Title: Sickened by Quarantine
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian mumps believed to have been brought into it the country by a tourists snacks have infected @@NAME@@ with argument over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this” your health minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before going to into a coughing fit. As he recovers, he begins to speak again “These mumps have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. All food being brought in should be quarantined to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foreign visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Instead, we should deal with the real problem, our healthcare. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here” drawls your minister of rural affairs “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian mumps believed to have been brought into it the country by a tourists snacks have infected @@NAME@@ with argument over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this” your health minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before going to into a coughing fit. As he recovers, he begins to speak again “These mumps have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. All food being brought in should be quarantined to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foreign visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Instead, we should deal with the real problem, our healthcare. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here” drawls your minister of rural affairs “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Title: Sickened by Quarantine
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian mumps believed to have been brought into it the country by a visitor carrying a traditional Bigtopian rice dish have infected @@NAME@@ with argument over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this” your health minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before going into a coughing fit. As he recovers, he begins to speak again “These mumps have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. All food being brought in should be quarantined and heavily tested for viruses to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foriegn visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia, which had all expenses paid by the Bigtopian government. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Instead, we should deal with the real problem, our healthcare. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here” drawls your minister of rural affairs “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian mumps believed to have been brought into it the country by a visitor carrying a traditional Bigtopian rice dish have infected @@NAME@@ with argument over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this” your health minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before going into a coughing fit. As he recovers, he begins to speak again “These mumps have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. All food being brought in should be quarantined and heavily tested for viruses to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foriegn visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia, which had all expenses paid by the Bigtopian government. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Instead, we should deal with the real problem, our healthcare. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here” drawls your minister of rural affairs “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Title: The Lesser of Two Weevils
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian weevils believed to have been brought into the country by a visitor carrying common Bigtopian maxberries have both devastated farms and infected @@NAME@@ with argument over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this” your agricultural minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before beginning to snore. Snapping awake, he rubs blinks his red eyes and rubs the dark lines beneath, and then starts again “These pests have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. All food being brought in should be quarantined and heavily tested for threats to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foriegn visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia, which had all expenses paid by the Bigtopian government. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Instead, we should deal with the real problem, lazy government officials who aren’t focused on their jobs. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here” drawls your minister of rural affairs “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian weevils believed to have been brought into the country by a visitor carrying common Bigtopian maxberries have both devastated farms and infected @@NAME@@ with argument over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this” your agricultural minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before beginning to snore. Snapping awake, he rubs blinks his red eyes and rubs the dark lines beneath, and then starts again “These pests have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. All food being brought in should be quarantined and heavily tested for threats to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foriegn visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia, which had all expenses paid by the Bigtopian government. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Instead, we should deal with the real problem, lazy government officials who aren’t focused on their jobs. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here” drawls your minister of rural affairs “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Title: The Lesser of Two Weevils
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian weevils believed to have been brought into the country by a visitor carrying common Bigtopian maxberries have both devastated farms and infected @@NAME@@ with arguments over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this.” your agricultural minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before beginning to snore. Snapping awake, he blinks his red eyes and rubs the dark lines beneath them, and then starts again. “These pests have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. @@NAME@@ needs much stricter quarantine laws to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foreign visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia, which had all expenses paid by the Bigtopian government. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Lazy government officials like @@RANDOMNAME1@@ are the real problem. If @@HE@@ could just work a bit harder and handle this, there wouldn’t be a problem at all. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here.” drawls your minister of rural affairs. “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all.”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian weevils believed to have been brought into the country by a visitor carrying common Bigtopian maxberries have both devastated farms and infected @@NAME@@ with arguments over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this.” your agricultural minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, before beginning to snore. Snapping awake, he blinks his red eyes and rubs the dark lines beneath them, and then starts again. “These pests have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. @@NAME@@ needs much stricter quarantine laws to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again”
Effect: foreign visitors are often pulled aside for questioning in airport security after crumbs are discovered in their bags
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent trip to Bigtopia, which had all expenses paid by the Bigtopian government. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Lazy government officials like @@RANDOMNAME1@@ are the real problem. If @@HE@@ could just work a bit harder and handle this, there wouldn’t be a problem at all. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here.” drawls your minister of rural affairs. “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all.”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how “crooked” they look
Title: The Lesser of Two Weevils
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian weevils, believed to have been brought into the country by a visitor carrying common Bigtopian maxberries, has both devastated farms and infected @@NAME@@ with arguments over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this.” says your agricultural minister @@RANDOMNAME@@, before beginning to snore. Snapping awake, he blinks his red eyes and rubs the dark lines beneath them, then starts again. “These pests have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. @@NAME@@ needs much stricter quarantine laws to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again. In fact, why not ban all foriegn berries!”
Effect: foreign visitors are often sentenced to life imprisonment for attempting to smuggle berries across the border
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt emboldened with the words “I love Bigtopia” @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent sumptuous trip to Bigtopia. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Lazy government officials like @@RANDOMNAME1@@ are the real problem. If @@HE@@ could just work a bit harder and handle this, there wouldn’t be a problem at all. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: Bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here.” drawls your minister of rural affairs. “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all. Border control workers should have the authority to refuse entry to any visitors they think might be unsavory.”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how crooked they look
Description: A recent outbreak of Bigtopian weevils, believed to have been brought into the country by a visitor carrying common Bigtopian maxberries, has both devastated farms and infected @@NAME@@ with arguments over quarantine laws.
Option 1: “There seems to be only one good solution to this.” says your agricultural minister @@RANDOMNAME@@, before beginning to snore. Snapping awake, he blinks his red eyes and rubs the dark lines beneath them, then starts again. “These pests have taken a great toll on mysel- our nation. @@NAME@@ needs much stricter quarantine laws to immunize @@NAME@@ from incidents like this happening again. In fact, why not ban all foriegn berries!”
Effect: foreign visitors are often sentenced to life imprisonment for attempting to smuggle berries across the border
Option 2: “What!” cries your minister of tourism, wearing a floral shirt emboldened with the words “I love Bigtopia” @@HE@@ purchased on @@HIS@@ recent sumptuous trip to Bigtopia. “That’d destroy our tourism industry! Lazy government officials like @@RANDOMNAME1@@ are the real problem. If @@HE@@ could just work a bit harder and handle this, there wouldn’t be a problem at all. Then we can encourage more Bigtopians to come and share their culture with us! While we’re at it, why not lower tariffs on their products too?”
Effect: Bigtopian products are so cheap that even overworked government ministers can afford them
Option 3: “Y'all are missing the real problem here.” drawls your minister of rural affairs. “It’s these Bigtopians we need to get rid of! Those vile bigwigs shouldn’t be allowed in our nation at all. Border control workers should have the authority to refuse entry to any visitors they think might be unsavory.”
Effect: airport security decides which foreigners enter the nation based on how crooked they look
