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The NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition II: The Winner!

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)

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Choose your favourite NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition entry:

Poll ended at Sun Apr 12, 2020 7:12 am

Dumb Ideologies 1
3
9%
Dumb Ideologies 2
6
18%
Piraccas
1
3%
Cannot think of a name
10
29%
Hurdergaryp
5
15%
Bombadil
2
6%
Forsher
3
9%
Czechostan
1
3%
An Alan Smithee Nation
1
3%
Pax Nerdvana
2
6%
 
Total votes : 34

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Ethel mermania
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Postby Ethel mermania » Sat Apr 11, 2020 7:48 am

Nobel Hobos 2 wrote:
Forsher wrote:
Admit it, the only reason you don't find it funny is because lots of fantasy novels really do have characters dressed like that.


Honestly, I haven't read much fantasy and I didn't even recognize the genre you were defiling.

I read a couple of Pratchetts but wasn't much happier for it. Is Pratchett fantasy?

If you ever feel the need to imagine what the rest of the book would look like... there'll be lots of:

  • [eye colour] met [eye colour],
  • the [description, usually hair colour] [verb] [action], and
  • endless pages of dialogue with no description and [character name] said as the only interruption.

Aren't I just an amazing writer?


A wincingly bad first sentence does not mean an eye-gougingly bad book. But I'm sure you have one in you!


You really do have to admire that stick to it attitude he has, I agree, even if foresher does not Win the contest this year he has a bright future in bad first sentence writing and I do believe if he diligently keeps at it, he can win next year.
The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion … but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do.

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The Archregimancy
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Democratic Socialists

Postby The Archregimancy » Sun Apr 12, 2020 1:17 am

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Non-Binary Participants,,

The winner of the NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition II is....

Cannot think of a name, showing that length sometimes doesn't matter:

Cannot think of a name wrote:Gravel, it turned out, was a terrible substitute for toilet paper.



And the runner up - for the second competition in a row - is Dumb Ideologies with:

Dumb Ideologies wrote:The dream long fought for had been realised, one people, one nation, one ruler, eighty-seven genders, but one question remained - what was the correct term of address for a feminine-leaning non-binary pansexual wolfkin absolute ruler of colour?


DI, apologies if you think you were disadvantaged by having two entries in the finalists. If we ever do this again, I might make it one finalist entry per participant, just to ensure fairness - it was just so difficult to choose between your excellent entries.


Congratulations to our winner and runner-up for their fantastic new bragging rights, and many thanks to everyone for participating.

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Nobel Hobos 2
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Nobel Hobos 2 » Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:42 am

Forsher wrote:
Nobel Hobos 2 wrote:
Honestly, I haven't read much fantasy and I didn't even recognize the genre you were defiling.

I read a couple of Pratchetts but wasn't much happier for it. Is Pratchett fantasy?


Discworld, yes. Technically, the first ones might be considered parodies of fantasy, but they pretty quickly evolved into satires of the real world set on an increasingly modernised fantasy world. But there's wiz(z)ards, demons, gods, magic and heroes. Classic fantasy. However, most of them are not of the "armies gathering on the horizon" type (Jingo and Monstrous Regiment... maybe Thud, fall in this category; actually, Jingo, Soul Music and The Last Continent are the Discworlds to look at, imo, if you're willing to give Pratchett another shot).

Some of his other books might not be but aside from the Long Earth (sci-fi, definitely sci-fi) I can't think of any off the top of my head.


Definitely worth another shot then. Many titles to look into, but I will avoid Long Earth because my taste is harsh on Science Fiction. My next read in that genre is Fall; or, Dodge in Hell. I expect it to be Stephenson in the last stage of insanity. He's run out of ideas for whacky titles: he's resorting to punctuation.


A wincingly bad first sentence does not mean an eye-gougingly bad book. But I'm sure you have one in you!


I'm much better (albeit relative to a low base) when the (third person omniscient) narrator is a sarcastic little shit. Actually, it's amazing how many of those there are... Vanity Fair's actually quite like this too (I refuse to dress my characters in setting appropriate costumes because those were fugly is basically a quote).

Sadly, what I've been working on is fanfics that are trying to not be sarcastic. So, I guess, I'm making good process on the eye=gougingly bad follow up sentences.


Follow-on sentences. Though accidentally saying "follow up" when the context makes "follow on" the only meaningful phrase, is demeritworthy. You need to practise that for next year.

Your dreams of winning next year will however be dashed. I just need to get a better attitude to deadlines, and drop the silly idea I have to post late so nobody can copy me. My worst is worster than anyone can imagine, and cannot be copied nor learned from.
Also, AiliAiliA
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Bombadil
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Postby Bombadil » Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:45 am

After near 20 years investment into the forum CTOAN finally achieved something of personal value, alas it just wasn't something he could add to his Tinder profile.

Congrats to all :)
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Nobel Hobos 2
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Nobel Hobos 2 » Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:47 am

Bombadil wrote:After near 20 years investment into the forum CTOAN finally achieved something of personal value, alas it just wasn't something he could add to his Tinder profile.

Congrats to all :)


Voting isn't closed yet. You could still win :(
Also, AiliAiliA
No footwear industry: citizens cannot afford new shoes.
High rate of Nobel prizes and other academic achievements.

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Ethel mermania
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Posts: 104973
Founded: Aug 20, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Ethel mermania » Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:50 am

Congratulations to toilet paper tester CTOAN, and thank you for sharing the first sentence of your autobiography with us.
Last edited by Ethel mermania on Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion … but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do.

http://www.salientpartners.com/epsilont ... ilizations

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The Free Joy State
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Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby The Free Joy State » Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:58 am

Many congratulations to CTOAN! :clap:

And congrats to runner-up, DI! *imaginary round of applause, because I don't like putting too many smilies in one short post*

*distributes imaginary cookies all 'round*
Last edited by The Free Joy State on Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Nobel Hobos 2
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Founded: Dec 04, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Nobel Hobos 2 » Sun Apr 12, 2020 4:01 am

Oh I was wrong. Voting is over. CTOAN won. For making the shortest joke.

I'm pissed about this. I know it's all for fun. I'm still pissed about it. The Archregimancy cast pearls before swine, and the swine didn't even eat the pearls.

Or maybe it was a popularity contest all along. In which case, congrats to CTOAN. I like you too.
Also, AiliAiliA
No footwear industry: citizens cannot afford new shoes.
High rate of Nobel prizes and other academic achievements.

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Samudera Darussalam
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New York Times Democracy

Postby Samudera Darussalam » Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:00 am

Bombadil wrote:After near 20 years investment into the forum CTOAN finally achieved something of personal value, alas it just wasn't something he could add to his Tinder profile.

Congrats to all :)

Eh, if there is any consolation I actually vote for you Bombadil :p

Congrats to CTOAN and DI!
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Valentine Z
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Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Sun Apr 12, 2020 6:22 am

Congratulations to you guys! :clap:

It was such a pleasure to see all the stuff here in NSG, apart from the usual brand of politics! Keeps me entertained for so long, so... yeah! ^^



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Hurdergaryp
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Hurdergaryp » Sun Apr 12, 2020 6:37 am

Congratulations to the winners! Next time I shall have to weaponize the lederhosen more thoroughly, for they clearly got me quite far in this competition, but not far enough.


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Andsed
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Postby Andsed » Sun Apr 12, 2020 6:50 am

Congrats to CTOAN and thank you for your sacrifice in testing that gravel.
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Pax Nerdvana
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Postby Pax Nerdvana » Sun Apr 12, 2020 7:27 pm

Congrats to CTOAN!
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Czechostan
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Czechostan » Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:43 pm

Congratulations, CTOAN! I hope the COVID outbreak ends so you can go back to normal toilet paper soon enough!

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Cannot think of a name
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Postby Cannot think of a name » Mon Apr 13, 2020 12:05 am

Thank you.

Also, you guys couldn't have been more wrong. But thank you.
Nobel Hobos 2 wrote:Oh I was wrong. Voting is over. CTOAN won. For making the shortest joke.

I'm pissed about this. I know it's all for fun. I'm still pissed about it. The Archregimancy cast pearls before swine, and the swine didn't even eat the pearls.

Or maybe it was a popularity contest all along. In which case, congrats to CTOAN. I like you too.

I agree. Except the popularity contest, I don't think I'd fare well in that. I think it was the combination of brevity and poop joke.
Everything for the cat.

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Yohannes
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Re: The NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition

Postby Yohannes » Mon Apr 13, 2020 12:15 am



Congratulations, Cannot think of a name and Dumb Ideologies! :D

The Archregimancy wrote:showing that length sometimes doesn't matter


“Hear, hear!” a nearby observer from Yohannes shouted.

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