[draft] A climate of dissent

[Hediacrana]

Suggestions welcome, especially for effect lines, as currently I can't seem to come up with any good ones!

TITLE
A climate of dissent


VALIDITY
Follow-up to 766:4; has devolution.

INTRO
Your withdrawal from the international climate treaty has sparked fierce domestic opposition. In @@Animal@@fornia, a part of the country that is increasingly ridden by wildfires, the governor even took to the international stage, meeting with foreign heads of state and openly vowing that local authorities in @@nation@@ will continue to uphold the treaty's terms, "regardless of @@leader@@'s utterly irresponsible decisions."

OPTION ONE
- On the morning news, you see yet another interview with the governor, currently on an international climate conference in Daguo. "By leaving the treaty, our national government knowingly put the future of humanity at risk. But it is not too late, not yet; I urge @@leader@@ to finally see reason and re-ratify the treaty. After all, there is no shame whatsoever in publicly recognizing you were dead wrong and endangered the future of the very planet."

OPTION TWO
- "Clearly, you can't be seen to tolerate this kind of subversion!" argues your Minister of Mining, turning off the television. "I suggest you show those coastal hippies who's boss: cut all federal investments in @@animal@@fornia, relax industrial pollution standards across the country, and use the freed resources to subsidize the coal industry. It will be your legacy!"

OPTION THREE
- "Nah, the real issue here is that too much power made the locals cocky," says your deputy chief of staff, who proudly hasn't left @@capital@@ since the day you took office. "Just banish that governor for treason, lock up any other local official who dares to criticize our great policies, and place their constituencies directly under your firm hand."

[Australian rePublic]

I wouldn't specify that @@ANIMAL@@fornia is coastal. Considering that bushes prone to bush fire usually happen on the west coast of things, (unless your Australia, where they effect the whole country), then we shouldn't assume that @@NAME@@ has a west coast. The name @@ANIMAL@@fornia makes enough assumptions

[Candlewhisper Archive]

INTRO
Your withdrawal from the international climate treaty has sparked fierce domestic opposition. In @@Animal@@fornia, a part of the country that is increasingly ridden by wildfires, the governor even took to the international stage, meeting with foreign heads of state and openly vowing that local authorities in @@nation@@ will continue to uphold the treaty's terms, "regardless of @@leader@@'s utterly irresponsible decisions."

No need to be quite so blatant with the "hey you're the US and the state is California" expy. Also, you're providing too much extraneous information, and presenting statements that belong in the options rather than the premise.

Wind it back instead, with something like:

While you have chosen not to commit @@NAME@@ to the International Climate Treaty, some devolved provinces within your nation are dissenting.

Then you have:
First speaker explain that he is committing his province to the treaty, regardless of your utter irresponsibility.
Second speaker then says that they're jeopardising the national economy by going against your policies, and insists that they be prevented from imposing their environmental legislation.
Third speaker then gives some other position.

[Hediacrana]

INTRO
Your withdrawal from the international climate treaty has sparked fierce domestic opposition. In @@Animal@@fornia, a part of the country that is increasingly ridden by wildfires, the governor even took to the international stage, meeting with foreign heads of state and openly vowing that local authorities in @@nation@@ will continue to uphold the treaty's terms, "regardless of @@leader@@'s utterly irresponsible decisions."

No need to be quite so blatant with the "hey you're the US and the state is California" expy. Also, you're providing too much extraneous information, and presenting statements that belong in the options rather than the premise.

Wind it back instead, with something like:

While you have chosen not to commit @@NAME@@ to the International Climate Treaty, some devolved provinces within your nation are dissenting.

Then you have:
First speaker explain that he is committing his province to the treaty, regardless of your utter irresponsibility.
Second speaker then says that they're jeopardising the national economy by going against your policies, and insists that they be prevented from imposing their environmental legislation.
Third speaker then gives some other position.

Thanks, I'll try and implement that. So speaking of 'provincesis' would be okay, then? I tried to avoid making assumptions about how the devolved areas were called (states, districts, provinces, what have you), though just going with one would help in avoiding awkward writing.

[The Marsupial Illuminati]

Thanks, I'll try and implement that. So speaking of 'provincesis' would be okay, then? I tried to avoid making assumptions about how the devolved areas were called (states, districts, provinces, what have you), though just going with one would help in avoiding awkward writing.

I recommend not using @@ANIMAL@@fornia. One solution is to name the area using a direction. Example phrases include "the devolved government of Northeast @@NAME@@ has decided to" and "the leader of the devolved government." Now, one does not have to use words like "province," "state," or "governor."

[Chan Island]

Great title.

No need to be quite so blatant with the "hey you're the US and the state is California" expy. Also, you're providing too much extraneous information, and presenting statements that belong in the options rather than the premise.

Wind it back instead, with something like:



Then you have:
First speaker explain that he is committing his province to the treaty, regardless of your utter irresponsibility.
Second speaker then says that they're jeopardising the national economy by going against your policies, and insists that they be prevented from imposing their environmental legislation.
Third speaker then gives some other position.

Thanks, I'll try and implement that. So speaking of 'provincesis' would be okay, then? I tried to avoid making assumptions about how the devolved areas were called (states, districts, provinces, what have you), though just going with one would help in avoiding awkward writing.

You can still call them states- or anything else- if you want, but otherwise my thoughts line up with Candlewhisper's here. If you want to keep the whole inciting incident and analogues with good old Cali, you could change that introduction to be something along the lines of:

After a fierce wildfire struck the nation's west, the local governor has announced that the province will now be following the International Climate Treaty.

Can be state if you want but yeah. At the moment this issue is too obviously the US.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

"Province" has significant precedence in the issue base, "state" doesn't (or rather it does, but only in referring to the whole nation). District has also been used, but applying to a wider ranger of geographical areas, whereas mostly devolved regions have been called provinces.

Honestly, "region" would have been the best word, but it's too closely tied to the NS game mechanics.

As Baggie says, best to cleverly write to avoid a specific noun at all, but if you need to use a specific noun, use province or district.