[SUBMITTED 1/3/19] Stop The Traffic!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

THIRD DRAFT:

TITLE:

Stop The Traffic!

VALIDITY:

Capitalism, Somewhat tight border controls, Not state controlled media, No sanctioned slavery.

DESCRIPTION:

An award-winning journalistic exposé recently revealed a multitude of basement factories in @@CAPITAL@@ where illegal immigrant workers were being forced to "work their passage" by their exploitative masters. The police have now dealt with these cases, but it seems likely that widespread human trafficking is continuing.

OPTION ONE

"It's your fault!" rages Joe 'Everyman' @@randomsurname@@, stomping his feet, which are clad in fake Nike trainers probably made in an illegal sweatshop. "You should be putting money into beating modern slavery! We need special task forces, undercover cops, dudes with SMGs and those glowy night-vision goggles that you see in the movies. No expense is too much to save these poor people!"

OUTCOME:

police are more likely to say "hut hut hut" than "ello ello ello"

OPTION TWO

"Maybe we could avoid tying funding to specific endeavours?" complains @@CAPITAL@@ Police Chief @@randomname@@. "While this is abhorrent crime, we could spend more effectively if we set our own priorities, such as traffic control, patrols to catch fly-tippers, and pay rises for general morale. You should allow us to find the best evidence-based and cost-effective ways to reduce crime, rather than letting news headlines dictate public policy."

OUTCOME:

police insist that free donut dispensers in every station are essential to the rule of law

OPTION THREE

"Hey, don't sweat it, we've got your backs," interjects hero-of-the-hour journalist @@randomname@@, clutching @@HIS@@ Pushitzer Prize close to @@HIS@@ chest. "In fact, you could probably even cut police spending, as the free press is doing their job for them. Less policing means more juicy crime stories for us to tell you about, and less taxpayer money wasted. Everyone wins, right?"

OUTCOME:

many criminals would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky journalists

OPTION FOUR

"I don't see why I'm the bad guy here," argues handcuffed factory owner @@randomname@@, from the police station cells. "I mean, I've helped create cheaper prices on the high street, and turned would-be welfare scroungers and illegal aliens into productive members of society. If you ask me, @@NAME@@ could use a little more unpaid labour to keep the wheels of industry turning. Think about it, eh?"

OUTCOME:

office workers are literally chained to their desks

SECOND DRAFT:

TITLE:

Stop The Traffic!


VALIDITY:

Capitalism, Somewhat tight border controls, Not state controlled media, No sanctioned slavery.


DESCRIPTION:

In an award-winning journalistic exposé, investigative reporters went deep into the underbelly of human trafficking business, leading to the revelation of half-a-dozen basement factories in @@CAPITAL@@ where illegal immigrant workers were being forced to "work their passage" by their exploitative masters. While the police have now dealt with these cases, there is public uproar over why it was journalists rather than police officers who uncovered this slave ring.


OPTION ONE

"It's your fault!" rages Joe 'Everyman' @@randomsurname@@, stomping his feet, which are clad in fake Nike trainers that you're positive came from one of those factories. "You should be putting a big wodge of government money into beating modern slavery, to whip this shadow industry into the light of day! We need special task forces on the police, undercover cops, dudes with SMGs and helicopters and those glowy night vision goggles that you see in Tom Chancy movies. No expense is too much to save these poor people!"

OUTCOME:

police are more likely to say "hut hut hut" than "ello ello ello"



OPTION TWO

"Look, I'm all for more police funding, but maybe we could avoid tying that funding to specific endeavours?" complains @@CAPITAL@@ Police Chief @@randomname@@, who has overseen the capital's policing for ten years without having any inkling of the slave trade occurring under @@HIS@@ aegis. "This is aborrhent crime, but we could spend the cash much more effectively if we set our own priorities. For example, I'd personally direct funds to traffic control, patrols to catch fly-tippers, and pay rises for general morale. Trust in your police officers to spend money in the best evidence-based ways to reduce crime, and we'll use taxpayer money far more effectively than if you let news headlines dictate public policy."


OUTCOME:

police insist that free donut dispensers in every station are essential to the rule of law



OPTION THREE

"Hey, don't sweat it, we've got your backs," interjects @@randomname@@, the journalist who blew the slave ring open, clutching his Piliyitzer Prize close to @@HIS@@ chest. "You don't need any more police spending, as the free press is supplementing their work with great investigative journalism! In fact, you could probably even cut police spending. Less policing means more juicy crime stories for us to tell you about, and less taxpayer money wasted. Everyone wins, right?"

OUTCOME:

many criminals would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky journalists


OPTION FOUR

"Personally, I don't see why I'm the bad guy here," says handcuffed factory owner @@randomname@@, from the police station cells. "I mean, I've helped contribute to cheaper prices on the high street, and turned would-be welfare scroungers and illegal aliens into productive members of society. If you ask me, @@NAME@@ could use a little more unpaid labour to keep the wheels of industry turning. Think about it, eh?"

OUTCOME:

office workers are literally chained to their desks

FIRST DRAFT:

TITLE:

Stop The Traffic!


VALIDITY:

Capitalism, Somewhat tight border controls, Not state controlled media, No sanctioned slavery.


DESCRIPTION:

In an award-winning journalistic exposé, investigative reporters went deep into the underbelly of human trafficking business, leading to the revelation of half-a-dozen basement factories in @@CAPITAL@@ where illegal immigrant workers were being forced to "work their passage" by their exploitative masters. While the police have now dealt with these cases, there is public uproar over why it was journalists rather than police officers who uncovered this slave ring.


OPTION ONE

"It's your fault!" rages Joe 'Everyman' @@randomsurname@@, stomping his feet, which are clad in fake Nike trainers that you're positive came from one of those factories. "You should be putting a big wodge of government money into beating modern slavery, to whip this shadow industry into the light of day! We need special task forces on the police, undercover cops, dudes with SMGs and helicopters and those glowy night vision goggles that you see in Tom Chancy movies. No expense is too much to save these poor people!"

OUTCOME:

police are more likely to say "hut hut hut" than "ello ello ello"



OPTION TWO

"Look, I'm all for more police funding, but maybe we could avoid tying that funding to specific endeavours?" complains @@CAPITAL@@ Police Chief @@randomname@@, who has overseen the capital's policing for ten years without having any inkling of the slave trade occurring under @@HIS@@ aegis. "This is aborrhent crime, but we could spend the cash much more effectively if we set our own priorities. For example, I'd personally direct funds to traffic control, patrols to catch fly-tippers, and pay rises for general morale. Trust in your police officers to spend money in the best evidence-based ways to reduce crime, and we'll use taxpayer money far more effectively than if you let news headlines dictate public policy."


OUTCOME:

police insist that free donut dispensers in every station are essential to the rule of law



OPTION THREE

"Hey, don't sweat it, we've got your backs," interjects @@randomname@@, the journalist who blew the slave ring open, clutching his Pushitzer Prize close to @@HIS@@ chest. "You don't need any more police spending, as the free press is supplementing their work with great investigative journalism! In fact, you could probably even cut police spending. Less police means more juicy crime stories for us to tell you about, and less taxpayer money wasted. Everyone wins, right?"

OUTCOME:

many criminals would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky journalists


OPTION FOUR

"Personally, I don't see why I'm the bad guy here," says handcuffed human trafficker @@randomname@@, from the police station cells. "I mean, I've helped contribute to cheaper prices on the high street, and turned would-be welfare scroungers and illegal aliens into productive members of society. If you ask me, @@NAME@@ could use a little more unpaid labour to keep the wheels of industry turning. Think about it, eh?"

OUTCOME:

office workers are literally chained to their desks

[Verdant Haven]

I like this issue. I am curious if there are examples of a major furor occurring due to journalists finding something before police do (since police responsibility is typically to respond to and investigate reported crimes, rather than seek out and uncover unreported ones), but regardless of why people are up in arms, I like the issue.

Option 1:
I’m not entirely sure I understand the effect text. I know “ello ello ello” is the classic inquiry of an English Bobby chancing upon a crime, but I’m not familiar with “hut hut hut” as an expression.

Option 3:
I’m wondering if “Pushitzer” will sadly run afoul of the Scunthorpe problem due to dumb filters on work and school computers. Also, I would probably change “Less police” to “Less policing” to avoid triggering the less/fewer censors in readers’ brains. As written, it is potentially both correct and incorrect depending on how people interpret “police,” but “policing” avoids that problem while retaining the same meaning.

Option 4:
A good one. I might call him a factory owner rather than a human trafficker, unless it’s meant to be implied that he both trafficked the people in, and then enslaved them himself. Just a personal preference with regards to how I usually hear the term human trafficker being used (which is, specifically to refer to the people who are facilitating the movement of others across borders).

[Australian rePublic]

Option 1- Can you use the word "Nike"?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I like this issue. I am curious if there are examples of a major furor occurring due to journalists finding something before police do (since police responsibility is typically to respond to and investigate reported crimes, rather than seek out and uncover unreported ones), but regardless of why people are up in arms, I like the issue.

Option 1:
I’m not entirely sure I understand the effect text. I know “ello ello ello” is the classic inquiry of an English Bobby chancing upon a crime, but I’m not familiar with “hut hut hut” as an expression.

It's an American Football expression, often also used in the military and by SWAT teams to indicate combat mobilisation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Atks5rRqQkg

Option 3:
I’m wondering if “Pushitzer” will sadly run afoul of the Scunthorpe problem due to dumb filters on work and school computers. Also, I would probably change “Less police” to “Less policing” to avoid triggering the less/fewer censors in readers’ brains. As written, it is potentially both correct and incorrect depending on how people interpret “police,” but “policing” avoids that problem while retaining the same meaning.

I totally hadn't noticed the rude word in the middle! I was just going for Push instead of Pull!

Hmm. Pillitzer will work just as well.

Will change police to policing too.

Option 4:
A good one. I might call him a factory owner rather than a human trafficker, unless it’s meant to be implied that he both trafficked the people in, and then enslaved them himself. Just a personal preference with regards to how I usually hear the term human trafficker being used (which is, specifically to refer to the people who are facilitating the movement of others across borders).

Good call.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

I agree with Aussie on Nike.

Nike was the Greek goddess of victory, and the brand was named after her. Her Roman counterpart is Victoria, so maybe you could do something with it.

Or you could change the spelling to Nigh-key. It wouldn't surprise me after I've seen aclidas shoes in Turkey. Hehe.

Other than that, this is a very neat issue.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I agree with Aussie on Nike.

Nike was the Greek goddess of victory, and the brand was named after her. Her Roman counterpart is Victoria, so maybe you could do something with it.

Or you could change the spelling to Nigh-key. It wouldn't surprise me after I've seen aclidas shoes in Turkey. Hehe.

Other than that, this is a very neat issue.

I'm inclined to use Nike as is, because Max set the precedent in his novel. I'd also observe 224 and 594 use Nike as a surname.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Draft 3 gets the issue compressed onto one page, hopefully with no information or humour loss. Comments still welcome.

[The Free Joy State]

I agree with Aussie on Nike.

Nike was the Greek goddess of victory, and the brand was named after her. Her Roman counterpart is Victoria, so maybe you could do something with it.

Or you could change the spelling to Nigh-key. It wouldn't surprise me after I've seen aclidas shoes in Turkey. Hehe.

Other than that, this is a very neat issue.

I'm inclined to use Nike as is, because Max set the precedent in his novel. I'd also observe 224 and 594 use Nike as a surname.

I also have a concern about Nike. While Max set the precedent in his novel, and Nike is used in two issues, there's a difference between using NIke as a surname and associating a trademarked company (and the name is trademarked) with "probably making shoes in an illegal sweatshop".

Can I persuade you to change the name to "Hike" or something?

An obvious misspelling would seem to suggest counterfeiting more. Isn't there an alphabet where the capital N looks like a capital H -- is it the Cyrillic alphabet IIRC.

[Jutsa]

There's incidentally a backwards N in Cyrillic as well, which is actually pronounced "ee", so...
a pair of Иikes is really a pair of "Yikes!".

(incidentally "y" is actually Й, at least in Russian, made to be a "short ee". Something along those lines)

edit: added Cyrillic characters.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I'd note as well that in Max's novel, the characters surname was Nike because they worked for Nike, and of course the premise of the book is that Nike is staging murders to drive the popularity of its shoes.

Also, of course, the real life Nike has been proven to have used sweatshop labour in the past, and in this issue they're not real Nikes anyway - they're fakes being made in said sweatshops.

I'm going to stick to my guns here, and keep it as Nike on the submission. Having said that, if you were to edit it (hint hint ) I would of course defer to the decision of the named editor on the issue.

[Australian rePublic]

How do you get unpaid labour? Even slaves had a little bit of a salary. Were they kidnapped?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

How do you get unpaid labour?

By forcing people to work for you without pay. Seriously, this is something that is really happening, Aussie. For example they may be coerced into work, threatened with violence or death, threatened to be exposed for deportation back to whatever hellhole they came from, abused (physically, sexually, psychologically) and trapped with illegal contracts that the workers don't know are illegal (for example, being told that they are required to repay the costs of their passage over to the country and also their room and board, resulting in a term of work with no actual pay after deductions), and directly imprisoned and/or physically restrained.

I envy your naivete here, but also feel morally obliged to make you aware of the real world you live in:

https://www.antislavery.org/slavery-tod ... n-slavery/

Even slaves had a little bit of a salary.

This statement is wrong in several ways.

Firstly, you're referring to slavery in the past tense, whereas it continues to be a modern day phenomenon.

Secondly, the vast majority of slaves forced to work throughout history did not receive any payment for their work. That's what made them slaves, dude.

Thirdly, the concept of slavery actually predates the concept of salary by some millennia.

Were they kidnapped?

Effectively, yes.

Seriously mate, you need to read up both about the history of slavery, and the context of modern day slavery. It is your responsibility as an adult human being to know about these things.

[Trotterdam]

Secondly, the vast majority of slaves forced to work throughout history did not receive any payment for their work. That's what made them slaves, dude.

They did generally receive food. Not money, of course, and not usually good food, either, but enough not to starve.

This is still considered "unpaid labor" by most people.

Thirdly, the concept of slavery actually predates the concept of salary by some millennia.

I find this questionable. Not that slavery isn't pretty old, but it has never been the sole source of labor. We definitively have proof of paid labor from the earliest cultures that left written records, and it probably dates back to as far as that "money" or even "trade" has been a serious thing. Without those, there's not much call for slaves, either.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Good point - I guess it's about 11,000 years ago for both slavery and for employment in exchange for periodic agreed payment. Onset of agriculture, essentially.

I definitely can't prove slavery came first.

I think we're conversing over fine detail though. What I'm trying to point out to Aussie is that forced labour without payment exists and has existed for a long time.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Nike aside, and the fundamental existence of slavery aside, anyone have any more comments on this before I put it to bed?

[Trotterdam]

hero-of-the-hour journalist @@randomname@@, clutching his Pullyitzer Prize close to @@HIS@@ chest

1. Your first pronoun also needs to be a macro.
2. Is there a reason for spelling the prize that way? I can't make out any pun, and if it's not a pun, then changing only one letter from the real-life name it's based on it pretty lazy and looks more like a typo than a deliberate parody.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Yeah, you're right. I'll drop the pointless NSification and just call it "his Pulitzer Prize". Or @@HIS@@ Pulitzer Prize, rather.

[Bears Armed]

Bullitzer?

[Luna Amore]

Go for that low-hanging fruit. Make it Pushitzer.

[Australian rePublic]

How do you get unpaid labour?

By forcing people to work for you without pay. Seriously, this is something that is really happening, Aussie. For example they may be coerced into work, threatened with violence or death, threatened to be exposed for deportation back to whatever hellhole they came from, abused (physically, sexually, psychologically) and trapped with illegal contracts that the workers don't know are illegal (for example, being told that they are required to repay the costs of their passage over to the country and also their room and board, resulting in a term of work with no actual pay after deductions), and directly imprisoned and/or physically restrained.

I envy your naivete here, but also feel morally obliged to make you aware of the real world you live in:

https://www.antislavery.org/slavery-tod ... n-slavery/

I'm well aware of how modern slavery work. Sorry about, I should have made this clearer. How does this specific instance of modern slavery work? How did these specific unpaid workers end up in this situation?

[Trotterdam]

The implication of the description is that, as illegal immigrants, they had to rely on some disreputable smugglers to get into the country, and those smugglers are now not letting them go after having crossed the border.

[Australian rePublic]

The implication of the description is that, as illegal immigrants, they had to rely on some disreputable smugglers to get into the country, and those smugglers are now not letting them go after having crossed the border.

So passport confescation?

[Trotterdam]

They're illegal immigrants. They don't have passports (at least, not for @@NAME@@).

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Go for that low-hanging fruit. Make it Pushitzer.

Heh, I wasn't even playing for that when I used it originally. Just thought Pull -> Push.

Hell with it though. Reverted to Pushitzer.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Okay, final bump on those month-old draft. Anyone got any further thoughts before I submit it?