[ACCEPTED] - The Least Common Educator

[Candensia]

Thank you for your feedback, as always!

Also: (Yes this is a real thing.)

https://www.smh.com.au/education/australia-facing-urgent-maths-teacher-shortage-after-30-years-of-inaction-20190508-p51l5l.html

https://www.washtimesherald.com/news/local_news/indiana-teacher-shortage-grows-among-questions-about-education-funding/article_75c63bf1-9451-50c0-8087-bb957a376ade.html

First Draft

[DRAFT] - The Least Common Educator

[The Issue] - A recently-conducted study has revealed that only one-in-four @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolchildren has a qualified math teacher. The extent of the teacher shortage has shocked parents the nation over, and has sent the government scrambling to balance the equation.


[Option 1] - "Do I look like I'm scrambling?" remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level education official, before rolling @@HIS@@ eyes. "The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ education system is versatile, and its teachers ought to be as well. Our already-employed educators are more than 'qualified' to incorporate mathematics into their lessons, no matter their individual specialization. And they can pick up that slack without additional funding, if not less! If teachers cannot teach, then why pay them at all?"

[effect] - art students spend hours sketching linear equations


[Option 2] - "Well, it's clear where that @@CURRENCY@@-pincher draws their asymptotes- just one significant figure short of downright deranged!" exclaims @@CAPITAL@@-area algebra teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Truth is, the prevalence of math teachers in @@NAME@@ is on an exponential decline. We're overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated, and the only thing that's gonna change that is more money and manpower in the education system. That, and an apple on my desk, every morning, make it happen."

[effect] - the cavity rate among educators has plummeted


[Option 3] - "The school system is puttin' too much pressure on our kids," rambles rural bureaucrat @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Where I'm from, the only knowledge y'need is how to live off the land, and how to respect folks. So let's take math out of the curriculum, and stress more practical knowledge, like farming or resource conservation! It might sound stupid, but I never learnt math, and I'm just fine! I've been the mayor of my town for twelve years!" @@HE@@ says, before counting them out on @@HIS@@ fingers.

[effect] - most children think pythagoras is a type of dinosaur


[optionvalidity] - Nation allows immigration.
[Option 4A] - "It's obvious something must be done to reduce our brainpower deficit," states Deputy Minister of Immigration, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps the addition of skilled, foreign labor is just what the teacher ordered. All we need to do is maximize our appeal from an immigration standpoint. We could offer prospective workers lenient visa restrictions, generous living accommodations, and financial benefits nobody would be able to refuse. It'd obviously get pricey, but we would be doing it for our children."

[effect] - bribing your math teacher is a lot harder


[optionvalidity] - Nation does not allow immigration.
[Option 4B] - "This is exactly where a sensible immigration policy would come in handy," states Deputy Minister of Foreign Relations, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps the addition of skilled, foreign labor is just what the teacher ordered. It is advisable, however, to offer prospective workers a few common-sense perks, in order to maximize our appeal. We could, for example, offer lenient visa restrictions, generous living accommodations, and numerous financial benefits. It'd obviously get pricey, but we would be doing it for our children."

[effect] - bribing your math teacher is a lot harder
[flag] - Removes 'No Immigration'.

Second Draft

[DRAFT] - The Least Common Educator

[The Issue] - A report released by the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Mathematical Sciences Institute has revealed that only one in four @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolchildren is taught by a qualified math teacher. The severity of the teacher shortage has left educators teaching out of their fields, parents shocked, and the government scrambling to balance the equation.

[Option 1] - "It's important not to panic," remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level education official. "We have plenty of teachers to go around, they just don't call math their field of study...yet. Simply retrain educators already teaching math out-of-field. Mandatory retraining sessions can be held whenever student demand is light, like evenings and weekends. And sooner or later, boom, you've got qualified math teachers. Didn't even need a calculator."

[effect] - gym teachers instruct advanced-level calculus classes


[Option 2] - "My own students come up with answers better than that!" exclaims @@CAPITAL@@-area algebra teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The prevalence of math teachers in @@NAME@@ is on an exponential decline, and simply retraining a few already overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated educators isn't going to change that trend. What we need is far more money and manpower in the education system. That, and an apple on my desk, every morning."

[effect] - the cavity rate among educators has plummeted


[Option 3] - "The school system is puttin too much pressure on our kids," rambles rural bureaucrat @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Where I'm from, the only knowledge y'need is how to live off the land, and how to respect folks. So let's take math out of the curriculum, and stress more practical knowledge, like farming or resource conservation! Might sound stupid, but I never learnt math, and I'm just fine! I've been the mayor of my town for twelve years!" @@HE@@ says, before counting them out on @@HIS@@ fingers.

[effect] - most children think pythagoras is a type of dinosaur


[optionvalidity] - Nation allows immigration.
[Option 4A] - "It's obvious something must be done to reduce our brainpower deficit," states Deputy Minister of Immigration, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps the addition of skilled, foreign labor is just what the teacher ordered. All we need to do is maximize our appeal from an immigration standpoint. We could offer prospective workers lenient visa restrictions, generous living accommodations, and financial benefits nobody would be able to refuse. It'd obviously get pricey, but we would be doing it for our children."

[effect] - bribing your math teacher is a lot harder


[optionvalidity] - Nation does not allow immigration.
[Option 4B] - "This is exactly where a sensible immigration policy would come in handy," states Deputy Minister of Foreign Relations, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps the addition of skilled, foreign labor is just what the teacher ordered. It is advisable, however, to offer prospective workers a few common-sense perks, in order to maximize our appeal. We could, for example, offer lenient visa restrictions, generous living accommodations, and numerous financial benefits. It'd obviously get pricey, but we would be doing it for our children."

[effect] - bribing your math teacher is a lot harder
[flag] - Removes 'No Immigration'.

Current Draft

[DRAFT] - The Least Common Educator SUBMITTED 8/17/2019

[The Issue] - A report released by the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Mathematical Sciences Institute has revealed that only one in four @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolchildren is taught by a qualified math teacher. Your advisers speculate that the populace may eventually be rendered too ignorant to pay their taxes, and so urge immediate action.

[issuevalidity] - low public education.

[Option 1] - "We have plenty of teachers, they just don't teach math...yet," remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level education official. "So just retrain a bunch of 'em. Mandatory retraining sessions can be held whenever student demand is light, like evenings, weekends, lunch breaks, and national holidays. But sooner or later, boom, you've got qualified math teachers. Didn't even need a calculator."

[effect] - gym teachers instruct advanced-level calculus classes


[Option 2] - "If a school has four math classes, but only one math teacher, what should you do?" asks @@CAPITAL@@-area algebra teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading an improvised multiple choice question. "Should you, A, cry tears of despair for hours over the impending mathocalypse? Should you, B, beat the ever-living snot out of any useless, uninformed bureaucrats who advocate for what is, essentially, educator abuse, then cry more tears of despair? Or should you, C, invest more @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ and manpower into the education system? The answer here is clear."

[effect] - it takes a lot of snot and tears to fix a problem


[Option 3] - "The school system is puttin' too much pressure on our kids," rambles rural bureaucrat @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Where I'm from, the only knowledge y'need is how to live off the land, and how to respect folks. So let's take math out of the curriculum, and stress more practical knowledge, like farming or resource conservation! Might sound stupid, but I never learnt math, and I'm just fine! I've been the mayor of my town for twelve years!" @@HE@@ says, before checking on @@HIS@@ fingers.

[effect] - most children think pythagoras is a type of dinosaur


[optionvalidity] - Nation allows immigration.
[Option 4A] - "We've got a brainpower outage it seems," states Deputy Minister of Immigration, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps the addition of skilled, foreign labor is just what we need. We should maximize our appeal from an immigration standpoint. Let's offer prospective workers lenient visa restrictions, generous living accommodations, access to government transportation, legal immunity, and extensive financial benefits nobody could refuse. It'd obviously get pricey, but we're doing it for our kids, right?"

[effect] - foreign-born economics teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids


[optionvalidity] - Nation does not allow immigration.
[Option 4B] - "This is exactly where a sensible immigration policy would come in handy," states Deputy Minister of Foreign Relations, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps the addition of skilled, foreign labor is just what we need. Let's offer prospective workers a few common-sense perks, in order to maximize our appeal. We could, for example, offer lenient visa restrictions, generous living accommodations, access to government transportation, legal immunity, and extensive financial benefits. It'd obviously get pricey, but it's for the children."

[effect] - foreign-born economics teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
[flag] - Removes 'No Immigration'.

[Australian rePublic]

I find this extremely hard to believe. Even Australia's piece of shit education system, whixh ranks worse than Latvia, has better ratios than that

[Candensia]

I find this extremely hard to believe. Even Australia's piece of shit education system, whixh ranks worse than Latvia, has better ratios than that

I actually based that ratio off of a report, published this year by the Australian Mathematical Sciences Institute.

https://amsi.org.au/publications/amsi-occasional-paper-2-australian-secondary-mathematics-teacher-shortfalls-a-deepening-crisis/

(Easier to decipher info can be found with a quick “Australia math teacher shortage” google search.)

Of course, the situation is puffed up to make it yummy for ns. That being said, I’m not overly in love with how I have presented the situation, it’s kinda muddy. I’ll be working on it.

[Candensia]

I have updated the draft version. Notable changes include rewrites to the intro and first option. I now believe the situation is far more clear.

Thank you for your continued feedback!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

It's decent, but all feels a bit pedestrian. Nothing about this feels especially entertaining or funny, even while it remains competent on most levels. Can you give the characters more character, and make the premise more punchy?

[Australian rePublic]

Option 1- You can do whatever you want with new teachers, but, what if existing teachers are bad at maths? This should be the effect line

[Candensia]

I've revived this one. The draft version has been updated.

In this new draft, I've touched up just about every part of the issue. Thank you for your continued feedback!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

That's much better!

Would need some sort of validity check given the opening description's assertion, but we can figure something out.

[Candensia]

Thank you CWA.

It only took me, what, a entire season to get a grip?

In any case, I’m thinking the validity could be tied to low public education, intelligence, or high ignorance. Perhaps even a combination, though my instincts tell me public education is the one to bet on.

[Candensia]

Okay, for now the validity is tied to education spending.

Any further feedback?

[Candensia]

Last Call.

[Strahcoin]

I think that validity should be tied to Intelligence, not Public Education.

[Baggieland]

So just retrain a couple of 'em.

I would change 'couple' to 'bunch', less specific as some nations have a population of billions, others just a couple of millions.

[Candensia]

I think that validity should be tied to Intelligence, not Public Education.

It very well could be, however I see the issue, a teacher shortage, as probably caused by underinvestment in the education system. So for now, we’ll leave it linked to education spending.

So just retrain a couple of 'em.

I would change 'couple' to 'bunch', less specific as some nations have a population of billions, others just a couple of millions.

Sure, changed.

[Candensia]

And Submitted. Thank you, everyone for your invaluable feedback!

PS: I had some connection problems while submitting. I do hope it was uploaded only one time, as it took me two attempts. If it does show up twice, then please use one for deletion practice.

[Australian rePublic]

Good luck

[Daarwyrth]

Good luck! I think the draft is really nicely written, so I am looking forward to getting the issue in front of me