[submitted] Cranmer vs. Cranmer

[The Free Joy State]

I admit it, I watched the film this weekend and started thinking about a child custody issue. Although we have Born to Be My Baby, I think this is different enough to live alongside it.

Not sure if all the effect lines, especially the second, can stay.

Draft 2.4

[Title] Cranmer vs. Cranmer

[Validity] Has Courts. Adult.

[Description] Joan Cranmer -- a mother who walked out on her partner and son two years ago, voluntarily cutting off all contact until she recently petitioned for custody -- has just been awarded full custody of her son by the courts, with the judge stating "unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother".

[option] "She abandoned @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@, and now she wants to play Mummy?" snaps Ed, Joan's former partner. "She doesn't even know him. I do. His favourite show is Adolescent Zombie Ninja @@PLURALANIMAL@@! When he's sick, he likes boysenberry juice with ice, through a curly straw! Mothers should know these things, but she went off to 'find herself'. I've done an amazing job with my son. He's settled and, thanks to my help, gets excellent grades in school. Don't let that woman tear him from his home. We need national guidelines stating child custody goes to the most fit parent, not just the one with the uterus. Fit parents don't dump their kid when they get bored."
[effect] parents seeking custody have to write five-thousand word psychological analyses of their child's imaginary friend

[option] "I was bored with Ed, not my son," insists Joan. "Ed is a very narcissistic man. It's always about him. He was stifling my soul; I couldn't even have friends. Now, I'm much better; I have my own career, and a lovely flat near one of the top five schools in the country. I can provide for my son materially and I can be there emotionally. All children need their mother, no matter what. I am grateful that Ed stepped into the breach in my absence but nothing can make up for a mother's love."
[effect] survivors of attempted maternal infanticide are sentenced to live with their mothers in prison

[option] "A mother merely does what any common cat does," remarks the proudly misogynist author of self-published mothering guide Stop Whining and Push. "Why does simple childbirth give women special custody rights? Mothers may feel attachment, but fathers provide moral and mental instruction. See how the boy's grades improved with his father's influence." He holds up a book report with 'Did your father write this?' at the bottom. "Clearly, fathers are the more fit parent and -- unless proven dangerous -- should gain child custody in separations."
[effect] unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night pharmacy

[option] "Neither parent can give my little @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@-kins the stability and time he needs," asserts Ed's diminutive sister. "I love Ed, but he's a self-aggrandising ass and shouldn't have children, and dear Joan can't take care of a potted fern. The most suitable guardian should get custody, even if they're not a parent. Me, for instance. I can give my nephew a wonderful, stable home, with good schools nearby, and I'm around to care for him. Ed can visit; Joan, too, I guess. For the child's sake, custody cases must scour whole families for the best home: parent or not."
[effect] children are sent to live with third-cousins they've never met

[option] "Hi!" @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ waves at you from the floor. "Why don't big people ever ask me what I want? I want to live with Mummy and Daddy again, in a candyfloss castle with a pet @@ANIMAL@@. But Mummy and Daddy say 'no'... because Daddy's a 'gnat-brained mule' and because Mummy's a 'satanic slattern from Hell'... I think that means they're not friends anymore. So, instead, I want to live with Mummy half the time and Daddy half the time. Then I can be with both of them. Plus, I'd get two bedrooms!"
[effect]pedal-powered removal vans are a popular Maxxmas gift for the children of separated parents

[Title] Cranmer vs. Cranmer

[Validity] Has Courts. Adult.

[Description] Joan Cranmer -- a mother who walked out on her partner and son two years ago, remaining uncontactable until she returned to petition for custody three months ago -- has just been awarded full custody of the boy by the courts, with the judge stating "unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother".

[option] "She abandoned @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@, and now she wants to play Mummy?" snaps Ed, Joan's former partner. "She doesn't even know him. I do. His favourite show is Adolescent Zombie Ninja @@PLURALANIMAL@@! When he's sick, he likes boysenberry juice with ice, through a curly straw! Mothers should know these things, but she went off to 'find herself'. I've done an amazing job with my son. He's settled and, thanks to my help, gets excellent grades in school. Don't let that woman tear him from his home. We need national guidelines stating child custody goes to the most fit parent, not just the one with the uterus. Fit parents don't dump their kid when they get bored."
[effect] knowing the basic facts about a child proves fitness to parent

[option] "I was bored with Ed, not my son," insists Joan. "Ed is a very narcissistic man. It's always about him. He was stifling my soul; I couldn't even have friends. Now, I'm much better; I have my own career, and a lovely flat near one of the top five schools in the country. I can provide for my son materially and I can be there emotionally. All children need their mother, no matter what. I am grateful that Ed stepped into the breach in my absence but nothing can make up for a mother's love."
[effect] survivors of attempted maternal infanticide live in the mother-and-child prison unit to maintain the mother-child bond

[option] "A mother merely does what any common cat does," remarks the proudly misogynist author of self-published mothering guide Stop Whining and Push. "Why does simple, routine childbirth give women any custody rights? Mothers may feel attachment, but fathers provide moral and mental instruction. See how the boy's grades improved with his father's influence." He holds up a book report with 'Did your father write this' at the bottom. "Clearly, fathers are the more fit parent and -- unless proven dangerous -- should gain child custody in separations."
[effect] unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night chemist

[option] "Neither parent can give my little @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@-kins the stability and time he needs," asserts Ed's diminutive sister. "I love Ed, but he's a self-aggrandising ass and shouldn't have children, and dear Joan can't take care of a potted fern. The most suitable guardian should get custody, even if they're not a parent. Me, for instance. I have a wonderful, stable home, three good schools nearby, and I'm around to care for him. Ed can visit; Joan, too, I guess. For the child's sake, custody cases must scour whole families for the best home: parent or not."
[effect] children are sent to live with third-cousins they've never met

[option] "Hi!" @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ waves at you from the floor. "Why don't big people ever ask me what I want? I want to live with Mummy and Daddy again, in a candyfloss castle with a pet @@ANIMAL@@. But Daddy says 'no'... because he's allergic to @@PLURALANIMAL@@, and because Mummy's a 'satanic slattern from Hell'... I think that means they're not friends anymore. So, instead, I want to live with Mummy half the time and Daddy half the time. Then I can be with both of them. Plus, I'd get two bedrooms!"
[effect]pedal-powered removal vans are a popular Maxxmas gift for the children of separated parents

[Title] Cranmer vs. Cranmer

[Validity] Has Courts. Adult.

[Description] Joan Cranmer -- a mother who walked out on her partner and son two years ago, having no contact until three months ago -- was recently awarded full custody of the boy by the courts, with the judge stating "unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother".

[option] "She abandoned @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@, and now she wants to play Mummy?" snaps Ed, Joan's former partner. " She doesn't even know him. I do. His favourite show is Adolescent Zombie Ninja @@PLURALANIMAL@@! When he's sick, he likes boysenberry juice with ice, through a curly straw! Mothers should know these things, but she went off to 'find herself'. I've done an amazing job with my son. He's settled and, thanks to my help, gets excellent grades in school. Don't let that woman tear him from his home. We need national guidelines stating child custody goes to the most fit parent, not just the one with the uterus. Fit parents don't dump their kid when they get bored."
[effect] knowing the basic facts about a child proves fitness to parent

[option] "I was bored with Ed, not my son," insists Joan. "Ed is a very narcissistic man. It's always about him. He was stifling my soul; I couldn't even have friends. Now, I'm much better; I have my own career, and a lovely flat near one of the top five schools in the country. I can provide for my son materially and I can be there emotionally. All children need their mother, no matter what. I am grateful that Ed stepped into the breach in my absence but nothing can make up for a mother's love."
[effect] survivors of attempted maternal infanticide live in the mother-and-child prison unit to maintain the mother-child bond

[option] "A mother merely does what a common cat does," remarks the proudly misogynist author of self-published mothering guide Stop Whining and Push. "Why does an act as routine as birth give women any claim over the child? Mothers may feel attachment, but fathers provide moral and mental instruction. See how the boy's grades improved with his father's influence." He holds up a book report with 'Did your father write this' at the bottom. "Clearly, fathers are the more fit parent and -- unless proven dangerous -- should gain child custody in separations."
[effect] unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night chemist

[option]"Neither parent can give my little @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@-kins the stability and time he needs," insists Ed's diminutive sister. "I love Ed, but he's a self-aggrandising ass and shouldn't have children, and dear Joan can't take care of a potted fern. The most suitable guardian should get custody, even if they're not a parent. Like me, for instance. I have a wonderful, stable home, three good schools nearby, and I'm around to care for him. Ed can visit; Joan, too, I guess. For the child's sake, custody cases must scour whole families for the best home: parent or not."
[effect] children are sent to live with third-cousins they've never met

[option] "Hi!" @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ waves at you from the floor. "Why don't big people ever ask me what I want? I want to live with Mummy and Daddy again, in a candyfloss castle with a pet @@ANIMAL@@. But Daddy says we won't... because he's allergic to @@PLURALANIMAL@@, and because Mummy's a 'satanic slattern from Hell'... I think that means they're not friends anymore. So, instead, I'd like to live with Mummy half the time and Daddy half the time. Then I'll still be with both of them. Plus, I'd get two bedrooms!"
[effect]pedal-powered removal vans are a popular Maxxmas gift for the children of separated parents

[Title] Cranmer vs. Cranmer

[Validity] Has Courts. Adult.

[Description] When Joan Cranmer walked out on her partner and son two years ago, they started to think they'd never see her again. Three months ago, she reappeared and petitioned for custody. After hearing less than an hour's evidence, the judge awarded her full custody, stating "Unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother". An appeal failed when another judge saw no need to overturn the initial ruling, but granted Ed -- her former partner -- greater visitation. Ed is now requesting official guidelines on child custody.

[option] "She abandoned @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@ nearly two years ago, and now she wants to play Mummy?" snaps Ed. " She doesn't even know him. I do. His favourite show is Adolescent Zombie Ninja @@PLURALANIMAL@@! When he's sick, he likes boysenberry juice with ice, through a curly straw! Mothers should know these things, but she went off to 'find herself'. I've done an amazing job with my son. He's settled and, thanks to my help, gets excellent grades in school. Don't let that woman tear him from his home. Child custody should go to the most fit parent, which isn't always the one with the uterus. Fit parents don't dump their kid the moment they get bored."
[effect] knowing the basic facts about a child proves fitness to parent

[option] "I was bored with Ed, not my son," insists Joan. "Ed is a very narcissistic man. It's always about him. He was stifling my soul; I couldn't even have friends. Now, I'm in a much better place; I have my own career, and a lovely flat in @@CAPITAL@@. My son's new school is one of the top five in the country. I can provide for him materially and I can be there for him emotionally. All children need their mother, no matter what. I am grateful that Ed stepped into the breach in my absence but nothing can make up for a mother's love."
[effect] survivors of attempted maternal infanticide live in the mother-and-child prison unit to maintain the mother-child bond

[option] "A mother merely does what a common cat does," remarks proudly misogynist author of self-published mothering guide Stop Whining and Push, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@. "Why does an act as routine as birth give women any claim over the child? Do we not take kittens from mother-cats all the time? Mothers may feel attachment, but fathers provide moral and mental instruction. See how the boy's grades improved with his father's influence." He holds up a book report with 'Did your father write this' at the bottom. "Clearly, fathers are the more fit parent and should receive child custody in separations, unless they risk the child's life."
[effect] unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night chemist

[option]"I'm the boy's aunt and neither parent can give my little @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@-kins the stability and time he needs," a small woman enters your office. "I love Ed, but he's a self-aggrandising ass and shouldn't have children, and dear Joan can't take care of a potted fern. Custody needs to go to the most suitable guardian, even if they're not a parent. Like me, for instance. I have a wonderful, stable home, three good schools nearby, and I'm around to care for him. Ed can visit; Joan, too, I guess. Put the child first. All custody cases should scour the whole family for the best home, parent or not."
[effect] children are sent to live with third-cousins they've never met

[option] "Hi!" @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ waves at you from the floor. "Why don't big people ever ask me what I want? I want to live with Mummy and Daddy again in a candyfloss house on the moon, with a happy pet @@ANIMAL@@. But Daddy says we won't... because he's allergic to @@PLURALANIMAL@@, and because Mummy's a 'satanic slattern from Hell'... I think that means they're not friends anymore. So, instead, I'd like to live with Mummy half the time and Daddy half the time. Then I'll still be with both of them. Plus, I'd get two bedrooms!"
[effect]pedal-powered removal vans are a popular Maxxmas gift for the children of separated parents

[Title] Cranmer vs. Cranmer

[Validity] Has Courts. Adult.

[Description] When Joan Cranmer walked out on her partner and son two years ago, they started to think they'd never see her again. Three months ago, she reappeared and petitioned for custody. After hearing less than an hour's evidence, the judge awarded her full custody, stating "Unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother". An appeal failed when another judge saw no need to overturn the initial ruling, but granted Ed -- her former partner -- greater visitation. Ed has brought the issue of custody before you.

[option] "She has not been in @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@'s life for nearly two years, and now she wants to swan back in and play Mummy?" snaps Ed. " She doesn't even know him. I do. His favourite show is Adolescent Zombie Ninja @@PLURALANIMAL@@! When he's sick, he likes boysenberry juice with ice, through a curly straw! Mothers should know these things, but she went off to 'find herself'. I've done an amazing job with my son. He's settled and, thanks to my help, gets excellent grades in school. Don't let that woman take him from his home. A child should be with the most fit parent, regardless of whether they have a uterus or not. And the most fit parent is the one that didn't abandon their son the moment she got bored."
[effect] knowing the basic facts about a child proves fitness to parent

[option] "I was bored with Ed, not my son," insists Joan. "Ed is a very narcissistic man. Everything is all about him. He was stifling my soul; I couldn't even have friends. Now, I'm in a much better place; I have my own career, and a flat in a pretty part of @@CAPITAL@@. My son's new school is one of the top five in the country. Materially, I can provide for him and I can be there for him emotionally. All children need their mother, no matter what. I am grateful to Ed for stepping into the breach in my absence but nothing can make up for a mother's love."
[effect] survivors of attempted maternal infanticide live in the mother-and-child prison unit to maintain the mother-child bond

[option] "A mother merely does what a common cat does," remarks proud misogynist and author of self-published treatise On Men's Lack of Mirth with Childbirth, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@. "Why does an act as simple as birth give women any claim over the child? Do we not take kittens away from mother-cats all the time? Mothers may feel attachment, but fathers can give a child moral and mental instruction. See how the boy's grades improved with his father's influence." He holds up an essay with 'Did your father write this' at the bottom. "Clearly, fathers are the more fit parent and should receive child custody in separations, unless they risk the child's life."
[effect] unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night chemist

[option]"I'm @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ aunt and neither parent should get custody," a small woman enters your office. "I love Ed, but he's a self-aggrandising ass and shouldn't have children, and Joan can't take care of a potted fern. My nephew should go to the most suitable home, even if they're not a parent. Like me, for instance. I have a wonderful home and a stable family. We have three good schools nearby, and time to care for him. Ed can always visit. And Joan, too, I guess. The child must come first. All custody cases should scour the whole family and find the best person, parent or not."
[effect] children are sent to live with third-cousins they've never met

[option]"Umm... Hi!" @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ waves at you from the floor. "Why don't big people ever ask me what I want? I want Mummy and Daddy to live together again, in a house on the moon, with @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ named '@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@'. But Daddy says that won't happen... because he's allergic to @@PLURALANIMAL@@, and because Mummy's a 'satanic slattern from Hell'... I think that means they're not friends anymore. So, instead, I'd like to live with Mummy half the time and Daddy half the time. Then I'll be with both of them. And I'd get two bedrooms! Mummy said I can have a big screen TV at her house."
[effect]parental bribery is big business

[Title] Cranmer vs. Cranmer

[Validity] Has Courts. Adult.

[Description] When Joan Cranmer walked out on her partner and son two years ago, they started to think they'd never see her again. Three months ago, she reappeared and petitioned for custody. After hearing less than an hour's evidence, the judge awarded her full custody, stating "Unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother". An appeal failed when another judge concurred. Ed, her former partner, is now appealing to you.

[option] "She has not been in @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@'s life for nearly two years, and now she wants to swan back in and play Mummy?" snaps Ed. " She doesn't even know him. I do. His favourite show is Adolescent Zombie Ninja @@PLURALANIMAL@@! When he's sick, he likes boysenberry juice with ice, through a curly straw! Mothers should know these things, but she went off to 'find herself'. I've done an amazing job with my son. He's settled and, thanks to my help, gets excellent grades in school. Don't let that woman take him from his home. A child should be with the most fit parent, regardless of whether they have a uterus or not. And the most fit parent is the one that didn't abandon their son the moment she got bored."
[effect] knowing the basic facts about a child proves fitness to parent

[option] "I was bored with Ed, not my son," insists Joan. "Ed is a very narcissistic man. Everything is all about him. He was stifling my soul; I couldn't even have friends. Now, I'm in a much better place; I have my own career, and a flat in a pretty part of @@CAPITAL@@. My son's new school is one of the top five in the country. Materially, I can provide for him and I can be there for him emotionally. All children need their mother, no matter what. I am grateful to Ed for stepping into the breach and providing an adequate substitute in my absence but nothing can make up for a mother's love."
[effect] survivors of attempted maternal infanticide live in the mother-and-child prison unit to maintain the mother-child bond

[option] "A mother merely does what a common cat does," remarks proud misogynist and author of self-published treatise On Men's Frustration with Menstruation and Lack of Mirth with Childbirth, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@. "Why does an act as simple as birth give women any claim over the child? Do we not take kittens away from mother-cats all the time? Mothers may feel an attachment, but fathers can give a child moral and mental instruction. See how the boy's grades improved with his father's influence." He holds up an essay with 'Did your father write this' at the bottom. "Clearly, fathers are the more fit parent and should receive automatic custody of all children in separations."
[effect] unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night chemist

[option] "Excuse me, but I'm @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ aunt and neither parent should get custody," a small woman enters your office. "I love Ed, but he's a self-aggrandising ass and should never have had children, and Joan can't be trusted to take care of a potted fern. My little nephew should go to the most suitable home, even if they're not a parent. Like me, for instance. I have a wonderful suburban home, two children, a loving partner, a pet @@ANIMAL@@ and a holiday home. We have three good schools nearby, and time to care for him. Ed can always visit him. And Joan, too, I guess. We must put children's needs first."
[effect] children are sent to live with third-cousins they've never met

Comments welcome.

[Candensia]

I like the idea.

I think you may want to be careful about using "appealing" in the last sentence in the intro, as it gives the impression that the legal case is actually being appealed to @@LEADER@@ for judgement, rather than a citizen just trying to get your attention on an issue as it relates to custody rights, which is what I think you meant.

If the case is *actually* being sent to @@LEADER@@ for judgement then that, somewhat, makes the courts irrelevant, wouldn't it?

[Trotterdam]

It's unclear what the last option means as a matter of national policy, rather than just this one case. Does it automatically give children to non-parents regardless of all other factors? Does it involve comprehensive examination of all relatives up to several generations to determine the most suitable for child-rearing (even if that happens to be a parent, after all)? Are children with two non-divorced parents still eligible for being snatched away and given to relatives, or for that matter, non-relatives who are looking for adoption?

How common is this kind of thing? There's a common bias that mothers are more natural parents than fathers, yes, but for two different judges to both uphold this bias despite the extenuating factor of the mother having abandoned her son for two years implies a pretty seriously sexist establishment, not just some subtle preconceptions. The options go "sensible option, sexist in favor of women, sexist in favor of men, authoritarian option", which also doesn't offer much interest to not-horribly-sexist nations.

Also worth noting is that since this child is already school-age, asking him for his opinion makes a lot more sense than it did in #785.

[The Free Joy State]

It's unclear what the last option means as a matter of national policy, rather than just this one case. Does it automatically give children to non-parents regardless of all other factors? Does it involve comprehensive examination of all relatives up to several generations to determine the most suitable for child-rearing (even if that happens to be a parent, after all)? Are children with two non-divorced parents still eligible for being snatched away and given to relatives, or for that matter, non-relatives who are looking for adoption?

It was meant to be the most fit person, parent or not (in the family), and only in child custody cases.

I've tried to clarify that.

How common is this kind of thing? There's a common bias that mothers are more natural parents than fathers, yes, but for two different judges to both uphold this bias despite the extenuating factor of the mother having abandoned her son for two years implies a pretty seriously sexist establishment, not just some subtle preconceptions. The options go "sensible option, sexist in favor of women, sexist in favor of men, authoritarian option", which also doesn't offer much interest to not-horribly-sexist nations.

I've tried to make the part about the second judge less horribly sexist, so it's more indifference and not wanting to overturn a colleague than deliberately active sexism (still bad, but it's less of a validity problem)

Also worth noting is that since this child is already school-age, asking him for his opinion makes a lot more sense than it did in #785.

I've added the child's opinion (while trying to make him still sound like a fairly young school-aged child of average intelligence).

The issue may run a little long, though.

I like the idea.

I think you may want to be careful about using "appealing" in the last sentence in the intro, as it gives the impression that the legal case is actually being appealed to @@LEADER@@ for judgement, rather than a citizen just trying to get your attention on an issue as it relates to custody rights, which is what I think you meant.

If the case is *actually* being sent to @@LEADER@@ for judgement then that, somewhat, makes the courts irrelevant, wouldn't it?

The changes to the description have removed this issue.

Thanks for your comments, both!

[Australian rePublic]

So the last option bans divorce?

[Trotterdam]

So the last option bans divorce?

The first two-thirds of the option is a red herring. The actual opinion presented is:

"So, instead, I'd like to live with Mummy half the time and Daddy half the time."

Which can be somewhat of a logistical problem, but isn't that bad of a solution, provided the kid doesn't mind not being able to bring all of his toys with him every time he moves.

I don't understand the effect line, though.

[The Free Joy State]

So the last option bans divorce?

The first two-thirds of the option is a red herring. The actual opinion presented is:

"So, instead, I'd like to live with Mummy half the time and Daddy half the time."

Which can be somewhat of a logistical problem, but isn't that bad of a solution, provided the kid doesn't mind not being able to bring all of his toys with him every time he moves.

I don't understand the effect line, though.

It means that I couldn't think of a good one, so I made a reference to the mother offering the child a big screen TV.

Very open to changing it.

[Trotterdam]

It means that I couldn't think of a good one, so I made a reference to the mother offering the child a big screen TV.

Ah, now I get it.

See, I read it as the parents being the ones bribed, rather than the parents doing the bribing, which of course didn't make any sense.

[Australian rePublic]

option 4- neither parent should get custody? Why?

[The Free Joy State]

option 4- neither parent should get custody? Why?

The Aunt says:

he's a self-aggrandising ass and shouldn't have children, and Joan can't take care of a potted fern.

I might make that clearer in Draft 2.1, though.

EDIT: Draft 2.1 is up.

[Australian rePublic]

option 4- neither parent should get custody? Why?

The Aunt says:

he's a self-aggrandising ass and shouldn't have children, and Joan can't take care of a potted fern.

I might make that clearer in Draft 2.1, though.

EDIT: Draft 2.1 is up.

But does that apply to all dads or that one specific one?

[The Free Joy State]

The Aunt says:


I might make that clearer in Draft 2.1, though.

EDIT: Draft 2.1 is up.

But does that apply to all dads or that one specific one?

That specific one. The Aunt is talking about Ed.

It's part of her explanation of why she should get custody as opposed to either of the parents (in option #4's "look for the best guardian in custody cases, parent or not" option).

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Good issue, nice humour.

Just at a general eyeballing level here, I'm thinking that each of the options and the opening text needs to be 25% shorter.

For example:

[Description] When Joan Cranmer walked out on her partner and son two years ago, they started to think they'd never see her again. Three months ago, she reappeared and petitioned for custody. After hearing less than an hour's evidence, the judge awarded her full custody, stating "Unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother". An appeal failed when another judge saw no need to overturn the initial ruling, but granted Ed -- her former partner -- greater visitation. Ed is now requesting official guidelines on child custody.

...has a lot happening that adds colour but perhaps detracts from the core dilemma. I'd consider thinning it to:

[Description] Recently, Joan Cranmer -- an absentee mother who walked out on her partner and son two years ago -- was awarded full custody of the boy by the courts, with the judge stating "unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother".

Then lead off with Ed.

Naturally, writing styles vary, but I personally think that a punchier and more concise delivery will enhance an already strong issue.

[The Free Joy State]

Good issue, nice humour.

Thanks!

Just at a general eyeballing level here, I'm thinking that each of the options and the opening text needs to be 25% shorter.

For example:

[Description] When Joan Cranmer walked out on her partner and son two years ago, they started to think they'd never see her again. Three months ago, she reappeared and petitioned for custody. After hearing less than an hour's evidence, the judge awarded her full custody, stating "Unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother". An appeal failed when another judge saw no need to overturn the initial ruling, but granted Ed -- her former partner -- greater visitation. Ed is now requesting official guidelines on child custody.

...has a lot happening that adds colour but perhaps detracts from the core dilemma. I'd consider thinning it to:

[Description] Recently, Joan Cranmer -- an absentee mother who walked out on her partner and son two years ago -- was awarded full custody of the boy by the courts, with the judge stating "unless a mother beats her child, children are simply better off with their mother".

Then lead off with Ed.

Naturally, writing styles vary, but I personally think that a punchier and more concise delivery will enhance an already strong issue.

Made that change (with some rewording, because I wanted it to be really obvious she'd been away for most of that two years) and also made some nip-tucks to the issue.

Draft 2.2 is up.

[Trotterdam]

I think that's a little too short. Need to at least make it clear that the woman only petitioned for custody three months ago, rather than a two-year-long court battle ending thee months ago. ("No contact" doesn't preclude a court battle, she could have been forbidden contact by the courts and be trying to appeal.)

[The Free Joy State]

I think that's a little too short. Need to at least make it clear that the woman only petitioned for custody three months ago, rather than a two-year-long court battle ending thee months ago. ("No contact" doesn't preclude a court battle, she could have been forbidden contact by the courts and be trying to appeal.)

Good point.

I've changed "having no contact" to "remaining uncontactable" and made it clearer she's just returned to petition for custody.

[Australian rePublic]

But does that apply to all dads or that one specific one?

That specific one. The Aunt is talking about Ed.

It's part of her explanation of why she should get custody as opposed to either of the parents (in option #4's "look for the best guardian in custody cases, parent or not" option).

If that's the case, shouldn't the issue's options shape national policy for everyone, rather than apply to one specific case?

[The Free Joy State]

That specific one. The Aunt is talking about Ed.

It's part of her explanation of why she should get custody as opposed to either of the parents (in option #4's "look for the best guardian in custody cases, parent or not" option).

If that's the case, shouldn't the issue's options shape national policy for everyone, rather than apply to one specific case?

The way the options are worded clarifies that they are talking about applying national policy:

We need national guidelines stating child custody goes to the most fit parent,

All children need their mother, no matter what.

Clearly, fathers are the more fit parent and -- unless proven dangerous -- should gain child custody in separations."

For the child's sake, custody cases must scour whole families for the best home: parent or not."

That said, I find that beginning from the point of one specific case makes the issue more interesting and allows for a greater depth of characterisation.

I'm not inclined to change that.

[Trotterdam]

"Specific case as an example, now use that to set broader national policy" is an extremely common format in NationStates issues. We probably have more issues that follow that format than ones that don't.

[Australian rePublic]

"Specific case as an example, now use that to set broader national policy" is an extremely common format in NationStates issues. We probably have more issues that follow that format than ones that don't.

Yes, but in how many broader cases will a kid be sent off to live with an auntie/uncle over their biological parents? This is a fringe case, and will most likely not represent future cases. That's what I meant by that. (That is unless the parents are alcoholics, drug addicts, or something like that, but that its own, individual issue)

[Sanctaria]

I think for this specific issue, this makes sense - very often fallout from, or even verdicts in, specific court cases end up setting broader national policy - especially in common law jurisdictions where judges have a bit more freedom in terms of casting judgement.

[Australian rePublic]

I think for this specific issue, this makes sense - very often fallout from, or even verdicts in, specific court cases end up setting broader national policy - especially in common law jurisdictions where judges have a bit more freedom in terms of casting judgement.

Fine. If you insist on keeping it, at least throw in some Fresh Prince of Bel Air references

[The Free Joy State]

I think for this specific issue, this makes sense - very often fallout from, or even verdicts in, specific court cases end up setting broader national policy - especially in common law jurisdictions where judges have a bit more freedom in terms of casting judgement.

Fine. If you insist on keeping it, at least throw in some Fresh Prince of Bel Air references

I do insist on keeping it -- whoever eventually picks it up (if it's picked up) may not agree, of course.

And I'm not sure throwing in Fresh Prince of Bel Air references would strengthen the option.

It's not uncommon enough IRL for another relative to take custody if both parents are unsuitable for there to need another reference here, and I think the characterisation of the Aunt works pretty well without them.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Hey, I love me some Fresh Prince references. The bit of Swing States (a recently attempted self-edit that ultimately I agreed wasn't working and deleted) that I miss most was the effect line "in west @@CAPITAL@@ born and raised on the playground is where kids spend most of their days". I'm still determined to get a Fresh Prince joke somewhere into NS.

I'm not sure they'd work here though, eh?

[Australian rePublic]

Hey, I love me some Fresh Prince references. The bit of Swing States (a recently attempted self-edit that ultimately I agreed wasn't working and deleted) that I miss most was the effect line "in west @@CAPITAL@@ born and raised on the playground is where kids spend most of their days". I'm still determined to get a Fresh Prince joke somewhere into NS.

I'm not sure they'd work here though, eh?

The entire premise of the show is about a kid who went off to live with his auntie and uncle rather than his parents. If that doesn't fit into an option about a kid who went to live with his auntie and uncle, instead of his parents, then the references don't fit anywhere. The very least you can do is name the characters after characters on the show. Phil, Vivian, etc.