[Submitted] “Smart” Cars?

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

I feel you've not really taken on board the comments about wordiness.

I agree. It does seem overly wordy. I am simply at a loss as to were to cut from here without actual damaging the underlying plot.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, I guess you could start with this:

...the opening:

After a string of mysterious car crashes and carjackings in @@Your nation@@, investigators have discovered that they were all caused by remote devices hacking into aftermarket car systems that were linked wirelessly to the owner's phone. These aftermarket systems which we not purchased from car dealerships were installed on every automobile in question and are evidently very easy to hack. Hackers attained the ability to unlock doors, apply the brakes, and even stall the engine of the cars these systems were installed in. Now a mob of angry soccer moms, CEOs, and random but equally opinionated bystanders have swarmed your office.

could read as:

Investigators have discovered that a series or motoring accidents and incidents were caused by remote devices hacking wireless car systems linked to the owners' phones. Hackers found they could unlock doors, apply brakes, and even stall engines.

I have no problem with you using this verbatim.

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

Well, I guess you could start with this:

...the opening:



could read as:

I have no problem with you using this verbatim.

I have done this and cut even more from options 1,3, and 5.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Looking a lot better.

Right now your options are about the right length for a 3-4 option issue, but trimming them further might hurt the story. I'd strongly consider dropping an option, and also reviewing the existing effect lines to see if the same jokes can be delivered in fewer words. Don't forget that multiple effect lines get put into a single sentence in nations' front page final paragraphs, so they need to be as snappy as possible.

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

Somehow deleted it but Option 4 has been cut as it was redundant.

Effect lines remain as I think they are still relevant, If you think they are just far too wordy I can cut them.


Update: I cut a little from the final option. That one is now normal effect line length I believe.

[Lobosias]

It's hard to tell if the car's driver is really the one behind the wheel.

“We didn’t need that industry anyway” huff CEOs after being run out of buisnesss for safety.

Buisnesses set more funds aside for compensation than for actual product development.

tried my hand at making the effect lines more "snappy".

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

It's hard to tell if the car's driver is really the one behind the wheel.

“We didn’t need that industry anyway” huff CEOs after being run out of buisnesss for safety.

Buisnesses set more funds aside for compensation than for actual product development.

tried my hand at making the effect lines more "snappy".

That is true, I guess there is always a word or two or three that can be cut. I will do that.

Done. I cut down, using your suggestions, a bit for each end line.

Another note though: I don't have the @@s formatted right, how do you do that?? What is the proper format for them?

[Lobosias]

Another note though: I don't have the @@s formatted right, how do you do that?? What is the proper format for them?

It should be in the How To Write An Issue guide.

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

Another note though: I don't have the @@s formatted right, how do you do that?? What is the proper format for them?

It should be in the How To Write An Issue guide.

I'll try and find that and adjust accordingly.

Update: Done

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

Anything else?

[Fauxia]

Issues use "dumb quotes" not “smart quotes”, make sure to change that so you don’t drive an editor crazy as I have done in the past.

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

Issues use "dumb quotes" not “smart quotes”, make sure to change that so you don’t drive an editor crazy as I have done in the past.

Other than that, which I will change in a second, is there anything content wise?

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

Later than expected, but I fixed that. Any last comments before it gets submitted?

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

It's in. Submitted.

[Australian rePublic]

Good luck!

[Bears Armed]

Good luck!

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

Out of curiosity, what is the usual time it takes after an issue is submitted before it is rejected/accepted?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

There's no usual time.

Historically there's been issues published that have been submitted many years before, and there's been issues where the edit starts on the day of submission and is done within 4 days.

Right now though, there is no issue in the accepted pool from further back than January 2019, though there are staff issues sitting from 2016.

[Libertas Omnium Maximus]

There's no usual time.

Historically there's been issues published that have been submitted many years before, and there's been issues where the edit starts on the day of submission and is done within 4 days.

Right now though, there is no issue in the accepted pool from further back than January 2019, though there are staff issues sitting from 2016.

Ok, good to know. Thanks for all the help on creating and perfecting the issue!