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[Submitted] A Bad Case of Basketcase

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Cretox State
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[Submitted] A Bad Case of Basketcase

Postby Cretox State » Sat Jul 04, 2020 11:16 am

An issue on civil conscription. As always, any feedback is appreciated.

Draft 3: Streamlined a bit and added some more humor.

A Bad Case of Basketcase

Validity: Must have economy of Struggling or worse, and cannot have high employment.

Description
Earlier this week, the @@DEMONYM@@ workforce was rocked by a wave of mass layoffs in everything from fancy restaurants to basic utilities, striking a further blow to already low confidence in the nation's economy. Your Treasury Minister has called an emergency meeting on getting people back to work before the problem spirals out of control.

Option 1
"I think it's best I don't sugar-coat things," sighs dieting economic advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@, laying some rich Brancalandian chocolate out on the table. "The meat and potatoes is if we don't start some pork projects, our economy's gonna beef. We need to cook up a massive government jobs project to get the workforce back in business and give us time to sandwich our options before things come to a boil. Once people are juiced up and back to work earning money, they'll be out spendin' dough and helping get the economy back on track. Then we can have our cake and eat it too."

Effect: the government pays citizens to throw money in a hole and dig it back up again

Option 2
"Sorry to darken the mood, but how does the advisor propose we pay for... whatever that was?" questions your Treasury Minister, eyeing the chocolate with suspicion. "We need to ensure that basic services are being performed to keep our society functioning, without melting our budget in the process! I recommend implementing a civil conscription system, where people are made to perform necessary work for the government, at least until the economy stabilizes a bit. Troubling times call for troubling measures- at least, I think that's how the saying goes."

Effect: doctors are forced to postpone life-saving surgery to help kittens out of trees

Option 3
Validity: Must have market economy.

"We'd love to hire more people, we truly would," sobs @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ executive @@RANDOMNAME@@, getting the chocolate wet. "But the simple truth of the matter is we just can't. Our margins are razor-thin, and I had to pawn my second yacht the other day just to make ends meet. Give businesses a generous aid package and cut back on regulation, and I promise you the employment situation will be sweeter than ever."

Effect: the super-rich swear they'll be more charitable if the government just gives them more money

Option 4
"If the economy's so bad, why are we blowing our budget on luxuries like expensive imported chocolate?" asks an aide who's obviously new here. "The obvious solution is to audit the entire government for wasteful spending, freeze any unjustifiable expenditures, and give direct financial support to the people that need it most, at least until they can get back on their feet. I'm certain the economy will recover. Eventually."

Effect: the government spends millions auditing itself while citizens struggle to make ends meet


A Bad Case of Basketcase

Validity: Must have economy of Struggling or worse, and cannot have high employment.

Description
Earlier this week, the @@DEMONYM@@ workforce was rocked by a wave of mass layoffs in everything from fancy restaurants to basic utilities, striking a further blow to already low confidence in the nation's economy. Your Treasury Minister has called an emergency meeting to try and address the potentially fatal problem.

Option 1
"I think the path forward is quite clear," says economic advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@, laying some rich Brancalandian chocolate out on the table. "We need to start a massive government jobs project to get our workforce back in business. It doesn't even matter what we pay people to do; we could start @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@-catapulting service for the love of Violet! The important thing is that people will be earning money, which they can spend to support themselves and help get the economy back on track. It's not rocket science!"

Effect: the government pays citizens to throw money in a hole and dig it back up again

Option 2
"And how does the advisor propose we pay for all this?" questions your Treasury Minister, eyeing the chocolate with suspicion. "We need to ensure that basic services are performed to keep our society functioning, without bankrupting the government in the process! I recommend implementing a civil conscription system, where people are made to perform necessary work for the government, at least until the economy stabilizes a bit. Troubling times call for troubling measures- at least, I think that's how the saying goes."

Effect: doctors are forced to postpone life-saving surgery to help kittens out of trees

Option 3
Validity: Must have market economy.

"We'd love to hire more people, we truly would," sobs @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ executive @@RANDOMNAME@@, getting the chocolate wet. "But the simple truth of the matter is we just can't. Our margins are razor-thin, and I had to pawn my second yacht the other day just to make ends meet. Give businesses a generous aid package and cut back on regulation, and I promise you'll never have to worry about unemployment again."

Effect: the super-rich swear they'll be more charitable if the government just gives them more money

Option 4
"I know a surefire way to fix this!" declares General @@RANDOMNAME@@, trying to grab all the chocolate for @@HIM@@self. "We need a war! A great war! A huge war! We'll have perhaps a more tremendous war than anyone thought possible! Think about it: our soldiers deploying to the front while their families churn out tanks in the factories back home. It'll create plenty of jobs, and hopefully thin out the herd a bit. Uh... I mean it'll boost our international position."

Effect: army recruitment is at an all-time high as citizens enlist to get out of factory work

Option 5
"If the economy's so bad, why are we blowing our budget on luxuries like expensive imported chocolate?" asks an aide who's obviously new here. "The obvious solution is to audit the entire government for wasteful spending, and give direct financial support to the people that need it most, at least until they can get back on their feet. I'm certain the economy will recover. Eventually."

Effect: the government audits costly programs to investigate wasteful spending in government auditing


A Civic Engagement

Validity: All.

Description
Ever since returning from his honeymoon vacation in southern Brancaland, your Minister of the Interior has been waxing poetic about the wonderful things he experienced during his time there. He seems to be particularly keen on bringing up Brancaland’s civil conscription system, where citizens are made to perform work for the government, at every opportunity.

Option 1
“Have I mentioned how great civil conscription is?” asks your Minister of the Interior, eliciting groans from everyone in the room. “I’m serious! We should have all able-bodied citizens do essential civic work on a rotating basis, after training of course. That way, we won’t have to worry about possible manpower shortages for things like firefighting or road maintenance ever again! How about you consider it over a bite of rich Brancalandian chocolate?”

Effect: doctors are forced to postpone life-saving surgery to help kittens out of trees

Option 2
“Firefighting? Road maintenance?! That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!” bellows General @@RANDOMNAME@@, trying to grab all the chocolate for himself. “We need to use civil conscription to boost the @@DEMONYM@@ war effort! Just imagine: our troops deploying to the front while their families churn out tanks in the factories back home. It almost brings a tear to my eye.”

Effect: army recruitment is at an all-time high as citizens enlist to get out of factory work

Option 3
“Y’know why we ‘need’ civil conscription in the first place?” asks Sergeant @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@CAPITAL@@ Fire Department, scarfing down a pack of cheap cookies. “Because these jobs all suck! Give higher pay and stellar benefits to essential government work, and I guarantee we’ll never have to hear about civil conscription again.”

Effect: cleaning up litter is one of the nation’s most lucrative career paths

Option 4
“Why is our Minister of the Interior talking up the greatness of Brancalandian policy?” sneers a shady advisor you could’ve sworn you fired last week. “He’s clearly been turned against us. All government workers must be forbidden from leaving the country, and must be monitored for harboring dangerous foreign ideas. The loyal ones like myself should be rewarded with important positions, like Minister of the Interior.”

Effect: government translators are forbidden from speaking foreign languages
Last edited by Cretox State on Mon Jul 13, 2020 11:34 am, edited 14 times in total.

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Jul 05, 2020 4:29 pm

Wait. Everyone? So what about the disabled?
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:12 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:Wait. Everyone? So what about the disabled?

Edited. Is it better now?

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Atheris
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Postby Atheris » Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:58 pm

If text comes after punctuation in a quote, it should be capitalized (e.g. "I like the cat!" He said.).

Just a minor nitpick. Otherwise, it seems to be pretty solid.
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Sun Jul 05, 2020 6:15 pm

Atheris wrote:If text comes after punctuation in a quote, it should be capitalized (e.g. "I like the cat!" He said.).

Just a minor nitpick. Otherwise, it seems to be pretty solid.

Are you certain about that? I don’t recall seeing a single issue that does that.

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Atheris
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Postby Atheris » Sun Jul 05, 2020 6:19 pm

Cretox State wrote:
Atheris wrote:If text comes after punctuation in a quote, it should be capitalized (e.g. "I like the cat!" He said.).

Just a minor nitpick. Otherwise, it seems to be pretty solid.

Are you certain about that? I don’t recall seeing a single issue that does that.

I'm very certain. It's proper English grammar; it may be different in issues, though.
Dollystana wrote:The one nation that you can’t get rid of.
Ceranapis wrote:"Who needs a country when you can write Ace Attorney fan fiction?"
Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?
Nouveau Quebecois did nothing wrong!
The self-proclaimed Resident Shitposter of NSG.
Ace/aro. Cis he/him. Trans ally.
"To comment is human, to preview, divine." - Godot
Orthodox Preterist Lutheran Christian.
I write AA fanfiction. Fuck you if you judge me.
WA RP nation: Union of Sovereign States and Republics
"What tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

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SherpDaWerp
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Postby SherpDaWerp » Sun Jul 05, 2020 6:48 pm

Atheris wrote:
Cretox State wrote:Are you certain about that? I don’t recall seeing a single issue that does that.

I'm very certain. It's proper English grammar; it may be different in issues, though.

The proper form for punctuation with speech is
"Text@" they said, doing a thing.
for any punctuation mark replacing @. That could be "!", "?" or ",". Essentially, if there's a punctuation mark in quotes followed by description, pretend it's a comma. Anything else plays the same part as a comma, but adds different flavour to the speech. However, if the quotes end a sentence, then it's a full stop.

"Text," they said, doing a thing. - Fine.
"Text!" they exclaimed, doing a thing. - Also fine, the exclamation mark plays the part of a comma, but adds shouty flavour to the speech.
"Text?" they questioned, doing a thing. - Also fine, the question mark still plays the part of a comma, but adds questioning flavour to the speech.

They questioned, "Text?" - this is still fine because in this scenario, the question mark ends the sentence, as it does in traditional sentences without dialogue. Here, the question mark plays the part of a full stop.

For examples in issues: see 312.1, 312.3, 313.2, 315.1, 315.4, etc.

That aside, Option 2 reads weird due to the General completely changing his mind. I think what you were going for was the chocolate changing @@HIS@@ mind? That doesn't really work unless there's some genuine subplot about chocolate, and adding that would derail the actual issue too much. It's generally best for a speaker to have one position and stick to it.

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Atheris
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Postby Atheris » Sun Jul 05, 2020 7:13 pm

SherpDaWerp wrote:
Atheris wrote:I'm very certain. It's proper English grammar; it may be different in issues, though.

The proper form for punctuation with speech is
"Text@" they said, doing a thing.
for any punctuation mark replacing @. That could be "!", "?" or ",". Essentially, if there's a punctuation mark in quotes followed by description, pretend it's a comma. Anything else plays the same part as a comma, but adds different flavour to the speech. However, if the quotes end a sentence, then it's a full stop.

"Text," they said, doing a thing. - Fine.
"Text!" they exclaimed, doing a thing. - Also fine, the exclamation mark plays the part of a comma, but adds shouty flavour to the speech.
"Text?" they questioned, doing a thing. - Also fine, the question mark still plays the part of a comma, but adds questioning flavour to the speech.

They questioned, "Text?" - this is still fine because in this scenario, the question mark ends the sentence, as it does in traditional sentences without dialogue. Here, the question mark plays the part of a full stop.

For examples in issues: see 312.1, 312.3, 313.2, 315.1, 315.4, etc.

That aside, Option 2 reads weird due to the General completely changing his mind. I think what you were going for was the chocolate changing @@HIS@@ mind? That doesn't really work unless there's some genuine subplot about chocolate, and adding that would derail the actual issue too much. It's generally best for a speaker to have one position and stick to it.

...Well. I know jack shit about the English language, apparently. Apologies.

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Dollystana wrote:The one nation that you can’t get rid of.
Ceranapis wrote:"Who needs a country when you can write Ace Attorney fan fiction?"
Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?
Nouveau Quebecois did nothing wrong!
The self-proclaimed Resident Shitposter of NSG.
Ace/aro. Cis he/him. Trans ally.
"To comment is human, to preview, divine." - Godot
Orthodox Preterist Lutheran Christian.
I write AA fanfiction. Fuck you if you judge me.
WA RP nation: Union of Sovereign States and Republics
"What tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Mon Jul 06, 2020 6:43 am

I’ll make option 2 more consistent. My initial idea was to use alcohol instead of chocolate, but I didn’t like the idea of restricting the issue’s validity over a joke.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Tue Jul 07, 2020 3:33 am

Brancaland seems like an odd choice, being NS Canada, more or less.

I'd also say that it doesn't seem likely that a nation is going to introduce mandatory unpaid labour for a reason as trivial as "I saw another country doing it."

Maybe construct a story where civil conscription is one of the solutions, rather than building an issue around just that.

A recent RL example would be the Greek debt crisis, where civil conscription was applied to several occupation groups in order to maintain some semblance of working society in the face of economic collapse. If targeted at nations with failing economies, that could make a good issue.
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Tue Jul 07, 2020 7:49 am

Draft 2 is now up. I reworked the issue to focus on the economic conditions behind emergency civil conscription rather than the conscription itself.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Jul 08, 2020 2:37 am

Good shift there, but now I'm thinking I may have pushed you too far towards being overly generic.

Maybe focus it back in a tad, so you're not just responding to the economic crisis in broad sweeping terms.

I think a good compromise would be something like:

Earlier this week, the @@DEMONYM@@ workforce was rocked by a wave of mass layoffs in everything from fancy restaurants to basic utilities, striking a further blow to already low confidence in the nation's economy. Your Treasury Minister has called an emergency meeting to see how you can get people back into work.


The options already look at how to restore employment primarily, rather than fixing the economy as a whole, so it makes sense to get the premise looking just at that

I'd then suggest dropping option 4, to make the issue leaner. From there, you look good to go structurally. I like the chocolate as a narrative device, reminds me of the cake in "Friends Close, Enemies Closer".

You could then submit if you wanted, or you could try and squeeze in some more humour here and there to make it a gold-star issue.
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Wed Jul 08, 2020 2:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:25 am

Draft 3 is up in accordance with suggestions. While I think it might be basically ready for submission, I'm a bit hesitant to do so considering that this has been on the forum for less than 4 days.

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Postby Jutsa » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:32 am

If CWA gives the green light, then I don't think you need to worry too much about keeping it up for much longer.
Still, I always keep things up a little longer myself. But if you want my opinion, this is a very nice issue.

I'll point out option 3 would only be for capitalist nations, while the rest of the issue kinda feels like it could be open to all;
but that's a small nitpick, and it'll eventually ask you for option-specific criteria upon submission.

Aside from that, I've actually got nothing to say. Other than I frankly like all your drafts, and wouldn't be surprised if you became a multi-author in little time at all. :)
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:06 am

Jutsa wrote:If CWA gives the green light, then I don't think you need to worry too much about keeping it up for much longer.
Still, I always keep things up a little longer myself. But if you want my opinion, this is a very nice issue.

I'll point out option 3 would only be for capitalist nations, while the rest of the issue kinda feels like it could be open to all;
but that's a small nitpick, and it'll eventually ask you for option-specific criteria upon submission.

Aside from that, I've actually got nothing to say. Other than I frankly like all your drafts, and wouldn't be surprised if you became a multi-author in little time at all. :)

Thanks for the encouragement :)
Option 3 would only be valid for capitalist nations. I decided against including a version for non-capitalists because, since everyone would work for the government anyways, such an option would overlap quite a bit with option 1.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:38 am

Give it more time anyway. Just because an issue is good enough doesn't mean its as good as it could be. See where you can add more punch, character and humour, for example. I like your effect lines, I like the framing. But maybe the individual characters could be funnier?

This is definitely a good issue, but its only a short distance from being a great one.
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Wed Jul 08, 2020 11:52 am

I changed option 1 to be more entertaining. I think I’ll leave this up until the end of this week, then submit if there are no problems.

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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Sat Jul 11, 2020 8:22 am

Bumping this to Last Call. I’m aiming to submit after the weekend if there are no problems.

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Candensia
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Postby Candensia » Sat Jul 11, 2020 9:46 am

"I think it's best I don't sugar-coat things," sighs dieting economic advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@, laying some rich Brancalandian chocolate out on the table. "The meat and potatoes is if we don't start some pork projects, our economy's gonna beef. We need to cook up a massive government jobs project to get the workforce back in business and give us time to sandwich our options before things come to a boil. Once people are juiced up and back to work earning money, they'll be out spendin' dough and helping get the economy back on track. Then we can have our cake and eat it too."


Quotes need fixing in option 1.
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Sat Jul 11, 2020 10:03 am

Candensia wrote:Quotes need fixing in option 1.

Why yes, my wall did always have those holes in it! Why do you ask?

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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Mon Jul 13, 2020 11:35 am

Submitted. Fingers crossed!

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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Mon Jul 13, 2020 12:25 pm

Good Luck!
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Stay safe, wear a mask, and have a great day! :)

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Postby Australian rePublic » Mon Jul 13, 2020 4:28 pm

Good Luck!
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