That's what Anatoly Maxtor told himself as his stakeout continued.
In the vents. This was not part of his training.
Anatoly Maxtor is a small, male, snake-necked turtle who worked for the Imperial Ministry of Foreign Affairs. As a male of a matriarchal species, he was often consigned to the low priority tasks, and this was a situation that was no different. TurtleShroom, fresh from a brutal Civil War and completely unwilling to wage a campaign, nonetheless declared steep interest in this Crusade due to the possibility of Skyhooked's innocence in the initial terror attack that began the conflict.
TurtleShroom had already authorized Cardinal-Primate Jason Icfella to act on their behalf as a goodwill spiritual ambassador, but they needed more direct information. The government had already spent fifty thousand Skillets ($12500 USD) procuring publicly available information on the war courtesy of the Chuckmen. This allowed them to keep in touch without actually establishing a greater presence in the war. For this reason, the public and occurring, un-encrypted knowledge of the ongoings of the Crusade were fully known to the quiet observers in the Great Bountiful Empire.
Anatoly was a male, new to the department, small, and happened to be the closest turtle next to the committee doling out assignments to be picked.
Boy, was it cold.
Anatoly was a cold-blooded reptile (although certainly warmer than the delegation of Rapture), and it had become colder as the day went on. The heat of the tropical sun and temperatures within and without led to someone turning up the air conditioning.
Anyone who has ever opened a kids' animal book knows what happens when reptiles get cold. Anatoly was already becoming sluggish. He laid the neck that earned his species its name on the metal of the ducts. It was longer than his body and gave him an easy means to peer out the narrow wall vents into the meeting.
The sticky notes and small golf pencil he had with him had already been made full of information. Anatoly, like most diplomats in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, was trained in memory retention and keen observation. Even if the papers were gone, he'd recall most of it.
As the cold really set in and his strength faded to "sleepiness*", he realized he had to blow his cover or "nap" right there. TurtleShroom was a party to this war anyway, so he was entitled to be here if TS had responded to the public invitation. Let's just hope everyone was on their good side today.
*CLINK* *CLINK* *CLANK*
CLANG!
The metal vent in the wall fell to the floor with a metallic banging, which immediately stopped the steadily intensifying anger among the delegation. It was somewhat miraculous, as it appeared to simmer down the tempers of the men present enough to keep the meeting going.
The awkward silence was broken as Anatoly, now warmer, outstretched his huge neck out. He crawled his body to the edge of the vent, revealing that he was, indeed, a turtle and not a serpent.
"............uhh, gentlemen. Mah name's Anatoly** Maxtor, deputy-diplomat in trainin' and representative'a the Imperial Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Great Bountiful Em-par*** of TurtleShroom. It is a plea-shuh to make y'all's acquaintance..."
Anatoly put caution to the wind and fell out of the vent on the wall, head and body tucked into his shell. He left his papers in the vent. The air blew them out into the dining room that served as the meetinghouse. No injuries were sustained.
"If one of y'all could kindly put me on the table, or on a chair with some books, I'd be grateful!"
A baffled bystander, still shocked at a talking turtle watching them, picked Anatoly up and placed him where the others could see.
