Actually Quite Thin Tony and Buff Tony, so I think it’s a recurring joke by now )

How about: " was once slim"?

[Honeydewistania]

If you go for this, could you give Tony an adjective relating to his weight or fitness (as previous issues have mentioned a Fat Tony, Morbidly Obese Tony, Actually Quite Thin Tony and Buff Tony, so I think it’s a recurring joke by now )

How about: " was once slim"?

Yes.

[The Free Joy State]

I really like the Tony Bonanno option (and I like the idea of keeping him in-line with the many other Tonys by having him as "Once Was Slim" Tony), but I think the "send the descendants to hostile nations" option seems more in-keeping with the issue, IMO.

[Baggieland]

I really like the Tony Bonanno option (and I like the idea of keeping him in-line with the many other Tonys by having him as "Once Was Slim" Tony), but I think the "send the descendants to hostile nations" option seems more in-keeping with the issue, IMO.

Both then???

[The Free Joy State]

I really like the Tony Bonanno option (and I like the idea of keeping him in-line with the many other Tonys by having him as "Once Was Slim" Tony), but I think the "send the descendants to hostile nations" option seems more in-keeping with the issue, IMO.

Both then???

Both could work, but -- if you opted for both -- I'd make the Tony Bonanno option a little less obvious on the "mob lawyer" front, just to make the wholescale pardons more tempting (I'm not saying to get rid of it, but maybe make the mobster's excuse a tad less obvious)

[Baggieland]

Both could work, but -- if you opted for both -- I'd make the Tony Bonanno option a little less obvious on the "mob lawyer" front, just to make the wholescale pardons more tempting (I'm not saying to get rid of it, but maybe make the mobster's excuse a tad less obvious)

I see, so tone down the mobster lawyer in order to make the 'trial in the hostile nation' the clear 'crazy option'.

It's a pity, as I quite liked 'once was slim' Tony, but the third draft is up.

[Baggieland]

2nd page bump.

Any other comments on this one?

[Cretox State]

I like this! Good premise and well-constructed.

[Baggieland]

I like this! Good premise and well-constructed.

Thanks!

[Baggieland]

I've gone ahead and submitted this. Thanks for everyone's input.

[Cretox State]

Good luck!

[Baggieland]

Good luck!

Thanks again!

[Fauxia]

Good to see a new author with a good draft

[Baggieland]

Good to see a new author with a good draft

[Honeydewistania]

Good to see a new author with a good draft

This new author has editor potential...

[Baggieland]

This new author has editor potential...