Voxijan News Thread [IC/READ ONLY]

[Voxija]

The World

Why Gal Gadot Shouldn't be Cleopatra

October 20, 2020
Written by Emetzi Viskarret

Before reading this article, may I just remind you that I love the Jews. They're great with money, and they have a good mix of white and brown. Now, back to reading one of my masterpieces.

The standard woke liberal response to Gal Gadot's casting is hokum. Gal Gadot looks more like Cleopatra than an Arab or Black actress would be. However, those liberals are right for the wrong reasons.

It all comes back to the Arabs vs the Jews, like everything in world politics. Gal Gadot is Israeli. She is a citizen of that nation, even served in the army and everything. Now, I don't doubt that she is badass, but Gal Gadot playing an Egyptian queen is just like the Arab-Jewish conflict.

Israel has stolen a lot from the Arabs in her history. Land, culture, food, language, and now movie roles. Israel is denying Egyptians the right for an awesome figure in Egyptian history to be played by an Egyptian.

The criticism that Gal Gadot is too bland for the role of Cleopatra is ludicrous. Even if Cleopatra was actually ugly, she should be played by a pretty actress. However, accuracy or Hollywood casting isn't as important as making actual Egyptians and brown people feel like they're better than everyone else, because they are. Less hot, less historically accurate, but more Justice.

Gal Gadot's casting is because of the bias in the white media. Hollywood and also Bollywood refuse to cast brown actresses in roles. Brown actors should take over all the roles. Voxijans, Arabs, Dravidians, everyone! Even if the role should belong to a filthy white!

If you call me a hypocrite, you're a hypocrite yourself, and probably one of those woke American liberals.

[Voxija]

The Xirroni Journal

Halloween Costumes Cause Fuss

2020, November 1
Written by Julio Eztandez

The day before Halloween this year, students were encouraged to wear their Halloween costumes to school, since schools reopened a few weeks ago. That was a mistake. At Bixenta Agirre School near Xirroni, the worst Halloween costumes turned up. The horrendous costumes on display went viral online, and now the Ministry of Education is considered closing down the school for its teachers' negligence in letting students dress up in such offensive costumes.

For our foreign readers, the Voxijan school system works like an elevator school. Bixenta Agirre School, like most Voxijan schools, takes children from preschool to High School. So in this case, kids of all ages dressed up in deliberately offensive Halloween costumes.

On the day before Halloween, no less than 40 boys showed up dressed as Nazis. "The Wehrmacht", one parent called them. The leader of the student council dressed up as Ekaitz Larregi, which is just uncalled for. For our foreign readers, Ekaitz Larregi was an historical Voxijan fascist whose mobs killed hundreds of people.

And the girls dressed up worse. There were a slash of prepubescent girls wearing sexualized costumes, especially on inexplicable or gross-out topics, like sandwiches or cockroaches.

"Katri dressed up as a sexy banana!" said Kora Etxevarrija, Middle School teacher. "And little Wanamana came to school dressed as a booger! Who does that?"

The principal, Andere Pokoagetxea, had this to say. "Those little rats did it behind my back! It's all the fault of them Internets! No one has any right to dress in tasteless and offensive costumes. They might say I have a flag up my rear end, but I think that no one should have to see things like Nazi Halloween costumes or sexy cockroaches."

The aforementioned Katri Agirre, who helped organize the rash of terrible costumes, saw fit to comment.

"What about my free speech?" asserted Katri. "Children should have the freedom to dress up in any Halloween costumes they want, even if it's offensive to snowflakes or whatever or isn't really any clothing at all. I think it's in the Voxijan Constitution somewhere."

As one can see, students consider this a political issue. According to our youth, dressing up in inappropriate costumes is a matter of free speech, like including half-naked women in video games.

Maybe this controversy was overblown. Maybe free speech is more important than preventing things from being offensive. What we at the Xirroni Journal do know is that there is a large generation gap on matters like this.

[Voxija]

The Xirroni Journal

Girl Wears Hijab to School

December 4, 2020
Written by Uftzi Harrijo

Despite the rising COVID cases in America and other places, Voxija has been relatively unaffected by the coronavirus since September. In many places, physical schools have reopened, such as in Ritxarritz.

Katija Surranetxetz, a student at Queen Nerea Private School, has become a controversial figure after wearing a hijab in school despite not being Muslim. Several students, Muslim and non-Muslim, called the police, and teachers have reported being awkward in Katija's presence.

"She is very Catholic," said Julia Utxevparan, Katija's physical education teacher. "She wore a cross the day before. I don't know why she'd do this."

Several Muslim activists have spoken out against Katija's actions. Domiku al-Abbas, reporter for the Voxijan Chronicle, said, "I don't like it. I don't like non-Muslims co-opting a symbol of Islam. Some Muslim women don't even wear hijab. All in all, it's just cultural appropriation. Not even the nominally appreciative kind."

Katija Surrenetxetz has defended her own actions with ardor on social media. The student gave the Xirroni Journal a private interview where she defended her decision.

"I did it for a number of reasons. To test the school's 'Hats off' dress code, because I had a bad hair day, but mostly to show solidarity to my Muslim brothers and sisters. Seriously. Islamophobia is a terrible thing, but it can be stopped by knowledge. More people everywhere need to be aware of the religion of Islam. I go to church every Sunday, but we need to do everything to encourage religious tolerance."

Emetzi Viskarret, infamous creator of shock site the World, has seen fit to comment on the situation. "This is what happens when you're too tolerant! You get little girls wearing head wraps of oppression! This is why Voxija should kick all Muslims out before it's too late."

Queen Nerea Private School has given an official statement that Katija will receive no punishment for this. The announcement has, in fact, commended Katija for proving that the school's restrictions on dress should not apply to head wraps or other religious dress. However, the school is in a minority of Voxijan opinions.

The controversy comes from many sides. The majority seems to believe that Katija's hijab does a disservice to Muslims, but a vocal minority states that Katija is helping Islamic terrorism. Very few of the arguers seem to agree with Katija on wearing hijab. Essentially, all important sides in the debate think this is a bad thing. What is amazing is that a student's choice of headgear even became a national issue.

[Voxija]

The World

Why the Nazis Were Bad

December 24, 2020
Written by Emetzi Viskarret

Disclaimer: I love the Jews! They're good with business. In fact, that was the main problem with the Nazis.

A common fallacy with Nazis was that they had a good intention: to improve the Germans. No. That is not good. The Germans couldn't be improved in the first place. The Nazis tried to use genocide to improve the Germans, although genocide should only be used as a last resort. The Nazis, additionally, chose the wrong group to discriminate against.

The Nazis were stupid. They tried to exterminate a group proven to be good to Germany. Why would you take jobs away from all your bankers and lawyers? It's a miracle Germany's economy didn't collapse... again... for the third time. Einstein was Jewish, and that doesn't matter to me, but it did to the Nazis. The Nazis were stupid to reject Einstein's science.

The Nazis also blamed the wrong group for their problems. The French laid out the Treaty of Versailles, meaning it would have made much more sense for the Nazis to invade France to take out the natives.

I admit that Russia and the Slavic nations would have got what they deserved under Nazi rule, which makes the distraction of the Holocaust even more tragic. It wasn't bad because it was a great slaughter, it was bad because it diverted resources from the war effort that could have been used in defeating the Soviet Union.

Germans are trash in general. Their history is filled with militaristic movements and authoritarian regimes. What other country has produced both Communism, the dangers of psychology, and the trash ideology we're talking about here? QED. Never trust a Kraut.

Lesson learned: the Nazis were terrible people, but not for the reasons some people falsely believe. In fact, that applied to a lot of things. Hopefully this will be the start of a new series!

[Voxija]

The Voxijan Chronicle

Famed Economist Says Capitalism is "Pyramid Scheme"

January 5, 2021
Written by Rikard Jaso

Kara Vidanea livestreamed a lecture yesterday from her house in Xirroni. 1200 people tuned in to this unprecedented lecture. Kara Vidanea, the sister of the infamous "communist pirate" Ekard Vidanea, is best known for writing books on centrist Keynesian economics. At least, up to now.

Kara Vidanea criticized Voxija's current economic state, especially the dominance of Txala Enterprises, the largest Voxijan company, in the business world. Vidanea also pointed out many flaws of capitalism in general, calling it a "pyramid scheme" and an "inherently exploitative system".

The lecture has garnered some controversy. Members of the conservative alliance in the Legislative Body have lambasted Kara Vidanea for criticizing capitalism and Txala Enterprises. Others find her views a breath of fresh air, especially the last five minutes, where Vidanea concluded that current president Etor Gurraniz is "a corporate-funded hypocrite who doesn't live up to the 'social democrat' label".

There is evidence supporting Vidanea's assertion about President Gurraniz. While Gurraniz has indeed ramped up welfare spending and placed more regulations on business, he had done nothing about Txala's monopoly, nor has he gotten back the precious vases lost in the scandal known as Vasegate.

Maybe Etor Gurraniz is just continuing the neoliberal policies of Bixenta Agirre. Maybe "Social Democratic" means nothing in this age of corporatism. Vidanea might be right.

[Voxija]

The Xirroni Journal

Man Marries a Voxijan Goose

February 7, 2021
Written by Julio Estandez

In Vetxirrovo City, a strange wedding is happening right now. This intrepid reporter is at the scene covering this extremely odd occurrence. A 21-year-old man named Gordon Urigorta is marrying a Voxijan goose that he named Baby.

The wedding is a modest one, with only Gordon's friends and family, as well as many local reporters, attending. The groom is wearing a tuxedo, and the bride, Baby the goose, is wearing a bridal veil over its head.

The Urigorta family is attending the wedding, and they can't believe it. "This is so weird," said Nerea Urigorta, Gordon's mother. "I mean, I'm supportive of my darling, but... does he think my grandchildren should hatch out of an egg?"

When we were interviewing Nerea Urigorta, a townsperson interrupted the interview to say, "I never knew Gordon, but now I don't want to. This is bestiality, and it's gross."

Gordon Urigorta himself said in an interview before the wedding, "Baby is my true love. Before I met her, I didn't know what I was missing in my life. Species doesn't matter; all that matters is love. Now that I'm marrying Baby, this is the happiest day of my life."

A fluff piece? Yes. Controversial? Also yes.

[Voxija]

Edit: Ignore this doublepost

[Voxija]

The Xirroni Journal

Father Exonerated of Murdering His Daughters

February 27, 2021
Written by Lorenzo Izmatea

In November 2020, in the city of Xirroni, two bodies were found in a dark alley. They were the corpses of Sofija and Vixenta Uruverta, who were five and twelve years old respectively, before the cruel deed happened. The day after the bodies were found, the girls' father, Eustakijo Uruverta, was arrested on suspicion of the murder.

For the last couple of months, Uruverta has been awaiting trial, and the media has turned this event into a circus. Reporters have turned this into a farce, where the verdict is assured: guilty.

It seemed like the evidence pointed to Uruverta being guilty, but after a long trial, the verdict has been reached. It was a very unexpected verdict. He didn't do it.

After several days of deliberation, the jury decided that Eustakijo Uruverta was innocent. There just wasn't enough evidence to convict Uruverta, and what evidence there was: a fingerprint here, a too-large glove there, pointed to someone else, whose identity remains unknown.

It was just too easy for the Voxijan public to assume that a father would murder his daughters. There is just so many violent movies, shocking twists in mystery novels, and, dare I say it, scaremongering media stories that the Voxijan public just assumes the worst possible.

Voxija should learn a lesson from these events. Conviction by the court of public opinion is wrong. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Either that, or Eustakijo Uruverta will become the next Lizzie Borden or OJ Simpson.

[Voxija]

The Xirroni Journal

"Beautyists" and "Anti-Beautyists" Clash Online

March 24, 2021
Written by Uza Izahajan

There are ongoing fights between "Beautyist" and "Anti-Beautyist" movements. These competing feminist movements, both Voxijan in origin, have existed since 2019 but have only become relevant now, as members of both groups get into flame wars online and troll each other's websites.

These competing feminist movements are aligned in many ways. These clashing groups both have radical feminist views, and wish for an increase in women's rights. However, they have radically different views on one thing: beauty. Beautyists, as the name implies, think it is okay for women to strive to uphold beauty standards. Anti-Beautyists claim beauty and fashion are tools of the patriarchy and shouldn't matter in women's lives at all.

This reporter interviewed Ilina Ariztaval, a Beautyist leader, in person. Ilina was dressed in a smart suit and had dyed her hair blonde. She took the time to explain the rationale behind "Beautyism".

"Before feminism, women resisted male dominance through fashion. Men scoffed at women's styles, while women took pride in their ever-changing dresses and hair. Fashion and beauty were the only areas of life not dictated by the watchful eye of the patriarchy. Taking pride in looking good does not mean you're shallow and stupid. Such things are lies that deny the complexity of women, especially when brains, brawn, and beauty are all seen as mutually exclusive. A woman can be both sexy and sporty, or intelligent and beautiful, or all four at the same time."

We interviewed Bixenta Rurredo, a writer for Anti-Beautyist website "Itsokaytobeugly.com" through a Zoom meeting. Rurredo had not combed her hair, and was wearing simple jeans and a t-shirt. Rurredo also to the time to explain her views.

"There is a sort of power in not conforming to beauty standards. Unlike what that b*tch Ilina says, beauty standards, especially light skin, light hair, and a slim figure, have always been forced upon women by the patriarchy. Farthingales, corsets, bras, all very uncomfortable devices, were used to enforce fashion on women by men. If the Beautyists had their way, we would all be wearing dresses. Looking pretty should have no effect on how one should be treated by society."

Both sides have a point. They should have a reasonable discussion on the issue of beauty standards instead of sniping at each other on online forums.

[Voxija]

The Xirroni Journal

Man Named Stalin Elected to Town Council

April 18, 2021
Written by Nerea Uzkandea

In the most recent election for positions of the Serravajen town council, among nine other people, a man named Stalin Agirre won a coveted town council position. Stalin Agirre is a member of the Centrist Party. His economic views are described as "left-wing, but not too left wing" and his social views could be described as "conservative, but not too conservative". Stalin Agirre has been noted by local media to be "pragmatic, not letting politics get in the way."

The town Serravajen is too small to have a mayor. It is governed by a council of ten people. Every three years, Serravajen, like many Voxijan towns its size, has elections for every town council position. Usually, an incumbent wins, but sometimes a challenger shakes the campaigning up and wins. The case of Stalin Agirre was one such incident.

Normally, a candidate with such an unflattering name as Stalin would be mocked to death before being chosen by a party committee. But in local elections, there's more leeway, and Stalin's unfortunate first name was ignored. In fact, the name Stalin might have contributed to his popularity, especially among the younger crowd.

During the later parts of the election, Stalin Agirre played up his first name. One of his campaign slogans was "Vote for me. I won't start the Gulag." He became a nationwide meme because of that slogan, despite being a minor candidate in a small town for an irrelevant position.

Despite there being many candidates for ten town council positions, Stalin Agirre was the only challenger that won a seat, the rest of of the seats remaining in the hands of incumbents. After the election, the Xirroni Journal interviewed Stalin.

"My parents were Communists," Stalin said. "They didn't know how terrible Stalinist Russia was until the Cold War ended. I was born in 1987, so they named me after their favorite Communist. I had a lot of teenage angst about it, and I tried changing my name to Domiku when I was 16. In college, I learned to make a joke about it. Hey, my strange name got me to public office. Joseph Stalin was still worse than Hitler, though."