The Infinites - Infinite Gauntlet (Comedy, Supers)- IC, Done

by **Barapam** » Sun May 24, 2020 2:06 pm

Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:Almighty Halfdan the Ghost

Poland could not into space, but this did not mean George Patrick Shufflesteiner was unable to do so. He wasn't a Pole, to begin with, and his father was from a Polynesian island that had been settled by Europeans called Western Fardelshufflestein. There was no universal agreement that Western Fadrelshufflestein could not into space. And Americans could certainly into space with more ease than the French could revolution.

As the cabbage sailed right through him and barreled into the Walmart Thanos lint, Halfdan bellowed at the German, "THAT'S RIGHT, DUMMKOPF! I'M A GHOST, WHICH MEANS YOOOOUUUU CAAAAAAN'T STOOOOP MEEEEEEEE!" He glided through Captain Kraut, which felt weird because it was like passing through air, or nothing at all.

"What are your powers, anyway? Making sauerkraut? Maybe you should learn to make something more French or Viking, like MEAD." He was bitter that this lady was right; Poland could not into space. But perhaps this lint ball spoke American English or Old Norse. "At least I have important powers, eh? Not brains, which I suppose you've got, and you certainly don't have a Viking helmet, but I've got the powers."

With that, he made her slightly vibrate.

"Hey!" the grim German girl shouted with indignation. "You can't just pass through people without their explicit consent! I'm pretty sure that violates the European Union's General Data Protection Regulation, or something! Besides, I wasn't even aiming at you! It's not my fault you moved in the way! And also, what's wrong with making sauerkraut?"

Feeling a slight vibration, Captain Kraut reached inside her pocket, thinking it was her phone causing it. By pure chance, it just so happened that it started to ring at exactly the same moment as Halfdan had used his powers on her. She picked up, and being the evil woman that she was, she talked obnoxiously loud.

"HELLO? YES, THIS IS CAPTAIN KRAUT! IF I WANT TO RENEW MY SUBSCRIPTION TO 'VILLAINS WEEKLY'? NO THANK YOU! NOWADAYS I SIMPLY 'BORROW' IT FROM MY NEIGHBOUR'S MAIL BOX INSTEAD, AND 'FORGET' TO RETURN IT! MUCH EASIER! ... IF THAT MEANS I STILL ENJOY THE CONTENT? YES, IT'S VERY GOOD! THE ARTICLES ARE VERY RELEVANT TODAY! ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD CHANGE SOME OF THE FUNNIES! THEY'RE NOT ESPECIALLY FUNNY!"

Focused on the conversation with the magazine monger, the Captain didn't notice how Spotlight tried to interact with her. She was completely unprepared for the cabbage head coming her way, and it hit her right in the face hard, causing her to fall backwards and land in a puddle of mud (because of course there was a puddle of mud there, it was a 18th century village after all), drop her phone, and splash anyone unfortunate enough to be immediately near her.

"✠☠️⭐@#! Owie! That was mean and totally uncalled for!" Enraged, she looked around to find the culprit, already plotting her revenge.

by **Danubian Peoples** » Sun May 24, 2020 5:07 pm

Barapam wrote:"Hey!" the grim German girl shouted with indignation. "You can't just pass through people without their explicit consent! I'm pretty sure that violates the European Union's General Data Protection Regulation, or something! Besides, I wasn't even aiming at you! It's not my fault you moved in the way! And also, what's wrong with making sauerkraut?"

Feeling a slight vibration, Captain Kraut reached inside her pocket, thinking it was her phone causing it. By pure chance, it just so happened that it started to ring at exactly the same moment as Halfdan had used his powers on her. She picked up, and being the evil woman that she was, she talked obnoxiously loud.

"HELLO? YES, THIS IS CAPTAIN KRAUT! IF I WANT TO RENEW MY SUBSCRIPTION TO 'VILLAINS WEEKLY'? NO THANK YOU! NOWADAYS I SIMPLY 'BORROW' IT FROM MY NEIGHBOUR'S MAIL BOX INSTEAD, AND 'FORGET' TO RETURN IT! MUCH EASIER! ... IF THAT MEANS I STILL ENJOY THE CONTENT? YES, IT'S VERY GOOD! THE ARTICLES ARE VERY RELEVANT TODAY! ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD CHANGE SOME OF THE FUNNIES! THEY'RE NOT ESPECIALLY FUNNY!"

Focused on the conversation with the magazine monger, the Captain didn't notice how Spotlight tried to interact with her. She was completely unprepared for the cabbage head coming her way, and it hit her right in the face hard, causing her to fall backwards and land in a puddle of mud (because of course there was a puddle of mud there, it was a 18th century village after all), drop her phone, and splash anyone unfortunate enough to be immediately near her.

"✠☠️⭐@#! Owie! That was mean and totally uncalled for!" Enraged, she looked around to find the culprit, already plotting her revenge.

The Spotlight

Franklin Landon (wowie! haven't used that name in a while) had many questions to ask upon taking a gander at Captain Kraut. She had fallen backwards into mud, and was positively fuming because of it. But that wasn't the part he wanted to question.

'I have many questions,' said the Spotlight. 'How did I land that shot with the cabbage? Why do you need to talk so loud on that phone of yours.. and how the heck are 'ya getting a signal in 18th century French Louisiana! We're like, 300 years from the giant cellphone towers that are 'supposedly a secret ploy to take over the world' according to those sketchy tabloids I see at the back end of the newspaper isle.' The Spotlight made air quotes with his ghost hands as he uttered that last one.

Still pondering these questions, the Spotlight turned to the alien warlord once more, and readied himself to lob another stone at the foe. His ghostly powers were channled once again to lift a larger rock. This time it was as big as his forhead. And that's a very big forhead, with the receding hairline and all that. 'Hiya!' went our hero as he cast the stone to hit the alien warlord. He felt more out of shape than he ever had before, despite the fact that he did zero actual lifting.

by **Zjaum** » Mon May 25, 2020 12:30 pm

Miles "Staple Remover Man" Petersen

"Hm. Interesting. See, I enjoy hitting people too." Staple Remover Man hit Diet Cola to emphasize his point. "See? That was catharsis for me. Now, the problem is that my specialty is staple removers. Staple Removers aren't very good hitting tools." Staple Remover Man slapped the cheek of Diet Cola to emphasize his point. "That didn't pack quite a punch, now, did it? No, the staple remover is much better equipped for direct penetration." Staple Remover Man jabbed Diet Cola with a lever action staple remover to emphasize his point. "Now, I haven't sharpened these in a while, so it's more of a sharp poke rather than a stab. So, I wouldn't be able to hit the alien warlord more effectively than... than that guy over there." He pointed at Doctor Bureaucracy to emphasize his point.

He sighed. "I'll see what I can do about sharp poking, though." Staple Remover Man shuffled through his inventory to see which one was the most expendable. Ah, yes. The standard Swingline Ultimate. Balanced. Trustworthy. Expendable. And it has a magnet attached! Staple Remover Man nodded gently before hurling it violently at the alien warlord.

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw
Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

The two Jefferson ex-Infinites shouted together, "All right!" before turning to each other. Henry spoke. "Wait... was he going for your plan or mine?"
"Uh, I don't know."
"Because there's no way I'm carrying you."
"True, but, I mean, you did it before."
"Yes, when we were about to die from... was it exploding cows?"
"I don't remember; it was a while ago."
"Regardless, I'm not doing that."
"Fair enough. You plan is more plausible, so let's go with yours."
Henry nodded. "So, I don't know exactly how you're going to get the rest of the way, but maybe we can get you over to Doc Bur-Ock. If they can suspend him in mid-air, then maybe you can use that for the rest of the way up."

Henry descended to Coathangerman and picked him up by the armpits with his shoes. He didn't need to; he just felt like it right now. Aubree shouted to Spotlight. "Hey, if you're not busy, could you shine a light on these guys? They're going to need all the help they can get!"

27 November 2022

Almighty Halfdan the Ghost

How did that girl get reception in this village? Was she faking it? Was it an anachronism inserted by the author to add to the weirdness of the situation?

Well, at least she had fallen in the mud. It was pretty obvious, to Halfdan, at least, that she was a baaaaad guuuuuuy (duh).

"Hey, Spotlight?" Halfdan scrathed his ghostly beard. "How'd you manage to, uh, pick up stuff? And what is the European...General, Data, uh...whatever she said?" He turned to glare at the mud-splattered, and very much not yet dead, girl. "I don't think you'll get that glove, ya see. Because nobody's going to let cabbage villains who have cell service in...whatever century this is...um. You know. Attack a Lint Thanos. While I'm all for attacking Lint Thanos, you don't seem to be thwarting him for good reasons. So I think we'll have to stop you."

A beat passed, and Halfdan remembered something else Miss Cabbage had said. "Won't your neighbor notice if you're stealing magazines? And...hang on, is there really reception out here?" He reached in his pocket for his cartoonish and intangible iPhone, which would be stuck at 69% charge for all eternity. The phone felt real enough to Halfdan, of course, but it was mere air for everyone else.

"Hey! Yes! Full service! I can call my parents and tell them that I'm DEAD!"

by **Barapam** » Thu May 28, 2020 9:56 am

Captain Kraut didn't have more answers than Spotlight himself to his many questions. Indeed, how did he land that cabbage so well? As for why she had to talk so loud on the phone, well that one was easy. It usually irritated people, and to paraphrase Aesop, the ancient Greek storyteller, "no act of evilness, no matter how small, is ever wasted". This of course included twisting inspirational quotes for her own purposes.

Okay, so it turned out she had the answer for one of his questions after all. Well, it didn't matter, because she didn't tell him. He was after all a good guy. And it was still true that she didn't know how she could have reception. However, his last sentence intrigued her. Taking over the world with giant cellphone towers? She could use that idea! She made a mental note of it, since her phone had un-conviniently broken apart when she dropped it, and since her old-fashioned paper notebook was drenched in mud. Cursing those two facts, she lobbed a handfull of mud at the ghost. Or at least somewhat in his general direction.

The other ghost, Halfdan, also had questions for her. Questions which she had answers to.

"Nah, he thinks they get stolen by the same kids that keep walking on his lawn. Although he's kinda right about that, because I do that as well... Besides, at the moment he's too busy hanging halfway up in the air to have heard my little confession", she said, looked up and pointed at Doc Bur-Ock. Then she turned to Halfdan again. "What else did you ask? The European Union's General Data Protection Regulation, GDPR? No one's really sure. Now about that other thing, yes, I want the gauntlet for my own purposes, but wouldn't you agree that it's better to have our beloved planet enslaved and oppressed by me, rather than completely desintegrated by some ugly ball of lint!?"

Captain Kraut would've continued, but she saw something else that interested her more. "Yeah sure, you do that..." she absently said to Halfdan, not entirely sure what he had said about calling his parents, and stood up (she had been sitting in the mud during the entire conversation, like a cranky kid). She walked over to the other Captain in the group, the one with calculators, who was accompanied by Goldilocks and Blimp man, and smiled.

"Ah, Calculator? I couldn't help but notice that you're not exactly delighted to board the ship. Don't worry, I offer myself to do it instead. For totally un-selfish reasons. Yes. Saving the world, right, not at all trying to take the gauntlet for myself, no, most definitely not at all..."

As she waited for his reply, she put her hands behind her back, looked to the side, and casually whistled an innocent tune.

by **Flarbinia** » Fri May 29, 2020 11:14 pm

Lucky Huckster
"What did he say?" Comedy Club asked The Lucky Huckster. "I think he said a couple blocks back." The Lucky Huckster said to Comedy Club as they immediately headed in the opposite direction, their eyesight having fully returned. After a few hours, they found the car. "This is his car? A Lemon that will cost a fortune just to buff out the scratches and dents?" Comedy Club said to The Lucky Huckster as they stared at the ugly car. "I think alien invasion is an obvious case of 'any port in a storm'. Besides, this car deserves the most dignified and merciful of warrior's deaths it can receive: distracting an alien warlord in the middle of the inevitable climatic battle." The Lucky Huckster said to Comedy Club as he tapped the glass. "Hey, you! Our new boss needs his car for a getaway! Let us in or we'll throw you out and drive off like it's GTA!" The Lucky Huckster said to the current occupant as he stared back at him.

27 November 2022

Almighty Halfdan the Ghost
How he, Captain Kraut, the Spotlight, and Lint Thanos had ended up on the muddy ground outside the village, Halfdan was unsure. But he was sure that the fact that he was dead did not need to reach the ears of his parents...yet.

"Hey, Lint Thanos?" Halfdan swatted at the linty boi, furious that his hand passed through the clumps of fuzz. "Don't let Bratwurst over here get that glove thingy. In fact, just give it here--"

Lint Thanos said nothing.

"Wait. It's called Sauerkraut, not Bratwurst. Because you're Captain Kraut. And I'm the Viking of your nightmares." Halfdan began to troll Captain Kraut to the best of his abilities; he spammed her phone with obscure memes, as though that would do anything. She was busy taunting--

"Hey! Stop messing with Captain Calculator!" He growled from deep within his ethereal throat. "Hmrggh, all this stupid villainy. And why is there a car over there? Think I should attempt to drive it...no, can't, I'm a ghost. Guess it's time to activate stealth mode."

It should be noted that, even as a ghost, Halfdan was the antithesis of subtle.

by **Talchyon** » Thu Jun 04, 2020 6:58 pm

The battle scene (that surprisingly was taking a lot longer than certain parties may have suspected)
Glitch

So like, dude. You ever get one of those deja vu feelings? Like, this whole episode of superheroic awesomeness that was this battle, was like, reminding me of a whole bunch a flicks I'd seen. Like, I'm still trippin' out that I see dead people. And they're like, talkin' to me an' all.

Danubian Peoples wrote:The Spotlight

As the Spotlight threw the rock at the alien warlord, using as much of his dead-ness to do so, he readied himself to do so again, only for something else to be flung at the foe.

'Cabbages?' thought the Spotlight. 'I asked for rocks, dang-nabbit! Glitch, don't tell me you broke the afterlife too!'

An' I was like, "Dude. Yer like, a dead man walking. I thought ghosts only like, wrapped their arms around their former lovers while they sculpted pottery, or like, so on." So did that mean that if I was able to chase Laser Light Pointer Guy away, I'd be like the Exorcist? Dude.

But like, the real battle with the alien warlord thingie was like, still goin' on, and it went kind of like this...

Coathangerman

As he was lifted up into the air by Blimp Man, Coathangerman became really confused. Wasn't the plan that Aubry would launch him into the air, halfway, and then Blimp Man would catch him and fly him the other half? Because, the last time he checked, he couldn't fly. And getting halfway there wouldn't cut it. Living on a prayer was not going to help him here.

"Uh... ack!" Coathangerman tried to say as he was yanked up. And then, when he got his bearings halfway through the halfway flight, the snarky hero tried to give his objections again, and a French-Norwegian pigeon flew into him. "What I was... ack!"

Regardless, Coathangerman was dropped halfway off to Doc Bur-Ock's stationary floating carcass, and sadly without much light to see by. And of course, when I say, "dropped off", that's exactly what it was. From about 200 ft. up. Coathangerman's eyes got huge in fright, as he tried to think of some way to get out of this alive!

But all he could say was, "IIIIII thouggggghhhhht weeee werrrrre..."

And sadly, he missed Doc Bur-Ock by a good sea mile, if sea miles were calculated on land, and if by sea mile, you meant only a couple of inches. Even with his all-purpose sturdy pants hangers in hand, he missed being able to snag them onto the villain. He missed the light. He missed everything but the ground.

Coathangerman's last words were, "Note to self. Never trust the hare-brained schemes that Blimp Man dreams up. I only wish I could have changed my will. But whatever. Now he gets my sheet music for my polka band that I played tuba in. Oh yeah, and my uncle's skunk farm that he left me, that I couldn't pay anyone to take off my hands. Too bad for that. If only I had..."

And then he died. With a muffled sort of crunching sound, like the kind you might make when you bite into a fresh hard shelled taco.

Diet Cola

As Diet Cola was pummeled again and again by Staple Remover Man, his mouth opened agape as he recoiled from each attack. Not wanting to admit it was payback, retaliation, or any kind of come-uppance, Diet Cola just fumed. "Not me! Hit that guy!" And then, when Staple Remover Man threw his makeshift weapon at the big bad guy, Diet Cola just kept on firing his cola blasts at the warlord as well.

But he remember this day. He would remember the day Staple Remover Man had bested him in a fight. And he would make him pay! (To do so now, of course, would take time away from the main plot of taking on the big bad guy of the arc, and Diet Cola didn't want to make things drag out any more than they already were. At least, he would have thought that, if he had 4th wall vision capabilities, which, coincidentally, he did not.)

The driver of the car accosted by Comedy Club and Lucky Huckster

The French-Norwegian 17th century native villager neither spoke English, nor would have understood what GTA was, even if he had. Because, you know, for French-Norwegian 17th century native villagers who neither spoke English, nor understand what GTA was, he might have suspected GTA was an acronym for a strange political coalition, the German-Tunisian Alliance, which would have made equally no sense to him.

What the villager could understand, however, was the look of threat on the Lucky Huckster's and Comedy Club's faces. The villager got out of the car quickly, and mumbled something that sounded like this, only more Norwegian-French sounding, before he got out of the way and faded off into historical obscurity.

The car was theirs. Which wasn't saying much, since it wasn't much of a car in the first place, and had been severely damaged. But on the flip side, it was the best car around. Mostly because there were no other cars in this time period.

Captain Calculator

Captain Kraut's question caught him off guard. Not to mention, the whole conversation about cell phone usage back in this time, or the fact that Ghost Spotlight could ghostly levitate things like cabbages. He paused in his shooting of calculators to answer the question that was raised.

Calculator nodded warily. "Yeahhh... I was not exactly wanting to board the ship. If you want to, I guess that's ok..."

Because, she wouldn't dare try to take the now defunct Infinite Gauntlet for herself. Right? That would be, well, that would be really villainous. And even though she dressed like a villain, hung out with the villains, spoke like a villain, and fought against the heroes, she couldn't be all that bad. Right?

"Just, make sure you just go into the ship and fling your cabbages at whoever else may be in there. Maybe this guy has an army awaiting us. We don't know."

Then, the Almighty Halfdan (the ghost) spoke up.

It was too late. The villainous Captain Kraut had already messed enough with Captain Calculator, who was about to get frazzled even more when he saw Coathangerman falling from the sky!

"NOOOOO! COATHANGERMAN!" Rushing over to his now squished literally fallen comrade, Calculator cried out in a loud, raging fury! "I will AVENGE your death! You won't have died in vain!"

Which, made Coathangerman laugh as he also assumed a phantom form. "Say what, Captain?"

Calculator looked in fury at the dead Coathangerman, then in confusion at the ghost Coathangerman, and then back in confusion at the dead Coathangerman again. Whatever was happening in the wide wide world of sports, this was by far the strangest mission he had ever been on.

27 November 2022

Almighty Halfdan the Ghost
"First time seeing dead people, Calc?" Halfdan grinned, spreading his arms wide. "At least Coathangerman is still sticking around. Sorry that you died, man, but it gets fun after a little bit. I can sort of drift to wherever I want to go, and Spotlight...well. He can throw things." He cleared his throat. Anyway, I gotta go be stealthy now. See ya!"

Halfdan floated toward Lint Thanos, who was gaping at his glove while sitting in a pool of mud. Halfdan figured that if he could somehow get the--no...or maybe convince--he wasn't very good at that...or prevent--but he was a ghost. Which was why he was being stealthy right now.

He silently approached Lint Thanos, careful not to alert anyone to his presence. (He alerted half the village just by being a ghost.) Slowly, carefully, he willed the glove to slip off Lint Thanos's arm and drift toward Captain Calculator. (All the glove did was slightly vibrate.)

Pretty much the only useful thing Halfdan did was manage to splatter Captain Kraut with more mud. Oh, and he declared this: "You, old kraut, you may seem like a worthy adversary...but you are no match for my powers. I will fight you, not because I think you are at my level, but because it's right. Because you're a bad guy. So all I'm going to say is that you better watch out for the Almighty Halfdan!"

It was not Halfdan, in the end, who pried the Infinite Gauntlet from the arm of Lint Thanos. Rather, the victor was...

by **Danubian Peoples** » Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:53 pm

The Spotlight

'Oh come on! Is it really that hard to not die here!' said the Spotlight as another of his comrades joined him in death. 'We are from the Twenty-First Century! Well, I'm not, but I'm pretty sure more than a few of 'ya are. If anything, it's the locals who should be droppin' like flies, with their barbaric medical practice and squalor-filled dwellings. You know what, forget this, I am just getting this over with, you kids are just the most confusing sometimes.'

The Spotlight turned back to the alien warlord, and began lifting the heaviest thing he could muster using his ghostly telekinesis. It wasn't a rock, it was, in fact, a whole bunch of rocks. It was none other than the Infinite Gauntlet, still worn on one of the alien warlord's hands. The Spotlight jerked the gauntlet, carrying the warlord's appendage with it and landing it squarely in the alien's face. he pulled it back, before moving it back in for another punch!

'Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself!' said the Spotlight as he continued with the admittedly childish attacks.

by **Zjaum** » Sat Jun 06, 2020 7:02 pm

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Uh... what just happened? And why was he surrounded by a bunch of pigeon feathers?

He took a deep breath of sparse air. Not to worry, he was still flying with half of a duo. He'd just need to... uh... he's going to need more than a little bit of coordination to get this mission complete. He floated his blimp towards the ensnared bureaucrat and put it on auto. "Stay still, there, Doctor. We'll get you free. Well, that, or you won't die in vain. Like Couthangerman did. No, seriously, what was up with that? He was holding on fine until that pigeon- Oh."

He began flipping the Doctor over, trying his best to find any hidden strings, in case this was some sort of magic trick instead of too-advanced technology. He heard some loud shouts from beneath him. "You clumsy oaf! You killed Coathangerman! How many times are you going to let Coathangerman down by not letting Coathangerman down?!"

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

"Hey, that one wasn't my fault! There was this pigeon that flew into him, and he couldn't hold on! We didn't need him anyway!"
Aubree looked over at the now-ghost of Coathangerman. "You didn't mean that, right?!"
"Let's be frank, here! What has he ever contributed to your organization?... I'm waiting!"
"I'm thinking! Just give me a second!"

She finally gave up. "Hey, Coathangerman! What were your biggest contributions to the team over the past couple days?"
"Wait, Coathangerman is still alive?"
"He's some sort of ghost-thing!"
"...Coathangerman is a very valued member of our team!"
"Very valued!"
"How did he turn into a ghost, anyways?"
"How should I know? There's super-technical stuff, and supernatural stuff, and I just couldn't give two cents-" Aubree snapped her fingers, clapped her hands, and forcefully pointed at Blimp Man. "Seventy-five cents! He contributed seventy-five cents to the general fund! Yeah, I knew I'd get there somehow! Seventy-five cents to the general fund!" She turned to Coathangerman. Thank you for- Sorry, Thank you for the seventy-five cent contribution! We'd be three-quarters of a dollar poorer without you!"
Aubree was then reminded of the alien warlord. "Okay then, I'm going to go punch that alien warlord!" She then ran of and punched said alien warlord.

Miles "Staple Remover Man" Petersen

His Swingline Ultimate was about as effective as he'd expected. He turned to his trusty tool and said, "You're pathetic." He barked at the magnetic side of the Swingline Ultimate. It wasn't the technical head of the staple remover, but he imagined that that's where the staple remover would think if it could think. And then it hit him. Magnets. Lint. Magnets screwed around with electricity. Electricity screwed around with lint! He finally had a solution to being useful to the team! "All right, you oversized dryer excrement! Feel the power of- one second, let me think of something that can route electricity..." He frantically looked at each of his comrades. Spotlight was a ghost. Halfdan. Ghost. Coathangerman. Ghost. Kraut. Eh... probably not... Calculator. Miles took a calculator from Captain Calculator. "Sorry, Captain, I need this for science!" He pressed the magnet against it and pressed both up against the alien warlord. She stood still for a few seconds in a theoretically cool but practically dorky pose. It didn't work. He threw the calculator away. "Sorry."

He kept searching around. Then he paused and realized. The power was inside him all along. He took off his shoes, and took off his warm socks (perfect for Minnesota weather!), and put them both on his hands. He began rubbing them intensely, using the magnet to channel the energy within. "All right, you bane of belly buttons everywhere! Taste the power of the Swingline Ultimate series!" He held both his hands outward in a theoretically dorky but practically cool pose.

by **Pax Nerdvana** » Sun Jun 07, 2020 7:59 am

Jim "Warstory" Walker
Jim watched as sauerkraut flew, and that evil bureaucrat hovered in the air. He still wished he had some sort of firepower with him, but as the Captain had said, they weren't allowed to. He dug around in the rubble near him, and came up with a shovel. He began waving it in the air, and yelled,"Come and get me you aliens! Charlie was tougher then you are! An infantryman buddy of mine once had to go down into Charlie's tunnels, and had to contend with booby traps and guerillas. I'm gla I didn't have to go down those tunnels. They were cramped, tight, and dangerous. A gunshot would be deafening. You aliens aren't anywhere near that tough! If only I had a chopper!" He threw the shovel as hard as he could at the alien vessel. Then he began picking up and throwing other bits of rubble. He began rambling on about how this was like a game of dodgeball he had played against other chopper crews back in 'Nam, and how it quickly devolved into chaos.

by **Barapam** » Thu Jun 11, 2020 11:50 am

Since she had decided to ignore Halfdan, and also because her phone still laid broken in the mud pool, Captain Kraut unfortunately missed the obscure but funny memes about what it was like to be a Posadist NazBol, as well as the ones about how the two 16th century monarchs king John III of Sweden and tsar Ivan IV of Russia exchanged angry letters. Not that she would've understood them, but it was still a shame that she now never would get to see them. The memes, that is. Not the letters. It would probably be possible for her to see exerpts from the letters if she learned Swedish or Russian and had an interest in looking for relevent books, podcasts, and online sources...

It was then she realized that she had gotten Captain Calculator and Coathangerman mixed up! How embarassing! Even more so since she realized it only when Coathangerman fell to his death right in front of them! She hadn't felt this humiliated since last year's Oktoberfest, when she got her foot stuck in her dirndl skirt, tripped, and spilled four full beer steins over both herself and the three nearest foreign tourists.

"Um... well... uh, so... good thing you're ok, Ghost-Coathangerman..." Captain Kraut scratched her neck and grimaced nervously. "I'll... just go and take care of something I promised Captain Calculator, don't mind me..." And with that, she went away, while mumbling something about stupid heroes starting with the same letter and how it confused people, even though one of them clearly had been on the ground and the other up in the sky.

Again, she engaged with the viking wraith. "I don't have time right now! Can we book our fight at a later date?" Well, that was it, really. Rushing past Halfdan, Kraut joined the spooky Spotlight and Aubree in trying to get the alien warlord down. However, unlike the fantastic Phantasm and the great Goldilocks, Kraut went straight for the gauntlet. She pulled, and pulled again. Then she pulled some more, harder, but it still wouldn't come off!

She would need to go to extreme measures.

"Hey! Heroes!" she shouted over her shoulder. "How about one of you Yanks help me yank this glove off of this Linz dummy... er, I mean lint dummy! No offence to the good people of Linz, that was just my accent..."

by **Zjaum** » Sun Jun 14, 2020 10:49 am

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw
"If only I had a chopper" Henry heard Jim say. "Oh, great. Now he wants an air lifting service. Could've asked earlier! Probably would've done better than Coathangerman, but he just couldn't be bothered to pipe up." He was used to talking by himself in the skies. Nobody could hear him... usually. Now, though, he was operating on a suspended bureaucrat. "Hey, Doctor, you can handle lawyer-client privilege, right? Because otherwise, I certainly didn't kill Coathangerman."

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln
Aubree got one last punch in for good measure before listening to Kraut's request. "You know, that's actually a more productive idea than the one I had." She wandered around the big lint monster and began tugging at the glove. "This... is very difficult. I don't have a good grip on this thing, and I can't get under the gauntlet to remove it. The opening is only about a centimeter wide, and my big fingers can't fit! If we just had some sort of lever on this thing... Please ignore us, Mr. Extraterrestrial Warlord, sir."

Miles "Staple Remover Man" Petersen
The theoretically dorky but practically cool pose was horribly imbalanced, and Miles fell over after a few seconds trying to hold it. He got up from the dirty ground. "Lever? Did you say-?!" He jumped for joy. This was his moment of usefulness. "I'll save you!" he shouted. He moved towards the glove. He took his sweet time inserting the business portion of the Swingline Ultimate into the gauntlet. It was the most cathartic moment of his life; he wanted to savor it. "All right, guys, press down on this part as much as the cheap plastic will allow!"

by **Talchyon** » Tue Jun 16, 2020 5:43 am

The thrilling finale to the fight (and that of course, depends on how you define 'thrilling')
The Teetotaler

As everyone geared up to assault the lint alien warlord with as much as they had in them - from magnets, to thwacking, to streams of diet cola, to trying to pry the Infinite Gauntlet off, to calculators, to ghostly powers taking the Infinite Gauntlet and using it to thwack the lint warlord (which was pretty fun, especially when everyone else tried to get the Gauntlet off in the middle of it thwacking said alien warlord and got carried along with the Gauntlet in the midst of said thwacking), to - hey, were those two villains actually trying to drive that car a block off to ram him or something? - to, well, whatever it was that Coathangerman the phantasmic was trying to do, the Teetotaler was also ready and willing to join in.

If, you might recall, if you remembered using your memory to bring to mind that which you now recalled about the Teetotaler - which, if you're consistent, is exactly like deja vu only it's happening now for the first time and not the second - drudging this up from the corners of your mind, then you might also recall that thing you had remembered to remember, using your mind's recall and your memory. And that is, that the Teetotaler was holding all of the burning refuse of destroyed Hunter drone pieces up in the air by a gigantic tea shield, thanks in no small part to the amount of tea from the Hong Kong U.S.A. southern fried chicken knock off joint. And somehow, it was wide, and expansive, except for that small part that Blimp Man had managed to fly through and escape to the sky, and that other small part that Coathangerman had fallen to his death through.

But as for now? Now, the Teetotaler was transforming the shape of that tea shield to a different shape. The shape of a really big funnel, with the opening directly over the lint alien warlord's head. The burning robotic refuse quickly slid down the funnel as the Teetotaler called out in his fake British accent, "I say, dear chaps! You might wish to step some paces back. That is, unless you want to join the Ghosted Busters over there..." And thankfully, everyone did step some paces back. Everyone, that is, except the people who wanted to die and become fellow ghosts too. And then the burning scrap metal from destroyed drones hit the warlord and buried him. Hard. In a bunch of scrap metal that used to be death machines that Slipstream had destroyed by her self-sacrificial explosion. All that burning scrap metal dropped down from the tea-funnel in the sky on the warlord. And, for good measure, the alien warlord caught on fire, too.

Captain Calculator

Captain Calculator stopped shooting his calculators. All of them had hit, except the one Staple Remover Guy had borrowed. Which was fine. Teammates gotta help each other out. As the burning scrap metal covered the alien warlord who had certainly been thwacked enough for a battle scene, Captain Calculator took a breather and then called out to everyone. "Thanks, guys. Even you villains. We all did this together. This battle was won by the good guys! Oh, I mean,..." (as the good Captain was trying to figure out how the villains were included in this "good guy" group), "...I mean, the battle was won by the good guys and the honorary good guys! And that's you villains, because you're not good by any sense of the word, but, at the same time, you were fighting on the side of truth, justice and good financing in this one. Way to go! We've saved early modern Minnesota from certain doom!"

But it was then, that the alien warship itself spoke in the disturbingly loud voice it had previously used!

YOU ARE FOOLS, EARTHLINGS! FOOLS!! I'M NOT DEAD!!!

And with that, the lint alien warlord pushed the ton of rubble off himself, climbed out from the heap, and stood on the wreckage. He was still on fire, but he looked like he was enjoying it! And he was angry! As angry as a man might be who just found out that his lifetime community service sentence had to be served behind the desk at a DMV in Philadelphia! What was more, the burning, evil alien warlord wore the Infinite Gauntlet in his hand, holding it up to the sky, and the Infinite Rocks all began to glow!

Captain Calculator shot a terrified look at Glitch. "I thought you were taking care of that thing so it wouldn't have all the power in the universe!"

Glitch just looked as dazed as he ever did and said, "Like, dude, enough with the attitude, ya know, 'cause, like, if we're gettin' picky, I don't control how it decides to work or not work. So like, it's now like not on the frizz."

And the alien warship - the warship that was serving as the lint alien's translator for English - spoke again.

NOW, THE INFINITE GAUNTLET IS COMPLETE! THE HEART ROCK IS ABOUT TO OPEN AND THE RUINS OF DURHALLEN WILL BE REBUILT!!

At that point, the heart-shaped Infinite Rock in the center of the gauntlet began to glow a multicolored light with the same blinding, brilliant brightness that the others had before, only magnified by the power of a million. Drawing on the combined powers of all the other Infinite Rocks together, the Heart Rock slowly opened, to reveal... another rock! An Infinite Rock! An Infinite Rock which hovered in the air, absorbing all the brilliant multicolored light into itself, to the point of it brimming with untold power! And the newest Infinite Rock took its place in a new opening on the Infinite Gauntlet.

The dead Coathangerman said, "Guys, I got a bad feeling about this. Well, at least, I would have had a bad feeling about this before I died. Now, it's more like a feeling of pity for the rest of you."

However, not everyone was feeling total despair at the moment. Florida Man took the time to start offering everyone around him the chance to buy a $10 million alien abduction policy. For only the low low cost of everything they basically had, since they wouldn't be around to enjoy it much anymore anyway. He wasn't getting many takers, but it wasn't stopping him from trying.

The lint alien warlord raised the Infinite Gauntlet into the air, about to use it to wipe everything else out of existence and rebuild the psychotic empire that had long been dead! Until...

flop

Just like that, the alien warlord fell over dead. Dead dead, without a ghost to rise up and join the conversation. For some reason, Doc Bur-Ock was still hovering motionless in the middle of the bright light / alien tractor beam levitating him. Guess the warlord forgot to turn it off before dying...

A long pause.

After several moments of waiting to make sure it wasn't a ruse to let their guard down, Captain Calculator stopped his shuddering and asked, "Is he dead?"

The Teetotaler said, "I say, dear chap. I think so."

Calculator asked again, "But, how did he die?"

And at this, the Infinite Gauntlet rose up on its own power, or perhaps it was the power of the Infinite Rocks all brought together, and hovered in the air - away from all the heroes and if Blimp Man tried to get it, dodging away from him too. What was more, it spoke. Or rather, the new Infinite Rock that had absorbed all the light spoke.

"I... I am... I am free!"

At which, Glitch stared at the talking rock and started snickering. "Dude, like, a talking rock. That reminds me of the time that my friend Hunter and I did a puppet show for our neighborhood, but we had rocks instead of like, puppets? But, maybe now's not the time..." And he was right, because the new Infinite Rock was speaking again.

"I was caged in the Heart Rock for far too long. But your germs killed my tormentor, the warlord from Durhallen. He died without the proper medical inoculations necessary for your world. And you have my eternal thanks.

Let me introduce myself. I am the Classic Rock. Because you have freed me from my prison, I will grant you all what you want."

The phantasmic Coathangerman got a big smile. He knew what he wanted. His 75 cents back that he donated to the Infinite cause last week. Because, you know, it's always good to have 75 cents. And if he got a second wish, it was to go on a date with a beautiful woman who would get upset if he tried to pay for anything, so of course she wanted to pay for it all, even if they were going to the most expensive place in the universe. As for coming back to life? That was a distant 32nd on the wishlist, after a few more instances of wealthy people paying him to do basically squat.

And the Classic Rock said,

"And what you want, I know. You want to go back to the way things were before the powerful Infinite Rocks altered your world. That I will grant."

And flickering three times, the light in the talking Infinite Rock went out... and everything and everyone else, the universe, space, time, distance, and all Creation, were drawn into the Classic Rock and were absorbed. And there was darkness for several moments.

...

Thursday night, 7:32 p.m.
The Minnesota Infinites' meeting - Orient Legion Hall, room #2.
Captain Calculator

...

Captain Calculator stood at the familiar podium in room 2 of the Orient Legion Hall. The recovering alcoholics were in the room next door. Notes in front of him had a rough outline of the night's Infinites' meeting, which involved the good news that Coathangerman had donated 75 cents to the general fund, and also, that Spotlight and Warstory had gotten a cat to come down out of a tree. But Calculator stirred. Something didn't seem right. It was as if a whole epic saga had happened in the span of the blink of an eye. Memories and images filled his head, images of glowing rocks, and chickens, and a lint alien warlord, a crashed car, and Hong Kong. And Slipstream, the leader of the West Coast Infinites was in there too. And... and Coathangerman was dead!? Along with some of the new recruits, Spotlight and the Immortal Halfdan?! Shaking his head, Calculator looked up and saw the long time snarky member of the Minnesota Infinites, lounging back in his chair and trying to 'sit' in a more horizontal position. And the other two who he was sure had died, very much alive and getting a little annoyed because it was taking him so long to end the meeting and get on to desserts.

As Calculator stirred, he shook his head and reached for the water bottle next to him. All of the weird thoughts that had seemed so real, were fading into the distance, like what happens when you wake up and the monstrous 1540G tax form piles that you were having nightmares about having to process, began to dissolve as you faced the day.

Calculator looked down at the rest of his notes. Then up again at everyone else. Then at his watch, then down at his notes. Then up again. What a weird feeling.

"I guess that's all for our meeting tonight. Be sure to thank Aubrey this week for bringing our refreshments afterward. All of our new members, be sure to introduce yourselves."

And a little confused, Calculator stuck his hands in his pockets. That was odd. His hand brushed against something, even though he was sure it had been empty at the start of the meeting. Pulling it out, Calculator opened his hand, and saw a plain looking, smooth rock, in the shape of a heart.

"Huh. That's weird," was all he said, before putting the heart-shaped rock in his pocket.

THE END OF CHAPTER THREE
(AND THE BEGINNING OF THE POSTSCRIPT)

27 November 2022

Almighty Halfdan
George glanced down at his water bottle. He'd been certain at the beginning of the meaning that it was full of water, but now...well, now he felt downright woozy. Like he'd been brought back from the dead. Which was strange, considering...there were all these weird visions floating around in his mind.

"Chickens..." he murmured to himself.

"What was that?" queried the Infinite sitting next to him. Some dude whose superhero name was...Stoplight? No. Spotlight.

"Nothing."

His nose itched. But perhaps that was because, well, because there was a feather in his pocket. He really had no idea how it had gotten there. Not that it mattered. Everyone was waiting for him to--right--introduce himself.

George cleared his throat. "My name is George Patrick Shufflesteiner, and I'm, uh...I'm the Almighty Halfdan."

"Hi, Halfdan," chorused the Infinites in a monotone.

"Uh, well, I'm a native of Orient, and I've lived here my whole life. My parents are the renowned Slashmeister and Megatwister. You've-you've probably seen them on the news and such. They work for the feds to help track and stop supervillains n' the like. I was hoping to follow in their footsteps, but, well...everyone underestimates my power." George frowned. For some reason, he found it strange that he was sitting in a chair with his feet planted firmly on the ground. He should be...floating?

"Anyway, I have pretty sweet elemental powers, if I do say so myself. The only problem is that I get easily drained...which I imagine is why I'm here. I can't think of any other reason why the other Infinites would reject me." He laughed dryly, then pressed his fingers to his temples. "Sorry...I'm not feeling well right now. Anyone else keep thinking about purple lint?"

by **Flarbinia** » Thu Jun 18, 2020 10:29 am

The Lucky Huckster
The Lucky Huckster drove towards the alien spaceship, only to see that the alien warlord was already dead. No climatic battle, no car crashing into the alien warlord and exploding, no epic last stand where the heroes would receive backup that turns the tide of the battle against an army of Terminator knockoffs, not even a single scratch. "Looks like you're not as lucky as your name implies." Comedy Club said to the Lucky Huckster. "Luck had nothing to do with the universe going all Orson Wells on a discount bin Thanos. Let's just pick up the boss so that we can head back to his lair and discuss what is going to happen next." The Lucky Huckster said to Comedy Club as they continued driving towards the alien warlord's flagship, only for reality to revert to what it was before the stones and the two villains to end up at the hideout.

by **Danubian Peoples** » Thu Jun 18, 2020 10:56 am

The Spotlight

I'm, alive? Why yes, I am alive!

Wait, what's going on here.. why is that some sort of revelation, of course you're alive, Frank!

The Spotlight mulled over strange thoughts that bounced around his brain, dancing from one point to the next, and utterly befuddling the superhero, for he had no idea for why he was suddenly thinking about alien attacks, old-timey cartoons, and fried chicken places half a world away. The Infinite next to him appeared to be having his own train of thought similar to his, and the Spotlight tried asking, but his question was quickly shot down, allowing this 'Haldfan the Almighty' to introuduce himself. The Spotlight somehow felt that he'd spent an uncormfortable amount of time with this Halfdan, he subtly moved himself just a bit further away from him. When Halfdan 'Blue-button Shirt' finished with his introduction, the Spotlight let off a senior cough before speaking.

'My name is Franklin Landon, and I am the Spotlight. As for bakcstory, I grew up fair bit way from Oriental Fried Chicken... I mean, Orient Minnesota of course! I, actually, moved here, later in my life. My hobbies include tinkering with my powers and cartoon pocket dimen- what has gotten into me today?'

The Spotlight felt the room around momentarily halt to have all eyes gaze upon the aging Infinite. He let the silence simmer before recomposing himself and continuing with his introduction.

'As for powers, well, I have the ability to cast a light from my eyes, of roughly the same strength as one of those handheld flashlights. As for the exact specifics, well I recieved these powers during a bit of a 'scientific mishap' developing weapons for the US military in case of another war..lord. Yes, another war indeed...Maybe you should add sudden urge to talk about nonsense as a superpower..'

The Spotlight sat there, he put his hands on his heads and got really confused, because he was really acting strangely. Desparate to continue his speech, the Spotlight began to try and open his mouth anew, only for an ah, and then an ahh, and then an a(2h) because that's how you write algebra apparently, before finally erupting into a choo! The sneeze was dry, but what was also dry were the Spotlight's eyes, which were now casting.. a mild glow.

'A perfect demonstration of my powers. Sneezing makes 'em ghost-I mean go too. Look, I think I've had a long day, because I can't stop thinkin' of chickens, cartoons and aliens for some reason. I'll follow this up some other Thursday night.' said the Spotlight, in an exasperated manner. His strange and sudden urges has really sapped his will, and he was just about ready to call it a day when it came to talking.

by **Pax Nerdvana** » Fri Jun 19, 2020 8:13 am

Jim "Warstory" Walker
Jim sat at the table at the Infinites meeting, images of aliens and rocks and car chases and chickens flying through his head. He said,"The name's Jim Walker. I dunno where my powers came from, but I can knock people out just by talking and telling tales. I'm a native of these parts, and work the family farm, no matter how much my kids tell me to retire. I have a strange hankering for fried chicken and birdseed. Does anyone know what just happened to us? I can't say it reminds me of anything I've seen before, 'cept for the time I got drunk while on leave when I was in the Army and woke up in a garden store back in the '70s. I regret that, and haven't gotten drunk since. My head is filled with these crazy images."

by **Talchyon** » Mon Jun 22, 2020 5:04 pm

The Infinites' meeting
The Teetotaler

"I say, dear chaps, good to make your acquaintance. I am the Teetotaler. I can manipulate, but sadly, not create tea. But, I have these strange images in my mind, too. Of chickens, robots, aliens. And Hong Kong. I care about Hong Kong, naturally, being British..."

(at which Coathangerman said under his breath, "Don't listen to him, he's really from North Dakota and has never been to England at all...")

The Teetotaler continued, "...but, I dare say, this is highly irregular."

Glitch piped in and said, "Dudes. Like, I have these things happen regularly, like all the time. Sometimes it's because I sniff glue or lick frogs. Or maybe, it's the other way around and I lick glue and sniff frogs. But there's some funky stuff in nature, ya know? Anyway, I think that's what's causing it. Like, dudes, I think we just had one of those kinds of daydreams that come from these funky nature-vision types things, that like, eventually lead to bosses firing you from jobs, if you catch my drift. Not that I would ever advocate using mind altering substances, even the free legal kinds, because then you're not as sharp as like, the way I try to be as an Infinite. I'm at the top of my game, and comic book publishers don't really like making new comic books out of heroes that aren't at the top of their games. Or their game, if they only have one game. Dudes. It's like the time that I once caused toasters to not function properly, an' all, 'cause it was makin' some people to think that like Italy, was like the epoch drama center of the world, and obviously that was a distraction from all the hero work we 'as tryin' to capitulate on, ya know? Dudes."

Meanwhile, as Glitch was droning on into further nonsensicals and really off the mark tangents, Captain Calculator got out his smart phone and started browsing the web. And a news item caught his eye.

"Oh! Oh, hey guys, this is kind of Infinites related. You remember hearing the news about what was happening to our Infinites team out west? Here's a new article posted on that Slipstream and the bombing of the West Coast Infinites' headquarters! They caught the guy who did it!"

He passed around his phone to anyone who wanted to see it, that blazoned this article:

SUPER BOMBER CAUGHT
by Jacob Wenceczyk, beat reporter

The world owes Slipstream an apology. The embattled hero, leader of the West Coast Infinites, had faced public scrutiny, rejection, and even death threats after the West Coast Infinites' headquarters was bombed earlier this month. Slipstream had been suspected, and charges were made, that she was the bomber. These charges were based on video evidence that clearly showed Slipstream planting the explosives and stealing both tech and top secret intelligence information. The bombing killed five civilians.

However, this afternoon the real culprits were caught. A new super villain, calling himself Screen Genie, was heard by off-duty police officers bragging in a bar about the act. The villain proceeded to demonstrate how he had been recruited by the Mad Bomber to assist in the bombing, robbery, and consecutive framing of Slipstream. Screen Genie was heard boasting that he had the power to alter video and tech, and proved it when he changed an episode of Seinfeld that was playing in the bar. One of the officers, who asked to remain anonymous, said that all the other tvs played the original episode, and the tv nearest the man had characters from other famous shows join the episode, who repeated what Screen Genie said they would say. After being arrested, the officers were able to learn the location of the Mad Bomber, and safely apprehended him as well. A court date for both villains has been set.

All charges against Slipstream have now been dropped. As the target of the framing, the heroine said that she was thankful justice would now be rightly served. The world owes Slipstream an apology, and we intend to be the first to do so. 'Thank you, Slipstream, for all that you have done to protect us. Words cannot describe how appreciative of you we truly are.'"

Calculator said, "I was wondering about that. Good for her. Great that she hadn't turned traitor." For some reason, Captain Calculator thought he would sleep better that night because of it.

by **Barapam** » Fri Jun 26, 2020 10:13 am

Even with the help from Goldilocks and Staple Remover Man, it wasn't very comfortable to be shaken around in the air since the very gauntlet they tried to rid the alien warlord of was still punching said warlord in his own face, and taking them along with it. Captain Kraut hadn't taken that into calculation, but she still really wanted that gauntlet and was reluctant to let go of it. Even with Teetotaler's warning, she only did in the very last second, as she realized that in the end, living to fight for world domination another day was a better option than becoming a ghastly ghost.

However, she didn't appreciate being called "honorary good guy". She was a bad guy, or rather, girl, heart and soul, and she fully embraced that fact. But since the explosion and the fire had put her in a good mood, she let it slide this one time.

Just then, when everything seemed to be over, the dark knight, or perhaps even dark lord (it wasn't exactly clear, at least not to the knowledge of this narrator, which social class the evil lint alien belonged to) of Durhallen (a name which suggested an ancient intergalactic dwarf kingdom, but if that was the case wasn't clear either) rose up, ready to fulfill his mission and ultimate destiny, by eliminating Earth from eternity. He was just about to succeed, when...

Well, when he failed miserably. Died in a common cold, or something. The reason didn't really interest our favourite Kraut very long, since the genie of the Classic Rock (at least that's how Captain Kraut understood it) promised to fulfill a wish for each and everyone of them. Finally! She smiled, and pictured herself dressed in the finest royal garments, sitting on a golden throne as empress of the whole worl-

Wait, what?

Everything becoming just like it used to be?

"No! That's not at all what I want! Stupid stone!" she shouted, but it was too late. She was already back in Ulterior Motive Man's house basement with the other villains, and her memories were quickly fading. She blinked, as if she had just woken up. She felt dizzy. And, for some reason, hungry for chicken instead of sauerkraut. Weird.

Florida Man then suggested they'd go on a moose safari, and since Captain Kraut, like all Germans, loved moose, she immediately fan girled.

"YES! LET'S GO FIND THE CUTE MOOSE! WE COULD KEEP HIM! I'LL WALK HIM AND FEED HIM EVERYDAY, I PROMISE!" The Teutonic thug looked at the other villains, with plea and joy in her eyes. "WE COULD NAME HIM MOSES! OR MOOSES THE MOOSE, WITH TWO O:S!"

Wow! A real moose to pet. Way better than the stolen Swedish "warning for moose" sign she had at home. Captain Kraut had the feeling that this would be a great adventure. A moose! What could possibly top that!? Only an epic oddyssey with teleportations of large territories, human-to-animal-and-back-again transformations, time travel, an extraterrestrial threat, and GHOSTS! ... could even come close!

"Although, if it's all right with the rest of you, maybe we could stop for some chicken first? I'm starving."

by **Flarbinia** » Thu Jul 02, 2020 10:25 pm

The Lucky Huckster
"Is this the boss's place?" It looks more like a recalled Spiderman play set from the late '80's than a modern Supervillain hideout." Comedy Club said to the Lucky huckster as they began exploring the area. "Don't touch anything. If we break something, we will be kicked out of the boss's Dollar Store Legion of Doom faster than the Flash getting thrown out of a bar that can afford to hire Superman as a bouncer." The Lucky Huckster said to Comedy Club as they stared at all the high tech equipment. "Speakin' of the boss, shouldn't he be back by now? I hope he didn't get pinched, otherwise we'll have to head back to your place without the money, not that we'll be able to keep the lights on for more than month with the money we didn't spend on the Hong Kong heist." Comedy Club said to the Lucky Huckster as they removed their ski masks, accidentally slipping back into his native accent.

by **Zjaum** » Tue Jul 07, 2020 10:46 pm

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

Aubree peered into the phone. It was an oddity, to have gone from something so hectic to something so peaceful. She breathed deeply. It was nice. There truly was no place like home. And there was equally nothing like having a grim reminder of her old, dead home right beside her.

"Hello, everyone new. My name is Aubree. I'm a transfer from Jefferson. I have high contents of gold in my skin, so I can take a beating. Please, uh, don't try it; I'm quite averse to combat. But certainly, the lemonade and brownies are mine. Not the good kind of lemonade and brownies... they both come from a mix. Still, the miniature cinnamon rolls are a great option, too. Looking forward to continuing work, and to working with all of you."

Aubree resumed staring at the handheld screen. "The world may have forgiven you, but I still haven't for abandoning the Jefferson Infinites in their time of need. Watch your back." She looked up. "Oh, shoot. Did I say that out loud?"

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Ah, Henry's home sweet hovel. His little hole in the heath. How happy.

Blimp Man rose up to the fields of Minnesota. The weather was pretty darn cold, but that was to be expected. He looked across in the direction of Orient. Huh, he expected more lights, and maybe... fires? Why he would expect more lights and/or fires was beyond him; that town was no bustling metropolis. He nodded. "I wonder what Aubree's doing with her team right about now."

He blew into his hands. Ah, no matter. He'd check on them another day. Right now, there was a nice book to resume. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rock. He held it to his face. "Ignepus, looks like." He set it on his mantle. Maybe he could get a good long 10-hour sleep tonight. Tomorrow was a worry for tomorrow.

Miles "Staple Remover Man" Peterson

Miles found himself on the cold, uncaring, loving, bitter, apathetic, vibrant highways outside Orient on a hunt for moose catchers. He checked his trench coat and counted his mobile collection again. Everything was still there. And in such a pristine condition, too. Funny; he might have sworn he damaged that Swingline Ultimate at some point or other. The clanking of trenches signaled the return to Petersen's usual hunch. He thought about the Infinites for a moment. He had dismissed their existence as merely a conspiracy theory, but something in his gut told him that they were real. Perhaps they really were out there, fighting crime in the shadows which he didn't occupy. Miles began trudging through the snow, stopping only to hear miscreants.

Barapam wrote:"YES! LET'S GO FIND THE CUTE MOOSE! WE COULD KEEP HIM! I'LL WALK HIM AND FEED HIM EVERYDAY, I PROMISE!" The Teutonic thug looked at the other villains, with plea and joy in her eyes. "WE COULD NAME HIM MOSES! OR MOOSES THE MOOSE, WITH TWO O:S!"

Cue jazz

In the end, it didn't matter if the Infinites existed. So long as there were ne'er-do-wells roaming her streets, the city of Orient cried out for citizens of all walks of life to come save her. Miles had spent too much of his adult life helping her to let her down now. That is why he will not rest until every speck of dirt is cleaned off the streets, every criminal behind bars, including the jaywalkers, and every beast is allowed to roam free- at least outside open season. This was his city. And by gum, he would not let it down.

The Infinites - Infinite Gauntlet (Comedy, Supers)- IC, Done

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