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On Abuse and Violence

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Green October Z
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On Abuse and Violence

Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 8:04 pm

Relationship abuse. It's horrible and we all know it is. However, many people do not see the double standards in society's perceptions of it. For example, if most of you were walking through a park and saw a man yelling at and hitting a woman, you would be furious and may even intervene. But what would you do if the one being yelled at and hit was a guy and the aggressor a woman? Would you perhaps assume that he did something to deserve it? Would you assume he could just take the hits no problem because he is a male and supposed to be stronger than the female? Or would you perhaps laugh thinking that the woman is joking around?

If you said no to any of the above, you are a minority in terms of your perceptions of abuse. Most people I know would have said yes to at least one of those things. And what of emotional abuse? Is it also possible that females can more easily get away with emotional abuse as well? Are guys just supposed to me emotionless and "take it like men?" What are your thoughts on this?

I myself believe that there is strong double standard here that seriously needs to be addressed by both society and the legal system. A couple years ago one of my friends was in a relationship with a pretty unstable woman that treated him like shit. One night she got extremely mad and beat the crap out of him, forcing him to go to the hospital with a broken finger and two broken ribs. Yet, not only was he laughed at by some jerks in his family, but even the police didn't take him seriously and the woman got off with not even a warning. If it was the other way around, it is fairly certain that she would have been taken seriously, been pitied, and he'd be in jail. Seriously messed up.
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Geneviev
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Postby Geneviev » Sun May 10, 2020 8:35 pm

Abuse is always wrong, whether it's by a man, woman, or organization. I'd be surprised if people really disagree with that.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 8:36 pm

Geneviev wrote:Abuse is always wrong, whether it's by a man, woman, or organization. I'd be surprised if people really disagree with that.


Sadly, many people believe that some forms of abuse are more acceptable than others and may even write-off some as not being abuse at all because the genders of the perpetrator and the victim.
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Geneviev
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Postby Geneviev » Sun May 10, 2020 8:38 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Geneviev wrote:Abuse is always wrong, whether it's by a man, woman, or organization. I'd be surprised if people really disagree with that.


Sadly, many people believe that some forms of abuse are more acceptable than others and may even write-off some as not being abuse at all because the genders of the perpetrator and the victim.

I'm sure that people will misinterpret situations, but they can't possibly condone abuse.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 8:40 pm

Geneviev wrote:
Green October Z wrote:
Sadly, many people believe that some forms of abuse are more acceptable than others and may even write-off some as not being abuse at all because the genders of the perpetrator and the victim.

I'm sure that people will misinterpret situations, but they can't possibly condone abuse.


I agree. Abuse itself is utterly undefendable. But some people have really skewed views and double standards when it comes to it :\
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Postby Tadreodal » Sun May 10, 2020 8:43 pm

A lot of people say they have an unbiased view of it and would take action but I seriously doubt that everyone who claims this legitimately notices abuse from women in the same way they do abuse from men. I'd like to think I'm pretty good about being unbiased but even I probably am not completely even. It sucks that society kinda ingrains in us that women can't do that much damage -- sure, on average, a man getting hit by a woman is probably going to hurt less than vice versa, but the emotional damage is still there.
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Geneviev
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Postby Geneviev » Sun May 10, 2020 8:43 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Geneviev wrote:I'm sure that people will misinterpret situations, but they can't possibly condone abuse.


I agree. Abuse itself is utterly undefendable. But some people have really skewed views and double standards when it comes to it :\

I hate to be that person, but do you have a source? It seems impossible to believe that people can treat some abuse as being okay.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 8:48 pm

Geneviev wrote:
Green October Z wrote:
I agree. Abuse itself is utterly undefendable. But some people have really skewed views and double standards when it comes to it :\

I hate to be that person, but do you have a source? It seems impossible to believe that people can treat some abuse as being okay.


It's not that they consider it okay. Rather it is that they don't consider it abuse at all or lesser abuse. But, here are some sources for ya.


https://thriveglobal.com/stories/lets-d ... tic-abuse/

https://www.thejournal.ie/readme/male-a ... 3-Oct2017/

https://www.seacoastonline.com/news/201 ... le-victims

https://psychcentral.com/lib/men-as-vic ... tionships/

Plus personal experience.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 8:48 pm

Tadreodal wrote:A lot of people say they have an unbiased view of it and would take action but I seriously doubt that everyone who claims this legitimately notices abuse from women in the same way they do abuse from men. I'd like to think I'm pretty good about being unbiased but even I probably am not completely even. It sucks that society kinda ingrains in us that women can't do that much damage -- sure, on average, a man getting hit by a woman is probably going to hurt less than vice versa, but the emotional damage is still there.


Very true
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Geneviev
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Postby Geneviev » Sun May 10, 2020 8:54 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Geneviev wrote:I hate to be that person, but do you have a source? It seems impossible to believe that people can treat some abuse as being okay.


It's not that they consider it okay. Rather it is that they don't consider it abuse at all or lesser abuse. But, here are some sources for ya.


https://thriveglobal.com/stories/lets-d ... tic-abuse/

https://www.thejournal.ie/readme/male-a ... 3-Oct2017/

https://www.seacoastonline.com/news/201 ... le-victims

https://psychcentral.com/lib/men-as-vic ... tionships/

Plus personal experience.

Well, that's terrible. You would think it would be more obvious to people.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 8:54 pm

Geneviev wrote:
Green October Z wrote:
It's not that they consider it okay. Rather it is that they don't consider it abuse at all or lesser abuse. But, here are some sources for ya.


https://thriveglobal.com/stories/lets-d ... tic-abuse/

https://www.thejournal.ie/readme/male-a ... 3-Oct2017/

https://www.seacoastonline.com/news/201 ... le-victims

https://psychcentral.com/lib/men-as-vic ... tionships/

Plus personal experience.

Well, that's terrible. You would think it would be more obvious to people.


Indeed :\
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Final Universal Order
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Postby Final Universal Order » Sun May 10, 2020 8:56 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Geneviev wrote:Abuse is always wrong, whether it's by a man, woman, or organization. I'd be surprised if people really disagree with that.


Sadly, many people believe that some forms of abuse are more acceptable than others and may even write-off some as not being abuse at all because the genders of the perpetrator and the victim.


Sometimes religion will emotionally abuse people too. Jehovah’s Witness are an example.

Sometimes a corporation will abuse people who tinker with their products too much. Texas Instruments Education is an example.

Sometimes a government will abuse her citizens. Taxation is an example.

Abuse is always wrong. This goes for all perpetrators, male, female, religious, corporate, or governmental.

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Geneviev
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Postby Geneviev » Sun May 10, 2020 8:57 pm

Final Universal Order wrote:
Green October Z wrote:
Sadly, many people believe that some forms of abuse are more acceptable than others and may even write-off some as not being abuse at all because the genders of the perpetrator and the victim.


Sometimes religion will emotionally abuse people too. Jehovah’s Witness are an example.

Sometimes a corporation will abuse people who tinker with their products too much. Texas Instruments Education is an example.

Sometimes a government will abuse her citizens. Taxation is an example.

Abuse is always wrong. This goes for all perpetrators, male, female, religious, corporate, or governmental.

Yeah. I was thinking of organizations too, when I saw this thread.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 9:06 pm

Geneviev wrote:
Final Universal Order wrote:
Sometimes religion will emotionally abuse people too. Jehovah’s Witness are an example.

Sometimes a corporation will abuse people who tinker with their products too much. Texas Instruments Education is an example.

Sometimes a government will abuse her citizens. Taxation is an example.

Abuse is always wrong. This goes for all perpetrators, male, female, religious, corporate, or governmental.

Yeah. I was thinking of organizations too, when I saw this thread.


Organizations and governments abuse people, too, yes. But what am really focusing on is the double standards that exist when it comes to relationship and domestic abuse.
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Rojava Free State
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Postby Rojava Free State » Sun May 10, 2020 9:09 pm

Abusive girlfriends and I go together like drugs and a ziploc bag.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 9:11 pm

Rojava Free State wrote:Abusive girlfriends and I go together like drugs and a ziploc bag.


That's rough :\ sorry to hear that.
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Geneviev
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Postby Geneviev » Sun May 10, 2020 9:12 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Geneviev wrote:Yeah. I was thinking of organizations too, when I saw this thread.


Organizations and governments abuse people, too, yes. But what am really focusing on is the double standards that exist when it comes to relationship and domestic abuse.

It's probably based on what people hear about most often. It's the reason they aren't aware of other kinds of abuse, and it could contribute to the double standard.
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Postby Albrenia » Sun May 10, 2020 9:25 pm

I'll admit to probably being more permissive of female-on-male violence than the opposite, but only to a point. It's not right, but I can't really honestly say I'd treat a woman slapping a man in public the same as the opposite. Neither would make me think the slapped party 'deserved' it, but I'd be much more likely to jump to the slapped woman's defence than the man's.

I'm trying to be more egalitarian though. This is a nice reminder to keep it up.

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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 9:29 pm

Albrenia wrote:I'll admit to probably being more permissive of female-on-male violence than the opposite, but only to a point. It's not right, but I can't really honestly say I'd treat a woman slapping a man in public the same as the opposite. Neither would make me think the slapped party 'deserved' it, but I'd be much more likely to jump to the slapped woman's defence than the man's.

I'm trying to be more egalitarian though. This is a nice reminder to keep it up.


May I ask why you have that mindset?
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Albrenia
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Postby Albrenia » Sun May 10, 2020 9:31 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Albrenia wrote:I'll admit to probably being more permissive of female-on-male violence than the opposite, but only to a point. It's not right, but I can't really honestly say I'd treat a woman slapping a man in public the same as the opposite. Neither would make me think the slapped party 'deserved' it, but I'd be much more likely to jump to the slapped woman's defence than the man's.

I'm trying to be more egalitarian though. This is a nice reminder to keep it up.


May I ask why you have that mindset?


Upbringing, maybe? Might be I just consider men to be more dangerous than women in a general sense, so a hit from a man is more likely to cause serious harm or death than from a woman.

Use of weapons obviously changes this, and a woman going at a guy with a knife or gun would be the same as a guy doing the same.

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Postby Stellar Colonies » Sun May 10, 2020 9:43 pm

This sort of thing is an influential factor as to why I've been so hesitant to experiment with dating.

Not the biggest one, but it's up there.
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Green October Z
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Postby Green October Z » Sun May 10, 2020 9:50 pm

Albrenia wrote:
Green October Z wrote:
May I ask why you have that mindset?


Upbringing, maybe? Might be I just consider men to be more dangerous than women in a general sense, so a hit from a man is more likely to cause serious harm or death than from a woman.

Use of weapons obviously changes this, and a woman going at a guy with a knife or gun would be the same as a guy doing the same.


Well, you have helped prove my point...
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Postby SangMar » Sun May 10, 2020 10:06 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Albrenia wrote:
Upbringing, maybe? Might be I just consider men to be more dangerous than women in a general sense, so a hit from a man is more likely to cause serious harm or death than from a woman.

Use of weapons obviously changes this, and a woman going at a guy with a knife or gun would be the same as a guy doing the same.


Well, you have helped prove my point...


No worries, Green October Z. Let me tell how female-on-male abuse is viewed in my mostly working-class white part of Britain.

Simply put, if it’s in public: equal rights, equal lefts - no one’s going to complain if a woman or girl who is shouting at or hitting her partner unprovoked gets a slap in return. A passer-by might even intervene or tell the person being assaulted to fight back.

However, it’s not uniform - you do get those who treat that kind of abuse with a double standard.
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Aeritai
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Postby Aeritai » Sun May 10, 2020 10:15 pm

Both genders do not deserve relationship abuses rather they be male or female they do not deserve to be abused by each other. A romantic relationship is about being with the one you love with all of your heart and to work together to overcome the challenges that any couple may face.
Last edited by Aeritai on Sun May 10, 2020 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Albrenia
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Postby Albrenia » Sun May 10, 2020 10:16 pm

Green October Z wrote:
Albrenia wrote:
Upbringing, maybe? Might be I just consider men to be more dangerous than women in a general sense, so a hit from a man is more likely to cause serious harm or death than from a woman.

Use of weapons obviously changes this, and a woman going at a guy with a knife or gun would be the same as a guy doing the same.


Well, you have helped prove my point...


Indeed. I'm making the effort to change that about myself to be more egalitarian.

Thankfully I've not had to be tested by witnessing any women harming men or otherwise of late.

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