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[DRAFT] Court on Camera

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Bormiar
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[DRAFT] Court on Camera

Postby Bormiar » Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:22 pm

Title: “12 Crying Pre-Teens” or “Court-Appointed (Psychological) Counsel”)

The issue: After @@RANDOMNAME@@, a young pre-teen, was bullied at school for crying while testifying in a criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public during the testimony of a minor.

Option 1: “Why should the public see my sweet baby’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s highly protective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one except the lawyers and judge should be able to see a trial where a minor is present.”

Effect: the @@DENONYM@@ criminal underworld calls child witnesses whenever they need something covered up.

Option 2: “That really doesn’t go far enough”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ex- judge who was impeached for accepting a large bribe. “As a judge, I find it very hard to think with all these cameras pointed in my face. Or journalists scribbling on their notepads. Or members of the public blinking too loud. The court simply cannot function with the media and public disrupting it. I should know— I’m a judge.”

Effect: declassified court settlements often feature a large monetary reward for the judge.

Option 3: “But it was funny, dude!”, says one of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@’s bullies, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff and post it on MyTube for ad money… it’ll boost the economy or whatever. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card.”

Effect: traumatized witnesses are asked to testify “once more with feeling!”.

Option 4: “If you’re having so much trouble with witnesses, just get rid of trials”, advises your brother, who has somehow acquired the title of "Secretary of Various Duties" and an exorbitant salary to go with it. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”

Effect: justice is not dispensed during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.

Option 5: “The problem isn’t the judicial system, but our educational environment”, says job-searching School Psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ observes you closely through @@HIS@@ glasses. “Any thought otherwise is clearly a sign of the well-known bureaucratophilia disorder— anyways, what we need to start addressing is the root of the problem: bullying. We need extensive informational campaigns, posters, and most of all, counselors!”

Effect: children ordered to do their chores accuse their parents of bullying.


Title: Court on Camera

The issue: After @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a young minor, was bullied at school for an emotional reaction while testifying in a famous criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public in the presence of a minor.

Option 1: “Why should the public see my daughter’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s overprotective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one accept the involved legal… people should be able to see the judicial... things. And the witnesses’ mother”.

Effect: a witness may not be treated as hostile unless permission can be obtained from their grandmother.

Option 2: “That really doesn’t go far enough”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ex- judge who was impeached for accepting a 50,000 @@CURRENCY@@ bribe on a murder charge. “As a judge, I find it very hard to think with all these cameras pointed in my face. Or journalists scribbling on their notepads. Or members of the public blinking too loud. The court cannot function with this disrupting it. I should know- I’m a judge.

Effect: the government’s most confidential secrets are kept on a 25 year old court reporter’s laptop.

Option 3: “But it was funny, dude!”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card if you like.”

Effect: being a judge requires teeth as white as the flustered witnesses’ faces.

Option 4: “Ugh… why do we have trials anyways?”, complains your brother, who was recently appointed as Secretary of Various Duties and offered a salary of 1 million @@CURRENCY@@ per year. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”

Effect: the right to a speedy trial doesn't apply during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.

Option 5: “The problem isn’t the judicial system, but our educational environment”, says job-searching School Psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ observes you closely through @@HIS@@ glasses. “Any thought otherwise is clearly a sign of… bureaucratophilia disorder- anyways, what we need to start addressing is the root of the problem: bullying. We need extensive informational campaigns, posters, and most of all, counselors!”

Effect: @@LEADER@@’s niece seems to know more about @@LEADER@@’s psyche than @@LEADER@@ does.


Title: This Adjudication is Not Available for Your Demographic.

The issue: After @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a young minor, was bullied at school for an emotional reaction while testifying in a criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public in the presence of a minor.

Option 1: “Why should the public see my daughter’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s overprotective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one accept the involved legal… people should be able to see the judicial... things. And the witnesses’ mother”.

Effect: a witness may not be treated as hostile unless permission can be obtained from their grandmother.

Option 2: “But it was funny, dude!”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card if you like.”

Effect: being a judge requires teeth as white as the flustered witnesses’ faces.

Option 3: “Ugh… why do we have trials anyways?”, complains your brother, who was recently appointed as Secretary of Various Duties and offered a salary of 1 million @@CURRENCY@@ per year. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”

Effect: the right to a speedy trial doesn't apply during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.





I need help on titles.
Last edited by Bormiar on Wed Jun 16, 2021 4:26 pm, edited 8 times in total.

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Makdon
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Postby Makdon » Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:32 pm

I think that this issue, in its premise, feels pretty complete. It's concise, to the point, and creates a nice package. I do think, however, that a ton of nuance could be added to the premise and options 1 and 2 if you'd like to dig a bit deeper
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Postby Trotterdam » Fri Feb 28, 2020 6:31 am

Someone should probably suggest that this is something which should be tackled with anti-bullying initiatives at schools, rather than a procedural change to criminal trials.

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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Feb 28, 2020 11:35 am

I agree with Trotterdam.

Nice issue, though.

As a title how about something like "Court On Camera"?
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Fri Feb 28, 2020 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby The World Capitalist Confederation » Fri Feb 28, 2020 11:37 am

Also, it should be "except legal...people"
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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Feb 28, 2020 4:02 pm

How did leader know she was bullied at school? How did this info get to leader? Also, there should be an option banning all televised court proceedings. Children or otherwise
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Postby Bormiar » Fri Feb 28, 2020 5:57 pm

Made the suggestions above (changed title; added two new options).

Title: Court on Camera

The issue: After @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a young minor, was bullied at school for an emotional reaction while testifying in a famous criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public in the presence of a minor.

Option 1: “Why should the public see my daughter’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s overprotective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one accept the involved legal… people should be able to see the judicial... things. And the witnesses’ mother”.

Effect: a witness may not be treated as hostile unless permission can be obtained from their grandmother.

Option 2: “That really doesn’t go far enough”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ex- judge who was impeached for accepting a 50,000 @@CURRENCY@@ bribe on a murder charge. “As a judge, I find it very hard to think with all these cameras pointed in my face. Or journalists scribbling on their notepads. Or members of the public blinking too loud. The court cannot function with this disrupting it. I should know- I’m a judge.

Effect: the government’s most confidential secrets are kept on a 25 year old court reporter’s laptop.

Option 3: “But it was funny, dude!”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card if you like.”

Effect: being a judge requires teeth as white as the flustered witnesses’ faces.

Option 4: “Ugh… why do we have trials anyways?”, complains your brother, who was recently appointed as Secretary of Various Duties and offered a salary of 1 million @@CURRENCY@@ per year. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”

Effect: the right to a speedy trial doesn't apply during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.

Option 5: “The problem isn’t the judicial system, but our educational environment”, says job-searching School Psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ observes you closely through @@HIS@@ glasses. “Any thought otherwise is clearly a sign of… bureaucratophilia disorder- anyways, what we need to start addressing is the root of the problem: bullying. We need extensive informational campaigns, posters, and most of all, counselors!”

Effect: @@LEADER@@’s niece seems to know more about @@LEADER@@’s psyche than @@LEADER@@ does.





Australian rePublic wrote:How did leader know she was bullied at school? How did this info get to leader?

I had something about it being discovered by the media (is that fine?). I thought of doing a suicide or something like that, but I think that the minor detail shouldn't outweigh keeping a lighter tone.

Edit: I just changed it from criminal trial to "famous criminal trial".

Makdon wrote: I do think, however, that a ton of nuance could be added to the premise and options 1 and 2 if you'd like to dig a bit deeper

I'll try thinking of something.
Last edited by Bormiar on Fri Feb 28, 2020 5:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Bormiar » Tue Mar 03, 2020 8:12 pm

Any additional suggestions on draft 2?

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Postby Verdant Haven » Wed Mar 04, 2020 8:25 am

This is a great issue topic. Here's my swing at some feedback and suggestions.

Bormiar wrote:The issue: After @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a young minor, was bullied at school for an emotional reaction while testifying in a famous criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public in the presence of a minor.


"...in the presence of a minor." is an awkward phrasing for this, and suggests trials should be closed any time a child is even in the vicinity. I would suggest it be something like "…during the testimony of minors." I would also possibly reword "…for an emotional reaction while…" as "…for showing her emotions while…"

Bormiar wrote:Option 1: “Why should the public see my daughter’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s overprotective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one accept the involved legal… people should be able to see the judicial... things. And the witnesses’ mother”.

Effect: a witness may not be treated as hostile unless permission can be obtained from their grandmother.


Change word "accept" to "except" (homonyms). I'd probably change the word "overprotective" to "highly protective" in order to remove the value judgement from the description. The final sentence about the witnesses' mother doesn't really fit… I can't tell is it the mother saying she should be able to see the testimony as well, or is the mother being vain and doesn't want the public to see herself? It doesn't really apply to the issue (bullying) or the response (closing trials), so I'd drop that. The effect line doesn't really seem to follow… whether or not a witness is hostile isn't based on if the trial is open or closed to the public. The actual effect of closing a trial to the public (and a major reason it isn't done much) is loss of transparency, so I'd focus the effect there. A variant on the theme that "The government calls child witnesses any time it wants to cover something up" might be where I look.

Bormiar wrote:Option 2: “That really doesn’t go far enough”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ex- judge who was impeached for accepting a 50,000 @@CURRENCY@@ bribe on a murder charge. “As a judge, I find it very hard to think with all these cameras pointed in my face. Or journalists scribbling on their notepads. Or members of the public blinking too loud. The court cannot function with this disrupting it. I should know- I’m a judge.

Effect: the government’s most confidential secrets are kept on a 25 year old court reporter’s laptop.


The size of the bribe is immaterial (and will vary in significant from one nation to the next), and honestly so are the specifics of the trial in question (since the murder presumably isn't related to school bullying). I'd just say they were impeached for accepting bribes. I'm also guessing this is meant to be a position that you close all trials, regardless of who or why? If so, I'd probably have the speaker say that clearly at the end. For the effect line, I'm not sure why the age of the court reporter matters. Since this speaker is presented as a corrupt individual, I'd make this effect have to do with the corruption that can exist with closed trials. Looking at "the trials of the wealthy seem to end inexplicably within minutes" type situations, perhaps.

Bormiar wrote:Option 3: “But it was funny, dude!”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card if you like.”

Effect: being a judge requires teeth as white as the flustered witnesses’ faces.


I might identify the speaker a little more, perhaps specifying that it was one of the witness' classmates, a fellow child. That would set up for the statement that they will go get their dad's credit card. That itself needs some context however, since the speaker is already watching the content. Perhaps have them add "…film this stuff, and sell it on Pay per View to raise money. I'll go get…" so that it's understandable what is being paid for. With the effect line, I'm guessing the idea is that the judge wants to look good for the camera? I tend to think of a flustered witness flushed (red), so have a bit of trouble with that analogy. We do want to keep this focused on the main issue (bullying), so something like "traumatized witnesses are asked to testify "once more with feeling!'"

Bormiar wrote:Option 4: “Ugh… why do we have trials anyways?”, complains your brother, who was recently appointed as Secretary of Various Duties and offered a salary of 1 million @@CURRENCY@@ per year. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”

Effect: the right to a speedy trial doesn't apply during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.


This might need a tie in, like "If you want to save witnesses the trouble of testifying, just get rid of trials" to keep the topic focused on the central premise. I like to avoid specific numbers with pay as much as possible, since money is so variable from one nation to another. I'd also perhaps modify the language so it feels a bit less like you're informing the player that they themselves appointed the brother (player autonomy violation). I'd reword that with something like "…your brother, who has somehow acquired the title "Secretary of Various Duties" and an exorbitant salary to go with it." Additionally, the effect line is a good one, but unfortunately runs afoul of the explained option, which is to get rid of trials and possibly the whole judicial system. It can be reworded around that though, with something like "justice is not dispensed during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays" or the like.

Bormiar wrote:Option 5: “The problem isn’t the judicial system, but our educational environment”, says job-searching School Psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ observes you closely through @@HIS@@ glasses. “Any thought otherwise is clearly a sign of… bureaucratophilia disorder- anyways, what we need to start addressing is the root of the problem: bullying. We need extensive informational campaigns, posters, and most of all, counselors!”

Effect: @@LEADER@@’s niece seems to know more about @@LEADER@@’s psyche than @@LEADER@@ does.


This is pretty solid as is. I'd probably drop the ellipses (speaker 1 already talks with them, so it feels like repeating a trope), and put a period after "disorder." In the effect line, it's amusing, but could both be very very long what with the triple insert, and it doesn't necessarily follow that teaching children not to bully will lead to them psychoanalyzing Leader. I'd probably go for something more direct, like "children ordered to do their chores accuse their parents of bullying" or similar.
Last edited by Verdant Haven on Wed Mar 04, 2020 9:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Bormiar » Mon Jun 07, 2021 2:16 pm

If possible, could an IE tell me whether this has been submitted ever? I had no idea this draft existed, and may wish to pick it back up again.

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Postby Minskiev » Mon Jun 07, 2021 4:30 pm

I guess I'll give some feedback.

Most of my issues are with macros. For example, @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ instead of @@RANDOMNAME1@@, or @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ instead of @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@.

But that's just nitpicking. However, you never specified who @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was. I assume the daughter, so add _1 to the end of the daughter's macro.
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Bormiar
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Postby Bormiar » Mon Jun 07, 2021 7:02 pm

I've amended this draft using Verdant Haven's and Minskiev's suggestions, as well as my own ideas. My effect lines borrow heavily from Verdant's suggestions, so I'll telegram him asking for permission to use them. I also have two new possible titles.

Title: “12 Crying Pre-Teens” or “Court-Appointed (Psychological) Counsel”)

The issue: After @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a young pre-teen, was bullied at school for showing her emotions while testifying in a criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public during the testimony of a minor.

Option 1: “Why should the public see my sweet baby’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s highly protective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one except the lawyers and judge should be able to see a trial where a minor is present.”

Effect: the @@DENONYM@@ criminal underworld calls child witnesses whenever they need something covered up.

Option 2: “That really doesn’t go far enough”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ex- judge who was impeached for accepting a large bribe. “As a judge, I find it very hard to think with all these cameras pointed in my face. Or journalists scribbling on their notepads. Or members of the public blinking too loud. The court simply cannot function with the media and public disrupting it. I should know— I’m a judge.”

Effect: declassified court settlements often feature a large monetary reward for the judge.

Option 3: “But it was funny, dude!”, says one of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@’s bullies, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff and post it on MyTube for ad money… it’ll boost the economy or whatever. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card.”

Effect: traumatized witnesses are asked to testify “once more with feeling!”.

Option 4: “If you’re having so much trouble with witnesses, just get rid of trials”, advises your brother, who has somehow acquired the title of "Secretary of Various Duties" and an exorbitant salary to go with it. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”

Effect: justice is not dispensed during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.

Option 5: “The problem isn’t the judicial system, but our educational environment”, says job-searching School Psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ observes you closely through @@HIS@@ glasses. “Any thought otherwise is clearly a sign of the well-known bureaucratophilia disorder— anyways, what we need to start addressing is the root of the problem: bullying. We need extensive informational campaigns, posters, and most of all, counselors!”

Effect: children ordered to do their chores accuse their parents of bullying.

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Postby Verdant Haven » Mon Jun 07, 2021 7:11 pm

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Postby Noahs Second Country » Wed Jun 09, 2021 9:31 pm

This reminds me of those Zoom court hearings that have been going viral from time to time lately. I always wonder how the victims fare after that since their information is definitely out there to everyone after they screw up in court.

for showing her emotions while testifying in a criminal trial

This is awkwardly worded, I'd name an action (i.e. crying) rather than keeping it vague.

Also, the subject in the description seems pointlessly gendered.
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Postby Bormiar » Thu Jun 10, 2021 6:31 am

Noahs Second Country wrote:This reminds me of those Zoom court hearings that have been going viral from time to time lately. I always wonder how the victims fare after that since their information is definitely out there to everyone after they screw up in court.

for showing her emotions while testifying in a criminal trial

This is awkwardly worded, I'd name an action (i.e. crying) rather than keeping it vague.

Also, the subject in the description seems pointlessly gendered.

I’ll make that change.

The gender was probably because it’s more natural to write without @@HE@@, but I can change that.

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Postby Bormiar » Wed Jun 16, 2021 4:28 pm

Bump. Here's the current draft:

Title: “12 Crying Pre-Teens” or “Court-Appointed (Psychological) Counsel”)

The issue: After @@RANDOMNAME@@, a young pre-teen, was bullied at school for crying while testifying in a criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public during the testimony of a minor.

Option 1: “Why should the public see my sweet baby’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s highly protective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one except the lawyers and judge should be able to see a trial where a minor is present.”

Effect: the @@DENONYM@@ criminal underworld calls child witnesses whenever they need something covered up.

Option 2: “That really doesn’t go far enough”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ex- judge who was impeached for accepting a large bribe. “As a judge, I find it very hard to think with all these cameras pointed in my face. Or journalists scribbling on their notepads. Or members of the public blinking too loud. The court simply cannot function with the media and public disrupting it. I should know— I’m a judge.”

Effect: declassified court settlements often feature a large monetary reward for the judge.

Option 3: “But it was funny, dude!”, says one of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@’s bullies, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff and post it on MyTube for ad money… it’ll boost the economy or whatever. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card.”

Effect: traumatized witnesses are asked to testify “once more with feeling!”.

Option 4: “If you’re having so much trouble with witnesses, just get rid of trials”, advises your brother, who has somehow acquired the title of "Secretary of Various Duties" and an exorbitant salary to go with it. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”

Effect: justice is not dispensed during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.

Option 5: “The problem isn’t the judicial system, but our educational environment”, says job-searching School Psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ observes you closely through @@HIS@@ glasses. “Any thought otherwise is clearly a sign of the well-known bureaucratophilia disorder— anyways, what we need to start addressing is the root of the problem: bullying. We need extensive informational campaigns, posters, and most of all, counselors!”

Effect: children ordered to do their chores accuse their parents of bullying.


Also, any opinion on my title ideas: “12 Crying Pre-Teens” and “Court-Appointed (Psychological) Counsel”? The latter seems better to me because the former might be lost on some people.
Last edited by Bormiar on Wed Jun 16, 2021 4:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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