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[DRAFT] Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Rhim Flavezztowland
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Founded: Sep 09, 2020
Democratic Socialists

[DRAFT] Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Postby Rhim Flavezztowland » Thu Sep 17, 2020 7:09 am

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly gifted a luxury watch for one of @@HIS@@ favorite government officials thanks to a global holiday-season commercial from one of Albionia's most famous watchmakers giving @@HIM@@ the desire to do so, the government official became a target of a large-scale seasonal corruption scandal out of all seasonal corruption scandals involving @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials that tend to take place during the festive season, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap.

Option #1: "Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle - that is, a lifestyle without all the bling they tend to receive during the summer travel season?" writes Monica Applegate, the host of the West Fedorian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, in a letter to @@LEADER@@. She then continues, "Obviously, I'd say "yes" when answering that question! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argues while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any seasonal corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)


Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly gifted a luxury watch for one of @@HIS@@ favorite government officials thanks to a global holiday-season commercial from one of Althaniq's most famous watchmakers giving @@HIM@@ the desire to do so, the government official became a target of a large-scale seasonal corruption scandal out of all seasonal corruption scandals involving @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials that tend to take place during the festive season, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap.

Option #1: "Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle - that is, a lifestyle without all the bling they tend to receive during the summer travel season?" writes Monica Applegate, the host of the West Fedorian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, in a letter to @@LEADER@@. She then continues, "Obviously, I'd say "yes" when answering that question! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argues while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any seasonal corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly gifted a luxury watch for one of @@HIS@@ favorite government officials thanks to a global holiday-season commercial from one of Althaniq's most famous watchmakers giving @@HIM@@ the desire to do so, the government official became a target of a large-scale seasonal corruption scandal out of all seasonal corruption scandals involving @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials that tend to take place during the festive season, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap.

Option #1: "Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle - that is, a lifestyle without all the bling they tend to receive during the summer travel season?" asks Monica Applegate, the host of the West Fedorian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, during an episode of that show. She then states, "Obviously, I'd say "yes" when answering that question! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argues while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any seasonal corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly booked a 5-million-@@CURRENCY@@ summer getaway to East Calypso for one of @@HIS@@ favorite government officials, the government official became a target of a large-scale seasonal corruption scandal, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap. As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.

Option #1: "Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle - that is, a lifestyle without all the bling they tend to receive during the summer travel season?" asks Monica Applegate, the host of the West Fedorian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, during an episode of that show. She then states, "Obviously, I'd say "yes" when answering that question! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argues while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any seasonal corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly booked a 5-million-@@CURRENCY@@ summer getaway to East Calypso for one of @@HIS@@ favorite government officials, the government official became a target of a large-scale seasonal corruption scandal, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap. As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.

Option #1: "Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle - that is, a lifestyle without all the bling they tend to receive during the summer travel season?" asks Monica Applegate, the host of the West Fedorian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, during an episode of that show. She then retorts, "Obviously, I'd say "yes" when answering that question! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argues while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any seasonal corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly booked a 5-million-@@CURRENCY@@ summer getaway to East Calypso for one of @@HIS@@ favorite government officials, the government official became a target of a large-scale seasonal corruption scandal, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap. As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.

Option #1: "Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle - that is, a lifestyle without all the bling they tend to receive during the summer travel season?" said Monica Applegate, the host of the West Fedorian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, during an episode of that show. "Obviously, I'd say "yes" when answering that question! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argued while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any seasonal corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly booked a 5-million-@@CURRENCY@@ summer getaway to East Calypso for one of @@HIS@@ favorite government officials, the government official became a target of a large-scale seasonal corruption scandal, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap. As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.

Option #1: "Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle without all the bling they tend to receive during the summer travel season?" said Monica Applegate, the host of the West Fedorian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, during an episode of that show. "Obviously, I'd say "yes" when answering that question! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: Commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argued while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any seasonal corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: Poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government official @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly booked a 5-million-@@CURRENCY@@ summer getaway to East Calypso for one of @@HIS@@ fellows, @@HE@@ became a target of a large-scale corruption scandal, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap. As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.

Option #1: "Oh my, how come that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government official conduct corruption through booking a multi-million-@@CURRENCY@@ vacation for one of their fellows?" wrote Monica Applegate, the host of the Bigtopian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, in a MyFace post. "This kind of shows that @@NAME@@ can't afford to widen its wealth gap further! I shall put part of the blame regarding this corruption scandal on the amount of bling-promoting commercials that air on @@NAME@@'s television channels. Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle without all the bling? Obviously, I'd say "yes"! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: Commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks)

Option #2: "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argued while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that any corruption scandal involving a government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: Poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often)

Title: Corruption Paired with Expensive Gifts... Oh My!

Validity: Valid for nations with large wealth gaps.

Description: After a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government official named @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly booked a 5-million-@@CURRENCY@@ summer getaway to East Calypso for one of @@HIS@@ fellows, @@HE@@ became a target of a large-scale corruption scandal, further raising concerns among the frustrated public regarding @@NAME@@'s large wealth gap. As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.

Option #1: "Oh my, how come that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government official conduct corruption through booking a multi-million-@@CURRENCY@@ vacation for one of their fellows?" wrote Monica Applegate, the host of the Bigtopian variety show We've Got All Sorts of Thoughts!, in a MyFace post. "This kind of shows that @@NAME@@ can't afford to widen its wealth gap further! I shall put part of the blame regarding this corruption scandal on the amount of bling-promoting commercials that air on @@NAME@@'s television channels. Can @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government officials live a low-key lifestyle without all the bling? Obviously, I'd say "yes"! I swear to you, @@LEADER@@, that you've got to ban those TV commercials that advertise luxury stuff and mitigate all the frustration regarding @@NAME@@'s wealth gap immediately!" (Effect: Commercials promoting luxury lifestyles and goods are banned from airing on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ television networks.)

Option #2 (for countries where citizens are allowed to connect to the Internet): However, a number of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ had a heated online debate on whether or not a ban on TV commercials promoting luxury products should be implemented in @@NAME@@ to curb corruption among certain government officials and mitigate concerns regarding the nation's wealth gap, with a netizen even deciding to say, "Please don't ban commercials for bling-bling goods - I still love that luxury stuff!" (Effect: Poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often.)

Option #3 (for countries where citizens aren't allowed to connect to the Internet): "Honestly?" senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ argued while discussing this matter in @@CAPITAL@@. "I strongly oppose this proposal for a ban on advertisements for luxury products! Let luxuries be luxuries, and let the poor work for the money to buy those luxuries. That's my ideology. I believe that the ongoing corruption scandal involving that government official is nothing but just another minor scandal. Get it? I hope this helps." (Effect: Poor @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are starting to beg for bling on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ more often. - same effect line as option #2)


So I was inspired (maybe loosely?) by this CNN article from 2013 regarding the Chinese government's banning of TV ads for luxury goods to start drafting an issue where the nations who receive it get to choose whether or not to, following a corruption scandal involving a government official, ban commercials for bling from their TV networks. This is my first ever experience with drafting issues, so if you want me to improve the above draft, feel free to tell me!

(On a side note, I'm not sure if this draft overlaps with an already-existing issue, so if it does, please tell me.)
Last edited by Rhim Flavezztowland on Tue Sep 22, 2020 10:08 pm, edited 10 times in total.
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Thu Sep 17, 2020 7:56 am

What.

What does corruption have to do with advertisements?

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Rhim Flavezztowland
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Postby Rhim Flavezztowland » Thu Sep 17, 2020 7:26 pm

Trotterdam wrote:What.

What does corruption have to do with advertisements?

This makes me want to talk to other issue editors about my draft in the Writer's Block...
A 28.714 civilization, according to this index.
The top Flavezztowlander domestic news headlines right now: Post-investigation verdict on Garmentgate given today by the government: "We'll fine all the fashion designers that perpetrated the Garmentgate scandal and sentence Simon Westford to 5 years in jail"


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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Tue Sep 22, 2020 5:07 am

Don’t worry, Trot’s not going to spit on you.

First off, congratulations for making it not look like a joke. Woohoo! Stage one already done.

Now, this is about corruption, yes? Specifically politicians with corruption scandals appearing in luxury ads. Neat idea. However, it could be executed better, and that’s where we come in.

First off, going to bold this because it’s important and this is a wall of text, but effect lines start with lower cases and don’t end in punctuation on drafts.

Second, you should also document your changes in a draft, to show evolution, and stuff. It’s just handy, and it’s very easy to do with spoilers.

Third, now onto the actual writing. Rest of statement pending...

government official named @@RANDOMNAME@@ allegedly


Remove the ‘named @@RANDOMNAME’ bit. They’re not mentioned anywhere else in the issue, so this is just pointless to keep. Redundant.

Option 1 reads like a Text-to-Speech robot. It’s also way too long, and that’s probably because the entire first half is a word for word copy of the description. We know what happened. Also, how could they post on MyFace without Internet?

The first two thirds of Option 2 is unnecessary context, and is simply fluff. Get rid of it, it’s perfectly normal for someone to say something not online. Also, your options should be around the same length. Bolded for importance. Currently, 1 is massive, and 2 and 3 are relatively equal, but not even close to 1.

Option 3 feels fine, it just sounds like they’re in Senate or something, instead of in @@LEADER@@‘s office, or whatever.
Last edited by Minskiev on Tue Sep 22, 2020 5:30 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Tue Sep 22, 2020 3:17 pm

Minskiev wrote:Don’t worry, Trot’s not going to spit on you.
Yeah, that's camels, not ponies.

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Rhim Flavezztowland
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Postby Rhim Flavezztowland » Tue Sep 22, 2020 7:41 pm

I've made some changes to my issue draft and documented previous versions of it to show how it's changed, but I still need my NS population stat to rise to 250 million so I can submit it via the issue submission page...
Last edited by Rhim Flavezztowland on Tue Sep 22, 2020 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A 28.714 civilization, according to this index.
The top Flavezztowlander domestic news headlines right now: Post-investigation verdict on Garmentgate given today by the government: "We'll fine all the fashion designers that perpetrated the Garmentgate scandal and sentence Simon Westford to 5 years in jail"


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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:23 pm

Rhim Flavezztowland wrote:I've made some changes to my issue draft and documented previous versions of it to show how it's changed, but I still need my NS population stat to rise to 250 million so I can submit it via the issue submission page...


Ah. Well, for a, what, two weeks old nation, you're doing well.

Also, your options say 'said' and argued'. It's happening right now. It should be 'says' (although that's rather bland) and 'argues'.
Last edited by Minskiev on Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Rhim Flavezztowland
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Postby Rhim Flavezztowland » Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:34 pm

Minskiev wrote:
Rhim Flavezztowland wrote:I've made some changes to my issue draft and documented previous versions of it to show how it's changed, but I still need my NS population stat to rise to 250 million so I can submit it via the issue submission page...


Ah. Well, for a, what, two weeks old nation, you're doing well.

Also, your options say 'said' and argued'. It's happening right now. It should be 'says' (although that's rather bland) and 'argues'.

Thanks for your feedback and suggestions :clap: !
A 28.714 civilization, according to this index.
The top Flavezztowlander domestic news headlines right now: Post-investigation verdict on Garmentgate given today by the government: "We'll fine all the fashion designers that perpetrated the Garmentgate scandal and sentence Simon Westford to 5 years in jail"


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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:38 pm

Some things I'd note in your description:

As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.


This is a redundant sentence, and you could do without it. Furthermore, I don't see how the rest of the description relates to adverts promoting luxury goods. It seems to have to do with a government official accepting a vacation offer, which is arguably covered by Issue #908 to xome extent (monetary offerings to politicians). I'd suggest looking out for similarities with that issue and other corruption-focused issues. There are quite a few, so you may need to take a different direction.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:41 pm

Westinor wrote:Some things I'd note in your description:

As a result, a decision needs to be made now regarding adverts promoting luxury goods.


This is a redundant sentence, and you could do without it. Furthermore, I don't see how the rest of the description relates to adverts promoting luxury goods. It seems to have to do with a government official accepting a vacation offer, which is arguably covered by Issue #908 to some extent (monetary offerings to politicians). I'd suggest looking out for similarities with that issue and other corruption-focused issues. There are quite a few, so you may need to take a different direction.


Not sure if I'd call fruit baskets monetary, but agreed. It needs to be a little more distinct.
Gentlemen, you cant fight in here. This is the war room.
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Most recent best F7 reply:
NS Stats partially baked, roasted, sautéed, braised, grilled, broiled, poached, and fried by BLYAT
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Rhim Flavezztowland
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Founded: Sep 09, 2020
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Postby Rhim Flavezztowland » Tue Sep 22, 2020 10:06 pm

Westinor wrote:I'd suggest looking out for similarities with that issue and other corruption-focused issues. There are quite a few, so you may need to take a different direction.

Thanks for your suggestions! I'll see if I can take a different direction with this draft using the reasoning that there are quite a few other corruption-focused issues...
A 28.714 civilization, according to this index.
The top Flavezztowlander domestic news headlines right now: Post-investigation verdict on Garmentgate given today by the government: "We'll fine all the fashion designers that perpetrated the Garmentgate scandal and sentence Simon Westford to 5 years in jail"



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