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Age Disparity in Relationships

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)
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Green October Z
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Age Disparity in Relationships

Postby Green October Z » Sun May 24, 2020 5:08 am

What are your thoughts on age disparity between people in relationships. Should people be close to age or should they be further apart in age? Does age even matter? What are your preferences and thoughts on the subject?

For me, I don't take age that much into consideration. Of course I would never date someone that was a minor or someone already collecting social security. What I look at mostly is personality and maturity. I have known some people my age and even older that were less mature than your average kindergartner and I know freshmen at my university that are far more mature than I am. It is what is on the inside that counts to me and whether or not we click. Of course, as an asexual I guess that is pretty easy for me to say.

What about you?
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Munkcestrian RepubIic
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Postby Munkcestrian RepubIic » Sun May 24, 2020 5:11 am

Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:i just want a qt slightly older gf...
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 24, 2020 5:12 am

Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:
Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:i just want a qt slightly older gf...


Why?
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Munkcestrian RepubIic
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Postby Munkcestrian RepubIic » Sun May 24, 2020 5:13 am

Green October Z wrote:
Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:


Why?


Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:You don't have to respond to everything with "why?"
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Page
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Postby Page » Sun May 24, 2020 5:14 am

I married a woman 16 years older than me. We got together when I was 20 and she was 36. We've been in a relationship for 8 years and married for 4. Our love is true and has only grown stronger with time.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 24, 2020 5:14 am

Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:
Green October Z wrote:
Why?


Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:You don't have to respond to everything with "why?"


Why?
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 24, 2020 5:14 am

Page wrote:I married a woman 16 years older than me. We got together when I was 20 and she was 36. We've been in a relationship for 8 years and married for 4. Our love is true and has only grown stronger with time.


That's pretty sweet :)
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Jack Thomas Lang
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Postby Jack Thomas Lang » Sun May 24, 2020 5:16 am

As long as both are adults, I don't actually mind age gaps. Sure, I can't help be a little judgmental when I see a vast disparity, but otherwise it's not something I'm concerned with.
Last edited by Jack Thomas Lang on Sun May 24, 2020 5:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Nakena
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Postby Nakena » Sun May 24, 2020 5:20 am

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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 24, 2020 5:22 am

Nakena wrote:On old horses you learn how to ride.


:rofl:
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An Alan Smithee Nation
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Postby An Alan Smithee Nation » Sun May 24, 2020 5:29 am

If the people involved are both of age it is nobody else's business.

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Drongonia
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Postby Drongonia » Sun May 24, 2020 5:33 am

Honestly I am so dead inside I just want someone, don't care how old they are really (as long as they're above the legal age, that is)
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Munkcestrian RepubIic
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Postby Munkcestrian RepubIic » Sun May 24, 2020 5:35 am

Green October Z wrote:
Munkcestrian RepubIic wrote:


Why?

Personal preference, don't know "why".
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Ifreann
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Postby Ifreann » Sun May 24, 2020 5:40 am

Image
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Trollzyn the Infinite
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Postby Trollzyn the Infinite » Sun May 24, 2020 5:40 am

Don't care, really. As long as they're consenting adults I have no objections.

That said, the further the age gap the more uncomfortable it seems to me. Especially when it's some young 20 something and an 80 year old on their death bed. Personally I could never date a woman who was old enough to be my mother. It'd be too weird.
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Ifreann
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Postby Ifreann » Sun May 24, 2020 5:41 am

Trollzyn the Infinite wrote:Don't care, really. As long as they're consenting adults I have no objections.

That said, the further the age gap the more uncomfortable it seems to me. Especially when it's some young 20 something and an 80 year old on their death bed. Personally I could never date a woman who was old enough to be my mother. It'd be too weird.

Donald Trump is the same age as his in-laws. :)
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Forsher
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Postby Forsher » Sun May 24, 2020 6:04 am

That xkcd Iffy posted does have that air of truthiness.

In a more nuanced approach... I would suggest three additional factors to be aware of:

  • age at first meeting
  • length between last contact and first recent contact
  • present age

Imagine that John's mother used to look after Melissa. Assume that John is ten years older than Melissa.

Imagine that Jack is ten years older than Maria.

Now... a 30 year old Jack and a 20 year old Maria doesn't sound too unusual, right? Sure, 25 and 35 does sound even more normal, but it's not like a 20/10 pairing or even 26/16.

But 30 year old John and 20 year old Melissa does sound weird. And that's because John implicitly knew and had sustained contact with Melissa while she was a child.

Suppose, though, that John hasn't seen Melissa since he was 18. We're now 12 years removed from their previous contact and both parties are adults even though they first met when they were, say, 6 and 16.

But that's where we get back to 30 / 2 = 15 + 7 = 22... but even if Melissa was 24, it doesn't really change what makes John/Melissa feel different to the met as adults scenario of Jack and Maria.

People have hang ups. Fine, whatever. But I think those three factors continue to better parameterise where hang ups start to seem more like "appropriate safeguards" beyond that common sense notion of "the younger they are, the smaller the gap". After all, it's about avoiding grooming and exploitation, really.
Last edited by Forsher on Sun May 24, 2020 6:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Eikotomi
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Postby Eikotomi » Sun May 24, 2020 6:26 am

Would say if true love between both parties is there and if both do want the relationship... Who am I to impose judgement even though personally I would find it somewhat concerning if my partner were as old as my grandparents

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Greed and Death
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Postby Greed and Death » Sun May 24, 2020 6:30 am

I date women 10 to 15 years younger than me all the time. The only thing that matters in my book is consenting adult.
Last edited by Greed and Death on Sun May 24, 2020 6:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Greed and Death
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Postby Greed and Death » Sun May 24, 2020 6:32 am

Ifreann wrote:(Image)



Though factor in men predominately dating younger women and women predominately dating older men in that graph.
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Nanatsu no Tsuki
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Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Sun May 24, 2020 7:02 am

Eh, age difference, as long as the consenting adult like is there, doesn’t matter much to me. I’m older than my husband for five years. We’ve been married for ten. It’s been fine.
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Geneviev
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Postby Geneviev » Sun May 24, 2020 7:17 am

As long as both people are adults and everything, it doesn't matter. My grandparents are 10 years apart and they've been happy together for more than 50 years.
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Postby Rojava Free State » Sun May 24, 2020 7:18 am

When I was 18 I dated a girl who was 16 going on 17, but that's normal, whereas a 30 year old with a 14 year old is...concerning.
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Rojava Free State
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Postby Rojava Free State » Sun May 24, 2020 7:19 am

Greed and Death wrote:I date women 10 to 15 years younger than me all the time. The only thing that matters in my book is consenting adult.


Somebody's hot blooded.
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Kannap
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Postby Kannap » Sun May 24, 2020 7:24 am

Well, personally I find some large age gaps creepy, of course. I mean, take a 40+ person dating somebody who's in their young 20s, or somebody late 20s+ dating somebody who's 18 or 19. I'm 23 and can't see myself dating somebody younger than 20 - nor much older than 30.

Though, I understand some people see things different and I've always said that as long those in the relationship are both adults, are both consenting, aren't causing harm or abusing the other, and aren't related by blood, then I have no place to object.
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