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[SUBMITTED] Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Wischland
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[SUBMITTED] Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It

Postby Wischland » Sun Jun 14, 2020 9:43 am

This has been submitted! Thank you to all who helped!

Have Your Cake and Don’t Eat It
The Issue:
Following the shocking public collapse of a teenage girl with anorexia on @@CAPITAL@@ Main Street, national attention has been drawn to the growing prevalence of eating disorders and related hospitalizations in @@NAME@@. Now the government is being called upon to get the nation out of this pickle.

The Debate:

1. "Here’s some food for thought," says psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, handing you a copy of @@HIS@@ new book Minding your Munching. "Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa are much more common then they seem. They’re often the result of low self-esteem and other psychological problems. Subsidizing psychiatric treatments and encouraging citizens to attend therapy could go a long way toward preventing eating disorders. Now, why don’t you lie down on this couch and tell me how you feel…"

Effect: going on a diet is a cause for therapy

2. "Wake up and smell the coffee!" cries @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, mother of the collapsed teen. "The true cause of these eating disorders are the unrealistic beauty standards promoted by the fashion industry. Every model has a teeny-tiny waist, and it’s ridiculous! My poor daughter felt she’d never be pretty unless she was severely underweight. Require fashion designers to promote their clothes with models with realistic bodily proportions. The fashion industry might take a hit, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!"

Effect: couch potatoes are the hottest new runway models

3. "Please darling, regulating fashion is so last season," scoffs fashion magazine editor @@RANDOMNAME@@, strutting into your office in a stylish plum suit. "Fashion is an art form. Government interference will only spoil it! We want to empower people with chic clothes, and if they feel inferior to the beauty we create, well, that’s not really our problem, is it dear? So why don’t you support the fashion industry, hmm? My magazine will even provide you with something to replace that monstrosity you’re currently wearing. How would you feel about an olive tailcoat?"

Effect: @@LEADER@@ was recently named "Most Stylish Politician in @@REGION@@"

4. "I’d take it all with a grain of salt," interjects your Minister of Health @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The obvious solution to eating disorders in to ensure every @@DEMONYM@@ gets enough calories and nutrients. Simply make it a law that every citizen eats their 2000 calories and that’d be the end of anorexia! As the icing on the cake, this would also allow us to prevent people from becoming overweight. Of course, it’ll require a lot of government oversight, and control of the nation’s food supply, but my department could handle it if given more funding."

Effect: government officials regularly join in on family dinners to ensure everyone eats


5th Draft
Have Your Cake and Don’t Eat It
The Issue:
Following the shocking public collapse and subsequent hospitalization of a teenage girl with anorexia, national attention has been focused on the growing number of eating disorders in @@NAME@@. Now the government is being called upon to tackle anorexia and other eating disorders within the nation.

The Debate:

1. "Here’s some food for thought," says psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, handing you a copy of @@HIS@@ new book Minding your Munching. "Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa are much more common then they seem. They’re often the result of low self-esteem and other psychological problems. Subsidizing psychiatric treatments and encouraging citizens to attend therapy could go a long way toward preventing eating disorders. Now, why don’t you lie down on this couch and tell me how you feel…"

Effect: going on a diet is a cause for therapy

2. "Wake up and smell the coffee!" cries @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, mother of the hospitalized teen. "The true cause of these eating disorders are the unrealistic beauty standards promoted by the fashion industry. Every model has a teeny-tiny waist, and it’s ridiculous! My poor daughter felt she’d never be pretty unless she was severely underweight. Require fashion designers to promote their clothes with models with realistic bodily proportions. The fashion industry might take a hit, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!"

Effect: couch potatoes are the hottest new runway models

3. "Please darling, regulating fashion is so last season," scoffs fashion magazine editor @@RANDOMNAME@@, strutting into your office in a stylish plum suit. "Fashion is an art form. Government interference will only spoil it! We want to empower people with chic clothes, and if they feel inferior to the beauty we create, well, that’s not really our problem, is it dear? So why don’t you support the fashion industry, hmm? My magazine will even provide you with something to replace that monstrosity you’re currently wearing. How would you feel about an olive tailcoat?"

Effect: @@LEADER@@ was recently named "Most Stylish Politician in @@REGION@@"

4. "I’d take it all with a grain of salt," interjects your Minister of Health @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The obvious solution to eating disorders in to ensure every @@DEMONYM@@ gets enough calories and nutrients. Simply make it a law that every citizen eats their 2000 calories and that’d be the end of anorexia! As the icing on the cake, this would also allow us to prevent people from becoming overweight. Of course, it’ll require a lot of government oversight, and control of the nation’s food supply, but my department could handle it if given more funding."

Effect: government officials regularly join in on family dinners to ensure everyone eats

4th Draft
Have Your Cake and Don’t Eat It
The Issue:
Following the shocking public collapse and subsequent hospitalization of a teenage girl with anorexia, large numbers of celebrities and average @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ alike have come forward to openly discuss their own struggles with eating disorders. Now the government faces growing pressure to tackle eating disorders within @@NAME@@.

The Debate:

1. “Here’s some food for thought,” says psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, handing you a copy of @@HIS@@ new book Minding your Munching. “Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa are much more common then they seem. They’re often the result of low self-esteem and other psychological problems. Subsidizing psychiatric treatments and encouraging citizens to attend therapy could go a long way toward preventing eating disorders. Now, why don’t you lie down on this couch and tell me how you feel…”

Effect: going on a diet is a cause for therapy

2. “Wake up and smell the coffee!” cries @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, mother of the hospitalized teen. “The true cause of these eating disorders are the unrealistic beauty standards promoted by the fashion industry. Every model has a teeny-tiny waist, and it’s ridiculous! My poor daughter felt she’d never be pretty unless she was severely underweight. Require fashion designers to promote their clothes with models with realistic bodily proportions. The fashion industry might take a hit, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!”

Effect: couch potatoes are the hottest new runway models

3. “Please darling, regulating fashion is so last season,” scoffs fashion magazine editor @@RANDOMNAME@@, strutting into your office in a stylish plum suit. “Fashion is an art form. Government interference will only spoil it! We want to empower people with chic clothes, and if they feel inferior to the beauty we create, well, that’s not really our problem, is it dear? So why don’t you support the fashion industry, hmm? My magazine will even provide you with something to replace that monstrosity you’re currently wearing. How would you feel about an olive tailcoat?”

Effect: @@LEADER@@ was recently named “Most Stylish Politician in @@REGION@@”

4. “I’d take it all with a grain of salt,” interjects your Minister of Health @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The obvious solution to eating disorders in to ensure every @@DEMONYM@@ gets enough calories and nutrients. Simply make it a law that every citizen eats their 2000 calories and that’d be the end of anorexia! As the icing on the cake, this would also allow us to prevent people from becoming overweight. Of course, it’ll require a lot of government oversight, and control of the nation’s food supply, but my department could handle it if given more funding.”

Effect: government officials regularly join in on family dinners to ensure everyone eats

3rd Draft
Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It
The Issue:
Following the shocking public collapse and subsequent hospitalization of a teenage girl with anorexia, eating disorders have been thrust into the limelight. Now the government faces increasing pressure to tackle eating disorders within @@NAME@@.

The Debate:

1. “Here’s some food for thought,” says psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, handing you a copy of @@HIS@@ new book Minding your Munching. “Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa are much more common then they seem. They’re often the result of low self-esteem and other psychological problems. Subsidizing psychiatric treatments and encouraging citizens to attend therapy could go a long way toward preventing eating disorders. Now, why don’t you lie down on this couch and tell me how you feel…”

Effect: going on a diet is a cause for therapy

2. “Wake up and smell the coffee!” cries @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, mother of the hospitalized teen. “The true cause of these eating disorders are the unrealistic beauty standards promoted by the fashion industry. Every model has a teeny-tiny waist, and it’s ridiculous! My poor daughter felt she’d never be pretty unless she was severely underweight. Require fashion designers to promote their clothes with models with realistic bodily proportions. The fashion industry might take a hit, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!”

Effect: couch potatoes are the hottest new runway models

3. “Please darling, regulating fashion is so last season,” scoffs fashion magazine editor @@RANDOMNAME@@, strutting into your office in a stylish plum suit. “Fashion is an art form. Government interference will only spoil it! We want to empower people with chic clothes, and if they feel inferior to the beauty we create, well, that’s not really our problem, is it dear? So why don’t you support the fashion industry, hmm? My magazine will even provide you with something to replace that monstrosity you’re currently wearing. How would you feel about an olive tailcoat?”

Effect: @@LEADER@@ was recently named “Most Stylish Politician in @@REGION@@”

4. “I’d take it all with a grain of salt,” interjects your Minister of Health @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The obvious solution to eating disorders in to ensure every @@DEMONYM@@ gets enough calories and nutrients. Simply make it a law that every citizen eats their 2000 calories and that’d be the end of anorexia! As the icing on the cake, this would also allow us to prevent people from becoming overweight. Of course, it’ll require a lot of government oversight, and control of the nation’s food supply, but my department could handle it if given more funding.”

Effect: government officials regularly join in on family dinners to ensure everyone eats

2nd Draft
Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It
The Issue:
Following the shocking public collapse and subsequent hospitalization of a teenage girl with anorexia, the government faces increasing pressure to tackle eating disorders within @@NAME@@.

The Debate:

1. “Here’s some food for thought @@LEADER@@,” says psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, handing you a copy of @@HIS@@ new book Minding your Munching. “Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa are much more common then they seem. They’re often the result of low self-esteem and other psychological problems. Subsidizing psychiatric treatments and encouraging citizens to attend therapy could go a long way toward preventing eating disorders. Now why don’t you lie down on this couch and tell me how you feel…”

Effect: going on a diet is a cause for therapy

2. “Wake up and smell the coffee!” cries @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, mother of the hospitalized teen. “The true cause of these eating disorders are the unrealistic beauty standards promoted by the fashion industry. Every model has a teeny-tiny waist, and it’s ridiculous! My poor daughter felt she’d never be pretty unless she was severely underweight. Require fashion designers to promote their clothes with models with realistic bodily proportions. The fashion industry might take a hit, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!”

Effect: couch potatoes are the hottest new runway models

3. “Please darling, regulating fashion is so last season,” scoffs fashion magazine editor @@RANDOMNAME@@, strutting into your office in a stylish plum suit. “Fashion is an art form. Government interference will only spoil it! We want to empower people with chic clothes, and if they feel inferior to the beauty we create, well, that’s not really our problem, is it darling? So why don’t you support the fashion industry, hmm? My magazine will even provide you with something to replace that monstrosity you’re currently wearing. How would you feel about an olive tailcoat?”

Effect: @@LEADER@@ was recently named “Most Stylish Politician in @@REGION@@”

4. “I’d take it all with a grain of salt,” interjects your Minister of Health @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The obvious solution to eating disorders in to ensure every @@DEMONYM@@ gets enough calories and nutrients. Simply make it a law that every citizen eats their 2000 calories and that’d be the end of anorexia! As the icing on the cake, this would also allow us to prevent people from becoming overweight. Of course, it’ll require a lot of government oversight, and control of the nation’s food supply, but my department could handle it if given more funding.”

Effect: government officials regularly join in on family dinners to ensure everyone eats

1st Draft
Eating Disorders Take the Issue Cake
The Issue:
Following the shocking public collapse and subsequent hospitalization of a teenage girl with anorexia, the government faces increasing pressure to tackle eating disorders within @@NAME@@.

The Debate:

1. “Here’s some food for thought @@LEADER@@,” says psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, handing you a copy of @@HIS@@ new book Minding your Munching. “Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa are much more common then they seem. They’re often the result of low self-esteem and other psychological problems. Subsidizing psychiatric treatments and encouraging citizens to attend therapy could go a long way toward preventing eating disorders. Now why don’t you lie down on this couch and tell me how you feel…”

Effect: Going on a diet is a cause for therapy

2. “Wake up and smell the coffee!” cries @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, mother of the hospitalized teen. “The true cause of these eating disorders are the unrealistic beauty standards promoted by the fashion industry. Every model has a teeny-tiny waist, and it’s ridiculous! My poor daughter felt she’d never be pretty unless she was severely underweight. Require fashion designers to promote their clothes with models with realistic bodily proportions. The fashion industry might take a hit, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!”

Effect: Couch potatoes are the hottest new runway models

3. “Please darling, regulating fashion is so last season,” scoffs fashion magazine editor @@RANDOMNAME@@, strutting into your office in a stylish plum suit. “Fashion is an art form. Government interference will only spoil it! We want to empower people with chic clothes, and if they feel inferior to the beauty we create, well, that’s not really our problem, is it darling? So why don’t you support the fashion industry, hmm? My magazine will even provide you with something to replace that monstrosity you’re currently wearing. How would you feel about an olive tailcoat?”

Effect: @@LEADER@@ was recently named “Most Stylish Politician in @@REGION@@”

4. “I’d take it all with a grain of salt,” interjects your Minister of Health @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The obvious solution to eating disorders in to ensure every @@DEMONYM@@ gets enough calories and nutrients. Simply make it a law that every citizen eats their 2000 calories and that’d be the end of anorexia! As the icing on the cake, this would also allow us to prevent people from becoming overweight. Of course, it’ll require a lot of government oversight, and control of the nation’s food supply, but it’s nothing my department can’t handle.”

Effect: Government officials regularly join in on family dinners to ensure everyone eats
Last edited by Wischland on Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:09 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Sun Jun 14, 2020 9:50 am

The first few words of option 1 are worded a little strangely, I don’t think ‘Issue’ should be in the title, and why is the Minister of Health so confident in his ability to watch over every meal in the nation? What if the nation is across galaxies? Other than that, looks good. I really like the effect sentences, has that funny vibe of normal issues.
“Don’t half-a** two things. Whole-a** one thing.”
”I’m here to kick bubblegum and chew a**. And I’m all out of a**.”
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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Sun Jun 14, 2020 9:53 am

Title suggestion: "Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It" (?). Effect lines do not begin with capital letters.

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Wischland
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Postby Wischland » Sun Jun 14, 2020 1:45 pm

Minskiev wrote: I don’t think ‘Issue’ should be in the title

Tinhampton wrote:Title suggestion: "Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It" (?).

Oooh, I really like that. I'm totally using it.

Tinhampton wrote:Effect lines do not begin with capital letters.

Fixed!

Tinhampton wrote:Is this another XKI Summer Olympics entry or has that finished?

It is an entry the XKI Olympics, but I now have enough citizens to submit issues in NS, so I'm also planning on doing that!

Minskiev wrote:The first few words of option 1 are worded a little strangely

Could you clarify what you mean? Is it the food for thought bit? Because that's a pretty common saying where I'm from, though I'm not sure how universal it is.

Minskiev wrote:why is the Minister of Health so confident in his ability to watch over every meal in the nation? What if the nation is across galaxies?

You make a good point. I'll add in that they'll need more funding to be able to do so. Not sure if that'd cover it, but it's a pretty absurd solution as is!

Thank you guys for the help. Much appreciated!

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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Sun Jun 14, 2020 1:49 pm

Say your leader’s name was John. How would “Here’s some food for thought John” make any sense? There’s no punctuation. I frankly don’t even know what it means. Did John think? Is the food suppose to help think? It could be worded better.
“Don’t half-a** two things. Whole-a** one thing.”
”I’m here to kick bubblegum and chew a**. And I’m all out of a**.”
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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Sun Jun 14, 2020 2:03 pm

I think in terms of the first few words they mean the phrasing feels strange (because usually, the saying is used at the end [just some food for thought] or when used in the beginning [like how you are using it] it generally doesn't have to mention the subject.) I recommend editing out the @@LEADER@@ or placing it somewhere else, you don't really need it. (i.e. making an extra clause, like "Hey there @@LEADER@@, here's some food for thought" though it's still weird since it's referring to his book, so though I like the use of the phrasing it feels a bit shoved in there.)

EDIT: They addressed it, heh
I would suggest just taking out the @@LEADER@@.

first "then" in option 1 should be "than"

Now why don’t you lie down on this couch and


comma after now makes it feel better imo


“Wake up and smell the coffee!”


Might just be me but I don't get what this means or why it's here

My poor daughter felt she’d never be pretty unless she was severely underweight.


This sort of ties into potion 1-the psychological problems and low self-esteem are due to the high beauty standards, but you don't acknowledge this. I'm not sure you have to-it gives way for two different solutions in options 1 and 2, but I'd just like to point this out.

is it darling


changing "darling" to "dear" keeps the dialect the same but avoids sounding repetitive

This is an interesting issue overall, I like the feel of your effect lines. Just a few minor wording choices that you might want to fix up as of right now, but big-picture wise the problems with this would be that these are generally common solutions and problems looked at already (though I wouldn't worry about that too much). Also, I'd add a line or two sort of fleshing out the description-I like that it's brief, but it feels strange that a public collapse and hospitalization would put anorexia in the spotlight. I've had a public collapse and hospitalization before and the government hasn't sparked a furious debate about that yet (heh), so I'd suggest remedying that with some sort of stat or research. Take that with a grain of salt though-I'm fairly sure most people don't like being too wordy and appreciate the brevity. Still, not sure why the government cares so much.
Last edited by Westinor on Sun Jun 14, 2020 2:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Wille-Harlia
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Postby Wille-Harlia » Sun Jun 14, 2020 2:23 pm

Looks good to me. Most things I have to say have already been addressed.
Last edited by Wille-Harlia on Sun Jun 14, 2020 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Wischland
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Postby Wischland » Sun Jun 14, 2020 5:16 pm

Minskiev wrote:Say your leader’s name was John. How would “Here’s some food for thought John” make any sense? There’s no punctuation. I frankly don’t even know what it means. Did John think? Is the food suppose to help think? It could be worded better.

Westinor wrote:I would suggest just taking out the @@LEADER@@.

Ok, I understand now, thank you. I'll do so.

Westinor wrote:Just a few minor wording choices that you might want to fix up as of right now

Grammar and wording fixed according to recommendations.

Westinor wrote:Might just be me but I don't get what this means or why it's here

It's basically a saying for "stop kidding yourself". It seems some of these idioms aren't super well known, so I'm now keeping a tally of every time someone doesn't know one. If I notice any of the sayings I've used in the issue are too obscure, I'll change it to avoid confusion.

Westinor wrote:Also, I'd add a line or two sort of fleshing out the description

I'm not sure if I wanna add a hard statistic, since the percentage of people with eating disorders vary a lot depending on culture. But I will add in that "eating disorders have been thrust into the limelight" to try to emphasize that it's become a popular issue with the public. It even adds in another food pun.

Thank you all! :lol:

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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Sun Jun 14, 2020 5:33 pm

It's basically a saying for "stop kidding yourself". It seems some of these idioms aren't super well known, so I'm now keeping a tally of every time someone doesn't know one. If I notice any of the sayings I've used in the issue are too obscure, I'll change it to avoid confusion.


Ah, I see
That’s definitely a good idea, I do the same with mistakes I make and pieces of advice :)

I'm not sure if I wanna add a hard statistic, since the percentage of people with eating disorders vary a lot depending on culture. But I will add in that "eating disorders have been thrust into the limelight" to try to emphasize that it's become a popular issue with the public. It even adds in another food pun.


To be honest, it’s probably a personal preference on my part. I don’t add “hard stats”, per say, but I try my best to make the “example” connect to why leader cares. Good job on that though!
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Wischland
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Postby Wischland » Fri Jun 19, 2020 10:21 am

Bumping this in case anyone else wants to weigh in. Thank you all for your kind comments and help!

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Jun 19, 2020 10:58 am

I say this as a fat man myself. Option 2's effect line should be "the government discourages anorexia by promoting obesity"
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Drasnia
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Postby Drasnia » Sat Jun 20, 2020 7:09 pm

The description as written currently is a bit lacking. It lacks urgency or importance. Either the person needs to be notable somehow or the incident needs to be worse than just collapsing and being hospitalized (which would be why it became a notable case). Also, I'd frame it as food disorders becoming a growing problem. 1. because that makes it a more pressing issue; and 2. 'growing' being good wordplay in the context of the issue.

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Wischland
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Postby Wischland » Sat Jun 20, 2020 10:55 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:Option 2's effect line should be "the government discourages anorexia by promoting obesity"

While I do like this, I think the one I have now is more pertinent to the option. Thank you though!

Drasnia wrote:The description as written currently is a bit lacking. It lacks urgency or importance. Either the person needs to be notable somehow or the incident needs to be worse than just collapsing and being hospitalized (which would be why it became a notable case). Also, I'd frame it as food disorders becoming a growing problem. 1. because that makes it a more pressing issue; and 2. 'growing' being good wordplay in the context of the issue.

Alright, so I've thought some about this. I don't really want to make the teenager notable, since the issue is more about the causes in anorexia of normal people, not those in the public spotlight. And while I could have the girl die, that's very sad, and I'd have to rewrite option 2 from the perspective of a grieving mother. So, I instead added in a line saying that the due to the collapse "large numbers of celebrities and average @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ alike have come forward to openly discuss their own struggles with eating disorders". I think this gives the issue more of a sense that eating disorders have always been a problem, but have only now been drawn into the public eye. So, I feel like adding in that the issue is growing is overkill. I will switch to "growing pressure" in the last line to get that wordplay though. Thank you for the help!

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Wischland
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Postby Wischland » Tue Jun 23, 2020 10:12 am

This is due for the Olympics on the 25th. So: LAST CALL

(Though I probably will wait and edit more before submitting to NS)

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Wischland
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Postby Wischland » Fri Jul 03, 2020 4:04 pm

Good news! This issue won the XKI Olympics Issue Writing contest. Thank you all again for your help.

I took Candensia's (the contest's judge) advice and switched up the description once again, to emphasize eating disorders as a growing problem. Drasnia, I should have done as you said. ;)

Anyway, I plan on submitting this issue for NS in a few days, so LAST CALL for any critiques!

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Authoritaria-Imperia
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Postby Authoritaria-Imperia » Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:22 pm

Nice Issue! Some things:
  • From what I've heard, the hospitalisation of a single patient due to anorexia isn't very out-of-the-ordinary, and likely wouldn't spark such a big controversy. I suggest you use a different stimulus, like a sharp rise in hospitalisations or the hospitalisation of someone especially close to @@LEADER@@.
  • You use "anorexia" and "eating disorders" many, many times in close conjunction, particularly at the start of the draft. I suggest using one or the other in each case or replacing some instances with a synonym to reduce redundancy.
  • Option 3 is probably best removed. It exists entirely as a response to option 2, and completely ignores the issue at hand, making it feel far too tangential to me.
Other then that, nice job! :) I hope this gets accepted.
Last edited by Authoritaria-Imperia on Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Wischland
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Wischland » Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:48 pm

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:snip

Thank you so much. I changed a few things to match some of your suggestions. I appreciate your help!

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Candensia
Diplomat
 
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Sun Jul 05, 2020 7:48 am

...national attention has been drawn to the growing number of eating disorders and related hospitalizations in @@NAME@@.


Eating disorders aren't growing, the number of individuals affected / hospitalized as a result of those conditions are.

Maybe try something like this:

...national attention has been drawn to the growing prevalence of eating disorders and related hospitalizations in @@NAME@@.


Or

...national attention has been drawn to the growing number of individuals afflicted with eating disorders in @@NAME@@.
Last edited by Candensia on Sun Jul 05, 2020 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Wischland
Secretary
 
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Founded: Apr 21, 2020
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Wischland » Sun Jul 05, 2020 9:48 am

Changed to "growing prevalence". Thank you!

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Wischland
Secretary
 
Posts: 39
Founded: Apr 21, 2020
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Wischland » Mon Jul 06, 2020 7:07 am

I think I'll submit this at the next major (about 14 hours from now), unless there are any more suggestions.


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