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[SUBMITTED=> ISSUE CONTEST ENTRY] Cuy Bono?

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Bears Armed
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[SUBMITTED=> ISSUE CONTEST ENTRY] Cuy Bono?

Postby Bears Armed » Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:04 am

EDIT: Sedge has said that drafts submitted within a few days before the contest was announced can be re-submitted as entries, so I'm doing that with this one... and as the deadline for submissions isn't until the end of this month I've decided to wait for a week or so in case any of you have any more comments to make about it.

Third draft
Cuy Bono?

[issue]A morning meeting with some of your ministers is just starting when your sister @@RANDOMFORENAMEFEMALE@@ bursts into the room and bursts into an angry complaint about how, when her family went out to dinner at a fashionable new Titicacan restaurant yesterday evening, her young daughter was brought to tears by finding guinea-pig on the menu.
[validity]meat-eating is legal; capitalism (so that privately-owned restaurants are possible); immigration is legal (so that this restaurant’s owners & staff could be relatively recent arrivals)? Adult?

[option]"At first she was delighted to see that they had a pen of guinea-pigs, which she thought was a petting zoo, until one of the waiters explained that those animals —which his people call 'cuy' — were actually there so that diners could choose which ones to have as the meat for their meals. She was still crying right up until she finally got to sleep that night. It shouldn't be allowed! Some kinds of animals are food but some kinds are just pets instead, at least in civilized countries like ours, and the law should make it clear which are which."
[validity]unrestricted
[effect]pet-owners have to account for every dead goldfish or stick-insect

[option]"But the guinea-pig has always been an important meat animal for the Titicacans, and it's really tasty too, I remember that from when I was posted at our embassy there," remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Foreign Minister, salivating slightly. "Not only should we continue to allow using guinea-pigs as meat, there are so many other foreign delicacies that we should encourage restaurants and shops here to stock as well: Scandilund’s reindeer cutlets with cranberry sauce, for example or Tasmanian devilled platypus eggs."
[validity] unrestricted
[effect]@@CAPITAL@@ has restaurants serving every meat from aardvark to zebra

[option]"All meat is murder!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Environment Minister protests. "It’s a slippery slope: First, people eat the flesh of ‘domestic livestock’, then they eat the flesh of animals traditionally been kept just as pets… and then, maybe, they even ‘graduate’ to cannibalism! This incident is just more proof that we should outlaw meat-eating altogether."
[validity]cannibalism is not legal
[effect]only outlaws eat meat

Changes from second draft: initial explanation considerably changed, with some material moved in from the first option; first option shortened accordingly, and what's left there re-written; second option shortened & slightly rewritten; second option's 'effect' line slightly altered; third option shortened slightly (and the interrobang removed).
EDIT: Also, just removed 'Ostrich a la king' from list of foreign recipes in option 2.

Cuy Bono?

[issue]Just as an early morning meeting with some of your ministers is about to start, you notice that your secretary @@RANDOMNAME@@ seems rather upset. When you ask what the problem is @@HE@@ explains that it was an unpleasant experience at a restaurant yesterday evening.
[validity]meat-eating is legal; capitalism (so that privately-owned restaurants are possible); immigration is legal (so that this restaurant’s owners & staff could be relatively recent arrivals)?

[option]"I went out with my brother's family, and we decided to try a Titicacan restaurant that's just opened in their neighbourhood," @@HE@@ says. "My ten-year-old niece @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ was delighted to see that they had a pen of guinea-pigs, which she thought was a petting zoo, until one of the waiters explained that those animals —which his people call 'cuy' — were actually there so that diners could choose which ones would provide the meat for their meals. The poor girl was still in tears when I left them, three hours later. It shouldn't be allowed! Some kinds of animals are food but some kinds are just pets instead, at least in civilized countries like ours, and the law should make it clear which are which."
[validity]unrestricted
[effect]pet-owners have to account for every dead goldfish or stick-insect

[option]"But ‘cuy’ have always been an important meat animal for the Titicacans: Doesn’t everybody already know that?" remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Foreign Minister. "And it's delicious, too! I remember that from when I was posted at our embassy there, back in… Well, anyway, not only should we continue to allow using guinea-pigs as meat, there are so many other foreign delicacies that we should encourage restaurants and hops here to stock as well: Ostrich 'a la king', for example, or Scandilund’s reindeer cutlets with cranberry sauce,or Azteco’s axolotls fried with chili peppers, or Tasmanian devilled platypus eggs." He pulls a handkerchief from his jacket's breast pocket, and uses this to wipe a drop of moisture from his lower lip.
[validity] unrestricted
[effect]@@CAPITAL@@'s restaurants serve every meat from aardvark to zebra

[option]"All meat is murder!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Environment Minister protests. "It’s a slippery slope: First, people eat the flesh of ‘domestic livestock’, then they eat the flesh of animals that have traditionally been kept as pets… and then, maybe, they even ‘graduate’ to cannibalism?! This incident is just another piece of evidence for why we should outlaw meat-eating altogether, and make vegetarianism compulsory."
[validity]cannibalism is not legal
[effect]only outlaws eat meat

Changes from first draft: initial explanation expanded, with a small amount of material moved from the first option; second option has suggestions of where to cut, if it “needs” shortening (although I think that it’s more realistic for some speakers to be a bit wordy instead of everybody in every issue just describing their views in the fewest words possible…), shown by strike-throughs; third option’s text expanded but its validity [slightly] restricted.

Cuy Bono?

[issue]Just as an early morning meeting with some of your ministers is about to start, you notice that your secretary @@RANDOMNAME@@ seems rather upset.
[validity]meat-eating is legal; capitalism (so that privately-owned restaurants are possible); immigration is legal (so that this restaurant’s owners & staff could be relatively recent arrivals)?

[option] "I went out for dinner with my brother's family yesterday evening, and we decided to try a Titicacan restaurant that's just opened in their neighbourhood," @@HE@@ explains when you ask what @@HIS@@ problem is. "My ten-year-old niece @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ was delighted to see that they had a pen of guinea-pigs, which she thought was a petting zoo, until one of the waiters explained that those animals —which his people call 'cuy' — were actually there so that diners could choose which ones would provide the meat for their meals. The poor girl was still in tears when I left them, three hours later. It shouldn't be allowed! Some kinds of animals are food but some kinds are just pets instead, at least in civilized countries like ours, and the law should make it clear which are which."
[validity]unrestricted
[effect]pet-owners have to account for every dead goldfish or stick-insect

[option]"But ‘cuy’ have always been an important meat animal for the Titicacans: Doesn’t everybody already know that?" remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Foreign Minister. "And it's delicious, too! I remember that from when I was posted at our embassy there, back in… Well, anyway, not only should we continue to allow using guinea-pigs as meat, there are so many other foreign delicacies that we should encourage restaurants and hops here to stock as well: Ostrich 'a la king', for example, or Scandilund’s reindeer cutlets with cranberry sauce, or Azteco’s axolotls fried with chili peppers, or Tasmanian devilled platypus eggs." He pulls a handkerchief from his jacket's breast pocket, and uses this to wipe a drop of moisture from his lower lip.
[validity] unrestricted
[effect]@@CAPITAL@@'s restaurants serve every meat from aardvark to zebra

[option]"All meat is murder!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Environment Minister protests. "This incident is just another piece of evidence for why we should outlaw meat-eating altogether, and make vegetarianism compulsory."
[validity]unrestricted
[effect]only outlaws eat meat


Notes
‘Titicaca’ in RL is the name of a large lake on the Peru/Bolivia border, high in the Andes mountains. It was used as the name of a nation in at least one episode of British classic radio series ‘The Goon Show’ (which has already given NationStates issues ‘the Spon Plague’ and the dreaded ’lurgi’…), whose writers made joking references to Peru sometimes because comedian Michael Bentine — a regular cast member for the first two or three seasons — was half-Peruvian.
Yes, the Peruvians really do eat ‘cuy’.
Aztecs eating axolotl fired with chili peppers is also historically accurate (according to a label that I read once in the aquarium section of Kew Gardens), although admittedly this dish might no longer be on the menu in modern RL Mexico (because, apart from anything else, axolotls are now very hard to find), so hopefully this reference is allowable…
Last edited by Bears Armed on Sun Jun 27, 2021 1:16 pm, edited 18 times in total.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:19 am

Though I appreciate the joke of Cuy and Bono, Cui Bono? in fact is the title of #720.

That said, it would be rather hilarious to have two issues with such similar titles and one of them be off by a pun. :rofl:
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Bears Armed Mission
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Postby Bears Armed Mission » Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:23 am

Jutsa wrote:Though I appreciate the joke of Cuy and Bono, Cui Bono? in fact is the title of #720.

That said, it would be rather hilarious to have two issues with such similar titles and one of them be off by a pun. :rofl:

I'll wait for more feedback, hopefully from editors, on this point. My original working title was 'Guinea Pork', but I don't think that that's as good.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:36 am

It's still pretty good though, should it come to that. :lol:
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USS Monitor
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Postby USS Monitor » Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:50 am

Bears Armed Mission wrote:
Jutsa wrote:Though I appreciate the joke of Cuy and Bono, Cui Bono? in fact is the title of #720.

That said, it would be rather hilarious to have two issues with such similar titles and one of them be off by a pun. :rofl:

I'll wait for more feedback, hopefully from editors, on this point. My original working title was 'Guinea Pork', but I don't think that that's as good.


When I saw this in the latest topics, I immediately knew what it was and thought of the similarity to Cui Bono? same as Jutsa did. But I think Cuy Bono is a good title on its own merits, and it's not EXACTLY the same. I think it can stay, but I don't know if the rest of the team will agree.
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sat Mar 16, 2019 3:23 pm

Is there enough meat in guinea pigs to justify serving them at resturants? Me thinks not. Even if there was, would each individual guinea pig have a different price, as they have different weights? Cows, pigs, etc. Are big enough to cut out a steak weighing X grams, guniea pigs, however...
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Postby USS Monitor » Sat Mar 16, 2019 4:15 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:Is there enough meat in guinea pigs to justify serving them at resturants? Me thinks not. Even if there was, would each individual guinea pig have a different price, as they have different weights? Cows, pigs, etc. Are big enough to cut out a steak weighing X grams, guniea pigs, however...


They serve them in Peru. You typically get a whole cooked guinea pig with a pile of fries.
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Postby Jutsa » Sat Mar 16, 2019 6:42 pm

oh GOD That's so brutal Q—Q
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:38 am

The title is fine. Issues with similar but slightly different titles are already a thing. The joke is coming from a different direction in Cui Bono, of course.

The issue has some weaknesses, though, in my opinion.

[issue]Just as an early morning meeting with some of your ministers is about to start, you notice that your secretary @@RANDOMNAME@@ seems rather ypset.


Upset not ypset.

I think the premise needs to be better established by the end of the opening description.

[option] "I went out for dinner with my brother's family yesterday evening, and we decided to try a Titicacan restaurant that's just opened in their neighbourhood," @@HE@@ explains when you ask what @@HIS@@ problem is. "My ten-year-old niece @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ was delighted to see that they had a pen of guinea-pigs, which she thought was a petting zoo, until one of the waiters explained that those animals —which his people call 'cuy' — were actually there so that diners could choose which ones would provide the meat for their meals. The poor girl was still in tears when I left them, three hours later. It shouldn't be allowed! Some kinds of animals are food but some kinds are just pets instead, at least in civilized countries like ours, and the law should make it clear which are which."


Excessively wordy for the amount of information delivered. Maybe establish that guinea pig was on the menu from the opening, and then cut this option right back to a couple of lines.

[validity]unrestricted
[effect]pet-owners have to account for every dead goldfish or stick-insect

[option]"But ‘cuy’ have always been an important meat animal for the Titicacans: Doesn’t everybody already know that?" remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Foreign Minister. "And it's delicious, too! I remember that from when I was posted at our embassy there, back in… Well, anyway, not only should we continue to allow using guinea-pigs as meat, there are so many other foreign delicacies that we should encourage restaurants and hops here to stock as well: Ostrich 'a la king', for example, or Scandilund’s reindeer cutlets with cranberry sauce, or Azteco’s axolotls fried with chili peppers, or Tasmanian devilled platypus eggs." He pulls a handkerchief from his jacket's breast pocket, and uses this to wipe a drop of moisture from his lower lip.
[validity] unrestricted
[effect]@@CAPITAL@@'s restaurants serve every meat from aardvark to zebra


Again, too many words for the information delivered. Cut the fluff down, and just pick ONE foreign delicacy.

[option]"All meat is murder!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Environment Minister protests. "This incident is just another piece of evidence for why we should outlaw meat-eating altogether, and make vegetarianism compulsory."
[validity]unrestricted
[effect]only outlaws eat meat[/box]


This option, in comparison is really thin. It doesn't support the position in any way and there's no narrative path established between the issue premise and the reasons to ban meat. It basically just reads "this game has a vegetarianism policy, do you want to switch it on?"
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Bears Armed
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Postby Bears Armed » Tue Mar 19, 2019 11:22 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:The title is fine. Issues with similar but slightly different titles are already a thing. The joke is coming from a different direction in Cui Bono, of course.
Thank you for confirming that.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:The issue has some weaknesses, though, in my opinion.

[issue]Just as an early morning meeting with some of your ministers is about to start, you notice that your secretary @@RANDOMNAME@@ seems rather ypset.


Upset not ypset.
Typo fixed.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:I think the premise needs to be better established by the end of the opening description.

[option] "I went out for dinner with my brother's family yesterday evening, and we decided to try a Titicacan restaurant that's just opened in their neighbourhood," @@HE@@ explains when you ask what @@HIS@@ problem is. "My ten-year-old niece @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ was delighted to see that they had a pen of guinea-pigs, which she thought was a petting zoo, until one of the waiters explained that those animals —which his people call 'cuy' — were actually there so that diners could choose which ones would provide the meat for their meals. The poor girl was still in tears when I left them, three hours later. It shouldn't be allowed! Some kinds of animals are food but some kinds are just pets instead, at least in civilized countries like ours, and the law should make it clear which are which."


Excessively wordy for the amount of information delivered. Maybe establish that guinea pig was on the menu from the opening, and then cut this option right back to a couple of lines.
I'll think about this.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:
[option]"But ‘cuy’ have always been an important meat animal for the Titicacans: Doesn’t everybody already know that?" remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Foreign Minister. "And it's delicious, too! I remember that from when I was posted at our embassy there, back in… Well, anyway, not only should we continue to allow using guinea-pigs as meat, there are so many other foreign delicacies that we should encourage restaurants and hops here to stock as well: Ostrich 'a la king', for example, or Scandilund’s reindeer cutlets with cranberry sauce, or Azteco’s axolotls fried with chili peppers, or Tasmanian devilled platypus eggs." He pulls a handkerchief from his jacket's breast pocket, and uses this to wipe a drop of moisture from his lower lip.
[validity] unrestricted
[effect]@@CAPITAL@@'s restaurants serve every meat from aardvark to zebra
Again, too many words for the information delivered. Cut the fluff down, and just pick ONE foreign delicacy.
And I'll think about this... but I do think that cutting it to just one makes the current 'effect' line slightly less appropriate. Can we split the difference, and compromise on mentioning two of them here?

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:
[option]"All meat is murder!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Environment Minister protests. "This incident is just another piece of evidence for why we should outlaw meat-eating altogether, and make vegetarianism compulsory."
[validity]unrestricted
[effect]only outlaws eat meat[/box]
This option, in comparison is really thin. It doesn't support the position in any way and there's no narrative path established between the issue premise and the reasons to ban meat. It basically just reads "this game has a vegetarianism policy, do you want to switch it on?"
Basically agreed, although I do think that going from "we shouldn't eat species that are kept as pets" to "we shouldn't eat meat from ANY species" is a reasonable progression. I already recognized that this was the weakest option (even with its text and 'effect' line referencing the American saying "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns") and am open to advice on improving or replacing it.
Last edited by Bears Armed on Tue Mar 19, 2019 11:29 am, edited 7 times in total.
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Our population is approximately 20 million. We do have a national government, although its role is strictly limited. Economy = thriving. Those aren't "biker gangs", they're our traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies'... and are generally respected, not feared.
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Postby Bears Armed » Mon Apr 01, 2019 5:34 am

Second draft posted.
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Our population is approximately 20 million. We do have a national government, although its role is strictly limited. Economy = thriving. Those aren't "biker gangs", they're our traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies'... and are generally respected, not feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
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Bears Armed
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Postby Bears Armed » Thu May 20, 2021 2:31 am

I am now able to be back on NS again on a reasonably frequent basis, and intend resuming work on this draft soon.
Does anybody have anything else to say about the current version?
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Our population is approximately 20 million. We do have a national government, although its role is strictly limited. Economy = thriving. Those aren't "biker gangs", they're our traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies'... and are generally respected, not feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
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Postby Fauxia » Thu May 20, 2021 8:46 pm

Hey BA, welcome back!

A draft started two years ago? A man, or rather, a bear after my own heart, very nice :clap:

This is a good premise and a solid draft. My one criticism here is that some of the options are pretty long. I also rather dislike the interrobang in option 3, as I do with all interrobangs. That's a personal thing, I guess, but as I recall several of the editors agree with me on that ;)
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USS Monitor
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Postby USS Monitor » Thu May 20, 2021 11:19 pm

Fauxia wrote:I also rather dislike the interrobang in option 3, as I do with all interrobangs. That's a personal thing, I guess, but as I recall several of the editors agree with me on that ;)


I'd just put an exclamation point there.
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Baggieland
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Postby Baggieland » Fri May 21, 2021 3:52 am

Nice issue here BA. My main criticism is that the opening premise is quite weak. It doesn't state clearly what the problem is and all we have is an upset secretary. Many players just read the opening premise and if it fits their nation's canon, they continue reading and choose an option. If it doesn't fit their canon - dismiss. I have a feeling quite a few people will read this premise and think to themselves " there's an upset secretary" - dismiss!

Australian rePublic wrote:Is there enough meat in guinea pigs to justify serving them at resturants? Me thinks not. Even if there was, would each individual guinea pig have a different price, as they have different weights? Cows, pigs, etc. Are big enough to cut out a steak weighing X grams, guniea pigs, however...

Rabbit sate... anyone?

Fauxia wrote:I also rather dislike the interrobang in option 3, as I do with all interrobangs. That's a personal thing, I guess, but as I recall several of the editors agree with me on that

They are frowned upon.

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri May 21, 2021 4:41 am

Option 1- that's on you pal for thinking that a restaurant has a petting zoo
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Bears Armed
GA Secretariat
 
Posts: 19946
Founded: Jun 01, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Fri May 21, 2021 6:38 am

Fauxia wrote:Hey BA, welcome back!

Thank you.

Fauxia wrote:A draft started two years ago? A man, or rather, a bear after my own heart, very nice :clap:

Heh. The first issue that I had accepted, #429 'No Representation Without Taxation', entered play in 2015... but was a revival of one that I had originally started drafting it (with one of my other nations) back on the Jolt forum & then more-or-less forgotten for a while.

Fauxia wrote:This is a good premise and a solid draft. My one criticism here is that some of the options are pretty long. I also rather dislike the interrobang in option 3, as I do with all interrobangs. That's a personal thing, I guess, but as I recall several of the editors agree with me on that ;)

I'm still thinking about tightening-up the options a bit.
What "interrobang"? :blink:

Baggieland wrote:Nice issue here BA. My main criticism is that the opening premise is quite weak. It doesn't state clearly what the problem is and all we have is an upset secretary.

Noted. I'll try to make it clearer (and probably involve one of @@LEADER@@'s relatives, instead of the secretary, too).

Australian rePublic wrote:Option 1- that's on you pal for thinking that a restaurant has a petting zoo

Well, the niece [i]was[/i ]rather young... but I might alter the circumstances slightly (a waiter explaining what 'cuy' is?) anyway.
Last edited by Bears Armed on Fri May 21, 2021 6:50 am, edited 3 times in total.
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Our population is approximately 20 million. We do have a national government, although its role is strictly limited. Economy = thriving. Those aren't "biker gangs", they're our traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies'... and are generally respected, not feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
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Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152.

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Authoritaria-Imperia
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Founded: Nov 06, 2019
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Authoritaria-Imperia » Fri May 21, 2021 9:31 am

Bears Armed wrote:What "interrobang"? :blink:
An interrobang is a question-mark-exclamation-mark-combo:
?!
In this case: "and then, maybe, they even ‘graduate’ to cannibalism?!"
Last edited by Authoritaria-Imperia on Fri May 21, 2021 9:33 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Bears Armed
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Fri May 21, 2021 10:28 am

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:
Bears Armed wrote:What "interrobang"? :blink:
An interrobang is a question-mark-exclamation-mark-combo:
?!
In this case: "and then, maybe, they even ‘graduate’ to cannibalism?!"

Ah. I thought that the term only applied to the new symbol that somebody online invented as as an all-in-one replacement for that combination. Noted.
Last edited by Bears Armed on Fri May 21, 2021 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Our population is approximately 20 million. We do have a national government, although its role is strictly limited. Economy = thriving. Those aren't "biker gangs", they're our traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies'... and are generally respected, not feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152.

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USS Monitor
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Postby USS Monitor » Fri May 21, 2021 10:44 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Is there enough meat in guinea pigs to justify serving them at resturants? Me thinks not. Even if there was, would each individual guinea pig have a different price, as they have different weights? Cows, pigs, etc. Are big enough to cut out a steak weighing X grams, guniea pigs, however...


You get a whole guinea pig plus some side dishes.

The places I saw when I visited Peru had a set price for the meal, like maybe S/55 (which I think was a little less than $20 USD at the time) in downtown Cuzco. Not sure what it would cost out in the sticks.
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Trotterdam
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Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Fri May 21, 2021 11:48 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Option 1- that's on you pal for thinking that a restaurant has a petting zoo
It's not unheard of.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Anarchy

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Sat May 22, 2021 1:34 am

Trotterdam wrote:
Australian rePublic wrote:Option 1- that's on you pal for thinking that a restaurant has a petting zoo
It's not unheard of.


How horrifying! Why would anyone want to eat surrounded by mangy felines? I had a similar experience in Istanbul, eating fish sandwiches in an open air restaurant overlooking the water. So many stray cats.

Now dog, on the other hand, that'd be a restaurant I'd happily go to.
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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Sat May 22, 2021 3:41 am

From option 2: "He pulls a handkerchief from his jacket's breast pocket, and uses this to wipe a drop of moisture from his lower lip."

Personally, I would have liked to see this added back in as a funny characterisation, but maybe a bit shortened? Something like "while visibly salivating" or something along those lines. Doesn't need to be at the end, though, maybe there's room for it somewhere else in option 2.

@@CAPITAL@@'s restaurants serve every meat from aardvark to zebra

Perhaps Effect 2 could be a little more humorous? Something along the lines of "pets that wander too close to @@CAPITAL@@ restaurants are rarely seen again", perhaps?

From option 3: "and make vegetarianism compulsory"

I think you can leave this out, as the line "outlaw meat-eating" kind of does that already, in my opinion. It's also a personal preference, but I have grown to like options where a policy introduction isn't spelled out in the option itself, yet if you want to keep the line in that's fine!

Very interesting draft overall. The guinea pig part really made me sad, which is a good sign! Means it's well-written :)
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat May 22, 2021 3:42 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Bears Armed
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Founded: Jun 01, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Sat May 22, 2021 3:46 am

Daarwyrth wrote:
From option 2: "He pulls a handkerchief from his jacket's breast pocket, and uses this to wipe a drop of moisture from his lower lip."

Personally, I would have liked to see this added back in as a funny characterisation, but maybe a bit shortened? Something like "while visibly salivating" or something along those lines. Doesn't need to be at the end, though, maybe there's room for it somewhere else in option 2.
There is, and it will be.

@@CAPITAL@@'s restaurants serve every meat from aardvark to zebra

Perhaps Effect 2 could be a little more humorous? Something along the lines of "pets that wander too close to @@CAPITAL@@ restaurants are rarely seen again", perhaps?
Maybeso: I'll consider this.

From option 3: "and make vegetarianism compulsory"

I think you can leave this out, as the line "outlaw meat-eating" kind of does that already, in my opinion. It's also a personal preference, but I have grown to like options where a policy introduction isn't spelled out in the option itself, yet if you want to keep the line in that's fine!
Maybeso: I'll consider this.

Very interesting draft overall. The guinea pig part really made me sad, which is a good sign! Means it's well-written :)
Thank you.
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Our population is approximately 20 million. We do have a national government, although its role is strictly limited. Economy = thriving. Those aren't "biker gangs", they're our traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies'... and are generally respected, not feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152.

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Bears Armed
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Posts: 19946
Founded: Jun 01, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Sat May 22, 2021 1:49 pm

Third draft posted: "Bon appetit!"
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Our population is approximately 20 million. We do have a national government, although its role is strictly limited. Economy = thriving. Those aren't "biker gangs", they're our traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies'... and are generally respected, not feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152.

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