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[DRAFT] I Smell a Rat

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Yodle
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[DRAFT] I Smell a Rat

Postby Yodle » Wed Jun 03, 2020 7:00 am

Inspired by the ending of Ratatouille :)

[Title] I Smell a Rat

[Description] After a busy day of meetings, you and a few of your advisors decide to go to a top-rated gourmet restaurant in downtown @@CAPITAL@@. You order ratatouille, the special that night. To your amazement, it’s the best dish you’ve had in years. You ask to thank the chef who made it in person and are told that you must wait until after closing time to meet him. Determined, you wait and are greeted by a waiter bringing over just a chef’s hat. The hat is lifted and to your shock… there’s a rat under it!

[Option 1] Your personal assistant, who suffers from a severe case of musophobia, screams in horror. “For Violet’s sake, a rat! This place is disgusting and needs to be shut down immediately!” She quickly flees from the table and can be heard in the other room ranting about how insufficient health code enforcement has become.
[Effect] Restaurants are now visited by health inspectors every week.

[Option 2] The waiter, not expecting such an immediate reaction, quickly attempts to explain to the rest of the table that the rat, in fact, is the chef who made @@LEADER@@’s dish. “I know it seems crazy, but this rat is a genius chef! He is the one who is responsible for your ratatouille! Give him a chance @@LEADER@@, anyone can cook, even a rat.”
[Effect] Rats are now getting culinary degrees.

[Option 3] Your science advisor stands up abruptly. “Hold on just a moment @@LEADER@@. If what this waiter is saying is true, then we have just discovered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to study a sentient rat! We must confiscate this chef to dissect and study what makes him tick. Just think about the potential of what we could discover!”
[Effect] Scientists discover that rats really have minds of their own.

[Option 4] Out of nowhere, the local health inspector runs out of the kitchen. “They tied me up and threw me in the freezer, I just barely escaped! We must exterminate these rodents once and for all, they are a danger to us all!” The health inspector collapses as an army of rats drags him back into the kitchen.
[Effect] Rats are now kill-on-site.
Last edited by Yodle on Wed Jun 03, 2020 7:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
SC #201
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Wed Jun 03, 2020 10:25 am

Amusing, but I think it's a little too far outside of the intended NationStates reality, Then again, we have organized packs of raccoons with Circle-A patches and bandanna masks, so who knows.

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Yodle
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Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Yodle » Wed Jun 03, 2020 10:35 am

Trotterdam wrote:Amusing, but I think it's a little too far outside of the intended NationStates reality, Then again, we have organized packs of raccoons with Circle-A patches and bandanna masks, so who knows.

I see what you mean, it has a very different feel (not sure how to describe it) than your average issue, usually, you don't have the Leader going out and doing stuff. In regards to the content itself, do you have any suggestions/tips on how I could improve the initial draft? I'm open to any and all commentary :3
SC #201
GAR #380
SC #218
Left Social Libertarian
Economic Left/Right: -5.68 (Mid 2016) to -6.30 (Jan. 2017) to -7.33 (May 2017) to -6.84 (August 2017)
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.69 (Mid 2016) to -4.32 (Jan. 2017) to -4.48 (May 2017) to -4.93 (August 2017)
Foreign Policy Stance: -4.99 (Mid 2016) to -6.13 (Jan. 2017) to -5.18 (May 2017) to -5.38 (August 2017) (Non-Interventionist)
Culture War Stance: -8.18 (Mid 2016) to -7.65 (Jan. 2017) to -6.95 (May 2017) to -8.22 (August 2017) (Cultural Liberal)
I am a millennial from New England, a supporter of Bernie Sanders, a self-described liberal and Democratic Socialist and currently a student attending college (with a major in Political Science).

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jun 03, 2020 2:26 pm

How does a rat become chef? Don't you need to speak human language for that?
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Yodle
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Postby Yodle » Wed Jun 03, 2020 2:52 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:How does a rat become chef? Don't you need to speak human language for that?

Usually yes, but Remi from Ratatouille simply used body gestures and controlled the main character by tugging his hair and using him as a body to cook with
SC #201
GAR #380
SC #218
Left Social Libertarian
Economic Left/Right: -5.68 (Mid 2016) to -6.30 (Jan. 2017) to -7.33 (May 2017) to -6.84 (August 2017)
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.69 (Mid 2016) to -4.32 (Jan. 2017) to -4.48 (May 2017) to -4.93 (August 2017)
Foreign Policy Stance: -4.99 (Mid 2016) to -6.13 (Jan. 2017) to -5.18 (May 2017) to -5.38 (August 2017) (Non-Interventionist)
Culture War Stance: -8.18 (Mid 2016) to -7.65 (Jan. 2017) to -6.95 (May 2017) to -8.22 (August 2017) (Cultural Liberal)
I am a millennial from New England, a supporter of Bernie Sanders, a self-described liberal and Democratic Socialist and currently a student attending college (with a major in Political Science).

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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jun 03, 2020 5:03 pm

Yodle wrote:
Australian rePublic wrote:How does a rat become chef? Don't you need to speak human language for that?

Usually yes, but Remi from Ratatouille simply used body gestures and controlled the main character by tugging his hair and using him as a body to cook with

NationStates is not a movie
From Greek Ansestry Orthodox Christian
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This account is fictious. Any In-Character posts made by this account do not reflect the actions of any real world government

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Yodle
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Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Yodle » Wed Jun 03, 2020 5:25 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:
Yodle wrote:Usually yes, but Remi from Ratatouille simply used body gestures and controlled the main character by tugging his hair and using him as a body to cook with

NationStates is not a movie

True, but NationStates isn’t reality either, they’ve got some pretty weird stuff in the game
SC #201
GAR #380
SC #218
Left Social Libertarian
Economic Left/Right: -5.68 (Mid 2016) to -6.30 (Jan. 2017) to -7.33 (May 2017) to -6.84 (August 2017)
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.69 (Mid 2016) to -4.32 (Jan. 2017) to -4.48 (May 2017) to -4.93 (August 2017)
Foreign Policy Stance: -4.99 (Mid 2016) to -6.13 (Jan. 2017) to -5.18 (May 2017) to -5.38 (August 2017) (Non-Interventionist)
Culture War Stance: -8.18 (Mid 2016) to -7.65 (Jan. 2017) to -6.95 (May 2017) to -8.22 (August 2017) (Cultural Liberal)
I am a millennial from New England, a supporter of Bernie Sanders, a self-described liberal and Democratic Socialist and currently a student attending college (with a major in Political Science).

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Authoritaria-Imperia
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Authoritaria-Imperia » Thu Jun 04, 2020 12:21 pm

This sounds like an Easter Egg, if anything. Just a couple points of feedback:
  • The introduction's too wordy; I think you should cut it down.
  • Effect lines don't start with capital letters by default or end with closing punctuation, i.e. "rats are kill-on-sight"
  • Speaking of which, your effect lines don't have a lot of humour, I'd add some in if I were you.
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Jun 10, 2020 2:20 am

The entire issue is basically saying "hey have you seen Ratatouille? Isn't that a cool movie?"

To which the answer is yes, it's a good movie. But the issue doesn't work.

Instead I suggest making your references subtler and parking them within other issues. For example, you could in one issue have an eccentric restaurant chef who has a live rat sitting on his head for some reason. All the better if said character is voicing an opinion about how oversight and close supervision are always beneficial, within the context of some issue that has nothing to do with restaurants.

So basically, little movie references like these are good enough to make a single option more interesting, but not enough to carry a whole issue.
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jun 10, 2020 5:24 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:The entire issue is basically saying "hey have you seen Ratatouille? Isn't that a cool movie?"

To which the answer is yes, it's a good movie. But the issue doesn't work.

Instead I suggest making your references subtler and parking them within other issues. For example, you could in one issue have an eccentric restaurant chef who has a live rat sitting on his head for some reason. All the better if said character is voicing an opinion about how oversight and close supervision are always beneficial, within the context of some issue that has nothing to do with restaurants.

So basically, little movie references like these are good enough to make a single option more interesting, but not enough to carry a whole issue.

That chef could bw some kind of nutjob who thinks that the rat cooks the food
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This account is fictious. Any In-Character posts made by this account do not reflect the actions of any real world government

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Socio Polor
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Socio Polor » Wed Jun 10, 2020 10:23 am

Wait? Doesn't an issue like this break verismilitude or am I missing something?
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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:59 am

Socio Polor wrote:Wait? Doesn't an issue like this break verismilitude or am I missing something?

It would be fine if the chef was insane and falsly believed that the rat was cooking, I guess
From Greek Ansestry Orthodox Christian
17 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
This account is fictious. Any In-Character posts made by this account do not reflect the actions of any real world government


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