[You see the TV channel switch over to the broadcast you've just been informed of, and soon enough you see the Manreaper herself, sitting on a metal throne cross-legged and holding a sling glass full of clear liquid. At the foot of the throne is a jug, labelled 'INDUSTRIAL ETHANOL - HIGHLY DANGEROUS'. In the background, the distinct sound of heavy metal music can be heard.]
"Welcome to the party political broadcast for this year's General Secretary election, in which I sit here on this throne to tell you why you should vote for Ippolyta the Manreaper - ME! I did try to pitch 'because I said so' in block capitals when asked 'why should people vote for you', but since I'm told that's poor form, instead you get the pleasure of basking in my awesomeness as I address you all in person."
"Now, let me start with the fact I'm not actually part of the World Assembly. Indeed, up until about three hours ago, I didn't even know what the World Assembly was. And now that I know what it is, I honestly don't care for any of that 'cooperation' or 'disarmament' or any of that buttery gunk it claims are its aims. But if I'm elected General Secretary, there'll be some changes around here! First of all, my very first edict upon election will be to legalise all kinds of alcohol and every kind of drug worldwide, as I believe it to be a human right for each and every person from age one to infinity to get blitzed to the point of transcending known reality. Second, the Church of Alcohol will become the world's only religion, and participation in the Sabbath - which is every Friday evening - will be MANDATORY. Anyone caught skimping out on this will be mercilessly hunted down and executed for the crime of being boring. Which brings me onto my third and final electoral pledge: it is my sincerest belief that it is an inalienable right to be able to shoot anyone who threatens you, anyone who gets in your way, and especially pop 'artists' who can't write a real song to save their wretched lives! So murder will be legalised worldwide for all the aforementioned reasons, and if I hear one more song about how much you love someone or how much you want them to stay with you after a bad breakup, I will personally authorise a full-scale military intervention!"
"Now, you hear all these awesome pledges I've made, but how many politicians have told you similarly amazing things and then turned out to be liars? It happens all the time! Well, let's just ask an average citizen from the nation that I personally rule. Tell the world how amazing I am, Average Citizen!"
[The camera pans over to a young male in a T-shirt and track pants. He is beaming an exaggerated grin at the camera as he holds a piece of A4-sized paper, reading it. However, it is plainly obvious that he is terrified.]
"So ... uh, yeah! The Manreaper ... is the greatest ruler ... in the world ... and she'll bring peace... uh, I mean, prosperity! ... to the world ... and all its people... Can I see my family now?"
"You ain't finished yet!" [You hear what sounds like a shotgun being pumped in the background.]
"Uhh... And ... vote for Ippolyta the Manreaper..." [He bursts into tears.] "...for fun times and happiness for all! There'll be ... shashlik ... semechki ... and booze for everyone at ... the victory party she'll be ... holding at the end ... of the election ... when she sweeps to power ... because she's so glorious and awesome and amazing! Now, pardon me ... while I have my brains splattered all over- OH GOD, NO-!"
[The camera abruptly snaps back to Ippolyta in her chair, just as a thunderous bang sounds through the microphone.]
"Aw, thanks, Average Citizen, I'm so happy you think so highly of me! I do try my best. You didn't hear it from me, folks - I'll be sweeping to power at the end of this election, and there'll be alcohol and snacks for everyone who attends! I'll be seeing YOU on the Sabbath, for fun times and glory! Manreaper, out!"
[The camera cuts out, and you return to your original channel before the broadcast.]
