Updated!! This issue is now in the game!
Title: Wrecked by Wrestling?
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move. Angry moralists have blamed the incident on professional wrestling in general, and they are gathering in front of your office.
Validity: maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, founder of the group People Opposed to Practically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "I'm THE BULK!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler whose "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "You want to know what THE BULK thinks about all this? Only THE BULK can make these moves, but if you kids wanna learn these moves FOR REAL, come and en—en—come to the BULK BOGAN Academy for Little Wrestlers!"
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "A school for wrestling? That's not what @@NAME needs", says your incredibly bland Minister of Party Pooping. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact fake. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Title: Wrecked by Wrestling?
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, founder of the group People Opposed to Practically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "I'm THE BULK!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler whose "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "You want to know what THE BULK thinks about all this? Only THE BULK can make these moves, but if you kids wanna learn these moves FOR REAL, come and en—en—come to the BULK BOGAN Academy for Little Wrestlers!"
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "A school for wrestling? That's not what @@NAME needs", says your incredibly bland Minister of Party Pooping. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact fake. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, founder of the group People Opposed to Practically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "I'm THE BULK!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler whose "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "You want to know what THE BULK thinks about all this? Only THE BULK can make these moves, but if you kids wanna learn these moves FOR REAL, come and en—en—come to the BULK BOGAN Academy for Little Wrestlers!"
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "A school for wrestling? That's not what @@NAME needs", says your incredibly bland Minister of Party Pooping. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact fake. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Title: Wrecked by Wrestling?
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Practically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "I'm THE BULK!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "You want to know what THE BULK thinks about all this? Only THE BULK can make these moves, but if you kids wanna learn these moves FOR REAL, come and en—en—come to the BULK BOGAN Academy for Little Wrestlers!"
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "A school for wrestling? That's not what @@NAME needs", says your incredibly bland Minister of Party Pooping. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact fake. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Practically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "I'm THE BULK!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "You want to know what THE BULK thinks about all this? Only THE BULK can make these moves, but if you kids wanna learn these moves FOR REAL, come and en—en—come to the BULK BOGAN Academy for Little Wrestlers!"
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "A school for wrestling? That's not what @@NAME needs", says your incredibly bland Minister of Party Pooping. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact fake. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Title: Wrecked by Wrestling?
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Practically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It's not my fault!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "I faked those moves, and if that little kid really knew how to wrestle, @@HE@@ wouldn't have hurt @@HIS@@ friend. I know what to do. Teach all school kids professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. Then deadly accidents and big injuries won't happen again."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "That's a bit too extreme," says @@CAPITAL@@ Sunray Hysterioso, another professional wrestler, grappling one of your aides. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact fake. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Practically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It's not my fault!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "I faked those moves, and if that little kid really knew how to wrestle, @@HE@@ wouldn't have hurt @@HIS@@ friend. I know what to do. Teach all school kids professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. Then deadly accidents and big injuries won't happen again."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "That's a bit too extreme," says @@CAPITAL@@ Sunray Hysterioso, another professional wrestler, grappling one of your aides. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact fake. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Title: Kayfabe Gone Too Far?
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It's not my fault!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "I faked those moves, and if that little kid really knew how to wrestle, @@HE@@ wouldn't have hurt @@HIS@@ friend. I know what to do. Teach all school kids professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. Then deadly accidents and big injuries won't happen again."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "That's a bit too extreme," says @@CAPITAL@@ Sunray Hysterioso, another professional wrestler, grappling one of your aides. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact real. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban professional wrestling!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything, using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It's not my fault!" says Bulk Bogan, the professional wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "I faked those moves, and if that little kid really knew how to wrestle, @@HE@@ wouldn't have hurt @@HIS@@ friend. I know what to do. Teach all school kids professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. Then deadly accidents and big injuries won't happen again."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "That's a bit too extreme," says @@CAPITAL@@ Sunray Hysterioso, another professional wrestler, grappling one of your aides. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is in fact real. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Title: Kayfabe Gone Too Far?
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It's not my fault!" says Bulk Bogan, the wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "I faked those moves, and if that little kid really knew how to wrestle, @@HE@@ wouldn't have hurt @@HIS@@ friend. I know what to do. Teach all school kids professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. Then deadly accidents won't happen again."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "That's a bit too extreme," says @@CAPITAL@@ Sunray Hysterioso, another professional wrestler, grappling one of your aides. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is, in fact, real. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Option 4: "Pro wrestling promotes terrible perversions!" screams a Cyanist priest. "Professional wrestling is full of men wearing fancy underwear, grabbing each other and sometimes even shoving a hand into each other's fancy underwear and grabbing the other man's private parts. If that isn't gay, I don't know what is." The priest licks his lips and then continues, "You shouldn't ban professional wrestling, though. However, the matches should only have men and women fighting each other. It'd be less gay that way."
Validity: no Atheist policy
Effect: priests are slightly aroused by @@NAME@@'s pro wrestling matches
Description: A little kid accidentally broke @@HIS@@ classmate's spine imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler Bulk Bogan's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" move.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—my little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It's not my fault!" says Bulk Bogan, the wrestler who's "@@ANIMAL@@ Tackle" has caused so much trouble. "I faked those moves, and if that little kid really knew how to wrestle, @@HE@@ wouldn't have hurt @@HIS@@ friend. I know what to do. Teach all school kids professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. Then deadly accidents won't happen again."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 3: "That's a bit too extreme," says @@CAPITAL@@ Sunray Hysterioso, another professional wrestler, grappling one of your aides. "All @@NAME@@ needs is an awareness program teaching people that professional wrestling is, in fact, real. Then everyone would just stop complaining."
Effect: the government tells people what they already know
Option 4: "Pro wrestling promotes terrible perversions!" screams a Cyanist priest. "Professional wrestling is full of men wearing fancy underwear, grabbing each other and sometimes even shoving a hand into each other's fancy underwear and grabbing the other man's private parts. If that isn't gay, I don't know what is." The priest licks his lips and then continues, "You shouldn't ban professional wrestling, though. However, the matches should only have men and women fighting each other. It'd be less gay that way."
Validity: no Atheist policy
Effect: priests are slightly aroused by @@NAME@@'s pro wrestling matches
Title: Kayfabe Gone Too Far?
Description: After little kid @@RANDOMNAME@@ accidentally injured @@HIS@@ classmate imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler, concerned parents have questioned whether pro wrestling should be banned. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—Little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Maybe you could insta—insti—put into place an awareness program to make sure people know that wrestling is faked. Do it for the children."
Effect: the government annoys citizens by telling them what they already know
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have much lower homicide rates than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 4: "Pro wrestling promotes terrible perversions!" screams a Cyanist priest. "Professional wrestling is full of men wearing fancy underwear, grabbing each other and sometimes even shoving a hand into each other's fancy underwear and grabbing the other man's private parts. If that isn't gay, I don't know what is." The priest licks his lips and then continues, "You shouldn't ban professional wrestling, though. However, the matches should only have men and women fighting each other. It'd be less gay that way."
Validity: no Atheist policy
Effect: feminists are confused by @@NAME@@'s pro wrestling matches
Description: After little kid @@RANDOMNAME@@ accidentally injured @@HIS@@ classmate imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler, concerned parents have questioned whether pro wrestling should be banned. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—Little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Maybe you could insta—insti—put into place an awareness program to make sure people know that wrestling is faked. Do it for the children."
Effect: the government annoys citizens by telling them what they already know
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have much lower homicide rates than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 4: "Pro wrestling promotes terrible perversions!" screams a Cyanist priest. "Professional wrestling is full of men wearing fancy underwear, grabbing each other and sometimes even shoving a hand into each other's fancy underwear and grabbing the other man's private parts. If that isn't gay, I don't know what is." The priest licks his lips and then continues, "You shouldn't ban professional wrestling, though. However, the matches should only have men and women fighting each other. It'd be less gay that way."
Validity: no Atheist policy
Effect: feminists are confused by @@NAME@@'s pro wrestling matches
Title: Kayfabe Gone Too Far?
Description: After little kid @@RANDOMNAME@@ accidentally injured @@HIS@@ classmate imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler, concerned parents have questioned whether pro wrestling should be banned. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—Little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Maybe you could insta—insti—put into place an awareness program to make sure people know that wrestling is faked. Do it for the children."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have much lower homicide rates than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Description: After little kid @@RANDOMNAME@@ accidentally injured @@HIS@@ classmate imitating @@HIS@@ favorite wrestler, concerned parents have questioned whether pro wrestling should be banned. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to them! They began beating up other kids on the playground—Little Kay even tried to bodyslam a teacher! Outlaw professional wrestling! Do it for the children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Maybe you could insta—insti—put into place an awareness program to make sure people know that wrestling is faked. Do it for the children."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have much lower homicide rates than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Title: Kayfabe Gone Too Far?
Description: After some incidents involving @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ protesting outside thunderdomes and newscasters denouncing professional wrestling, it appears that some @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ actually think that pro wrestling is a real thing. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took me to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to me! There were people—in terrible ugly fancy underwear—beating each other up! I don't see how this terrible, violent sport should ever exist. Outlaw professional wrestling."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "This Gratwick chick doesn't get that it's faked. Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Professional wrestling is entertainment to millions in @@NAME@@. Banning pro wrestling would be ridiculous. Support pro wrestlers instead. Help us wrestlers weather this protesting."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have a much lower homicide rate than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. For the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 4: "Pro wrestling isn't the problem here," asserts Dr. @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Frood, a creepy psychologist. "The problem is that people believe it is real. We need to give all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ behavioral modification and social conditioning so that they don't immediately believe everything they see or hear. Except whatever I say to them, of course." Dr. Frood smiles creepily.
Effect: people in @@NAME@@ don't believe in fairies but they do believe quacks
Description: After some incidents involving @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ protesting outside thunderdomes and newscasters denouncing professional wrestling, it appears that some @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ actually think that pro wrestling is a real thing. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took me to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to me! There were people—in terrible ugly fancy underwear—beating each other up! I don't see how this terrible, violent sport should ever exist. Outlaw professional wrestling."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "This Gratwick chick doesn't get that it's faked. Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Professional wrestling is entertainment to millions in @@NAME@@. Banning pro wrestling would be ridiculous. Support pro wrestlers instead. Help us wrestlers weather this protesting."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have a much lower homicide rate than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. For the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 4: "Pro wrestling isn't the problem here," asserts Dr. @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Frood, a creepy psychologist. "The problem is that people believe it is real. We need to give all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ behavioral modification and social conditioning so that they don't immediately believe everything they see or hear. Except whatever I say to them, of course." Dr. Frood smiles creepily.
Effect: people in @@NAME@@ don't believe in fairies but they do believe quacks
Title: Kayfabe Gone Too Far?
Description: After some incidents involving @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ protesting outside thunderdomes and newscasters denouncing professional wrestling, it appears that some @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ actually think that pro wrestling is a real thing. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took me to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to me! There were people—in terrible fancy underwear—beating each other up! I don't see how this terrible, violent sport should ever exist. Outlaw professional wrestling."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "This Gratwick chick doesn't get that it's faked. Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Professional wrestling is entertainment to millions in @@NAME@@. Banning pro wrestling would be ridiculous. Support pro wrestlers instead. Help us wrestlers weather this protesting."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have a much lower homicide rate than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 4: "Pro wrestling isn't the problem here," asserts Dr. @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Frood, a creepy psychologist. "The problem is that people believe it is real. We need to give all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ behavioral modification and social conditioning so that they don't immediately believe everything they see or hear. Except whatever I say to them, of course." Dr. Frood smiles creepily. "Do it for the undeveloped juvenile humans."
Effect: people in @@NAME@@ don't believe in fairies but they do believe quacks
Option 5: "Professional wrestling is faked, but that isn't the only thing that's faked," says famed futurist Maximillian Echebarry, really looking at his hands. "We—everyone in @@NAME@@—is in a simulation. All of us are just bits and bytes in a mainframe in the higher universe. War, peace, incredibly long novels—just the higher dimensional beings making us do things for their amusements. What @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ need is to see the bigger picture. Make the truth that we are in a simulation government policy." Echebarry eyes a lamp suspiciously.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ suspect they are code within a simulator game
Description: After some incidents involving @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ protesting outside thunderdomes and newscasters denouncing professional wrestling, it appears that some @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ actually think that pro wrestling is a real thing. Moralist groups have gathered outside your office, intent on making the government do something about professional wrestling.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
Option 1: "Ban it!" screams Catherine Gratwick, founder of the group People Opposed to Pratically Everything (POPE), using her sign to break your office window. "My deadbeat husband took me to a wrestling match once, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to me! There were people—in terrible fancy underwear—beating each other up! I don't see how this terrible, violent sport should ever exist. Outlaw professional wrestling."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
Option 2: "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "This Gratwick chick doesn't get that it's faked. Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Professional wrestling is entertainment to millions in @@NAME@@. Banning pro wrestling would be ridiculous. Support pro wrestlers instead. Help us wrestlers weather this protesting."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
Option 3: "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have a much lower homicide rate than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
Option 4: "Pro wrestling isn't the problem here," asserts Dr. @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Frood, a creepy psychologist. "The problem is that people believe it is real. We need to give all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ behavioral modification and social conditioning so that they don't immediately believe everything they see or hear. Except whatever I say to them, of course." Dr. Frood smiles creepily. "Do it for the undeveloped juvenile humans."
Effect: people in @@NAME@@ don't believe in fairies but they do believe quacks
Option 5: "Professional wrestling is faked, but that isn't the only thing that's faked," says famed futurist Maximillian Echebarry, really looking at his hands. "We—everyone in @@NAME@@—is in a simulation. All of us are just bits and bytes in a mainframe in the higher universe. War, peace, incredibly long novels—just the higher dimensional beings making us do things for their amusements. What @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ need is to see the bigger picture. Make the truth that we are in a simulation government policy." Echebarry eyes a lamp suspiciously.
Effect: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ suspect they are code within a simulator game
Title: Kayfabe Gone Too Far?
Description: After some incidents involving @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ protesting at professional wrestling arenas and little kids beating each other up, it appears that some @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ actually think that pro wrestling is a real thing. Moralist groups are pressuring you to outlaw it, for the sake of the children and everybody else.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
[option] "Ban it!" screams concerned mother Catherine Gratwick, using her sign to break your office window. "After my deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match, they began to tackle all the other kids on the playground. And I heard from my aunt's school friend's husband's accountant that @@HIS@@ brother assaulted someone imitating a move that wrestler John Seemee did on TV. If even adults can be violently influenced by professional wrestling, it only makes sense to ban it. Do it for my children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
[option] "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "Professional wrestling is entertainment to millions in @@NAME@@. Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Banning pro wrestling would be ridiculous. Support pro wrestlers instead. Do it for the children."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
[option] "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have a much lower homicide rate than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
[option] "Pro wrestling isn't the problem here," asserts Dr. @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Frood, a creepy psychologist. "The problem is that people believe it is real. We need to give all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ behavioral modification and social conditioning so that they don't immediately believe everything they see or hear. Except whatever I say to them, of course." Dr. Frood smiles creepily. "Do it for the undeveloped juvenile humans."
Effect: people in @@NAME@@ don't believe in fairies but they do believe quacks
Description: After some incidents involving @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ protesting at professional wrestling arenas and little kids beating each other up, it appears that some @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ actually think that pro wrestling is a real thing. Moralist groups are pressuring you to outlaw it, for the sake of the children and everybody else.
Validity: some Ignorance, maybe capitalism?
[option] "Ban it!" screams concerned mother Catherine Gratwick, using her sign to break your office window. "After my deadbeat husband took my kids to a wrestling match, they began to tackle all the other kids on the playground. And I heard from my aunt's school friend's husband's accountant that @@HIS@@ brother assaulted someone imitating a move that wrestler John Seemee did on TV. If even adults can be violently influenced by professional wrestling, it only makes sense to ban it. Do it for my children."
Effect: former pro wrestlers loiter on street corners
[option] "It would be insanity to ban professional wrestling!" says professional wrestler Sunray Hysterioso, grappling one of your aides. "Professional wrestling is entertainment to millions in @@NAME@@. Since it's all faked, it's not really violent, and less people get hurt than in Calvinball. Banning pro wrestling would be ridiculous. Support pro wrestlers instead. Do it for the children."
Effect: @@NAME@@'s workers frequently shirk their jobs to see wrestling matches
[option] "That guy doesn't know what is best for @@NAME@@," says @@CAPITAL@@ Bulk Bogan, another professional wrestler. "It would be best for @@NAME@@ if all school kids have to learn professional wrestling. You know, how to fake a fight. It's good exercise, and fun too. In South Nobovindia, high schoolers can join pro wrestling clubs, and the South Nobovindians have a much lower homicide rate than their neighbors. Put professional wrestling in the curriculum. Do it for the children."
Effect: school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
[option] "Pro wrestling isn't the problem here," asserts Dr. @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Frood, a creepy psychologist. "The problem is that people believe it is real. We need to give all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ behavioral modification and social conditioning so that they don't immediately believe everything they see or hear. Except whatever I say to them, of course." Dr. Frood smiles creepily. "Do it for the undeveloped juvenile humans."
Effect: people in @@NAME@@ don't believe in fairies but they do believe quacks
That is PERFECT!
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