[SUBMITTED] A Royal Choice

[Daarwyrth]

Effect line one feels a bit weak, but could probably work. "The royal children" feels like weird phrasing though, maybe something like "monarchial successors" (that feels weird as I say it too, though). Perhaps if you'd like to change it, I'd suggest something along the lines of "royals spend their entire lives courting the Royal Election Council", and to continue playing off of that you could suggest incompetence as a result of that. So maybe

"monarchs are proficient in wooing the Royal Election Council and nothing else", or you could make a play out of monarchs being literally figureheads.

it was I who crawled out of Mother's womb the first

Delete "the". Also, in the next sentence you might want to change "was" to "I", but that's definitely a matter of preference. For consistency, you might want to change them all to "is", but that instead feels weird in the first sentence, but "was" doesn't make sense in the context of the last sentence. In any case, the reason I bring this up is because "was" makes it feel like the speaker is already conceding, and alsosort of ruins it consistence-wise for me. But it's not a huge problem.

Questioning the heir's claim to the throne should be penalized. Fines, nay, imprisonment or exile, I say!

This could be stronger. The rest of the character is already in "I will break you in half" mode, so keep it up in the result/action sentences.

to me and I will

This feels like strange phrasing and is a bit repetitive. maybe "Your feeble attempt at subverting the line of succession is abhorrent and ___ to me" for clearer phrasing, or simple "Your feeble attempt at subvverting the line of succession will not be tolerated", which will make the next sentence (which is the punishing action sentence) stronger.

says

I like "comments" or "notes" here. Style choice

being sworn in instead of crowned left the new monarch rather bemused

Could be stronger, and assumes that an event has happened. You could play off this effect line's reference to democratic tendencies, but I don't think you should assume the ascension of a new monarch, even if the option advocates for term limits.

Implemented into the newest draft!

[Westinor]

[Description] A formal, quiet tea service at the Royal Palace became a heated affair, after Prince Hansel - the youngest among his thirteen siblings - raised the topic of @@NAME@@ becoming an elective monarchy, in yet another scheme to improve his chances at the throne.

Remove the comma between "affair" and "after"

and to keep it fair, also by a few commoners.

This is a bit clunky, maybe "and to keep it fair, we can throw in a few commoners in there." You could even throw in a bit of royal snobbery, if you'd like

[Effect 1a] the royals bankrupt themselves currying favour with the Royal Election Council

Probably don't need the first "the".

[Option 2a]

The crown prince's cup snaps in his hands. "Now listen here, you detestable worm

Replace the comma at the end of this with a period.

This is looking much better!

[Daarwyrth]

[Description] A formal, quiet tea service at the Royal Palace became a heated affair, after Prince Hansel - the youngest among his thirteen siblings - raised the topic of @@NAME@@ becoming an elective monarchy, in yet another scheme to improve his chances at the throne.

Remove the comma between "affair" and "after"

and to keep it fair, also by a few commoners.

This is a bit clunky, maybe "and to keep it fair, we can throw in a few commoners in there." You could even throw in a bit of royal snobbery, if you'd like

[Effect 1a] the royals bankrupt themselves currying favour with the Royal Election Council

Probably don't need the first "the".

[Option 2a]

The crown prince's cup snaps in his hands. "Now listen here, you detestable worm

Replace the comma at the end of this with a period.

This is looking much better!

Done!