A Crackle On The Airwaves...

[New Melvonia]

Your listening post has detected a strangely encrypted broadcast, coming through on a previously 'dead' frequency band. Technicians have been puzzling over the message for some time, and finally worked out that the signal isn't secret at all: it's just coming from a territory where nothing works and nobody really gets it. Your suspicions are finally confirmed when the content of the message is digitally cleaned up enough to be audible. It's Melvonian.

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, both, either and neither!" purrs the relaxed and slightly slurry voice on the airwaves. "You're tuned in to the Melvonia World Service, and you've just been listening to the Melvonia City String Quartet with their version of House of Pain's Jump Around. Now broadcasting around the globe - or doughnut, if you prefer - and 100% legal! That's right, and we're celebrating the opening up of our broadcasting network with Radio Sloth's first ever international - international, folks! - late-night 'phone in! For overseas listeners, here's your chance to bombard us with propaganda, flood us with your corporate advertising, or just bring up a problem that needs some good old Melvonian common sense! Get in quick, because the Foreign Minister's going to be so very very pissed that we're doing this when she finds out! Annnd...I think we have a caller on Line One! Hello caller, what's your dangerous propaganda message tonight?"

[Polish Prussian Commonwealth]

"THIS IS POST A-5-1, WHERE'S OUR FUCKING ARMORED SUPPORT?"

[New Melvonia]

You hear a suddenly much less relaxed voice saying a string of very bad words and "She said this would happen!", and several people in the background shouting "YOU'RE STILL ON AIR!" The voice coughs, appears to take a deep breath (or maybe a toke, it's hard to tell with Melvonians) and resumes its deep mellow burr.
"Good evening, caller! I hope you're not planning on declaring war on us now? Because we absolutely surrender. And may I be the first to welcome our new overlords on Line One. Obviously this isn't a government sponsored station so you wouldn't want to send tanks to us, now, would you? Just to show we're committed to peace, let's play the Saint Perpetua Primary School Choir's chart topper, Zombie."
(You hear what sounds like headphones being thrown across a poorly soundproofed studio, and several more bad words, as the recorder section fades in.)

[New Melvonia]

The song fades out, gives way to a quick sponsor message from Bob's Baskets (Handmade in Melvonia...we take our time to bring you a better basket) and the presenter returns.
"Well thank you Line One. It appears we got our wires crossed there. We thought when you mentioned armoured support there was some sort of war situation going on. But you're just trying to get through to somebody else. So here's a thought. If they're not picking up, why not kick back with a cool beer, give peace a chance, and target your enemies with some smooth reggae vibes? Also, we surrender. Just in case."

[Polish Prussian Commonwealth]

The song fades out, gives way to a quick sponsor message from Bob's Baskets (Handmade in Melvonia...we take our time to bring you a better basket) and the presenter returns.
"Well thank you Line One. It appears we got our wires crossed there. We thought when you mentioned armoured support there was some sort of war situation going on. But you're just trying to get through to somebody else. So here's a thought. If they're not picking up, why not kick back with a cool beer, give peace a chance, and target your enemies with some smooth reggae vibes? Also, we surrender. Just in case."

There is only static, and a distant cry of 'My le-', followed by a gunshot and Arabic shouting.

[New Melvonia]

"Well hello there caller!" says the voice, after a very long pause indeed. "Allahu Akbar, and happy holidays! Sounds like someone needs to find their chill, and you've found just the right station. Sloth Radio, promoting world peace and international dialogue with the smoothest sounds and extreme physical cowardice all through the night. Tell me caller, what's got your sacrificial goat this fine evening?"