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[DRAFT] @@LEADER@@: Not Dumb

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Nooooooooooooooo
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Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[DRAFT] @@LEADER@@: Not Dumb

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Sat Jun 22, 2019 5:59 pm

Desc: Last week, your vehicle crashed into a street light, though luckily nobody was hurt. But unfortunately, tensions rose as a certain newspaper mocked this in a political cartoon and depicted you as a car crashing into a post supposedly to say that you aren't smart. Critics of the paper and fans of yours have gathered together to protest the publication.


Option 1: "This cartoon is preposterous!" says one of your advisors @@RANDOMNAME@@ as he holds up a big sign that reads '@@LEADER@@: Not Dumb!' "We need to arrest whoever these people are before they can even say, 'that's our opinion'. Well... I know it takes a bit to say that, but still! Newspapers must be state-controlled and approved multiple times before they can be published."

Fallout 1: the press always suspiciously says '@@LEADER@@ is the smartest person in @@REGION@@' every Sunday

Adds Policy: State Press


Option 2: "Hey, it's @@LEADER@@'s fault he wasn't looking," argues the publisher, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This is a very accurate cartoon right here. Only dumb people crash cars. Have you ever seen a 200 IQ person crashing a car? No, because they are actually smart. I say we put this everywhere, you know? Make it open to people in other countries, too."

Fallout 2: the main dumb guy in foreign movies is often a spoof of @@LEADER@@


Option 3: Finally, a tomato flies by @@HIS@@ head. "@@LEADER@@, we respect you!," shouts a protester from outside. "Not like those losers that control the paper! That 'cartoon' is wrong and should be banned! You should give the press to the people! Kick the disrespectful publishers out of their positions!" Finally, a police officer pushes them away.

Fallout 3: the top news story today is that @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@'s front yard is being redone
Last edited by Nooooooooooooooo on Fri Jul 05, 2019 9:24 pm, edited 26 times in total.
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

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Australian rePublic
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Anarchy

Postby Australian rePublic » Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:19 pm

But did @@LEADER@@ smash into a pole?
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Krogon
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Founded: May 25, 2018
Democratic Socialists

Postby Krogon » Sun Jun 23, 2019 3:28 pm

The writing in this is so very clunky...

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Great Nortend
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Founded: Jul 08, 2017
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Great Nortend » Sun Jun 23, 2019 11:10 pm

Don't say that @@LEADER@@ does anything. The player is @@LEADER@@.
News from Great Nortend: https://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=417866
Tourism and Q&A thread: https://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=458726
Diplomacy, Embassies &c.: https://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=417865
If you have any questions about Great Nortend, please ask in the diplomacy thread above.

This nation generally represents my personal views in most areas, though slightly exaggerated perhaps.

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The Free Joy State
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Founded: Jan 05, 2014
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby The Free Joy State » Sun Jun 23, 2019 11:25 pm

This issue seems like to overlap rather too heavily with #39 and #178.
"If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." - Toni Morrison

My nation does not represent my beliefs or politics.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Jun 24, 2019 2:30 am

There's a potential unique angle here though, about political cartoons.

I suggest focusing specifically on that aspect, and sharpening the writing generally to make it sound more literate.

A common error of issue writers is to adopt the "four year old telling a story" mode, which basically goes something like this:

Tommy pushed Susie. Then Susie kicked him. And then he hit Susie on the head. With a stick. It really hurt. Susie is sad now. That's why Susie is crying:

Whereas it should be more like...

This morning, an escalating altercation between schoolchildren Tommy and Susie ended in tears...

So basically restructure your thoughts, refocus the issue on political cartoons, and frame the responses to the dilemma on that premise.

Keep writing though -- you've got ideas, enthusiasm and potential, and that can take you a long way.

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Aclion
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Founded: Apr 12, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Aclion » Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:11 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:There's a potential unique angle here though, about political cartoons.

There's also an angle of Lèse-majesté laws.
A free society rests on four boxes: The soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the ammo box.
XKI: Recruiter, TITO Knight
TEP: WA Executive Staff member
Forest: Cartographer
Oatland: Caesar, Cartographer

It is the citizen's duty to understand which box to use, and when.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Jun 24, 2019 12:23 pm

Aclion wrote:
Candlewhisper Archive wrote:There's a potential unique angle here though, about political cartoons.

There's also an angle of Lèse-majesté laws.


That could work, but probably only for monarchy nations for it to feel unique.

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Chan Island
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Posts: 3346
Founded: Nov 26, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Chan Island » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:54 pm

Why would this be invalid for monarchies? This sort of thing could happen to any leader.
Conserative Morality wrote:"It's not time yet" is a tactic used by reactionaries in every era. "It's not time for democracy, it's not time for capitalism, it's not time for emancipation." Of course it's not time. It's never time, not on its own. You make it time. If you're under fire in the no-man's land of WW1, you start digging a foxhole even if the ideal time would be when you *aren't* being bombarded, because once you wait for it to be 'time', other situations will need your attention, assuming you survive that long. If the fields aren't furrowed, plow them. If the iron is not hot, make it so. If society is not ready, change it.

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Nooooooooooooooo
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Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:13 pm

Chan Island wrote:Why would this be invalid for monarchies? This sort of thing could happen to any leader.


Well it originally had a chief of staff, which I thought was out of place with monarchies...

...anyway, edited.
Last edited by Nooooooooooooooo on Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Posts: 18944
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Jun 26, 2019 1:16 am

Chan Island wrote:Why would this be invalid for monarchies? This sort of thing could happen to any leader.


I meant specifically lèse-majesté, rather than political cartoons. For lèse-majesté to apply conceptually you need to have some idea that the leader is special or sacred in some way, which normally means absolute monarchy, though I guess modern autocratic states often hold their leaders in official reverence as well.

There's no monarchy limitation needed on an issue about political cartoons, only on one about lèse-majesté.

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Nooooooooooooooo
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Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Wed Jun 26, 2019 4:14 pm

What do you guys think about the results?
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

User avatar
Aclion
Senator
 
Posts: 4040
Founded: Apr 12, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Aclion » Thu Jun 27, 2019 7:18 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:
Aclion wrote:There's also an angle of Lèse-majesté laws.


That could work, but probably only for monarchy nations for it to feel unique.

Doesn't need to be. Some protect all government officials or even the government in abstract.
This is touched on, but barely in 613.
A free society rests on four boxes: The soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the ammo box.
XKI: Recruiter, TITO Knight
TEP: WA Executive Staff member
Forest: Cartographer
Oatland: Caesar, Cartographer

It is the citizen's duty to understand which box to use, and when.

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Baggieland
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Posts: 2289
Founded: May 27, 2013
Father Knows Best State

Postby Baggieland » Sat Jun 29, 2019 6:16 am

Nooooooooooooooo wrote:Tensions rise as last week, your vehicle crashed into a light post

Change "rise" to "rose", it needs to be past simple.
Also, I believe "light post" is wrong. "Street light" is what you need.

I think option 1 needs a bit more to it. The speaker should ask for state control of newspapers, or at least have a government official approve stories / cartoons before publication.

Option 2, how or why is it accurate? A bit more evidence please.

Nooooooooooooooo wrote:overthrow the newspaper!

I think this bit is unneccassary, it sounds like state control, but you're asking for citizen control.
Keep the faith, keep on boinging!

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Nooooooooooooooo
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:48 am

Baggieland wrote:
Nooooooooooooooo wrote:Tensions rise as last week, your vehicle crashed into a light post

Change "rise" to "rose", it needs to be past simple.
Also, I believe "light post" is wrong. "Street light" is what you need.

I think option 1 needs a bit more to it. The speaker should ask for state control of newspapers, or at least have a government official approve stories / cartoons before publication.

Option 2, how or why is it accurate? A bit more evidence please.

Nooooooooooooooo wrote:overthrow the newspaper!

I think this bit is unneccassary, it sounds like state control, but you're asking for citizen control.


Edited.
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

User avatar
Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 18944
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:53 am

Right now, I'd get no further than the opening description before rejecting this one.

Desc: Tensions rose as last week, your vehicle crashed into a street light. Luckily nobody was hurt, but unfortunately, a certain newspaper article mocked this in a political cartoon and depicted you as a car crashing into a post. Supposedly, it was to say that you aren't smart. Critics of the paper and fans of yours have gathered together to protest the publication.


I refer you to my first post in this thread -- try to make it flow better.


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