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[SUBMITTED] An Endemic Pandemic

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Honeydewistania
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[SUBMITTED] An Endemic Pandemic

Postby Honeydewistania » Mon Jun 15, 2020 1:54 am

Does this count as a pandemic issue? :p

[title] An Endemic Pandemic

[validity] allows immigration?, has a substantial amount of trees

[description] As a symbol of friendship between the two nations, the extremely remote and secretive island nation of Tanzibar, known for its species of flora and fauna found nowhere else in the word, has gifted a dozen Tanzibari Spiked Trees to @@CAPITAL@@ Central Park. However an equally endemic parasitic disease which the Tanzibari trees were immune too were spread like wildfire, ravaging thousands of trees across the city.

[option] "My mama used to take me to this park everyday!" sobs General @@RANDOMNAME@@ quietly. "Now those dreadful Tanzibaris and their awful looking trees have killed every last one in this park! I say we destroy their trees on their island too, but with bombs instead! They must pay for... um... giving us gifts!"
[effect] the army sends out soldiers to patrol gardens

[option] "Not our fault!" declares Tanzibari ambassador @@RANDOMNAME@@, hiding behind a park bench. "Look, we are sorry, but the trees are dead! You can’t bring them back to life! How about we donate even more of our trees and then your park would look nice again! Surely that’s kind enough?"
[effect] children climbing trees in @@NAME@@ get impaled by large spikes if they fall

[option] "There is a simple solution to this!" claims your Minister of Simple Solutions, munching on an ice cream. "Just make it mandatory to screen every plant or animal coming through our country for diseases like that. It would be expensive for sure, so let’s raise taxes or something like that. So simple and easy!"
[effect] foreign animals now carry passports into @@NAME@@ to show they are disease free

[option] "Actually, I can bring these trees back to life!" spookily whispers vlogger and amateur necromancer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Allow me and my pals to perform rituals on these dearly departed shrubs, and you’ll find they would had resurrected soon! Oh and I’ll need to be paid up front."
[effect] parks are frequently populated by those performing rituals using the sap of trees


[title] An Endemic Pandemic

[validity] allows immigration, has a substantial amount of trees

[description] As a symbol of your nations' friendship, the leader of remote ecological hotspot Tanzibar has gifted @@NAME@@ a dozen Tanzibari Spiked Trees. However, following their ceremonial planting in @@CAPITAL@@ Park, it's been discovered that they're carriers of an endemic parasitic fungi to which they're partially immune, and the pest has spread like wildfire, ravaging the surrounding environment.

[option] "Let’s not panic!" says one of your diplomats, panicking. "Tanzibar had good intentions, but we need to contain the spread before the entire city is infected. Luckily the fungi is only in this part of the park, so let’s close off the section with the trees to only selected guests to our nation and dedicate it to Tanzibari nature. Quickly do something, @@LEADER@@!"
[effect] shrubs are protected by bodyguards 24/7

[option] "That won't do anything!" shouts passerby @@RANDOMNAME@@, inspecting a blade of grass. "Who knows how many trees are infected? We need to burn down the entire park as soon as possible! Then we can build a new spanking new one on top of it, and demand Tanzibar pay for the inconvenience. Isn’t that the most obvious solution?"
[effect] the ash tree is most abundant in @@DENONYM@@ parks

[option] "Oh we can make them pay all right!" softly whispers General @@RANDOMNAME@@, stomping on a twig. "They destroyed our park, we can destroy theirs too. You should allow us to release the @@DENONYM@@ Destroying Angel Fungi over the Tanzibar rainforest, and see how they like it then!" @@HE@@ crushes the remaining bits of twig in @@HIS@@ fist.
[effect] biological warfare is used to solve small disagreements

[option] "Fungus is good. Repeat it with me." pleads a spooky voice from behind you. You turn around and see death cult member and popular vlogger @@RANDOMNAME@@ standing there in a robe with mysterious inscriptions. "Fungus is good. Spread the fungus to every tree in @@NAME@@. Do it or there will be truffle, I mean trouble. The mushroom gods will give you strength if you follow their will. Fungus is good." @@HE@@ hands you a mysterious book then chants in an indecipherable language.
[effect] people infected with Athlete's Foot are given special privileges
Last edited by Honeydewistania on Fri Jul 10, 2020 11:36 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Postby Ko-oren » Mon Jun 15, 2020 3:18 am

I had an idea to do something like this, but you've already done a good job framing an issue. The description is short and on point, the options are interesting and varied. I'm not going to say 'well-balanced', but that's not always necessary. Well done!

Personally, I'm not a fan of the military options. Seems like every single issue has at least one option that's just 'we should bomb them', but seeing as the disease comes from abroad, it might just be a possibility.

There is no option to limit the effect of the disease and keep other places in @@NAME@@ safe. It seems like everyone except for option 4 just accepts that most/every tree(s) in @@NAME@@ will die, and then deal with the consequences later, which strikes me as a bit odd.
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Postby Honeydewistania » Mon Jun 15, 2020 3:26 am

Ko-oren wrote:I had an idea to do something like this, but you've already done a good job framing an issue. The description is short and on point, the options are interesting and varied. I'm not going to say 'well-balanced', but that's not always necessary. Well done!

Personally, I'm not a fan of the military options. Seems like every single issue has at least one option that's just 'we should bomb them', but seeing as the disease comes from abroad, it might just be a possibility.

There is no option to limit the effect of the disease and keep other places in @@NAME@@ safe. It seems like everyone except for option 4 just accepts that most/every tree(s) in @@NAME@@ will die, and then deal with the consequences later, which strikes me as a bit odd.

True, true. I will continue to work on this.

Also, I find the military option in issues never fails to amuse me.
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Postby Trotterdam » Mon Jun 15, 2020 6:29 am

Honeydewistania wrote:However an equally endemic parasitic disease which the Tanzibari trees were immune too were spread like wildfire, ravaging thousands of trees across the city.
A disease that they're genuinely immune to wouldn't survive long enough to spread. In order to make a home in them, the parasite has to be able to actually affect them, even if it only mildly weakens their health rather than kills them.

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Postby Australian rePublic » Mon Jun 15, 2020 4:40 pm

Why would anyone choose anything but option 3?
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Jun 19, 2020 8:40 am

The premise works, but the options seem odd to me.

Option 1 is the crazy revenge option, and probably belongs later in the list. However, a more appropriate lex talionis counter-action would be to deliberately release diseases into the Tanzibari forests, to devestate their woodlands.

Option 2, the speaker sounds nothing like an ambassador, as they tend to be more diplomatic in their language. It also doesn't feel narratively right that the Tanzibarians should be the ones saying that it doesn't matter. It'd make more sense to me to have one of YOUR diplomats point out that the damage wasn't intentional, and that it was done in good faith.

Option 3 feels wrong to me, as it'd be a very unusual country that didn't already have some sort of measures to screen flora and fauna, so obviously these are trees that slipped through the screening.

Option 4 is intentionally crazy, that's fine.

I'd suggest a different approach. Same premise, then:

Option 1: One of your diplomats says the intentions were good, we shouldn't make a fuss, but maybe make sure the fungus gets contained to Central Park by making it a private garden where we celebrate Tanzibarian flora, open only to diplomatic visitors.
Option 2: Have another reasonable person say that good intentions or not, the damage is huge, and to be safe the park needs to be scorched and salted, and then perhaps a new park can be built on top, but that we should request the Tanzibari government foots the bill
Option 3: Crazy revenge option, involving black ops fungal spores.
Option 4: Crazy necromancers / death cult, but instead of saying they want to resurrect the trees, they could want to deliberately spread the fungus, in order to bring glory to the alien mushroom gods beyond the stars.
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Honeydewistania
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Postby Honeydewistania » Sat Jun 20, 2020 8:22 pm

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:The premise works, but the options seem odd to me.

Option 1 is the crazy revenge option, and probably belongs later in the list. However, a more appropriate lex talionis counter-action would be to deliberately release diseases into the Tanzibari forests, to devestate their woodlands.

Option 2, the speaker sounds nothing like an ambassador, as they tend to be more diplomatic in their language. It also doesn't feel narratively right that the Tanzibarians should be the ones saying that it doesn't matter. It'd make more sense to me to have one of YOUR diplomats point out that the damage wasn't intentional, and that it was done in good faith.

Option 3 feels wrong to me, as it'd be a very unusual country that didn't already have some sort of measures to screen flora and fauna, so obviously these are trees that slipped through the screening.

Option 4 is intentionally crazy, that's fine.

I'd suggest a different approach. Same premise, then:

Option 1: One of your diplomats says the intentions were good, we shouldn't make a fuss, but maybe make sure the fungus gets contained to Central Park by making it a private garden where we celebrate Tanzibarian flora, open only to diplomatic visitors.
Option 2: Have another reasonable person say that good intentions or not, the damage is huge, and to be safe the park needs to be scorched and salted, and then perhaps a new park can be built on top, but that we should request the Tanzibari government foots the bill
Option 3: Crazy revenge option, involving black ops fungal spores.
Option 4: Crazy necromancers / death cult, but instead of saying they want to resurrect the trees, they could want to deliberately spread the fungus, in order to bring glory to the alien mushroom gods beyond the stars.

Thank you, I shall incorporate this into my issue
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Honeydewistania
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Postby Honeydewistania » Sun Jun 21, 2020 12:39 am

Anyone else thinks this overlaps with issue 505?
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Jun 29, 2020 5:14 am

Crossed my mind, but I think its sufficiently distinct.
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Honeydewistania
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Postby Honeydewistania » Mon Jun 29, 2020 5:18 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Crossed my mind, but I think its sufficiently distinct.

Okay, I’ll continue working on this. Thanks
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Postby La xinga » Mon Jun 29, 2020 5:21 am

I was gonna do the same thing but with a bug. :( :( :(
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Postby Honeydewistania » Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:23 am

Going to make some minor edits and submit it in a week, barring major concerns of course
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Postby Authoritaria-Imperia » Sat Jul 04, 2020 6:31 pm

(I'm assuming any overlap with #355 has been considered by now.)

I feel like the introduction's a bit awkward. Just my suggestions:
In the description, Honeydewistania wrote:As a symbol of your nations' friendship, the leader of remote ecological hotspot Tanzibar has gifted @@NAME@@ a dozen Tanzibari Spiked Trees. However, following their ceremonial planting in @@CAPITAL@@ Park, it's been discovered that they're carriers of an endemic parasitic fungi to which they're immune, and the pest has spread like wildfire, ravaging the surrounding environment.
Option 1 has problems with redundancy, first with "contain(ed)" and then "Tanzibar(i)". I think some sentences could be merged and phrases could be removed to make it a bit smoother. Also, I feel like a diplomat isn't the most knowledgeable speaker for the option — what about an ecologist?
Option 2 has a tiny bit of redundancy too ("park"), which is easily fixed, but it's not a big deal. Again, the speaker doesn't have much authority on the subject, which is making the option feel a little off.
Option 3's pretty good, my only suggestions would be (a) to change "Oh" at the very beginning to "Or", and (b) to drop "in a convert operation", as it's not an especially important side detail and it makes the dialogue feel less natural.
I'm not quite sure how the religious option (I love the weirdness, by the way! :D) would involve a death cult specifically. The speaker's reasoning doesn't make sense either — "do it or there will be no trouble"? It makes more sense without the "no", I think.
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Saying the speaker "chants" feels a little strange too, because it implies they do the entire chant right there in front of you without someone intervening; "begins chanting" would feel more natural. The fourth effect line feels backwards, too; wouldn't embracing fungi mean embracing eating them as well?

I realise just how much of this was nit-pick-y, so sorry about that. :/ Take it as a compliment, actually — the big parts of your Issue look good to me, so to give you feedback I have to jump into the minutiae! :)
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Postby Honeydewistania » Wed Jul 08, 2020 3:04 am

Moving to last call. Anything appreciated, even if non constructive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Jul 08, 2020 4:14 am

’ needs to be changed to ' throughout.

I wouldn't capitalise "Ash tree".

Otherwise it's okay, as issues go. Not raving about it, but it's a pass, I think.
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Postby Honeydewistania » Wed Jul 08, 2020 4:24 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:’ needs to be changed to ' throughout.

I wouldn't capitalise "Ash tree".

Otherwise it's okay, as issues go. Not raving about it, but it's a pass, I think.

How should I go about making it from a okay issue to a great issue then? Of course if this premise doesn’t really leave much room for that it’s okay, but I want it to be the best it can be :)
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:29 am

Hard to say -- there's rules to follow and ways to go to make an adequate issue, but great issues are individually great for their own reasons.

I guess the first thing I'd do is replace the title and effect lines with funnier ones. It's not that they fail, more that they don't make me actually smile or laugh, or think "wow, good effect line".

Not an easy challenge, of course.
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Honeydewistania
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Postby Honeydewistania » Wed Jul 08, 2020 11:53 pm

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Hard to say -- there's rules to follow and ways to go to make an adequate issue, but great issues are individually great for their own reasons.

I guess the first thing I'd do is replace the title and effect lines with funnier ones. It's not that they fail, more that they don't make me actually smile or laugh, or think "wow, good effect line".

Not an easy challenge, of course.

Ah. Well I suck at those, so don't expect much :p

I changed effect line for option 4.
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Postby Honeydewistania » Fri Jul 10, 2020 11:38 pm

submitted
Honeydewistania

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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Jul 12, 2020 4:34 pm

Good Luck!
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