[SUBMITTED]Keyboard Cliques Springing Up

[Noahs Second Country]

[validity]Must have computers

[desc]The subject of mechanical keyboards has recently clattered its way into your office after your secretary got fed up with the constant clicking sounds produced by the Minister of Tap Dancing's mechanical keyboard. It turns out this is not an isolated incident—cults of clacking keyboarders have been popping up in federal office environments throughout @@NAME@@, and this petty squabble appears to serve as a microcosm of a larger problem. With workplaces louder than ever, you've decided to lend an ear to the issue.

[option]"@@LEADER@@, this is ridiculous!" pecks @@RANDOMNAME@@, the secretary in question. "This fool whacking his keyboard gets my heart thumping every time, hurting my productivity and causing excessive stress with the inconsistency of the thing. Mechanical keyboards should be banned from the workplace!" @@HE@@ bashes @@HIS@@ fist on the table for emphasis.

[effect]the sound of productivity is a gentle tapping

[option]"Have you tried a mechanical keyboard before?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, turning a cherry colored red. "They are extremely satisfying, highly modular, and mine even has pretty back-lighting! I think you should get one of your own and tell all of @@NAME@@ how great these things are. If people are having trouble concentrating on their work, then tell them to wear earplugs."

[effect]@@LEADER@@ gives regular updates on the switches they switched to

[option]You feel a tapping on the back of your shoulder. "Well this is just the opportunity we've been waiting for," rattles @@RANDOMNAME@@, an oddly dressed fellow showing at least 3 nervous tics. "Our privately funded studies have quietly shown that workers are much more effective on their own custom mechanical keyboards. With some generous government funding our company, Quacky, can provide keyboards to all of the workplaces in @@NAME@@ so that everyone can chatter away!"

[effect]office workers wear noise protection to prevent long term damage from frequent mechanical keyboard clicking

[option]"I think we would all appreciate silence while we work," whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@ from the corner, clutching a pair of earmuffs. "The issue isn't just keyboards, it's buzzing lights, whirring fans, and @@RANDOMNAME@@ tapping @@HIS@@ foot. I can't get any work done when all of these sounds are polluting my hearing... maybe ban all noisemakers from places where work is done?"

[effect]call centers have begun using email to cut down on noise levels

This is a bit of a lighthearted draft, with my primary concern being 'why is this an issue of national importance?' As someone with blue switches, I've gotten my fair share of complaints about the noise produced by my keyboard. Please list your keyboard onomatopoeias below

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

I am sorry, but I think I will ask the question you have been anticipating: why is this an issue that @@LEADER@@ needs to deal with?

If people are disturbed by keyboard clicks, there are many other sounds at the workplace that they can complain about: like ticking clocks, gurgling coffee machines, buzzing fluorescent lights, etc. Why are only the keyboards so special that they become a national issue?

I thought only the health problems caused by keyboard use (e.g., carpal tunnel syndrome) could perhaps require @@LEADER@@'s attention if they become a huge national issue, but then, this would not be limited to mechanical keyboards.

[Noahs Second Country]

I am sorry, but I think I will ask the question you have been anticipating: why is this an issue that @@LEADER@@ needs to deal with?

Yeah this was pretty much what I was expecting. I still had fun writing the draft though!

If people are disturbed by keyboard clicks, there are many other sounds at the workplace that they can complain about: like ticking clocks, gurgling coffee machines, buzzing fluorescent lights, etc. Why are only the keyboards so special that they become a national issue?

Keyboards in particular stand out because most people still use the significantly quieter membrane keyboards you see in offices and schools. However, many do argue that mechanical keyboards promote faster typing, a longer lifespan, higher accuracy, etc. due to the presence of physical switches.
With this in mind, if everyone were to adopt mechanical keyboard, the workplace may experience higher productivity levels, which could be beneficial to a nation as a whole. Productivity levels could also be observed simply based on sound, which is an interesting concept in itself. In comparison, other workplace distractions like ticking clocks may not necessarily provide any particular benefits.

I don't know if you've heard or typed on a louder mechanical keyboard, but they stand out much more than the other workplace distractions you listed. They are much louder to those in close proximity, and they are an inconsistent noise rather than a predictable constant that may be easily filtered out.

This leads me to another question... is there an issue concerning workplace distractions?

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

This leads me to another question... is there an issue concerning workplace distractions?

I don't think so.

But the question you may need to be asking right now may be "Is there an issue concerning productivity at workplace?"

Then distractions could be something brought up in an option.

[Australian rePublic]

If these keyboards are quieter and superior, why would they be shunned?

[Noahs Second Country]

If these keyboards are quieter and superior, why would they be shunned?

Mechanical keyboards are significantly louder due to the presence of physical switches, in comparison to normal membrane keyboards.

[Australian rePublic]

Fun fact- Having a disability, I was allowed to type my exams at school and university. Being a fast typer, all the kids with disabilities used to complain about how loud I typed

[Noahs Second Country]

Being a fast typer, all the kids with disabilities used to complain about how loud I typed

Exaclty... so now imagine being in the workplace in tight little cubicles and the people around you are all typing on very loud keyboards.

Would drive me nuts.

[Australian rePublic]

Being a fast typer, all the kids with disabilities used to complain about how loud I typed

Exaclty... so now imagine being in the workplace in tight little cubicles and the people around you are all typing on very loud keyboards.

Would drive me nuts.

Okay, so why I oppose the alternative then?

[Noahs Second Country]

Exaclty... so now imagine being in the workplace in tight little cubicles and the people around you are all typing on very loud keyboards.

Would drive me nuts.

Okay, so why I oppose the alternative then?

Lower workplace productivity, basically.

However, many do argue that mechanical keyboards promote faster typing, a longer lifespan, higher accuracy, etc. due to the presence of physical switches.

[Noahs Second Country]

Added a fourth option addressing workplace distractions as a whole.

I'm worried about option 2 being too similar to option 3 and option 1 being too similar to option 4.

[Noahs Second Country]

Bumping, considering this as a potential contest entry. Will do some self editing later, probably.

[SherpDaWerp]

I'm unsure of where to go with that one

The issue is well written, it's got jokes, the problem is with the premise. It's just not a national issue - keyboards in the workplace are a problem for that workplace, and the only reason it's come to @@LEADER@@'s attention is because it's in @@LEADER@@'s workplace.

Making it a more national issue could be making it more general - maybe it could be about employees bringing all sorts of stuff to their workplaces. Then, co-workers can complain about the stuff being distracting; bosses can complain about unprofessionalism; and the treasury can complain about people bringing ridiculous stuff to work in order to call it a tax-deductible expense.

[Noahs Second Country]

I'm unsure of where to go with that one

The issue is well written, it's got jokes, the problem is with the premise. It's just not a national issue - keyboards in the workplace are a problem for that workplace, and the only reason it's come to @@LEADER@@'s attention is because it's in @@LEADER@@'s workplace.

Making it a more national issue could be making it more general - maybe it could be about employees bringing all sorts of stuff to their workplaces. Then, co-workers can complain about the stuff being distracting; bosses can complain about unprofessionalism; and the treasury can complain about people bringing ridiculous stuff to work in order to call it a tax-deductible expense.

Before attempting a complete rewrite here - I've attempted a bit of a patch up job to amplify the premise, by adding to the description:

It turns out this is not an isolated incident—cults of clacking keyboarders have been popping up in office environments throughout @@NAME@@, and this petty squabble appears to serve as a microcosm of a larger problem. With workplaces louder than ever, you've decided to lend an ear to the issue.

(louder, of course, serving a figurative and literal meaning here)

And so my question is: does this make the problem one of national importance?


If not, then I guess it's time for a rewrite . I very much appreciate the feedback I've gotten so far by the way, and I'm actively considering it.

[Noahs Second Country]

Bump, though see above message^

[Honeydewistania]

You should totally submit this