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[JOKE DRAFT] Bad Hair Day

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Frieden-und Freudenland
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[JOKE DRAFT] Bad Hair Day

Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Fri Aug 14, 2020 10:48 am

[description]It has been a really busy week and you are spending your Friday afternoon sitting in your office and sipping your tea, but you are suddenly startled by strange noises coming from outside and you wonder what the commotion is about. A moment later, Edward Rump, a famous @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ tycoon and reality TV star, barges into your room with his disheveled hair and demands to speak with the manager, which, in this case, is you. (Sad!)

[validity] all

1. [option]"Look at what your stupid shower regulations did to my absolutely amazing, beautiful hair," Edward Rump whines, standing in front of your mirror and trying to comb down his recalcitrant fluffs of hair with his fat fingers. "It's crazy how bathrooms look in this country. You turn on the tap, the water doesn't come out, you wanna wash your hands, there is not enough water; or you wanna take a shower, and you get a miserably thin thread of water coming from the shower head, and look at what insufficient amounts of water did to my hair! I don't know about you, @@LEADER@@, but my hair has to be perfect!" He draws a deep breath and emphatically reiterates "PERFECT! So I say we should do away with any environmental regulations that restrict the volume of water that comes from a nozzle. Make it five nozzles, ten nozzles, fifteen nozzles per shower head. Gallons of water, washing over my luxuriant hair and nourishing it. If we are the greatest country on Earth - and we are, I assure you - we should have lots of water to wash our hair with and many people say that it is great to have plenty of water to wash your hair with. I have talked to experts about this, like, I have a friend in @@CAPITAL@@, an exemplary businessman and colleague and do you know what he tells me? He tells me, 'Oh, Mr. Rump, I have a beautiful daughter, her hair is beautiful but lately her hair has been bad, like, really, really bad; and why? Because it is the water in this country. She didn't have enough water and her hair was falling off, her hair wasn't shining anymore.' And I said to him, 'Don't worry, my friend, I will talk to @@LEADER@@, we will straighten this out.' It is incredible how little water comes out when you turn on a faucet, really. There needs to be more water if you want to take good care of your hair. Read the manuals, read the books. They all say that water is good for your hair and everybody knows that water is good for your hair, too. It didn't use to be so bad in the past, but do you know what I realized? It got worse lately because these fancy-shmancy tree-huggers say that using enough water to wash your hair is bad for the environment or something. And I say to them 'Have you been to the ocean, lately? I have an estate on the @@ANIMAL@@ Sea Coast, I was there last weekend, and you go to the beach, you look out on the sea, and you know it is a huge expanse of water, and when I say huge, I mean HUGE, almost as huge as my man parts and ask Stormy if you don't believe me and how can you say there is not enough water out there?' There is enough water of course, it just doesn't come through the nozzle, but it should come through the nozzle when you go into the shower. If we change this and we get more water, I believe, my hair is going to be great again. As I said, you can maybe also install more nozzles and if there is 10 gallons of water coming through one nozzle per minute and you have seven or eight nozzles per shower head and if you take a 15 minute shower every day-" He is dragged out from your room by your security guard as he continues to ramble on in the corridor.

[effect]going into a regular shower in @@NAME@@ feels like going to a water park

2. [option]"What?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Environment, completely appalled and aghast. "No, @@LEADER@@, that's a horrible idea. The current volume of water we are getting is even higher than the world average and think of all the places in our world like Kawandaland where people die of infectious diseases because they do not have access to clean drinking water. Isn't it extremely irresponsible of us to waste water like this? If anything, we should enforce the regulations more strictly and publish advisories for people to show them how they could reduce their water use."

[effect]@@NAME@@'s new radio jingles shower people with tips to use less water

3. [option]"This is a good idea, but it will not be effective without a little financial incentive," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Treasurer, rubbing @@HIS@@ hands. "You can lead a horse to water, but will it drink? You can tell a person to use less water, but will they do so? On the other hand, if we imposed exponentially increasing punitive environmental taxes on every 1 cubic meter of water that households use, people would be incentivized to follow the advisories. And boom! We would also have another source of revenue." He finishes off with a complacent smile, while Edward Rump's distant cry can be heard at the end of the corridor.

[effect]spending money like water is no longer a metaphor
Last edited by Frieden-und Freudenland on Fri Aug 14, 2020 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Fri Aug 14, 2020 11:07 am

I wonder if barbers can also cut option lengths?

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Great Robertia
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Postby Great Robertia » Fri Aug 14, 2020 11:08 am

on Earth

Consider changing it to "universe", or "multiverse" or "the world". Because what if a nation doesn't play a nation on Earth?

Also, this issue is amazing, I love it! Especially since I have been experiencing a bad hairday today, albeit not because of the amount of water coming out of the hair but the humidity in the air xD but, I digress. I'd love to see an issue like this in the issue base and while the text of option 1 is really long (I read it all tho!), in this particular instance it's more than forgivable. I think you've excellently captured the tone and manner of speech that Donald Trump has. Well done!
The Imperial State of Great Robertia

An empire formed from the unification of the Robertian Peninsula, where the monarch is revered in a cult of personality.

Our Leader: Emperor Robert Peter I | Our Capital: Saint Robertsburg | Government type: Unitary semi-constitutional parliamentary monarchy | Technology level: Post-Modern Tech | Civilization index: 13.71


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Frieden-und Freudenland
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Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:56 pm

Great Robertia wrote:
on Earth

Consider changing it to "universe", or "multiverse" or "the world". Because what if a nation doesn't play a nation on Earth?

Also, this issue is amazing, I love it! Especially since I have been experiencing a bad hairday today, albeit not because of the amount of water coming out of the hair but the humidity in the air xD but, I digress. I'd love to see an issue like this in the issue base and while the text of option 1 is really long (I read it all tho!), in this particular instance it's more than forgivable. I think you've excellently captured the tone and manner of speech that Donald Trump has. Well done!

Well this draft was supposed to be a joke, but would you folks seriously like to see something like this as a real issue? :blink:
When I write, I don't have an accent.

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Daarwyrth
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Founded: Jul 05, 2016
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:15 pm

Frieden-und Freudenland wrote:
Great Robertia wrote:
on Earth

Consider changing it to "universe", or "multiverse" or "the world". Because what if a nation doesn't play a nation on Earth?

Also, this issue is amazing, I love it! Especially since I have been experiencing a bad hairday today, albeit not because of the amount of water coming out of the hair but the humidity in the air xD but, I digress. I'd love to see an issue like this in the issue base and while the text of option 1 is really long (I read it all tho!), in this particular instance it's more than forgivable. I think you've excellently captured the tone and manner of speech that Donald Trump has. Well done!

Well this draft was supposed to be a joke, but would you folks seriously like to see something like this as a real issue? :blink:


I would! But then again, I'm only one voice :P
The United Monarchy of Daarwyrth

A unified state of constituent duchies, ruled by one absolute monarch, located on the fictional continent of Geldria.

Our Leader: Queen Demi Maria I | Our Capital: Daarport | Government type: Unitary absolute monarchy | Technology level: Post-Modern Tech | Civilization index: 13.71


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Devil Heart
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Founded: Aug 07, 2011
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Devil Heart » Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:18 pm

I got some excellent laughs out of this 'joke' issue. I hope you continue working on it in all seriousness :clap: :p :lol:


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