(Draft 2) The Ad Scare

[Christos]

Let me know what you all think. Feedback is appreciated.
I got this idea from the recent ad scare of Momo.

Title: The Ad Scare

Issue: During one of your monthly cabinet meetings, a video from VlogVid is shown by you Minister of Technology (random name). While the video plays an ad pops up and to the horror of you and all your cabinet ministers, the ad shows a multicolored setting with a plucky little bear repeating over and over “Don’t eat your veggies” and join me.” As the bear turns into a monster like creature as the ad keeps playing and in the end a loud gun shot is hear. Horrified and a little wet your cabinet ministers stare at each other and then to you to address this online dilemma.

Option 1: The minister of technology with feign breath, “I am so sorry I should have not used a VlogVid Video to explain the basics of robotics how it affects the nation.” I think we put pressure on VlogVid to have them better screen what ads pop up on certain videos by taking away their tax breaks. This is inappropriate and I feel like holding them accountable would be get them to act, especially if we do it with money.
Outcome 1: Websites are held hostage to screen ads themselves instead of AI algorithms.

Option 2: The minister of commerce (random name) stands up with sweat dripping down his forehead, I do think that ad was of poor taste but in the name of business, economics, and numbers we cannot put interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work. Yes, it was quite terrifying but imposing pressure on that ad company would spit in the face of the capitalist ways.
Outcome 2: Children's nightmares are fueled for money's sake.

Option 3: The Minister of Defense (random name), who is standing and clapping with a tear in his eye, says “this is one of the greatest forms of hypnotic suggestion. We could hire these ad makers and have them create an ad that makes the populace love you. I mean after that whole recession debacle I think this the solution we need to get the people on your side again.
Outcome 3: Love for country is seemingly not from the heart but from the eyes.

Option 4: Your 7 year old nephew who was playing in the back of the meeting room, now is cowering in fear saying “Uncle (leader name) please make the bad figures go away. I want to eat my veggies.” Your nephew passes out at the thought of not eating his vegetables.
Outcome 4: Video Ads have been banned from all websites as letters written by children bear your likeness and talk about how happy they are about eating their vegetables.

Issue: You dismiss reports about an ad called “MeMe” that has been popping up on several video-sharing sites thinking it’s just a hoax. But during a monthly cabinet meeting you find that all your ministers are acting strangely with all their faces stuck in various emotions ranging from terrified to enlightened. Your secretary informs you that all your ministers have seen the ad and that something must be done about it now because all the drool from their mouths are ruining the carpet.

Option 1: Working up the courage to speak The minister of technology @@RANDOMNAME@@ starts to talk in a whispery voice, I think we should put pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites to have them better screen what ads pop up on certain videos by taking away their tax breaks. This is an inappropriate situation and I feel like holding them accountable would be get them to act, especially if we do it with money.
Outcome 1: Withholding of Tax breaks are used to hold ad companies and video-sharing sites accountable instead of AI algorithms.

Option 2: The minister of commerce @@RANDOMNAME@@ stands up with sweat dripping down his forehead slowly stands up and says, I do think that ad was inappropriate but in the name of business, economics, and numbers we cannot interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work. Yes, it was quite terrifying but imposing pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites would spit in the face of the capitalist ways.
Outcome 2: Children's nightmares are fueled for money's sake.

Option 3: General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the Armed Forces stands at attention, as you notice the wet stain on his pants and says, Forget how scary it is a little backbone did not hurt anybody, what we could do is hire these ad makers and use their talents of videography to have the populace love you. I mean after that whole recession debacle I think this solution will get the people on your side again.
Outcome 3: Ad makers line up to use their skills to help the country forget the past.

Option 4: Your niece’s mother rushes into the meeting and says, I think all these ad companies should be banned from all video-sharing sites in @@NATIONNAME@@. I know it’s a bit drastic but your 7 year old niece does not want to leave the house anymore because she’s been scarred for life.
Outcome 4: Video Ads have been banned from all video-sharing sites as picture ads rise in popularity.

Issue: During a monthly cabinet meeting you find that all your ministers are acting strangely with all their faces stuck in various emotions ranging from terrified to euphoric while some are eerily under the meeting table sucking their thumbs. Your secretary, @@RANDOMNAME@@ informs you that all your ministers have seen a certain ad, codenamed MeMe, that has been popping up on different video-sharing sites. Your secretary pleads with you to do something because instead of relaxing at her desk she is forced to take over the positions of all the cabinet members.

Option 1: Finally snapping out of their dazed state the Minister of Technology @@RANDOMNAME@@, with bated breath gives a solution to this ad scare. “I think we should put pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites to screen what they show to the public by removing their tax breaks. This is an inappropriate situation and I feel like holding them accountable would get them to act, especially if we do it with money.”
Outcome 1: Withholding of tax breaks lights up the human spirit of working again.

Option 2: “I think I have a solution” You hear the voice of The Minister of Commerce @@RANDOMNAME@@ as they pop their head from underneath the table. “I do think that ad was inappropriate but in the name of business, economics, and numbers we cannot interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work. Imposing financial pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites would spit in the face of the capitalism itself.”
Outcome 2: Revenue from ads has skyrocketed along with the recent rise of jobs in the psychiatric profession.

Option 3: General @@RANDOMNAME@@ stands at attention, as you notice the wet stain on his pants and chair. “Forget how scary it is having a backbone never hurt anybody, what we need to do is hire these ad makers and use their talents of videography to have the populace love you. I mean after that whole recession debacle I think this solution will get the people on your side again.”
Outcome 3: The recent rise of MeMe styled ads are passed off as reference work for government positions.

Option 4: “YOU NEED TO FIX THIS AT ONCE!” as Your niece’s mother rushes into the meeting, “I think all these ad companies should be banned from all video-sharing sites in @@NATIONNAME@@. I know it’s a bit drastic but your 7 year old niece does not want to leave the house anymore because she’s been scarred for life and I need my life back or I will lose it!”
Outcome 4: Viewership has gone up on TV and video-sharing sites as newspapers add more pages with the recent influx of paper ads.

Current Draft

Issue: While presiding over your cabinet meeting you notice that your minsters are acting strangely. You receive a report that informs you about an ad, codenamed MeMe, which has been popping up on different video-sharing sites. The report states that those who have seen it have had reactions ranging from terrified to euphoric. Concerned you contemplate what to do.

Option 1: “The horror, those eyes, those bulging eyes.” Snapping out of his dazed state your Minister of Technology says “I think we should put pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites to screen what they show to the public by removing their tax breaks. Holding them accountable will fix this situation swiftly, especially if we do it with money.”
Outcome 1: Withholding of tax breaks lights up the human spirit of working again.

Option 2: The Minister of Commerce pops @@his@@ head out from underneath the table. “The ad was inappropriate but in the name of business, economics, and numbers we cannot interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work, and this is how capitalism works.
Outcome 2: Revenue from ads has skyrocketed along with the recent rise of jobs in the psychiatric profession.

Option 3: General @@RANDOMNAME@@ stands at attention, as you notice the wet stain on his pants and chair. “Forget how scary it is having a backbone never hurt anybody, what we need to do is hire these ad makers and use their talents of videography. Think about it Ads with your approval, documentaries that praise your image all this could help you.
Outcome 3: The recent rise of MeMe styled ads are passed off as reference work for government positions.

Option 4: “YOU NEED TO FIX THIS AT ONCE OR YOU WILL REGRET THIS!” as Your niece’s mother rushes into the meeting, “I think all these ad companies should be banned from all video-sharing sites in @@NATIONNAME@@. I know it’s a bit drastic but your 7 year old niece won’t leave the house anymore because she’s been scarred for life and I need my life back.”
Outcome 4: Viewership has gone up on TV and video-sharing sites as newspapers add more pages with the recent influx of paper ads.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Issue: During one of your monthly cabinet meetings, a video from VlogVid is shown by you Minister of Technology (random name). While the video plays an ad pops up and to the horror of you and all your cabinet ministers, the ad shows a multicolored setting with a plucky little bear repeating over and over “Don’t eat your veggies” and join me.” As the bear turns into a monster like creature as the ad keeps playing and in the end a loud gun shot is hear. Horrified and a little wet your cabinet ministers stare at each other and then to you to address this online dilemma

You've already lost me here, I'm afraid.

While there's some imagination on display here, the storytelling style doesn't resemble an NS issue, and it's not clear what dilemma you're delivering.

If you take out all the reaction shots and the over-description of the video, you've basically got:

Issue: You see a weird and annoying pop-up ad.

Where's the story here?

[Christos]

Issue: During one of your monthly cabinet meetings, a video from VlogVid is shown by you Minister of Technology (random name). While the video plays an ad pops up and to the horror of you and all your cabinet ministers, the ad shows a multicolored setting with a plucky little bear repeating over and over “Don’t eat your veggies” and join me.” As the bear turns into a monster like creature as the ad keeps playing and in the end a loud gun shot is hear. Horrified and a little wet your cabinet ministers stare at each other and then to you to address this online dilemma

You've already lost me here, I'm afraid.

While there's some imagination on display here, the storytelling style doesn't resemble an NS issue, and it's not clear what dilemma you're delivering.

If you take out all the reaction shots and the over-description of the video, you've basically got:

Issue: You see a weird and annoying pop-up ad.

Where's the story here?

Thanks for the feedback. I've tried to refine it below.

During a cabinet meeting your press secretary (Random Name) informs you and your cabinet ministers of several news stories that detail a disturbing ad called “Me-Me” popping up on video sites. Your press secretary says that there is an uproar in the country and that people have been contacting the administration about this “Ad Scare Problem” One voice mail message left by a concerned parent says “This ad popped up while my 7 year old son was watching a video on how to count to 10 and now he refuses to watch any form of video. Fix this or a new leader will when election season comes by.” You tell the press secretary to play the ad to see how scary this ad could be. As the ad ends, Horrified and a little wet your cabinet minister’s stare at each other and then turn to you to address this ad scare problem.

[The Super Fork]

The whole issue just feels... clunky.

Let's fix up this description first.

First off, it needs to get to the point much faster. It would be much better if you just cut out most of the middle sentences.

During a cabinet meeting your press secretary (Random Name) informs you and your cabinet ministers of several news stories that detail a disturbing ad called “Me-Me” popping up on video sites. Your press secretary says that there is an uproar in the country and that people have been contacting the administration about this “Ad Scare Problem” One voice mail message left by a concerned parent says “This ad popped up while my 7 year old son was watching a video on how to count to 10 and now he refuses to watch any form of video. Fix this or a new leader will when election season comes by." You tell the press secretary to play the ad to see how scary this ad could be. As the ad ends, Horrified and a little wet your cabinet minister’s stare at each other and then turn to you to address this ad scare problem.

However, this still feels rough. If I wrote this description it would go like this.

"Recently, a disturbing pop-up add called "Me-Me" has been appearing on popular video-sharing sites. After one of your generals wet his pants watching the add, your ministers have come to you asking about what should be done."

This description concisely explains the problem to the reader, which is what you want to aim for in descriptions.

Try improving your description by making it shorter.

Good Luck!

PS. Macros are formatted like this @@RANDOMNAME@@.

[Autonomous Cleaner Bot Cleaners]

"Recently, a disturbing pop-up add called "Me-Me" has been appearing on popular video-sharing sites. After one of your generals wet his pants watching the add, your ministers have come to you asking about what should be done."

Actually, describing how @@LEADER@@'s eyes are watering, general wet his pants, and maybe an aide is in the fetal position under the desk, while the actual content of the ad remains totally vague/undescribed, is pretty funny. Make the player part of the joke by letting their sickening and wholly deranged excuses for minds creativity fill in the blanks.

Like how #324 describes the ludicrous results of some ultra-disaster, but not the actual disaster itself. This draft can do the same, except the issue is about pop-up ads delivering unspeakably disgusting/obscene/terrifying content to an unsuspecting public.

+1 for this approach.

[Christos]

Thanks for the feedback The Super Fork and Autonomous Cleaner Bot Cleaners.

I've tried to make the issue description short and sweet but also have it ambiguous as well. I also rewrote the Options too.

Issue: You dismiss reports about an ad called “MeMe” that has been popping up on several video-sharing sites thinking it’s just a hoax. But during a monthly cabinet meeting you find that all your ministers are acting strangely with all their faces stuck in various emotions ranging from terrified to enlightened. Your secretary informs you that all your ministers have seen the ad and that something must be done about it now because all the drool from their mouths are ruining the carpet.

Option 1: Working up the courage to speak The minister of technology @@RANDOMNAME@@ starts to talk in a whispery voice, I think we should put pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites to have them better screen what ads pop up on certain videos by taking away their tax breaks. This is an inappropriate situation and I feel like holding them accountable would be get them to act, especially if we do it with money.
Outcome 1: Withholding of Tax breaks are used to hold ad companies and video-sharing sites accountable instead of AI algorithms.

Option 2: The minister of commerce @@RANDOMNAME@@ stands up with sweat dripping down his forehead slowly stands up and says, I do think that ad was inappropriate but in the name of business, economics, and numbers we cannot interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work. Yes, it was quite terrifying but imposing pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites would spit in the face of the capitalist ways.
Outcome 2: Children's nightmares are fueled for money's sake.

Option 3: General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the Armed Forces stands at attention, as you notice the wet stain on his pants and says, Forget how scary it is a little backbone did not hurt anybody, what we could do is hire these ad makers and use their talents of videography to have the populace love you. I mean after that whole recession debacle I think this solution will get the people on your side again.
Outcome 3: Ad makers line up to use their skills to help the country forget the past.

Option 4: Your niece’s mother rushes into the meeting and says, I think all these ad companies should be banned from all video-sharing sites in @@NATIONNAME@@. I know it’s a bit drastic but your 7 year old niece does not want to leave the house anymore because she’s been scarred for life.
Outcome 4: Video Ads have been banned from all video-sharing sites as picture ads rise in popularity.

[Australian rePublic]

If VlogVid is hosted is hosted overseas, good luck getting them to do anything

[Candlewhisper Archive]

The issue is heading in the right direction. Apply the same self-editing to the options now, and get that humour really sharp. Also, listen to Autonomous Cleaner Bot Cleaners for sure - this is an author who clearly knows what they're talking about.

[Christos]

Will do Candlewhisper Archive
Thank you everyone for the feedback and help!

Issue: During a monthly cabinet meeting you find that all your ministers are acting strangely with all their faces stuck in various emotions ranging from terrified to euphoric while some are eerily under the meeting table sucking their thumbs. Your secretary, @@RANDOMNAME@@ informs you that all your ministers have seen a certain ad, codenamed MeMe, that has been popping up on different video-sharing sites. Your secretary pleads with you to do something because instead of relaxing at her desk she is forced to take over the positions of all the cabinet members.

Option 1: Finally snapping out of their dazed state the Minister of Technology @@RANDOMNAME@@, with bated breath gives a solution to this ad scare. “I think we should put pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites to screen what they show to the public by removing their tax breaks. This is an inappropriate situation and I feel like holding them accountable would get them to act, especially if we do it with money.”
Outcome 1: Withholding of tax breaks lights up the human spirit of working again.

Option 2: “I think I have a solution” You hear the voice of The Minister of Commerce @@RANDOMNAME@@ as they pop their head from underneath the table. “I do think that ad was inappropriate but in the name of business, economics, and numbers we cannot interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work. Imposing financial pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites would spit in the face of the capitalism itself.”
Outcome 2: Revenue from ads has skyrocketed along with the recent rise of jobs in the psychiatric profession.

Option 3: General @@RANDOMNAME@@ stands at attention, as you notice the wet stain on his pants and chair. “Forget how scary it is having a backbone never hurt anybody, what we need to do is hire these ad makers and use their talents of videography to have the populace love you. I mean after that whole recession debacle I think this solution will get the people on your side again.”
Outcome 3: The recent rise of MeMe styled ads are passed off as reference work for government positions.

Option 4: “YOU NEED TO FIX THIS AT ONCE!” as Your niece’s mother rushes into the meeting, “I think all these ad companies should be banned from all video-sharing sites in @@NATIONNAME@@. I know it’s a bit drastic but your 7 year old niece does not want to leave the house anymore because she’s been scarred for life and I need my life back or I will lose it!”
Outcome 4: Viewership has gone up on TV and video-sharing sites as newspapers add more pages with the recent influx of paper ads.

[Australian rePublic]

Good Luck!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Have deleted the submission as I think you're rushing this. Let it sit in draft for a couple of weeks longer at least, to give folk a chance to feed back further, resubmit it when it's properly polished up.

Issue: During a monthly cabinet meeting you find that all your ministers are acting strangely with all their faces stuck in various emotions ranging from terrified to euphoric while some are eerily under the meeting table sucking their thumbs. Your secretary, @@RANDOMNAME@@ informs you that all your ministers have seen a certain ad, codenamed MeMe, that has been popping up on different video-sharing sites. Your secretary pleads with you to do something because instead of relaxing at her desk she is forced to take over the positions of all the cabinet members.

So you still need to work on the wordness here, I think. Does the secretary need to be mentioned twice or at all? Do we need so much detail on the reactions in establishing the core premise? Try to get the information across fast enough to hook the reader. Then, in the options, you can start to colour in the picture.

For example:

A certain advertisement, dubbed "MeMe" by the internet, has been popping up on different video-sharing sites. There are reports that those who have seen it have had reactions ranging from terrified to euphoric.

Then, later, have the first speaker start with something like

"Oh gods, the horror, those eyes, those bulging eyes," gibbers your Minister of Technology, who has been crouching under your table, sucking @@HIS@@ thumb.

It also helps of each of your speakers is clearly a distinct person. talking in different ways, and transmitting different moods. So have one guy gibbering, another calm and collected, another plain angry, for example.

You see what I mean? Tell more story in fewer words.

[Christos]

Have deleted the submission as I think you're rushing this. Let it sit in draft for a couple of weeks longer at least, to give folk a chance to feed back further, resubmit it when it's properly polished up.

Issue: During a monthly cabinet meeting you find that all your ministers are acting strangely with all their faces stuck in various emotions ranging from terrified to euphoric while some are eerily under the meeting table sucking their thumbs. Your secretary, @@RANDOMNAME@@ informs you that all your ministers have seen a certain ad, codenamed MeMe, that has been popping up on different video-sharing sites. Your secretary pleads with you to do something because instead of relaxing at her desk she is forced to take over the positions of all the cabinet members.

So you still need to work on the wordness here, I think. Does the secretary need to be mentioned twice or at all? Do we need so much detail on the reactions in establishing the core premise? Try to get the information across fast enough to hook the reader. Then, in the options, you can start to colour in the picture.

For example:

A certain advertisement, dubbed "MeMe" by the internet, has been popping up on different video-sharing sites. There are reports that those who have seen it have had reactions ranging from terrified to euphoric.

Then, later, have the first speaker start with something like

"Oh gods, the horror, those eyes, those bulging eyes," gibbers your Minister of Technology, who has been crouching under your table, sucking @@HIS@@ thumb.

It also helps of each of your speakers is clearly a distinct person. talking in different ways, and transmitting different moods. So have one guy gibbering, another calm and collected, another plain angry, for example.

You see what I mean? Tell more story in fewer words.

Okay, I shall work on it and refine it some more.

[The Super Fork]

When you write an improved draft, it is best to edit your original post rather than post the new draft separately. Hide the first draft with a spoiler and add the new draft. This makes it much easier for people to see what has been changed with the drafts and to find the newest draft.

[Christos]

Thanks for the tip The Super Fork

Also a new draft is available.

[Christos]

Edited Choices

Option 1: “The horror, those eyes, those bulging eyes.” Snapping out of his dazed state your Minister of Technology says “I think we should put pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites to screen what they show to the public by removing their tax breaks. Holding them accountable will fix this situation swiftly, especially if we do it with money.”
Outcome 1: Withholding of tax breaks lights up the human spirit of working again.

Option 2: The Minister of Commerce pops @@his@@ head out from underneath the table. “The ad was inappropriate but in the name of business, economics, and numbers we cannot interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work, and this is how capitalism works.
Outcome 2: Revenue from ads has skyrocketed along with the recent rise of jobs in the psychiatric profession.

Option 3: General @@RANDOMNAME@@ stands at attention, as you notice the wet stain on his pants and chair. “Forget how scary it is having a backbone never hurt anybody, what we need to do is hire these ad makers and use their talents of videography. Think about it Ads with your approval, documentaries that praise your image all this could help you.
Outcome 3: The recent rise of MeMe styled ads are passed off as reference work for government positions.

Option 4: “YOU NEED TO FIX THIS AT ONCE OR YOU WILL REGRET THIS!” as Your niece’s mother rushes into the meeting, “I think all these ad companies should be banned from all video-sharing sites in @@NATIONNAME@@. I know it’s a bit drastic but your 7 year old niece won’t leave the house anymore because she’s been scarred for life and I need my life back.”
Outcome 4: Viewership has gone up on TV and video-sharing sites as newspapers add more pages with the recent influx of paper ads.

[Christos]

New Edit, if you have any feedback please don't hesitate to post. Thank you.

Issue: While presiding over your monthly cabinet meeting you notice that your ministers are acting strangely. You receive a report that informs you about an ad, codenamed MeMe, which has been popping up on various video-sharing sites. The report states that those who have seen the video have had reactions ranging from terrified to euphoric. Concerned you contemplate what to do as your ministers slowly regain their composure.

Option 1: “The horror, those eyes, those bulging eyes.” Snapping out of his dazed state your Minister of Technology says “I think we should put pressure on ad companies and video-sharing sites to screen what they show to the public by removing their tax breaks. Holding them accountable with monetarily will fix this situation swiftly.”
Outcome 1: Withholding tax breaks is the main solution to any problem the government has.

Option 2: The Minister of Commerce pops @@his@@ head out from underneath the table. “The ad was inappropriate but in the name of business, economics, and the spirit capitalism we cannot interfere in other people’s business practices. This is how business works, this is how ads work, and this is how capitalism works.
Outcome 2: The job market looks good as Horror directors find more job opportunities through ad companies, as jobs in the psychiatric profession rise too.

Option 3: General @@RANDOMNAME@@ stands at attention, as you notice the wet stain on his pants. “Forget how scary it is, having a backbone never hurt anybody, what we need to do is hire these ad creators and use their talents of videography against our enemies. With their talent and our funding enemies of the state will easily give up their secrets and spy networks.
Outcome 3: State agents find it hard to question enemies of the state that are frozen in fear.

Option 4: The doors to the meeting room burst open as you hear “MY BABY! MY POOR POOR BABY” as your niece’s mother rushes in, “I think all these ad companies should be banned from all video-sharing sites in @@NATIONNAME@@. I know it’s a bit drastic but your 7 year old niece won’t leave the house anymore. And think of it if you get rid of ads the people of this nation will be grateful as they watch uninterrupted videos.
Outcome 4: Ad revenue has gone way down as glasses sales have gone up.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

My reactions now are pretty much still the same as my last comment in May. I still think you need to get to trimming this more, especially in the opening.

[Australian rePublic]

If VlogVid is hosted overseas, good luck getting them to do anything. Trust me, take from my incident where Google lied to the government, and I am yet to see justice. If VlogVid is hosted overseas, good luck