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[DRAFT] Taking a Stance on Stance

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Xanneria
Envoy
 
Posts: 334
Founded: Sep 08, 2018
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[DRAFT] Taking a Stance on Stance

Postby Xanneria » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:32 pm

Instead of Street Racing, this one tackles Car Modifications.

[Title]Taking a stance on stance

[Validity] Cars must be legal

[Description] One of your loyal secretaries called out of work today because she had to go to the Hospital and visit her son who had got into a bad car wreck. Word on the street is that the wreck was cause by a part failure on the car and that part failure was due to your secretaries son stancing the wheels on his car to an extreme angle. Also it looks like your secretary just called asking you if something could be done about this.

[Option 1] "My son could have died!" says the exasperated secretary, "You need to think about this @@LEADER@@, you need to ban any form of modifications to cars. They're to much of a risk when changed, plus it probably voided my kids warranty!"

[Effect] Carmakers in @@NATION@@ have responded to a ban on car modifications by making 500 variations of each car they offer.

[Option 2] "She's wrong, man!" says @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, the son of your Secretary, after yanking the phone from his mother just to talk to you "It wasn't the stance of the wheels that cause the wreck, it was the fact I accidentally put the part on wrong! I think you should make auytomotive classes mandatory in school! I'm sure if I took that class instead of the piano class mopm forced me into, I would have known how to put that part on properly and I would not have had that gnarley crash! I think you should make automotive courses mandatory in school!"

[Effect] @@NATION@@ has kids as young as five fixing family cars.
Xanneria: My main nation
Teams
NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM: Maroons - Record 17-5-20 (W-D-L) (This may not be accurate)
FIRST CONTEST: Copa Esportiva 23
FIRST GAME: Vangazaland 3-1 Xanneria
FIRST WIN: 5-3 vs Qingland
LARGEST MOV: 5-0 vs Pineapple Porcupines
CHAMPIONSHIPS:Baptism of Fire 69 (Nice!) winner / Group Winner CE24
Non Association Football Stats
NSCF TEAMS: Dominic Anneria University and Xannerian Polytechnic
NSSCRA: Cars #10,12,16

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Australian rePublic
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Posts: 16491
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Anarchy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:42 pm

Isn't this a matter for police?
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions.
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Xanneria
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Posts: 334
Founded: Sep 08, 2018
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Xanneria » Thu Jul 11, 2019 6:09 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Isn't this a matter for police?



What ya mean by that?
Xanneria: My main nation
Teams
NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM: Maroons - Record 17-5-20 (W-D-L) (This may not be accurate)
FIRST CONTEST: Copa Esportiva 23
FIRST GAME: Vangazaland 3-1 Xanneria
FIRST WIN: 5-3 vs Qingland
LARGEST MOV: 5-0 vs Pineapple Porcupines
CHAMPIONSHIPS:Baptism of Fire 69 (Nice!) winner / Group Winner CE24
Non Association Football Stats
NSCF TEAMS: Dominic Anneria University and Xannerian Polytechnic
NSSCRA: Cars #10,12,16

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USS Monitor
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Posts: 27711
Founded: Jul 01, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby USS Monitor » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:50 am

Xanneria wrote:[Description] One of your loyal secretaries called out of work today because she had to go to the Hospital and visit her son who had got into a bad car wreck. Word on the street is that the wreck was cause by a part failure on the car and that part failure was due to your secretaries son stancing the wheels on his car to an extreme angle. Also it looks like your secretary just called asking you if something could be done about this.


I'm glad to see you return to "Got Issues." Could you streamline this a little? It's a bit wordy.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
~~One Stop Rules Shop (OSRS)~~Getting Help (GHR)~~
༄༅། །འགྲོ་བ་མི་རིགས་ག་ར་དབང་ཆ་འདྲ་མཉམ་འབད་སྒྱེཝ་ལས་ག་ར་གིས་གཅིག་གིས་གཅིག་ལུ་སྤུན་ཆའི་དམ་ཚིག་བསྟན་དགོས།

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Xanneria
Envoy
 
Posts: 334
Founded: Sep 08, 2018
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Xanneria » Thu Jul 11, 2019 12:22 pm

USS Monitor wrote:
Xanneria wrote:[Description] One of your loyal secretaries called out of work today because she had to go to the Hospital and visit her son who had got into a bad car wreck. Word on the street is that the wreck was cause by a part failure on the car and that part failure was due to your secretaries son stancing the wheels on his car to an extreme angle. Also it looks like your secretary just called asking you if something could be done about this.


I'm glad to see you return to "Got Issues." Could you streamline this a little? It's a bit wordy.



How does

[Description] One of your loyal secretaries called out of work today so she could visit her son in the hospital. Her son is recovering from a car accident and Word on the street is that the wreck was caused by a part failure on the car and that part failure was due to your secretaries son stancing the wheels on his car to an extreme angle. Oh hey, she's actually calling you right now to discuss her sons accident.


sound

Is the phonecall angle a bit wierd?
Xanneria: My main nation
Teams
NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM: Maroons - Record 17-5-20 (W-D-L) (This may not be accurate)
FIRST CONTEST: Copa Esportiva 23
FIRST GAME: Vangazaland 3-1 Xanneria
FIRST WIN: 5-3 vs Qingland
LARGEST MOV: 5-0 vs Pineapple Porcupines
CHAMPIONSHIPS:Baptism of Fire 69 (Nice!) winner / Group Winner CE24
Non Association Football Stats
NSCF TEAMS: Dominic Anneria University and Xannerian Polytechnic
NSSCRA: Cars #10,12,16

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Candensia
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 491
Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Father Knows Best State

Postby Candensia » Thu Jul 11, 2019 1:26 pm

I think this topic could work, and that there's a lot of potential humor here.

However, I feel that the draft, as is, feels unbalanced and somewhat bland.

[Description] One of your loyal secretaries called out of work today so she could visit her son in the hospital. Her son is recovering from a car accident and Word on the street is that the wreck was caused by a part failure on the car and that part failure was due to your secretaries son stancing the wheels on his car to an extreme angle. Oh hey, she's actually calling you right now to discuss her sons accident.


Still wordy, and I do think the phone-call angle is...meh. I think you can replace much of the bush-beating in your intro with some humor, in order to improve readability. For example.

[Description] One of your loyal secretaries called out of work today to visit her son in the hospital, who suffered a nasty car accident yesterday. Word on the street is, due to dubious wheel-stancing modifications, the steering system malfunctioned, sending the young man and his very souped-up Ponda off the road and into a filled irrigation canal.


[Option 1] "My son could have died!" says the exasperated secretary, "You need to think about this @@LEADER@@, you need to ban any form of modifications to cars. They're to much of a risk when changed, plus it probably voided my kids warranty!"


This is bland. I could paste the highlighted portion of option one into an issue about smoking or concealed weapons, or crossing the street with your eyes closed without a crossing guard while also skillfully texting and riding a unicycle, and it'd still make sense. Point is the highlighted portion is fine, with additional humor and development. If it's all by itself, and makes up over half the length of the option, it comes off as bland.

Overall, I think you may very well have a viable topic here. Just work on balance and humor, and I think everything will turn out alright. :)
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 18944
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Jul 12, 2019 2:17 am

While I think IRL there is some regulation on stancing in some jurisdictions, I think this issue doesn't necessarily present the dilemma well, as the options don't really approach the reasonable positions.

A regulation limiting stancing or requiring roadworthiness checks would be reasonable. Banning all modification is just too silly to pick.

Generally, a good format for issues (as a beginner) is something like:
Option 1 - Reasonable approach.
Option 2 - Equally reasonable but opposed approach.
Option 3 - Crazy overreaction.

Also, the presented dilemma itself... it just feels too small to be a national issue. I'd up the scale, have a thirty-car pile up happening because a stanced car drove over a pebble on the highway, and lost control. A large number of deaths, or a particularly newsworthy accident might push this into being a national issue.
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Fri Jul 12, 2019 2:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Xanneria
Envoy
 
Posts: 334
Founded: Sep 08, 2018
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Xanneria » Mon Jul 15, 2019 2:47 pm

I had originally wanted to have option a only ban stancing but figured it might be to specific.



I may rewrite this in a new thread with a more vague emphasis on car body mods
Xanneria: My main nation
Teams
NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM: Maroons - Record 17-5-20 (W-D-L) (This may not be accurate)
FIRST CONTEST: Copa Esportiva 23
FIRST GAME: Vangazaland 3-1 Xanneria
FIRST WIN: 5-3 vs Qingland
LARGEST MOV: 5-0 vs Pineapple Porcupines
CHAMPIONSHIPS:Baptism of Fire 69 (Nice!) winner / Group Winner CE24
Non Association Football Stats
NSCF TEAMS: Dominic Anneria University and Xannerian Polytechnic
NSSCRA: Cars #10,12,16

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Chan Island
Minister
 
Posts: 3348
Founded: Nov 26, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Chan Island » Wed Jul 17, 2019 1:10 am

Xanneria wrote:I had originally wanted to have option a only ban stancing but figured it might be to specific.



I may rewrite this in a new thread with a more vague emphasis on car body mods


You can still do that. The 30 car pile-up could have been caused by a car that was stanced, and then one option could well be to ban all car body mods. And another would be to only ban stancing.
Conserative Morality wrote:"It's not time yet" is a tactic used by reactionaries in every era. "It's not time for democracy, it's not time for capitalism, it's not time for emancipation." Of course it's not time. It's never time, not on its own. You make it time. If you're under fire in the no-man's land of WW1, you start digging a foxhole even if the ideal time would be when you *aren't* being bombarded, because once you wait for it to be 'time', other situations will need your attention, assuming you survive that long. If the fields aren't furrowed, plow them. If the iron is not hot, make it so. If society is not ready, change it.


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