[LAST CALL] Where Security Lies

[Devil Heart]

[Draft 6]

[Title] Where Security Lies (was Calling it Out)

[Validity] Has technology, accepts onshore immigration detainees, free speech.

[Description]

The evening news is airing a leaked phone recording across the nation. Security personnel are shown restraining detainees inside an immigration detention centre in @@NAME@@. The reporter asks, "is the level of force used excessive?"

[Option 1]
Hijacking the microphone, your niece declares, “Asylum seekers flee their homelands escaping atrocities of violence and the threat of death. Locking them away and subjecting them to these abhorrent levels of force will inflict further psychological damage! @NAME@@ must set up community detention homes instead; it's cheaper plus it gives citizenship applicants an opportunity to integrate into our culture."

[Effect] @@NAME@@ is a popular lifestyle destination for people without passports

[Option 2]
"Claptrap!" states Bolt Securities CEO, elbowing @@HER@@ aside. These illegal arrivals could be spies or terrorists! They are desperate and they are dangerous not only to themselves, but also to the brave security employees who oversee their well being. Grant our staff authority to restrain these crim...detainees by whatever means necessary."

[Effect] human rights are inalienable for a privileged few in @@NAME@@’s immigration detention centres

[Option 3]
"Mobile phones held by illegal immigrants are responsible for one-sided content about life in immigration detention centres, as well as organised iniquitous criminal pursuits such as escape, drugs and pornography," informs a disturbing apparition in your doorway. The fluorescent light flickers, revealing your Minister for the Interior. "Ban detainee internet and mobile phone access; I promise we’ll never hear anything more about this."

[Effect] rumour asserts @@NAME@@’s asylum seekers live in the lap of luxury

[Draft 5]

[Title] Where Security Lies (was Calling it Out)

[Validity] Has technology, accepts onshore immigration detainees, free speech.

[Description]

The evening news is airing a leaked phone recording across the nation. Security personnel are shown restraining detainees inside an immigration detention centre in @@NAME@@. The reporter asks, "is the level of force used excessive?"

[Option 1]
Hijacking the microphone, human rights activist @@ RANDOMNAME@@ avows, "Asylum seekers flee their homelands escaping atrocities of violence and the threat of death. Locking them away and subjecting them to these abhorrent levels of force will inflict further psychological damage! @NAME@@ must set up community detention homes instead; it's cheaper plus it gives citizenship applicants an opportunity to integrate into our culture."

[Effect] @@NAME@@ is a popular lifestyle destination for people without passports

[Option 2]
"Claptrap!" states Bolt Securities CEO, elbowing @@HIM@@ aside. These illegal arrivals could be spies or terrorists! They are desperate and they are dangerous not only to themselves, but also to the brave security employees who oversee their well being. Grant our staff authority to restrain these crim...detainees by whatever means necessary."

[Effect] human rights are inalienable for a privileged few in @@NAME@@’s immigration detention centres

[Option 3]
"Mobile phones held by illegal immigrants are responsible for one-sided content about life in immigration detention centres, as well as organised iniquitous criminal pursuits such as escape, drugs and pornography," informs a disturbing apparition in your doorway. The fluorescent light flickers, revealing your Minister for the Interior. "Ban detainee internet and mobile phone access; I promise we’ll never hear anything more about this."

[Effect] rumour asserts @@NAME@@’s asylum seekers live in the lap of luxury

[Draft 4]

[Title] Where the Security Lies (was Calling it Out)

[Validity] Has technology, accepts onshore immigration detainees, free speech.

[Description]
A news story featuring leaked phone recordings of security guards restraining detainees in @NAME@@'s on shore immigration detention centres is reporting the levels of force used as excessive.

[Option 1]
"Asylum seekers flee violent atrocities and death in their own countries, arriving here traumatised," avows human rights advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@, snatching the microphone. "Locking them away and subjecting them to force inflicts further psychological damage! Establish detention homes in our community instead; it's cheaper and prepares citizenship applicants for integration into our culture."

[Effect] @@NAME@@ is a popular lifestyle destination for people without passports

[Option 2]
"Claptrap!" states Bolt Securities CEO, elbowing @@HIM@@ aside. These illegal arrivals could be spies or terrorists. They are desperate, a danger to themselves and the brave security employees who oversee their well being. Grant our staff authority to restrain these crim...detainees by whatever means necessary."

[Effect] human rights are inalienable for a privileged few in @@NAME@@’s immigration detention centres

[Option 3]
"Mobile phones held by illegal immigrants are responsible for one-sided content about life in immigration detention centres," informs a disturbing apparition in your doorway, "as well as organised iniquitous criminal pursuits such as escape, drugs and pornography." The fluorescent light flickers, revealing your Minister for the Interior. "Ban detainee access to the internet and mobile phones and we’ll never hear anything more about this."

[Effect] rumour asserts @@NAME@@’s asylum seekers live in luxury

[Draft 3]

[Title] Where the Security Lies (was Calling it Out)

[Validity] Has technology, accepts onshore immigration detainees, free speech.

[Description]
A news story featuring leaked phone recordings of security guards restraining detainees in @NAME@@’s on shore immigration detention centres reported the levels of force used as excessive.

[Option 1]
“Asylum seekers flee atrocities of violence and death in their own countries, arriving here already traumatised” avows a human rights advocate, snatching the microphone. “Locking people away and subjecting them to this kind of force will only inflict further psychological damage. @@NAME@@ must set up community detention homes instead; it’s cheaper plus it gives citizenship applicants an opportunity to integrate into our culture.”

[Effect] @@NAME@@ is a popular lifestyle destination for people without passports

[Option 2]
“Lies and claptrap” states an immigration specialist, elbowing her aside. “Our immigration detention centres and staff protect @@NAME@@’s borders from illegal arrivals; persons who may in fact be criminals, spies or terrorists. They are desperate and a danger to both themselves and the brave security employees who oversee their well being. Our staff must have authority to restrain these crim...detainees by whatever means necessary.”

[Effect] human rights are afforded a privileged few in @@NAME@@’s detention centres

[Option 3]
“It’s the mobile phones in these facilities that pose unacceptable levels of risk” informs a creepy apparition of shadowy light appearing in your doorway, whom you later realise is your Minister for the Interior. “Apart from leaking one-sided content about life in immigration detention centres, phones are also being used for iniquitous pursuits such as drugs, pornography, escape and other organised criminal activities. Ban detainee access to both the internet and mobile phones and we’ll never hear anything more about this.”

[Effect] ] rumour has it that immigration detention centres house refugees in five star accommodations

[Draft 2]

[Title] Calling It Out

[Validity] Has technology, accepts onshore immigration detainees.

[Description]
A missed call from your dear friend to share a specially prepared picnic by the sea finds you instead in your office eating takeaway....while watching a link to social media emailed to you by your Minister for the Interior. The phone recordings show the use of force by guards on detainees in @@NAME@@’s on shore immigration detention centres. There follows a discussion from people representing different points of view about digital access for detainees.

[Option]
“Mobile phones in these facilities pose unacceptable levels of risk” informs a creepy apparition of shadowy light appearing in your doorway, whom you later realise is your Minister for the Interior. “Apart from leaking one sided content about life in immigration detention centres, phones are also being used for iniquitous pursuits such as drugs, pornography, escape and other organised criminal activities. Not forgetting privacy violations of the security guards working in these hazardous environments, sometimes forced to constrain the pris...detainees for their own protection. Blanket ban detainee access to both the internet and mobile phones, let them utilize the public phones instead.”

[Effect] security guards are noted for their kindness to immigration detainees

[Option]
The phone on your desk rings. “@@LEADER@@! You cannot call something an unacceptable risk when you need it to survive. What next, do we ban water because it may create a flood? Speaking because the words might embarrass the government?” avows an undisclosed voice at the end of the line. “These people are suffering and suicidal, separated from their loved ones. Landline phones are impersonal, limited to one on one conversation and are located in very public spaces. Allow mobiles phones without internet access, camera or filming capacity, problem solved!

[Effect] asylum seekers in @@NAME@@ are struggling to outlive the lives of their mobile phones

[Validity] Has a police force.

[Option]
On cue, your mobile rings. “What we’re lacking is police presence. Detention centre guards lack the same rigorous training in de-escalation techniques and arms handling earned by a police officer” an efficiently brisk voice reports. “Police Special Agent @@RANDOMNAME@@ speaking @@LEADER@@. If there is a complaint about inappropriate use of digital devices, we’ll confiscate the offending equipment for further investigation. And write a report. If there is a tussle, call us in to smooth things over. Then we’ll write a report. Trust us to keep both sides of the equation honest.”

[Effect] situations in immigration detention centres are interpreted along a thin blue line

b][Draft 1][/b]

[Title] Calling Out

[Validity] Has technology, accepts onshore immigration detainees.

[Description]
A missed call from your dear friend to share a specially prepared picnic by the sea finds you instead in your office eating takeaway....while watching a link to social media emailed to you by your Minister for the Interior. The phone recordings show the use of force by guards on detainees in @@NAME@@’s on shore immigration detention centres. There follows a discussion from people representing different points of view about digital access for detainees.

[Option]
Your phone vibrates, you pick up. “My privacy has been violated by this recording” sobs a man introducing himself as a guard from the security company contracted to have oversight of the detainees, “what about my wellbeing! This is dangerous work; we need to constrain the pris...detainees occasionally for their own and our protection. Please ban detainee internet access; they’re showing us in an unfair light!”

[Effect] security guards are noted for their kindness to immigration detainees

[Option]
“Mobile phones in these centres pose unacceptable levels of risk” informs a creepy apparition of shadowy light appearing in your doorway, which you later realise to be your Minister for the Interior. “Apart from leaking one sided content about life in immigration detention centres, these phones are also being used for iniquitous activity such as drugs, pornography, escape and other organised criminal activities. We must blanket ban detainee access to both the internet and mobile phones, they can utilize the public phones made available to them instead.”

[Effect] rumour has it that immigration detention centres house refugees in five star accommodations

[Option]
The phone on your desk rings. “@@LEADER@@! You cannot call something an unacceptable risk when you need it to survive. What next, do we ban water because it may create a flood? Do we ban speaking because someone might say something that embarrasses the government? Detainees are not criminals!” avows an undisclosed voice at the end of the line. “These people are suffering and suicidal, they are separated from their loved ones. They must have their own phones to communicate with family and the outside world; it is the fundamental right of every human being. Landline phones are impersonal, limited to one on one conversation and are located in very public spaces. Personal phones are the only way refugees can apply their rights to full freedom of speech.

[Effect] international criticism of @@NAME@@’s immigration detention centres is rocking the boat

[Fauxia]

Hey! Solid premise. But I think the focus ought to be more on the use of force than phones.

As of now, the issue will have the options be very imbalanced. Options 1 and 2 have only a thin line of difference between them, and the vast majority of reasonable nations will be choosing Option 3. The problem here is that I don’t even see how Option 3 is much different than the dismiss option. What I suggest is keeping either option 1 or option 2, coming up with a compromise that’s on the more reasonable side, and maybe the other option is to have 24/7 surveillance on guards so they don’t hurt refugees, or something.

[Devil Heart]

Thank you Fauxia, this has been very helpful indeed. I got caught up, and forgot that in NS Issues we don’t ever leave without taking some prisoners with us as well!

Here is my second attempt. It is a challenge finding how to add humour to something like this, but we all know in NS Issues humour enables fearless thinking. So it’s worth the challenge.

I’ve also stuck with the phones idea as these are basic tools for communication, which are in turn as necessary as food and shelter for survival in my opinion. Just what level of telecommunication is necessary, and under what conditions will be decided by the issue selected of course, should this issue ever make it to into publication.

Fixed the typo too, ‘it’ was missing in the original title.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

A missed call from your dear friend to share a specially prepared picnic by the sea finds you instead in your office eating takeaway....while watching a link to social media emailed to you by your Minister for the Interior.

This framing adds nothing apart from an attack on player autonomy. I suggest cutting it.

The phone recordings show the use of force by guards on detainees in @@NAME@@’s on shore immigration detention centres.

So this is the issue. Find a way to present just this bit, with relevant narrative framing.

Agree with Fauxia that the issue here is use of force, not use of phones.

I'd suggest maybe two reasonable options addressing the use of force from opposite directions, and then one crazy option that pretends that the real issue is detainees having phones.

There follows a discussion from people representing different points of view about digital access for detainees.

This is redundant, remove it.

[Australian rePublic]

What's a minister of the interior?

[Pythaga]

What's a minister of the interior?

In some countries a ministry that deals with law enforcement, immigration, and other similar internal affair. See here.

[Devil Heart]

Candlewhisper Archive - Player autonomy attack removed.

Fauxia and CWA - Ok, two lots of advise suggesting an emphasis on force, I've made the change.
Dumped all my mobile phone obsessions into option 3.

CWA - redundant line removed.

Pythaga and Aussie rePublic - I am using a title issue writers have used in the past similar to our Minister for Home Affairs title. Currently held by this guy:
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/unflatterin ... d=trending

Thanks all, looking forward to further comments.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Better. Straighten all the quote marks and apostrophes before submission.

I can see other minor tweaks that could be made to effect lines, but nothing deal-breaking.

[Minskiev]

The opening sentences of the options need punctuation. Option 2, for instance, as an interjection, needs an exclamation mark.

[Devil Heart]

Better. Straighten all the quote marks and apostrophes before submission.

I can see other minor tweaks that could be made to effect lines, but nothing deal-breaking.

Straightened - thanks for pointing this out.
Also, I've tweaked the option and the effects throughout.

The opening sentences of the options need punctuation. Option 2, for instance, as an interjection, needs an exclamation mark.

Done, thank you.

I've given a @@RANDOMNAME@@ to the speaker in Option 1, for purposes of a better flow of text.
I'm checking though, will this link with the @@HIM@@ in Option 2 to enable the associated him or her?
The advice in 'How to Write and Issue' confirms this will work when located in the same sentence - but will it work in this kind of setup?

Thanks for any further thoughts/advice.

[Daarwyrth]

A news story featuring leaked phone recordings of security guards restraining detainees in @NAME@@'s on shore immigration detention centres is reporting the levels of force used as excessive.

I have tried reading this sentence out loud, and I did came a little short of breath at the end I'd suggest trying to cut it up in separate sentences, or include punctuation in the appropriate spots.

and death in their own countries

Perhaps consider changing it to "and the threat of death in their own countries".

snatching the microphone

Shouldn't this have happened before they started to speak? I believe you can leave this bit out, as "to avow" already implies it's said publicly and in a grand manner.

a danger to themselves and the brave security

I'm wondering whether an inclusion of a comma between "themselves" and "and" would make this sentence flow better, as I had to reread it twice before I got it.

informs a disturbing apparition in your doorway,

While I like the action this introduces, I feel it is too intrusive in breaking up the sentence, as it doesn't allow for a flowing continuation. Perhaps consider adding this after "as well as organised iniquitous criminal pursuits such as escape, drugs and pornography" and before "The fluorescent light flickers, revealing your Minister for the Interior".

[Fauxia]

Can you either shorten or divide the description into two sentences? It’s a mouthful right now.

As for the rest, looks much better than how it did when I last saw it.

[Devil Heart]

Thanks Daarwyth, your detailed comments about how to get this issue more readable are very appreciated.

Yes, option 3 needed that change.
I went for a comma as you suggested, then I decided to use 'but also' instead of 'and' in option 2.
I've kept the physical, as well as the verbal action going in option 1. For me this action links with the being elbowed aside action physical action in option 2.
I did however substitute the word snatching for the word hijacking, and moved the sentence order of events. I hope this is working better now.

Thanks to you too Fauxia, as well as Daarwyth for your comments about improving the readability of the description. I've made changes here too.

Further comments/ideas are always sought!

[Devil Heart]

In this draft 6, the human rights activist from previous drafts has been taken up by 'your niece'.
I decided I would take advantage of the social justice kind of person she is, as described as being in Westinor's notes. Thank you Westinor.

If there are no further thoughts/comments after a bit, I'll run this through as a Last Call.

[Devil Heart]

Ok, Last call.


Any additional thoughts/comments are still appreciated.

[Fauxia]

The narrative at the beginning seems confused. Usually, evening news, with reporters talking about news, is different from what seems to be a press conference here (if your niece is stealing the mic from you). Reporters at a press briefing only have time to ask questions, not report on the news. Which one is it?