[DRAFT 1.2.2] Teapot Drone Scandal

[Ender VI]

Here's the current draft!

[TITLE]Teapot Drone Scandal

[ISSUEVALIDITY] hasn't banned tea, has an oil industry, a cabinet, and environmental protections

[DESCRIPTION] Hacked drone surveillance published by whistleblowing site KwikiLeaks has revealed several cabinet members surreptitiously taking tea with representatives from a major petroleum company in a wildlife sanctuary rich with crude oil deposits. Environmentalist and watchdog agencies are steaming about the implied corruption and exploitation, and several attendees of the party have rushed to your office to explain their involvement.

[OPTIONVALIDITY] no defense industry

[OPTION 1a] “Crackpot conspiracy theorists brewing trouble are the real issue, not a purely innocent Kerosene Conservation Club fundraising soiree,” says Minister of Natural Resources @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your poker buddies. “Not to mention the egregious violation of animal rights! KwikiLeaks should be fined for invading the privacy of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ in such a public fashion."
[EFFECT] the only spills in @@CAPITAL@@ are on @@LEADER@@’s rug

[OPTIONVALIDITY] defense industry

[OPTION 1b] “This is a startling breach of national security,” blusters Navy Secretary ADM @@RANDOMNAME@@, Ret., clumsily maneuvering his saucer around medals of a similar size on @@HIS@@ chest. “KwikiLeaks is endangering our lives, our fortunes, our sacred... fortunes! You don’t have to be a tea leaf reader to imagine the dangerous repercussions if people-- foreign agents, terrorists, my mother-- could constantly spy on government and military leaders. That treasonous site needs to be shut down.”
[EFFECT] the thirty pieces of silver in the diplomatic reception tea set are rarely used

[OPTION 2] “Hypothetically, if a certain conglomerate were to get drilling rights for the land we were allegedly sitting on at the cost of a few generous campaign contributions, it would make tremendous economic sense,” interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a top attorney for TypicalTriglycerides, a crude and cooking oil distributor. “Do all those @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ pay taxes? Development of the area could be the caffeine hit that the industrial sector needs.” He offers you a platter of the company's signature high-octane snacks.
[EFFECT] oil pipes are being laid under @@LEADER@@’s office

[OPTION 3] “KwikiLeaks should be allowed to fly their own fleet of government accountability drones,” whispers your caterer, who looks suspiciously like notorious Skandilundian blogger Bouillon Melange. “The only way to ensure industry prawns, macaroons and biscuits, excuse me, pawns, tycoons and bureaucrats are being honest is complete transparency.”
[EFFECT] glass ceilings have taken on a fully literal meaning

[OPTION 4a] “THEY WERE DRINKING WHAT!” screams a picketing protestor leading chants outside your window, around the corner, and down the street. “I SAY PLANT AND YOU SAY BLOOD! PLANT! BLOOD! PLANT! BLOOD! PLANT! BLOOD! DEATH TO THE OIL WORSHIPPERS! LONG LIVE MOTHER GREEN!”
[EFFECT]“thou shalt not boil leaves and drink it, thou filthy animal” is the eleventh commandment of the Cult of Chlorophyll

[OPTIONVALIDITY]hasn’t banned tea

[OPTION 4b]“THEY WERE DRINKING WHAT!” screams a picketing protestor leading chants outside your window, around the corner, and down the street. “I SAY PLANT AND YOU SAY BLOOD! PLANT! BLOOD! PLANT! BLOOD! PLANT! BLOOD! DEATH TO THE OIL WORSHIPPERS! LONG LIVE MOTHER GREEN!”
[EFFECT]connoisseurs of tea are leafing @@NAME@@ in a hurry

[Validity: oil industry]

The Issue

Hacked drone surveillance published by whistle-blowing site WikiSpills/KwikiLeaks has revealed your Minister of the Interior and Navy Secretary surreptitiously having tea with representatives from a major petroleum company, serendipitously on public lands designated as a strategic crude oil reserve. Amidst polite {and scandalized} coughs, several attendees of the party have come to explain their involvement, still clutching teacups.

The Debate

1. “Me? I’m your best buddy,” says your Minister of the Interior {Albrecht Herbst}, between sips with a pinkie fastidiously poised. “We play poker together, remember? It was a purely innocent social call-- merely a meeting of minds among friends. Perhaps you should attend our next fundraising soiree. Want some creamer?”

[fallout]: Thirty pieces of silver have gone missing from the diplomatic reception tea set.

2. “This is a startling breach of national security,” blurts Admiral @@RANDOMNAME@@, clumsily maneuvering his tea saucer around medals of a similar size on @@HIS@@ chest. “Whoever leaked those images needs to be found and summarily court-martialed! Or whatever it is civilians do. Can you imagine the repercussions if people-- voters, terrorists, my mother-- could see what government and military leaders were doing, all the time? {What we need is confidence in our leaders, and constant second-guessing will only undermine our profi-- profound work for @@NAME@@.}”

[fallout]: The only spills in @@CAPITAL@@ are on @@LEADER@@’s rug.

3. “Look, even if we were hypothetically speaking about the land we allegedly were sitting on, I’m sure it could have been in the best interests of @@DEMONYM@@ (plural) everywhere,” interjects {Barry Sinclear}, a top executive for TypicalTriglycerides, a major crude and cooking oil distributor, while offering you a platter of their signature high-octane snacks. “Conceivably, the plausible development of the aforementioned acreages would benefit @@NAME@@ far more than if they lay unused.”

[fallout]: Oil pipes are being laid under @@LEADER@@’s office.

4. “You aren’t actually going to listen to these industry set pieces, are you?” exclaims your office secretary incredulously, who seems to be notorious blogger Edwin Snowdout in disguise, {while pouring you another cuppa,} “This is blatant corruption! The public’s trust is being violated and WikiSpills/KwikiLeaks should be commended for their courageous service! The only way to ensure macaroons and biscuits, excuse me, tycoons and bureaucrats are being honest is complete governmental transparency.”

[fallout]: Glass ceilings have taken on a fully literal meaning.

[Validity: oil industry, cabinet]

The Issue

Hacked drone surveillance published by whistleblowing site KwikiLeaks has revealed several cabinet members surreptitiously having tea with representatives from a major petroleum company on public lands designated as a strategic crude oil reserve. Amidst accusations of backdoor dealing, illegal transactions, and polite coughs several attendees of the party have come to explain their involvement, still clutching teacups.

The Debate

1. “Listening to the suspicions of crackpot theorists is only brewing trouble,” says Minister of Natural Resources @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your poker buddies. “It was a purely innocent social gathering of the Kerosene Conservation Club to appreciate the natural beauty of our countryside. Perhaps you should attend our next fundraising soiree. Want some creamer?”

[fallout]: Thirty pieces of silver have gone missing from the diplomatic reception tea set.

2. “This is a startling breach of national security,” blurts Navy Secretary ADM @@RANDOMNAME@@, Ret., clumsily maneuvering his saucer around medals of a similar size on @@HIS@@ chest. “Whoever leaked those images is endangering our lives, our fortunes, our sacred honor, and our fortunes! You don’t have to be a tasseologist to imagine the dangerous repercussions if people-- foreign agents, terrorists, my mother-- could constantly spy on government and military leaders. The flow of information needs to be quenched. ”

[fallout]: The only spills in @@CAPITAL@@ are on @@LEADER@@’s rug.

3. “Hypothetically, even if were to get drilling rights for the land we were allegedly sitting on at the cost of a few generous campaign contributions, I’m sure it would be in the best interests of @@DEMONYM@@ (plural) everywhere,” interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a top executive for TypicalTriglycerides, a major crude and cooking oil distributor. “Conceivably, the development of those oil rich lands could boost the economy and your approval ratings far more than if they lay unused.” He offers you a platter of their signature high-octane snacks.

[fallout]: Oil pipes are being laid under @@LEADER@@’s office.

4. “If anything, KwikiLeaks should be allowed to fly their own fleet of government accountability drones!” exclaims your hospitality coordinator Edwin Snowdout, ignoring the overflowing cup he is refilling. “This is blatant corruption! The public’s trust is being violated right under our scones! The only way to ensure macaroons and biscuits, excuse me, tycoons and bureaucrats are being honest is complete transparency.”

[fallout]: Glass ceilings have taken on a new and fully literal meaning.

(a tasseologist is a tea leaf reader)

[validity: oil industry, cabinet, (scientific advancement?)]

The Issue

A geographical survey carried out by aerial drones has revealed that publicly owned lands in one of @@NAME@@’s most underdeveloped regions are equally rich in wildlife habitats and crude oil deposits, leading cabinet members to debate different uses of the resources over tea.
The Debate

1. “Those lands are a treasure belonging to the people and it should stay that way,” says Minister of the Environment @@RANDOMNAME@@ while hoarding tea bags. “Allowing them to be opened for commercial development would result in an unmitigated ecological disaster! It must be designated a wilderness preserve with access for a select few so future generations will still be able to appreciate the beauty of @@NAME@@... my precious...”

[fallout]: The desolation of smog is restricted to urban areas.

2. “It’s just a couple of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@,” interjects Minister of Natural Resources @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading a report on the survey from TypicalTriglycerides, a major crude and cooking oil distributor. “The development of those oil rich lands could boost the economy and provide stimulus for thousands of jobs, ushering in a new era of prosperity for the region.” He offers you a platter of the company’s signature high-octane snacks.

[fallout]: Oil pipes are being laid under @@LEADER@@’s office.

3. “The drones revealed what? This is a startling breach of national security,” whispers one of your personal protection agents as they lean to peer underneath your saucer. “You don’t need to be a tea leaf reader to imagine the dangerous schemes that might be brewing if people-- foreign agents, terrorists, my mother-- can see the movements of our leaders with such clarity. Those drones need to be grounded and our airspace protected.”

[fallout]: The only spills in @@CAPITAL@@ are on @@LEADER@@’s rug.

4. “What a crackpot! If anything, there should be a fleet of government accountability drones!” exclaims caterer Edwin Snowdout, ignoring the overflowing cup he is refilling. “Maybe if citizens could see this meeting they’d have an opinion on their trust being violated! The only way to ensure biscuits, excuse me, bureaucrats are being honest is complete transparency.”

[fallout]: Glass ceilings have taken on a new and fully literal meaning.

[/quote]

Drones used in vegetation mapping

[TITLE] The Teapot Drone Scandal

[VALIDITY] oil industry, cabinet, environmental protections

[DESCRIPTION] Hacked drone surveillance of a wildlife sanctuary published by whistleblowing site KwikiLeaks has revealed several cabinet members surreptitiously taking tea with representatives from a major petroleum company. Visible in footage of their table are sugar cubes, maps of the preserve marked with locations of crude oil deposits, and stacks of cash. Hoping to cool off steaming environmentalists and watchdog agencies, several attendees of the party have rushed to your office to explain their involvement, still clutching teacups.

[OPTION] “Listening to crackpot conspiracy theories will only brew trouble,” says Minister of Natural Resources @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your poker buddies. “It was a purely innocent social gathering of the Kerosene Conservation Club. Perhaps you should attend our next fundraising soiree as a show of support for privacy rights. Want some creamer?”

[EFFECT] the only spills in @@CAPITAL@@ are on @@LEADER@@’s rug

[VALIDITY] no defense industry

[OPTION] “This is a startling breach of national security,” blusters Navy Secretary ADM @@RANDOMNAME@@, Ret., clumsily maneuvering his saucer around medals of a similar size on @@HIS@@ chest. “Whoever leaked those images is endangering our lives, our fortunes, our sacred honor, and our fortunes! You don’t have to be a tea leaf reader to imagine the dangerous repercussions if people-- foreign agents, terrorists, my mother-- could constantly spy on government and military leaders. That treasonous site needs to be shut down.”

[EFFECT] the thirty pieces of silver in the diplomatic reception tea set are rarely used

[VALIDITY] defense industry

[OPTION] “Hypothetically, if a certain conglomerate were to get drilling rights for the land we were allegedly sitting on at the cost of a few generous campaign contributions, it would make tremendous economic sense,” interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a top attorney for TypicalTriglycerides, a crude and cooking oil distributor. “Do all those @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ pay taxes? Development of the area could be the caffeine hit that the industrial sector needs.” He offers you a platter of the company's signature high-octane snacks.

[EFFECT] oil pipes are being laid under @@LEADER@@’s office

[OPTION] “Corruption! Cronyism! Crumpets! These industry prawns have convinced me that KwikiLeaks should be allowed to fly their own fleet of government accountability drones!” exclaims your caterer Edwin Snowdout, ignoring the overflowing cup he is refilling. “The only way to ensure macaroons and biscuits, excuse me, tycoons and bureaucrats are being honest is complete transparency.”

[EFFECT] glass ceilings have taken on a fully literal meaning

I took inspiration from the Teapot Dome Scandal, a major incident of corruption in American politics and the general furor around whistleblowers/government surveillance. I know governmental corruption is a time honored (or well-worn) topic on NS, but I've gone through the list and I believe my issue has at least enough of a new angle to be interesting. #39 and #417 seem to deal with ministers caught in affairs of love, #229 and #532 with affairs of greed; #275, #328, and #650 reference WikiLeaks in some way; #614 and #903 discuss campaign finance/accountability; #789-#797 are the Watergate chain issue; and #234, #908, and #1201 are, within the limits of my Ctrl+F abilites, the issues with the most overlap. #234 is directly about oil influence but in a more general multinational sense. #908 and #1201 are both also oriented around food-related corruption, but I didn't intentionally copy them beyond admiring the style. I tried to mimic what I've seen over years of seeing issues, and I hope I didn't veer to far into reproduction anywhere. Catch me if I did.

Please let me know what you think! I'm excited about finally writing for NS.

[Trotterdam]

I'd thikn that "should we sell these lands to the oil companies?" is a far more important question than "should we have a tea party there?". The public being warned a few months in advance that the government might be planning to do something doesn't really change the acceptability of doing that thing, other than giving protestors more time to organize.

[Australian rePublic]

Wouldn't this be something leader already knows about? Not sure how you could hide something like this from leader. Also, what's a minister of the interior?

[Fauxia]

Wouldn't this be something leader already knows about? Not sure how you could hide something like this from leader. Also, what's a minister of the interior?

I mean, they hid it from Warren Harding...

[Ender VI]

I'd thikn that "should we sell these lands to the oil companies?" is a far more important question than "should we have a tea party there?". The public being warned a few months in advance that the government might be planning to do something doesn't really change the acceptability of doing that thing, other than giving protestors more time to organize.

It's more the implication of a shady deal than a matter of policy. The original scandal was over a few members of the government leasing the public lands to a company without the public knowing about it for personal profit, and I was echoing the history. If it needs to be more explicit or focused on the policy choice, I can change it.

[Ender VI]

Wouldn't this be something leader already knows about? Not sure how you could hide something like this from leader. Also, what's a minister of the interior?

The leader at the time was pretty oblivious to what his friends he'd appointed to government posts were doing.
I don't know much about the Australian cabinet, but I'd say it'd be roughly analogous to what the Minister for Agriculture, Drought, and Emergency Management and Minister for Resources, Water and Northern Australia are for. The American Secretary of the Interior is responsible for the management/conservation (or exploitation, depending on who is in the role) of federal lands, which make up almost half of the total area of the western states. I can change the name to something like "Minister of Natural Resources" if interior is too ambiguous.

[Trotterdam]

a few members of the government leasing the public lands to a company without the public knowing about it for personal profit

That's a lot more notable than just having a private tea party there. The tea, or even what they might have been discussing over the tea, is not the point.

[Ender VI]

a few members of the government leasing the public lands to a company without the public knowing about it for personal profit

That's a lot more notable than just having a private tea party there. The tea, or even what they might have been discussing over the tea, is not the point.

I'll make that more clear.

[Ender VI]

Second draft posted.

[Australian rePublic]

Wouldn't this be something leader already knows about? Not sure how you could hide something like this from leader. Also, what's a minister of the interior?

The leader at the time was pretty oblivious to what his friends he'd appointed to government posts were doing.
I don't know much about the Australian cabinet, but I'd say it'd be roughly analogous to what the Minister for Agriculture, Drought, and Emergency Management and Minister for Resources, Water and Northern Australia are for. The American Secretary of the Interior is responsible for the management/conservation (or exploitation, depending on who is in the role) of federal lands, which make up almost half of the total area of the western states. I can change the name to something like "Minister of Natural Resources" if interior is too ambiguous.

Looks like more than half to me!
Especially if you include Alaska and Hawaii as Western States. I think minister of interior is too ambigdmous. I thought it meant something about inlandness

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I like this issue, though I think it operates on the assumption that oil companies need to be shady about their intentions to drill for oil, whereas in many nations there'd be nothing wrong with this meeting.

Maybe we need a validity check here, for example only for nations with strong environmental safeguards (which we can check), and reposition the premise so it's not about a strategic oil reserve, but rather about an untapped oil source in lands which are under environmental protection.

After all, strategic oil reserves aren't untapped wells -- they're more akin to stockpiled storage reservoirs. They're designed to be tapped into when the economy or strategic situation demands it.

A separate issue about strategic oil reserves (and whether the nation should be maintaining one) would certainly be welcome, of course.

[Ender VI]

I like this issue, though I think it operates on the assumption that oil companies need to be shady about their intentions to drill for oil, whereas in many nations there'd be nothing wrong with this meeting.

Maybe we need a validity check here, for example only for nations with strong environmental safeguards (which we can check), and reposition the premise so it's not about a strategic oil reserve, but rather about an untapped oil source in lands which are under environmental protection.

After all, strategic oil reserves aren't untapped wells -- they're more akin to stockpiled storage reservoirs. They're designed to be tapped into when the economy or strategic situation demands it.

A separate issue about strategic oil reserves (and whether the nation should be maintaining one) would certainly be welcome, of course.

I agree, although I'm suffering from a lingering loyalty to the historical issue, which was more about the perceived (and actual) corruption taking place. It was the personal quid pro quo nature of the relationship between the cabinet member and the oil exec that made it a big deal, not the fact that it was being drilled. They'd skipped the public competitive bidding process which would have put it on solid legal ground in exchange for pocketed cash. I felt anchoring it to a specific reference made it more interesting.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it! I'll definitely make a re-oriented draft or several. I'd tried to represent the environmental lobby in the first option, though I'm not sure that's clear.

Do I need to make any structural, formatting changes? I'm not sure of the correct way to use validity, such as by excluding the navy option in a county without one.

[Ender VI]

The leader at the time was pretty oblivious to what his friends he'd appointed to government posts were doing.
I don't know much about the Australian cabinet, but I'd say it'd be roughly analogous to what the Minister for Agriculture, Drought, and Emergency Management and Minister for Resources, Water and Northern Australia are for. The American Secretary of the Interior is responsible for the management/conservation (or exploitation, depending on who is in the role) of federal lands, which make up almost half of the total area of the western states. I can change the name to something like "Minister of Natural Resources" if interior is too ambiguous.

Looks like more than half to me!
Especially if you include Alaska and Hawaii as Western States. I think minister of interior is too ambigdmous. I thought it meant something about inlandness

Yeah. The government is rich in sagebrush and tumbleweeds, that's for sure.
The name is vague-- I read that in a lot of other countries it can mean something like a national security minister-- but the reason for having one is obvious.

[Ender VI]

I've posted an alternate version that takes more of the question "what should we do with these resources we discovered?"
I'll be working on one for the "whoops somebody got caught drilling in a protected nature area" angle next.

There's possible overlap with issues #95 and #449.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I feel like the latest version has lost its direction.

This previously was an issue about sub rosa meetings, and quasi-unethical lobbying. Now its just about whether to drill for oil, and that's far less interesting.

[Ender VI]

I feel like the latest version has lost its direction.

This previously was an issue about sub rosa meetings, and quasi-unethical lobbying. Now its just about whether to drill for oil, and that's far less interesting.

That's what I thought as well. Stay tuned!

[Ender VI]

Maybe we need a validity check here, for example only for nations with strong environmental safeguards (which we can check), and reposition the premise so it's not about a strategic oil reserve, but rather about an untapped oil source in lands which are under environmental protection.

I've posted draft 1.2 to try to address this suggestion. How's my take?

[Ender VI]

To hop back onto page one, I've posted an updated draft, 1.2.1, with:
-formatting edits
-reworked choice phrasing, especially 1a
-more food puns
-a corrected reference to Julian Assange, not Edward Snowden

[USS Monitor]

I love that title.

[Ender VI]

I love that title.

Thanks! My brother walked in while I was working on it and felt it reminded him too strongly of poor experiences in US history, so I'm 1-2.

[Fauxia]

I have to bring this up... 768.1 bans tea. I think either you shouldn’t allow the issue for those nations or it may be worth adding an option to add to the scandal of it in those nations. It’s kind of petty, but it’s a thing for some nations.

[Ender VI]

I have to bring this up... 768.1 bans tea. I think either you shouldn’t allow the issue for those nations or it may be worth adding an option to add to the scandal of it in those nations. It’s kind of petty, but it’s a thing for some nations.

Nice catch. I'll do that.

[Ender VI]

Paired crazy options added thanks to Fauxia!
Accepting votes for either of:
[EFFECT]tea connoisseurs are leafing in a hurry
[EFFECT]tea connoisseurs are doing the cha-cha slide to another country
[EFFECT]tea connoisseurs are moving oolong
[EFFECT]tea connoisseurs are making like a tree and getting out

[Fauxia]

I don’t really get what the last two options are meant to do. And I know I was the one who brought up tea but I don’t think there should be an option to ban tea. It’s kind of a cop-out in the issue.

[Ender VI]

I don’t really get what the last two options are meant to do. And I know I was the one who brought up tea but I don’t think there should be an option to ban tea. It’s kind of a cop-out in the issue.

Fair enough, I'll take them out and just change the issue validity while working on a better option.