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[DRAFT] Checkmate, @@NAME@@!

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Giovanniland
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[DRAFT] Checkmate, @@NAME@@!

Postby Giovanniland » Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:48 am

Hello! This is my 2nd issue draft ever, inspired by this article. Feel free to comment!

Draft 2:

@@NAME@@ has long been an international chess powerhouse, with several players claiming medals and trophies for the country. However, in the latest Chess World Cup, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ contestant @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was caught cheating, placing the national reputation in check. Your advisors are now discussing the next move.

1. "This is completely unacceptable," notes your Minister of Sports. "Cheating is against good sportsmanship, in any and all sports. We can't influence international decisions, but we should ban @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@ from every chess tournament nationally. It is the only way to show the international chess community that we are harsh on these kind of people. Let's checkmate all cheaters!"
Effect: the national average chess ranking has dramatically dropped

2. "We must go further," remarks cabinet advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact that we even let this cheater pass in all national qualifiers until he was chosen as our Chess World Cup contestant is alarming! Simply banning is of no use, as other people could quickly rise through the ranks of the board, just like @@HE_1@@ did. Instead, the solution is to place surveillance cameras, checkpoints at tournament entries, and everything else possible, to ensure a fair game!
Effect: every piece movement in chess matches is carefully analyzed

3. "The blunder here is to think cheating is bad," says the Minister of Creative Solutions, wondering how to move a chess piece. "@@NAME@@ should instead encourage it. We're already great at chess, so why not let us be even better? This is the key to win every single chess competition ever!"
Effect: @@NAME@@ wins all chess tournaments because no other country participates in them


Older Drafts:
THE ISSUE: @@NAME@@ has long been an international chess powerhouse. However, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ grandmaster @@RANDOMNAMEMALE_1@@ was recently found cheating with a phone in the bathroom during an international tournament. Your advisors are now discussing the next move.

1. "This is completely unacceptable," notes International Chess Committee's President, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We are proud to announce Mr. @@RANDOMLASTNAMEMALE_1@@ has been given a lifetime ban from international chess tournaments. Now, it is @@NAME@@'s turn to move. Ban him nationally as well, and you'll checkmate the cheaters."
Effect: the national average chess ranking has dramatically dropped

2. "@@RANDOMNAMEMALE_1@@ has put our national reputation in check!" cries chess fan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We need to do more than banning him forever from chess. Instead, he should be sent to jail! Cheating in sports is just as bad as robbing someone, and it should be treated as such!"
Effect: sport cheaters are horrified to find the rules in prison are very different

3. "Why do all of this when technology solves the problem?" asks CEO of Pawn Shop @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The solution is simply to place checkpoints at every chess tournament entry. It will ensure fair game, as not a single technological device will bypass this scanner! Just sign this cheque, it's a win-win!
Effect: players with pacemakers are barred from entering tournaments

4. "The blunder here is to think cheating is bad," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, another chess player banned for cheating. "@@NAME@@ should instead encourage it. We're already great at chess, so why not let us be even better? This is the key to win every single chess competition ever!"
Effect: @@NAME@@ wins all chess tournaments because no other country participates in them
Last edited by Giovanniland on Sun Jul 05, 2020 4:15 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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Aluminum Oxynitride
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Postby Aluminum Oxynitride » Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:47 am

I like the wordplay with "check" and "cheque" and other chess terms scattered throughout the issue!

A few suggestions
The issue:
-I think the phrase "only to be caught" is unnecessary. You mentioned earlier that the person was "found cheating."
-@@RANDOMNAME_1@@ can be a male or female name. Later on in the options, you specify that this is a male name.

Option 1:
-You use "Mr. @@RANDOMNAME_1@@." @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ is not guaranteed to be a masculine name. I don't know if there is a way to generate "Mr." or "Mrs." based on the random name. You may want to consider specifying female or male for your random name. (Option 2 also uses "his")
Giovanniland wrote:Now, it is @@NAME@@'s turn to do their move

-I would replace this sentence with "Now, it's @@NAME@@'s turn to move"
Giovanniland wrote:you'll give cheaters the checkmate.

-Replace with "you'll checkmate the cheaters"

Option 2:
Giovanniland wrote:Cheating in sports is no more than robbing someone

-I would change this to "Cheating in sports is just as bad as robbing someone"

Option 3:
Word play!! Puns!
Giovanniland wrote:It will ensure fair game, as not a single technology equipment will bypass this scanner

-"...as not a single technological device will..."

Option 4:
-You have a singular quotation mark at the end of the effect line. I think it was meant to go after the exclamation mark.
-I'd like to see some chess terminology in this option. Maybe there is a good chess term for "mistake" that could be used.
Giovanniland wrote:We're already great at chess, so why not increase it even further?

-I don't like the "so why not increase it even further?" part. But I'm not sure what I would change it too. Maybe, "so why not let us be even better?" I might just delete the entire sentence.

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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Sun Jun 28, 2020 10:34 am

Aluminum Oxynitride wrote:I like the wordplay with "check" and "cheque" and other chess terms scattered throughout the issue!

Thanks!

Aluminum Oxynitride wrote:A few suggestions
The issue:
-I think the phrase "only to be caught" is unnecessary. You mentioned earlier that the person was "found cheating."
-@@RANDOMNAME_1@@ can be a male or female name. Later on in the options, you specify that this is a male name.

Option 1:
-You use "Mr. @@RANDOMNAME_1@@." @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ is not guaranteed to be a masculine name. I don't know if there is a way to generate "Mr." or "Mrs." based on the random name. You may want to consider specifying female or male for your random name. (Option 2 also uses "his")

I don't think there's a way to generate "Mr./Mrs.", but there's @@HE@@, @@HIS@@, and @@HIM@@. For now, I changed all references of the grandmaster to @@RANDOMNAMEMALE_1@@ instead, so it generates only a masculine name. Fixed that mistake in the description as well.

Aluminum Oxynitride wrote:
Giovanniland wrote:Now, it is @@NAME@@'s turn to do their move

-I would replace this sentence with "Now, it's @@NAME@@'s turn to move"
Giovanniland wrote:you'll give cheaters the checkmate.

-Replace with "you'll checkmate the cheaters"

Option 2:
Giovanniland wrote:Cheating in sports is no more than robbing someone

-I would change this to "Cheating in sports is just as bad as robbing someone"

Done for all of those.

Aluminum Oxynitride wrote:Option 3:
Word play!! Puns!
Giovanniland wrote:It will ensure fair game, as not a single technology equipment will bypass this scanner

-"...as not a single technological device will..."

Not sure if you wanted me to add more word play and puns, but there's pawn shop, as well as cheque (check). Changed that other line as well.[/quote]
Aluminum Oxynitride wrote:Option 4:
-You have a singular quotation mark at the end of the effect line. I think it was meant to go after the exclamation mark.
-I'd like to see some chess terminology in this option. Maybe there is a good chess term for "mistake" that could be used.
Giovanniland wrote:We're already great at chess, so why not increase it even further?

-I don't like the "so why not increase it even further?" part. But I'm not sure what I would change it too. Maybe, "so why not let us be even better?" I might just delete the entire sentence.

Yes, I misplaced the quotation mark, thanks for spotting it. Usually, as a chess player, I usually use "blunder" which means a very bad move, so I added that. For the last suggestion, I think "so why not let us be even better?" is a good replacement. Thanks for all the suggestions!
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Sun Jun 28, 2020 10:49 am

Giovanniland wrote:However, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ grandmaster @@RANDOMNAMEMALE_1@@ was recently found cheating with a phone in the bathroom during an international tournament. Your advisors are now discussing the next move.
This would let you, what, cheat for one move every several matches, assuming that you can actually remember the position of the board and enter it into your phone while taking a break from the game? Anything more than that and it'd get pretty obvious.

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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Sun Jun 28, 2020 11:41 am

Trotterdam wrote:
Giovanniland wrote:However, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ grandmaster @@RANDOMNAMEMALE_1@@ was recently found cheating with a phone in the bathroom during an international tournament. Your advisors are now discussing the next move.
This would let you, what, cheat for one move every several matches, assuming that you can actually remember the position of the board and enter it into your phone while taking a break from the game? Anything more than that and it'd get pretty obvious.

Funnily enough, a precedent in 2015 happened when another grandmaster went several times to the bathroom, allegedly at the most difficult parts of a chess match. Needless to say, he obviously got caught as well, but it shows people have already done that in the past.
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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:13 pm

Option 5- Ban toilet breaks
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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:28 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:Option 5- Ban toilet breaks

I don't think that'd be effective. Players could use some kind of unnoticeable, small headphone or chip where they'd coordinate with another player to feed them answers. I think the 4 options - ban the player, send him to jail, use technology detectors, encourage cheating - are fine as they are, but I'm open to feedback.
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Noahs Second Country
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Postby Noahs Second Country » Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:33 pm

This seems a bit too niche in the way you've adapted the idea here.

Why should the government be the one determining how this situation is handled? It seems much more reasonable to give this decision to an international governing chess body rather than the national government.

The real problem is that @@NAME@@ is being represented in an international tournament by a supposed cheater. That would call for things like increased analysis of those representing @@NAME@@, how to deal with the fallout, etc..

In the issue's current state this does not seem like a government problem.
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Tue Jun 30, 2020 4:56 am

Agree with that. Cheating in a chess tournament doesn't seem to be government business.

OTOH, you could frame an issue around cheating in competitions in general, and whether that constitutes legal fraud, or should just be an internal matter for said competition's regulatory body to handle.
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Tue Jun 30, 2020 4:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Sun Jul 05, 2020 11:57 am

Noahs Second Country wrote:This seems a bit too niche in the way you've adapted the idea here.

Why should the government be the one determining how this situation is handled? It seems much more reasonable to give this decision to an international governing chess body rather than the national government.

The real problem is that @@NAME@@ is being represented in an international tournament by a supposed cheater. That would call for things like increased analysis of those representing @@NAME@@, how to deal with the fallout, etc..

In the issue's current state this does not seem like a government problem.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Agree with that. Cheating in a chess tournament doesn't seem to be government business.

OTOH, you could frame an issue around cheating in competitions in general, and whether that constitutes legal fraud, or should just be an internal matter for said competition's regulatory body to handle.

Thanks for the comments. I've launched Draft 2 and changed the issue focus on the government response on cheaters representing @@NAME@@ abroad.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Sun Jul 05, 2020 12:01 pm

Is @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ correct? Shouldn’t it be @@DEMONYM@@? Also, is @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ the correct formatting, if there are multiple random names?
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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Sun Jul 05, 2020 12:18 pm

Minskiev wrote:Is @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ correct? Shouldn’t it be @@DEMONYM@@? Also, is @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ the correct formatting, if there are multiple random names?

There are three types of demonyms on your nation settings page (noun, adjective and plural), thus a specific macro is needed to differentiate between these.
As far as I know, @@RANDOMNAME@@ macros always give different names when used multiple times, but if we use @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ more than one time it'll refer to the same person. There's also @@HE_1@@ that I used, this will give either he or she, depending on the random name's gender.
Last edited by Giovanniland on Sun Jul 05, 2020 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Sun Jul 05, 2020 9:06 pm

Ah, now I see what you mean. Thanks.
“Don’t half-a** two things. Whole-a** one thing.”
”I’m here to kick bubblegum and chew a**. And I’m all out of a**.” You asked for it :/
A Nuclear World - Triple Commonwealth
The Eagle, Bear, and Flower - National Republic of China
Ascension - Voion

Statues have a higher K:D ratio than the humans knocking them down| The Bilateral Laser Yablonskaya Attackstation (BLYAT) is up in orbit| Broom jousting leagues have been created around Minskiev
Crowbars Inc. - +2.1| Pat’s Statues - -13.4%| Monarch Brooms - +36.5%| Mops for Tots - -47.8%| Minskievian Lasers - +59.0%


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