Title: Handle With Scare
Description: In @@name@@, extreme haunted houses offer exhilarating, terrifying experiences for daring thrill-seekers. However, when reports come in with people experiencing heart attacks, physical injuries, as well as immutable trauma because they went on these amusement tours, it brings up questions regarding their ethicality and if they should remain legal.
Option 1: "Whoa there, bro!" says @@randommalename@@, a well-known daredevil in @@name@@. "I don't know what you guys are talking about, but my life is mine, and that's how it should be." he continues on his moped, performing a one-handed wheelie across your office floor whilst popping a sick no-scoper on your intern, Jeff. "If I want to go explore some spooky mansion and get my adrenaline pumping then I should be able to without some government telling me what's best for me. In fact, why not permit us to raise the stakes even higher? Whoever doesn't make it through the tour on time loses not only their dignity but their life. As long as they agree to pay the ultimate price, I see no trouble. EXTREME FOR LIFE BABY!!"
Effect: "death by haunted house" is a new suicide method
Option 2: "RIGHT ON DUUUDEEEE!" shouts your Secretary of Safety, @@randomname@@, nearly giving you your own heart attack. @@he@@ quickly turns from you, composing himself, and turns back to face you, "Excuse me, @@leader@@, I don't know what came over me there." @@he@@ clears @@his@@ throat before proceeding, "As we've heard from the incident reports and read from the profile of these so-called 'Extreme Haunted Houses,' it's overtly clear these torture facilities need to be shut down. I mean, have you actually read the profile of these places? They callously subject their guests to being beaten, sensory deprived, drinking waste, and worst of all allegations of sexual assault. What's more, the staff do it all for fun! It's just sick."
Effect: extreme haunted house ban leads to "heart-stopping" fun at home
Option 3: The head of one of the extreme haunted houses in question marches into your office suspiciously wearing a butcher's uniform. He approaches you and places a piece of paper with a mysterious red stain on the top corner of it on your desk. "You see this? It's a contract, a formal legal document that everyone who signs up for the experience of a lifetime these houses provide must sign giving permission for my staff to do with them as they deem fit. My guests are essentially waiving their right to sue or any liability we have if something were to happen. However, I'm more than willing to ease up the extreme-scale by allowing guests to use a safe word to drop out or install further regulations, such as maybe a safety monitor in case things get out of hand. Oh, and don't worry about the red stain," he assures. "It's just ketchup." He lifts up his apron, revealing a hidden stash of ketchup packets. "I always come prepared," he winks.
Effect: safe words are indistinct from the screams of joy
Option 4: "Say @@leader@@, you wanna know how you could use this situation to your benefit?" asks @@randomname@@, a budding game show host. "I see great potential in making these extreme haunted houses or what have you into thriving and entertaining game show studios. Just think, the crowds cheering, people coming from all across @@region@@ to watch '@@name@@'s Got Horror!' Has a bit of a ring to it don't you think? All we need is a bit of funding, maybe a clown or two, and you got yourself quite the money grab."
Effect: game shows are dubbed as snuff films
But English is my native language. In fact it's the only language I'm fluent in. I guess it's just the way I write issues. Is it my grammar choice or the sentence flow that gives it that feel?