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[DRAFT] Suspicious Stew

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Jutsa
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Posts: 4837
Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[DRAFT] Suspicious Stew

Postby Jutsa » Thu Jun 11, 2020 8:14 am

Here's a really dumb idea I came up with trying to stay awake after a long day of work after waking up early so I could wake up later.
Hope you all like @@LEADER@@-o's.

Title: Suspicious Stew
The Issue: During your brother's dog's birthday party, you and your family were served alphabet soup as an appetizer. However, the letters in your soup were arranged in a very threatening manner.
Validity: All.

Option 1: "d e a t. Do I have to spell it out for you?" says your uncle, leaving out an obvious u, g, and h floating around. "The caterer is obviously a crockpot out to cause a revolution. Off with his head!"
[effect] missiles are shot at clouds for being anti-government

Option 2: "It's just a coincidence, I assure you!" cries the caterer, twirling his mustache while stuffing a small bottle behind his apron. "Of course, if it were deliberate — and it definitely wasn't, but if it were, it might serve you well to openly listen to your most fervent critics. Just some food for thought.
[effect] socioeconomic revolutions frequently begin around lunch

Option 3: "Why, the chances of this are extraordinary!" awes your Minister of Consommé, observing a suggestive cluster of noodles with a microscope. "This must be a message from Violet! I think she's telling you to... eat it. Obviously, alphabet soup needs to be adopted as our national cuisine and made our primary export. We must worship the divine broth!"
[effect] dogs are fed soup in hopes of being gifted enlightenment

Option 4: "No! I hate alphabet soup!" laments your brother, staring at his bowl trying to find a letter other than l, s, o, e, and r. "We should ban it, and use illegal batches to drown those who make it in revenge! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" His dog begins to drink his soup.
[effect] cereals and doughnuts have been banned for containing too many o's


Title: Suspicious Stew
The Issue: During your brother's dog's birthday party, you and your family were served alphabet soup as an appetizer. However, the letters in your soup were arranged in a very threatening manner.
Validity: All.

Option 1: "d e a t. Do I have to spell it out for you?" says your uncle, leaving out an obvious u, g, and h floating around. "The caterer is obviously a crockpot out to cause a revolution. Off with his head!"
[effect] missiles are shot at clouds for being anti-government

Validity: Free Speech
Option 2a: "It's just a coincidence, I assure you!" cries the caterer, twirling his mustache while stuffing a small bottle behind his apron. "Of course, if it were deliberate — and it definitely wasn't, but if it were, it might serve you well to regularly dedicate some time towards listening to public criticism of your leadership. Just some food for thought."
[effect] socioeconomic revolutions frequently begin around lunch

Validity: Not-So-Free Speech
Option 2b: "It's just a coincidence, I assure you!" cries the caterer, twirling his mustache while stuffing a small bottle behind his apron. "Of course, if it were deliberate — and it definitely wasn't, but if it were, it might serve you well to loosen up on those restrictions on public criticism of your leadership. Just some food for thought."
[effect] socioeconomic revolutions frequently begin around lunch

Option 3: "He's right, people giving meaning to random events is just how the cookie crumbles," says your sister, poking at a cluster of noodles arranged in a very suggestive manner. "We should make courses in probability and statistics mandatory across the nation, as well as logic courses to help explain causality and confirmation biases."
[effect] anti-establishment messages written in cake frosting are dubbed a coincidence

Option 4: "Aw, I hate alphabet soup," laments your brother, wearing a birthday hat and staring at his soup trying to find a letter other than l, s, o, e, and r. "You should ban alphabet soup so nobody else has to suffer. Oh, and make everyone who's made it cry. They'll pay... they'll all pay..." His dog begins to drink his soup.
[effect] cereals and doughnuts have been banned for containing too many o's


Title: Suspicious Stew
The Issue: During your brother's dog's birthday party, you and your family were served alphabet soup as an appetizer. However, the letters in your soup were arranged in a very threatening manner.
Validity: All.

Option 1: "d e a t. Do I have to spell it out for you?" says your uncle, his beard caught in your soup. "The caterer is obviously a crockpot out to cause a revolution. Off with his head!"
[effect] missiles are shot at clouds for being anti-government

Validity: Free Speech
Option 2a: "It's just a coincidence, I assure you!" cries the caterer, twirling his mustache while stuffing a small bottle behind his apron. "Of course, if it were deliberate — and it definitely wasn't, but if it were, it might serve you well to regularly dedicate some time towards listening to public criticism of your leadership. Just some food for thought."
[effect] socioeconomic revolutions frequently begin around lunch

Validity: Not-So-Free Speech
Option 2b: "It's just a coincidence, I assure you!" cries the caterer, twirling his mustache while stuffing a small bottle behind his apron. "Of course, if it were deliberate — and it definitely wasn't, but if it were, it might serve you well to loosen up on those restrictions on public criticism of your leadership. Just some food for thought."
[effect] socioeconomic revolutions frequently begin around lunch

Option 3: "He's right, people giving meaning to random events is just how the cookie crumbles," says your sister, poking at a cluster of noodles arranged in a very suggestive manner. "We should make courses in probability and statistics mandatory across the nation, as well as logic courses to help explain causality and confirmation biases."
[effect] anti-establishment messages written in cake frosting are dubbed a coincidence

Option 4: "Aw, I hate alphabet soup," laments your brother, wearing a birthday hat and staring at his soup trying to find a letter other than l, s, o, e, and r. "You should ban alphabet soup so nobody else has to suffer. Oh, and make everyone who's made it cry. They'll pay... they'll all pay..." His dog begins to drink his soup.
[effect] cereals and doughnuts have been banned for containing too many o's
Last edited by Jutsa on Wed Jul 01, 2020 9:11 am, edited 10 times in total.
Here is a list containing a bunch of factbooks I created that are Got Issues? related.
>List of issue ideas
>List of missing issues/options
>List of accepted issues~
^ I know this is hardly a flashy signature, but at least I have one now.

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Trotterdam
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8575
Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Thu Jun 11, 2020 2:36 pm

Alphabet soup with only four letters? You must not have been very hungry.

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Jutsa
Senator
 
Posts: 4837
Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Jutsa » Thu Jun 11, 2020 5:40 pm

From my experience, noodles generally don't make it to the top very often, but I decided to throw in a few more letters for the sake of it. :)

ed: And I'm blissfully aware of how dumb this is. :rofl:
Last edited by Jutsa on Thu Jun 11, 2020 5:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Here is a list containing a bunch of factbooks I created that are Got Issues? related.
>List of issue ideas
>List of missing issues/options
>List of accepted issues~
^ I know this is hardly a flashy signature, but at least I have one now.

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Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 20381
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Jun 12, 2020 5:11 am

Is it even possible to arrange the noodles? Or even to decide which ones float?
From Greek Ansestry Orthodox Christian
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This account is fictious. Any In-Character posts made by this account do not reflect the actions of any real world government

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Jutsa
Senator
 
Posts: 4837
Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Jutsa » Fri Jun 12, 2020 7:29 am

Probably not. :roll:
Here is a list containing a bunch of factbooks I created that are Got Issues? related.
>List of issue ideas
>List of missing issues/options
>List of accepted issues~
^ I know this is hardly a flashy signature, but at least I have one now.

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Australian rePublic
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Posts: 20381
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Sat Jun 13, 2020 2:22 am

Jutsa wrote:Probably not. :roll:

I see. Carry on
From Greek Ansestry Orthodox Christian
17 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
This account is fictious. Any In-Character posts made by this account do not reflect the actions of any real world government

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Noahs Second Country
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1391
Founded: Aug 31, 2016
Anarchy

Postby Noahs Second Country » Sun Jun 14, 2020 2:12 am

During your brother's dog's birthday party

I don't actually have much in terms of feedback here, just wanted to express the joy this draft has sparked within me - this is extremely dumb and I love it.
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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 21295
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Jun 15, 2020 6:19 am

I'm all for silliness, but this issue gets very weak around options 3 and 4. The issue could work, if delivered with some further humour to develop the joke beyond the initial premise, but it needs to go somewhere.
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Jutsa
Senator
 
Posts: 4837
Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Jutsa » Mon Jun 15, 2020 10:21 am

I think I could get behind that, Santa. :)
Here is a list containing a bunch of factbooks I created that are Got Issues? related.
>List of issue ideas
>List of missing issues/options
>List of accepted issues~
^ I know this is hardly a flashy signature, but at least I have one now.

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Minskiev
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 476
Founded: Apr 20, 2020
New York Times Democracy

Postby Minskiev » Mon Jun 15, 2020 10:28 am

I sound like an idiot, but what does the first one unscramble to?
“Don’t half-a** two things. Whole-a** one thing.”
”I’m here to kick bubblegum and chew a**. And I’m all out of a**.” You asked for it :/
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Socio Polor
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Posts: 1170
Founded: Nov 28, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Socio Polor » Mon Jun 15, 2020 10:35 am

I'm not sure if you heard or seen the show Martha Speaks, but I this line here:
His dog begins to drink his soup.
is the perfect opportunity to sneak in a reference ;)
"Man is nature. What we create is an extension of nature. God is nothing more than a symptom of an irrational fear of the unknown."
-Alvecia

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Australian rePublic
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Posts: 20381
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jun 17, 2020 2:11 am

Does the dog get to eat alphabet soup, or does it have its own food?
From Greek Ansestry Orthodox Christian
17 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
This account is fictious. Any In-Character posts made by this account do not reflect the actions of any real world government

User avatar
Jutsa
Senator
 
Posts: 4837
Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Jutsa » Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:14 pm

Hmm. Hope I made three and four a bit more interesting. :)
ed: oh yeah and 4 technically suggests corporal punishment.
ed3: "I sound like an idiot, but what does the first one unscramble to?" deat. :)
Last edited by Jutsa on Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Here is a list containing a bunch of factbooks I created that are Got Issues? related.
>List of issue ideas
>List of missing issues/options
>List of accepted issues~
^ I know this is hardly a flashy signature, but at least I have one now.


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