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[FINAL] Crossing The Streams

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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[FINAL] Crossing The Streams

Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Fri Nov 30, 2018 5:26 am

With all the YouTube drama about PewDiePie vs. T-Series, I thought it would make a good issue. There already are issues that mention a "WhoTuber" called "PooDiePoo" in a boxing match, so I thought it would make an interesting issue, with an innovative premise!

I know it isn't written that well, and I am EXTREMELY open to suggestion. I do think the options 3 & 4 sound good though.

TITLE:

Crossing the Streams

VALIDITY:

Nations who have NOT banned the internet.
Nations who have NOT banned computers.


DESCRIPTION:

After tensions between WhoTube Streamers PooDiePoo and WeSeries reached a breaking point, a young @@DEMONYM@@ man was tragically killed while videoing himself jumping out of a fast moving car "to save his King PooDiePoo" This apparently followed a request from the WhoTube star for stunt clips to use on their channel.

OPTION ONE (1) Validity: Nation Not Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself our of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! These fanatical and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers are now considered heresiarchs

OPTION ONE (2) Validity: Nation is Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Second Thoughts, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself out of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those horrible, immoral, idiots on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! I knew it was a bad idea to ban @@FAITH@@ in name. The removal of faith in name started us on a slippery-slope trajectory that lead to the fall of the youth! Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should bring back @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers find themselves competing with the recently reintroduced @@FAITH@@


OPTION TWO

"I am not sure about this" whispers your rather stout Minister of Tradition. "The problem here isn't who the children are serving or devoted to. That is a matter of choice that we shouldn't infringe upon. But, I do think we could curb this violent behavior by-" he lowers his voice, "banning the internet. I mean think about it, it is such a dangerous tool. It isn't just WhoTube. People use the internet to recruit children into terrorist groups. I mean, we just caught a young boy trying to go off and become a Liliputian rebel. The internet is bad stuff. I say we get rid of it altogether, and let @@NAME@@ take a breath of fresh air!"

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ Children can often be found secretly trading WhoTube CDs



OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw. PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why do we care? This is dumbing down the minds of the youth, and dragging their minds out of the real world and into to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if the government sponsored new WhoTubers to produce educational content! The government has massive resources, after all! It would only take a couple @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ here and there, and boom! It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at his watch before saying "I need to head to class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: when @@DEMONYM@@ kids meet foreigners they are shocked to lear that YayHistory and FunMaths are not their favorite WhoTube Shows


OPTION FOUR

Your cynical niece, a devout PooDiePoo follower, looks over at you with a pale look on her face. "You want to ban PooDiePoo? WhoTube?" she yells in fear. "No, please, no! I mean, you could use them to help you, right? Make them endorse the government in every video if they want to continue to be played in @@NAME@@? That's a compromise, and some of them even do charity work. The government would be beloved by the youth if all their favorite WhoTubers supported it!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism



TITLE:

PooDiePoo Versus WeSeries


VALIDITY:

Nations who have NOT banned the internet.
Nations who have NOT banned computers.


DESCRIPTION:

After tensions between WhoTubers PooDiePoo and WeSeries reached a breaking point, and a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo". The news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@. With all this chaos, your advisors have decided to bring this situation to your knowledge.


OPTION ONE

After some moment of heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion who is in tears finally speaks up. "This is terrible... That poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car. A car! For no real reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing ; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, they treat them like God! God! These fanatical, and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to God. @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@@ to teach children morality, and devotion from a young age. Because if they know who God is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers now have to compete with God



OPTION TWO

"I am not sure about this." whispers your rather stout Minister of Tradition, "The problem here isn't who the children are serving, or devoted to. That is a matter of choice that we shouldn't infringe upon. But, I do think we could curb this violent behavior by-" he lowers his voice, "banning the internet. I mean think about it, it is such a dangerous tool. It isn't just WhoTube. People use the internet to recruit children into terrorist groups. I mean, we just caught a young boy trying to go off and become a Liliputian rebel. The internet is bad stuff. I say we get rid of it altogether, and let @@NAME@@ take a breath of fresh air!"

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ Children can often be found secretly trading WhoTube CDs



OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School Principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw, PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why do we care? This is corrupting the minds of the youth, keeping their minds out of the real world and paying attention to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if we just banned the Internet altogether, I mean, we could even ban computers on the whole! To hell with it all! It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at his watch before saying "I need to take it to class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ College Students Overseas often find themselves ahead academically, can't keep up with computer trends


OPTION FOUR

Your cynical niece, a devout PooDiePoo follower, looks over at you with a pale look on her face, "You want to ban PooDiePoo? WhoTube?" she yells with fear, "No, please, no. I mean, you could use them to help you, right? Make them endorse the government in every video if they want to continue to be played in @@NAME@@? That's a compromise, some of them even do charity work. The government would be beloved by the youth if all their favorite WhoTubers supported it!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism


TITLE:

PooDiePoo Versus WeSeries


VALIDITY:

Nations who have NOT banned the internet.
Nations who have NOT banned computers.


DESCRIPTION:

Recently news has trickled in that the individual WhoTube Star who goes by the alias "PooDiePoo" will soon lose his Number 1 followed spot on the video platform to a Liliputian record label called "WeSeries". This has many devout WhoTubers up in arms, getting so many people riled up, that the debate has gone to your office, asking you to take sides.


OPTION ONE

"@@LEADER@@!" Shouts Mr. Creature, a @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTuber known for making popular videos, "The Government has to support PooDiePie! Just look at how much he has done for the world through things such as hi series Trend Review! I have tried so hard to keep his original content on top. Heck, I have even made a video about saying PooDiePoo one million times to keep him ahead. If he doesn't stay ahead, then that Liliputian record label will take over, and I won't be able to make any more ad reve- I mean, my friend PooDiePoo won't be able to make as original content anymore. All I ask is the government of @@NAME@@ start a campaign to keep him Number one!" He does an imaginary basketball shot into your office vent, and quickly leaves some money on your desk before taping your reaction, and running out the door.

OUTCOME: Popular WhoTubers are known to wield tremendous influence



OPTION TWO

"Please Sir," says a calm Liluputian businessman in the back, "Did you know that this 'PooDiePoo' is actually a racist? I have proof he hates Marche Noireans - if you desire it of course, and by the way, have you heard this 'Diss Track' of his - Rich Lasagne? Absolutely maddening. Listening to all these PooDiePoo supports is simply mad. WeSeries makes fantastic music, and makes many, many music videos every day. In fact, why doesn't the government support WeSeries? They might even give you a sneak peak at all their latest videos. You do like music, don't you?" He slips a wad of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into your hand before turning around, and walking out the door his WeSeries employee jacket clearer than ever.

OUTCOME: the government most often supports brands who's music tastes line up with theirs



OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School Principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw, PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why to we care? This is corrupting the minds of the youth, keeping their minds out of the real world and paying attention to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if we just banned the Internet altogether. It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at @@HIS@@ watch before saying "I need to take it to class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: the internet has been banned on the basis of battling



OPTION FOUR

Your Minister of Strategically Planned Maneuvers looks over at you, believing that you two are thinking the same thing, "I know right, he says. This whole feud has got me thinking. We shouldn't ban the internet. Just look at how much influence all of these self-proclaimed 'WhoTube' Stars have? The youth practically fawn over them, and young girls and boys alike virtually adore them. So what if we didn't ban them, but instead required any WhoTuber who wishes to have his videos shown in @@NAME@@ endorse the government a certain number of times per video? With all that influence, just imagine how much the youth would come to love us! Better yet, start a @@LEADER@@ channel for yourself! You can become one of those influential stars!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism
Last edited by Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar on Tue Dec 18, 2018 4:37 pm, edited 16 times in total.
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Nov 30, 2018 5:36 am

Recently news has trickled in that the individual WhoTube Star who goes by the alias "PooDiePoo" will soon lose his Number 1 followed spot on the video platform to a Liliputian record label called "WeSeries". This has many devout WhoTubers up in arms, getting so many people riled up, that the debate has gone to your office, asking you to take sides.


The second sentence is a redundancy, basically just saying "this is an issue that you must decide about". We generally try and kill those redundant sentences. That basically brings it down to:

Recently news has trickled in that the individual WhoTube Star who goes by the alias "PooDiePoo" will soon lose his Number 1 followed spot on the video platform to a Liliputian record label called "WeSeries".


To which I think most RL world leaders would say "okay, thanks for telling me" and then never think about it again.

Issues should create some sort of dilemma through the story they've told. If PooDiePoo is about to lose his top spot, the only person that will care is himself, and maybe his fans. Nobody else will have any reason to engage themselves in that story.

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Fri Nov 30, 2018 5:47 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:
Recently news has trickled in that the individual WhoTube Star who goes by the alias "PooDiePoo" will soon lose his Number 1 followed spot on the video platform to a Liliputian record label called "WeSeries". This has many devout WhoTubers up in arms, getting so many people riled up, that the debate has gone to your office, asking you to take sides.


The second sentence is a redundancy, basically just saying "this is an issue that you must decide about". We generally try and kill those redundant sentences. That basically brings it down to:

Recently news has trickled in that the individual WhoTube Star who goes by the alias "PooDiePoo" will soon lose his Number 1 followed spot on the video platform to a Liliputian record label called "WeSeries".


To which I think most RL world leaders would say "okay, thanks for telling me" and then never think about it again.

Issues should create some sort of dilemma through the story they've told. If PooDiePoo is about to lose his top spot, the only person that will care is himself, and maybe his fans. Nobody else will have any reason to engage themselves in that story.

Regarding the first piece of advice: Got it, will change that.

Regarding the second piece, do you have any advice for how to make the issue more grabbing? I was thinking the real part of the debate would be regarding the influence of WhoTubers. So maybe I could start it with "As the followers race between PooDiePoo and the Liliputian Record Label WeSeries - competing WhoTube Channels - intensifies, your advisors are noticing the profound effect it is having on younger @@DEMONYM@@, and have met with you to discuss the effects and possible uses of the large influence these individuals and labels hold."

If I did that, then I would make the issue about what the government could get out of the whole thing, and more of a grabbing issue!
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Nov 30, 2018 8:10 am

You'd need to start with why their influence is concerning.

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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Nov 30, 2018 1:33 pm

Why should @@LEADER@@ care?
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Verdant Haven
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Postby Verdant Haven » Fri Nov 30, 2018 4:32 pm

Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:your advisors are noticing the profound effect it is having on younger @@DEMONYM@@, and have met with you to discuss the effects and possible uses of the large influence these individuals and labels hold."


What kind of effect is it having? I'd want to see something notable (and believable) lain out in the description, because I can not imagine many things less important than what YouTube streamer has more 13 year olds watching. I mean, Pewdiepie is just plain obnoxious. He's smart enough to make a crapload of money off dumb children, but he certainly isn't respectable, and I've never heard of him or his followers having any notable influence on reality beyond the bounds of internet marketing.

The other question I'd have is why does it matter who has the most, other than bragging rights? If one person has 10 million subscribers, and another show up and gets 11 million subscribers, that doesn't reduce the number of subscribers the first one has. Once again, internet marketers and tweens might care, but I fail to see the significance. I spend a couple hours a day with YouTube playing, and have never even heard of "T-Series." It's like "beef" between rappers. Nobody cares except people who already are obsessed with that subject, because it doesn't affect anybody else. As such, even if the government wants to use the influence of a chosen star to spread propaganda, how does it effect the government whether the 10 million people it's reaching are following the first or second most popular star? There will have to be some compelling reason why the specific fact of being in first place matters to this decision.

I can see a valid issue being made of the use of streamers' influence by the government, but the specifics feel like they might need to be a bit different.
Last edited by Verdant Haven on Fri Nov 30, 2018 4:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:29 pm

Verdant Haven wrote:
Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:your advisors are noticing the profound effect it is having on younger @@DEMONYM@@, and have met with you to discuss the effects and possible uses of the large influence these individuals and labels hold."


What kind of effect is it having? I'd want to see something notable (and believable) lain out in the description, because I can not imagine many things less important than what YouTube streamer has more 13 year olds watching. I mean, Pewdiepie is just plain obnoxious. He's smart enough to make a crapload of money off dumb children, but he certainly isn't respectable, and I've never heard of him or his followers having any notable influence on reality beyond the bounds of internet marketing.

The other question I'd have is why does it matter who has the most, other than bragging rights? If one person has 10 million subscribers, and another show up and gets 11 million subscribers, that doesn't reduce the number of subscribers the first one has. Once again, internet marketers and tweens might care, but I fail to see the significance. I spend a couple hours a day with YouTube playing, and have never even heard of "T-Series." It's like "beef" between rappers. Nobody cares except people who already are obsessed with that subject, because it doesn't affect anybody else. As such, even if the government wants to use the influence of a chosen star to spread propaganda, how does it effect the government whether the 10 million people it's reaching are following the first or second most popular star? There will have to be some compelling reason why the specific fact of being in first place matters to this decision.

I can see a valid issue being made of the use of streamers' influence by the government, but the specifics feel like they might need to be a bit different.


Candlewhisper Archive wrote:You'd need to start with why their influence is concerning.


I will definitely make it more about the influence, because that was the original goal when I wrote it. I am going to revise it today, and paint the beef as more of a backdrop for the real issue - the problematic influence.
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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:02 pm

Okay, I edited it to have more substance, what do you guys think?
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Postby South Ccanda » Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:30 pm

Please forgive me, because this is going to seem like I'm tearing this apart. I don't mean to be rude.

After tensions between WhoTubers PooDiePoo and WeSeries got to a breaking point, and a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo", the news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@.


This is a really bad run-on sentence. the idea of it is great, but it would sond much better if you could break it down into separate sentences.

After several moments of debate, your Deputy of Religion, in tears, @@RANDOMNAME@@ speaks up "This is terrible.


let me suggest how to rewrite this one. 'After some moment of heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion who is in tears finally speaks up. "This is terrible...' again, the run-on sentences really stand out.

He threw himself in front of a car. A car! for no real reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'.


this is also a revised version.

This can tell us only one thing - WhoTube is extremely dangerous.


A semi-colon would be better than a dash here.

"I am not sure about this." says your stout Minister of Tradition in a whisper.


"I am not sure about this." Whispers your Minister of Tradition."

Now, with all of that out of the way, I really like this issue and I hope that it goes through.
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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:09 pm

South Ccanda wrote:Please forgive me, because this is going to seem like I'm tearing this apart. I don't mean to be rude.

After tensions between WhoTubers PooDiePoo and WeSeries got to a breaking point, and a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo", the news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@.


This is a really bad run-on sentence. the idea of it is great, but it would sond much better if you could break it down into separate sentences.

After several moments of debate, your Deputy of Religion, in tears, @@RANDOMNAME@@ speaks up "This is terrible.


let me suggest how to rewrite this one. 'After some moment of heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion who is in tears finally speaks up. "This is terrible...' again, the run-on sentences really stand out.

He threw himself in front of a car. A car! for no real reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'.


this is also a revised version.

This can tell us only one thing - WhoTube is extremely dangerous.


A semi-colon would be better than a dash here.

"I am not sure about this." says your stout Minister of Tradition in a whisper.


"I am not sure about this." Whispers your Minister of Tradition."

Now, with all of that out of the way, I really like this issue and I hope that it goes through.

No, no! Your not rude at all, I really love advice, it helps me make the issues better!

With those edits in mind, I broke the descriptor into three sentences, and followed through on what you said.

Thanks! I hope it gets through too.
Last edited by Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar on Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Sougra
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Postby Sougra » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:36 pm

In Option 3, you wrote "Why to we care?" instead of "Why do we care?" I also think that the options are a bit too large. I think in order to strengthen the point of Option 4, if you want to do that, you may want to bring in the fact that PooDiePoo is also doing some charity work, or maybe have an option where PooDiePoo defends himself but kind of seems like a jackass at times while making good points. At the end of the day, it's up to you, and I hope this helped.
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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:54 pm

Sougra wrote:In Option 3, you wrote "Why to we care?" instead of "Why do we care?" I also think that the options are a bit too large. I think in order to strengthen the point of Option 4, if you want to do that, you may want to bring in the fact that PooDiePoo is also doing some charity work, or maybe have an option where PooDiePoo defends himself but kind of seems like a jackass at times while making good points. At the end of the day, it's up to you, and I hope this helped.

First two points you bring up - definitely, changing it now!

PooDiePoo defending himself? I don't think it quite fits the situation...

I wish I had set it up so that it could Segway into that, but I didn't...
Last edited by Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar on Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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South Ccanda
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Postby South Ccanda » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:33 pm

Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:
Sougra wrote:In Option 3, you wrote "Why to we care?" instead of "Why do we care?" I also think that the options are a bit too large. I think in order to strengthen the point of Option 4, if you want to do that, you may want to bring in the fact that PooDiePoo is also doing some charity work, or maybe have an option where PooDiePoo defends himself but kind of seems like a jackass at times while making good points. At the end of the day, it's up to you, and I hope this helped.

First two points you bring up - definitely, changing it now!

PooDiePoo defending himself? I don't think it quite fits the situation...

I wish I had set it up so that it could Segway into that, but I didn't...

well, the thing is, you can always redraft it.
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I am fairly centrist in ideals, according to the political compass, but i'm a Republican.
I'm also a realist so I have just the few basic morals. *Warning*
I am not an NPC, I am not a Russian Bot, I am not a Monster. I am a Human Being and I expect to be treated as one as thats how I will treat you
Against: Communism, Socialism, Third Wave Feminism, Fascism, Antifa, and the use of "male privilege" and "white privilege" and "Cultural Appropriation" as legitimate arguments.

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:37 pm

South Ccanda wrote:
Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:First two points you bring up - definitely, changing it now!

PooDiePoo defending himself? I don't think it quite fits the situation...

I wish I had set it up so that it could Segway into that, but I didn't...

well, the thing is, you can always redraft it.

I mean, I think the options look pretty good right now, and I don't see how PooDiePoo defending himself can make an option.

Can you guys give me feedback on quality improvement of the current draft?
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Verdant Haven
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Postby Verdant Haven » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:30 pm

Here's another pass with some structural stuff and other such suggestions! Red/Strike is removals, green is additions, with explanations of most of them below the quoted sections. If red/green doesn't work for you, let me know and I can swap it to other colors.

Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:DESCRIPTION:

After tensions between WhoTubers PooDiePoo and WeSeries reached a breaking point, and a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo". The news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@. With all this chaos, your advisors have decided to bring this situation to your knowledge.


Nuke the "and" after "breaking point," to adjust for the change in sentence structure.

OPTION ONE

After some moment of heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religionwho is in tears finally, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... Tthat poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car. A car! Ffor no real reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, they treat them and are treated like God gods! Gods! These fanatical, and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to God the faith!. @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@@ to teach children morality, and devotion from a young age., Bbecause if they don't know who God what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers now have to compete with God are now considered heresiarchs


A bunch of grammatical changes here to smooth the word flow, correct punctuation, and slightly shorten the length by removing unnecessary or repetitive words.

I would suggest removing the references to "God" and replacing them with more generic mentions of "faith" or "the faith." Many faiths do not have a monotheistic capital-G "God" at their head.

Suggested modification to the effect text to more closely match the accusation made.

For convenience, here's is what the above looks like with the edits I made:

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible… that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth and are treated like gods! Gods! These fanatical and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they don't know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."


OPTION TWO

"I am not sure about this." whispers your rather stout Minister of Tradition,. "The problem here isn't who the children are serving, or devoted to. That is a matter of choice that we shouldn't infringe upon. But, I do think we could curb this violent behavior by-" he lowers his voice, "banning the internet. I mean think about it, it is such a dangerous tool. It isn't just WhoTube. People use the internet to recruit children into terrorist groups. I mean, wWe just caught a young boy trying to go off and become a Liliputian rebel. The internet is bad stuff. I say we get rid of it altogether, and let @@NAME@@ take a breath of fresh air!"

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ Children can often be found secretly trading WhoTube CDs


Some punctuation changes in there:

Remove the period after "not sure about this" and put it in place of the comma after "Tradition." Also, remove the comma after "serving" - it works without it.

"I mean" was used twice in close proximity, so I'd suggest removing the latter - it isn't necessary for both sentences.

I know exclamation points are amongst the most belittled punctuation marks, and shouldn't be used much in formal writing, but I think they have a good home in NS issues. I might add another one or two to this person's speech, since he's flipping out so hard.

OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School Pprincipal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw,. PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why do we care? This is corrupting the minds of the youth, keeping their dragging our kids' minds out of the real world and paying attention in to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if we just banned the Internet altogether, I mean, we could even ban computers on the whole! To hell with it all! It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at his watch before saying "I need to take it to class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ College Students Overseas often find themselves ahead academically, can't keep up with computer trends


Lowercase on "principal"

Period after "craw"

The idea of "corrupting the youth" was already used by the religious person in option 1 - best to find a different way to say that. I suggested one possible way, but obviously there are others.

The previous option already involved banning the internet. I realize this extends it to computers as well, but I don't feel like that's enough of a difference. I would suggest having this person (since they're a school principal) suggesting something like overtaking both of the disputed people by financing your own government-sponsored stars to provide educational content, driving existing stars in to obscurity with the massive resources the government could provide.

The effect text would obviously have to change if the above things were done, but would be wildly different depending what direction you choose to go. One thing to bear in mind is that effect text shouldn't need to have commas in it (due to how it is displayed to players).

OPTION FOUR

Your cynical niece, a devout PooDiePoo follower, looks over at you with a pale look on her face,. "You want to ban PooDiePoo? WhoTube?" she yells with fear,. "No, please, no.! I mean, you could use them to help you, right? Make them endorse the government in every video if they want to continue to be played in @@NAME@@? That's a compromise, and some of them even do charity work. The government would be beloved by the youth if all their favorite WhoTubers supported it!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism


A couple comma-to-period alterations here (after "face" and "fear").

An exclamation mark after "No, please, no!" definitely is fitting for an outraged/wailing tween.

One extra and, to help sentence flow.

Hope these suggestions continue to be helpful! You're doing a good job taking a "why would anybody care about this?" issue and turning it in to a "I'd like to see this come up" issue.

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Baggieland
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Founded: May 27, 2013
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Postby Baggieland » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:01 am

As option 1 is all about religion, you need to add a religious validity.
Last edited by Baggieland on Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:47 am

Baggieland wrote:As option 1 is all about religion, you need to add a religious validity.
Verdant Haven wrote:Here's another pass with some structural stuff and other such suggestions! Red/Strike is removals, green is additions, with explanations of most of them below the quoted sections. If red/green doesn't work for you, let me know and I can swap it to other colors.

Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:DESCRIPTION:

After tensions between WhoTubers PooDiePoo and WeSeries reached a breaking point, and a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo". The news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@. With all this chaos, your advisors have decided to bring this situation to your knowledge.


Nuke the "and" after "breaking point," to adjust for the change in sentence structure.

OPTION ONE

After some moment of heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religionwho is in tears finally, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... Tthat poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car. A car! Ffor no real reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, they treat them and are treated like God gods! Gods! These fanatical, and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to God the faith!. @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@@ to teach children morality, and devotion from a young age., Bbecause if they don't know who God what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers now have to compete with God are now considered heresiarchs


A bunch of grammatical changes here to smooth the word flow, correct punctuation, and slightly shorten the length by removing unnecessary or repetitive words.

I would suggest removing the references to "God" and replacing them with more generic mentions of "faith" or "the faith." Many faiths do not have a monotheistic capital-G "God" at their head.

Suggested modification to the effect text to more closely match the accusation made.

For convenience, here's is what the above looks like with the edits I made:

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible… that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth and are treated like gods! Gods! These fanatical and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they don't know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."


OPTION TWO

"I am not sure about this." whispers your rather stout Minister of Tradition,. "The problem here isn't who the children are serving, or devoted to. That is a matter of choice that we shouldn't infringe upon. But, I do think we could curb this violent behavior by-" he lowers his voice, "banning the internet. I mean think about it, it is such a dangerous tool. It isn't just WhoTube. People use the internet to recruit children into terrorist groups. I mean, wWe just caught a young boy trying to go off and become a Liliputian rebel. The internet is bad stuff. I say we get rid of it altogether, and let @@NAME@@ take a breath of fresh air!"

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ Children can often be found secretly trading WhoTube CDs


Some punctuation changes in there:

Remove the period after "not sure about this" and put it in place of the comma after "Tradition." Also, remove the comma after "serving" - it works without it.

"I mean" was used twice in close proximity, so I'd suggest removing the latter - it isn't necessary for both sentences.

I know exclamation points are amongst the most belittled punctuation marks, and shouldn't be used much in formal writing, but I think they have a good home in NS issues. I might add another one or two to this person's speech, since he's flipping out so hard.

OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School Pprincipal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw,. PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why do we care? This is corrupting the minds of the youth, keeping their dragging our kids' minds out of the real world and paying attention in to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if we just banned the Internet altogether, I mean, we could even ban computers on the whole! To hell with it all! It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at his watch before saying "I need to take it to class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ College Students Overseas often find themselves ahead academically, can't keep up with computer trends


Lowercase on "principal"

Period after "craw"

The idea of "corrupting the youth" was already used by the religious person in option 1 - best to find a different way to say that. I suggested one possible way, but obviously there are others.

The previous option already involved banning the internet. I realize this extends it to computers as well, but I don't feel like that's enough of a difference. I would suggest having this person (since they're a school principal) suggesting something like overtaking both of the disputed people by financing your own government-sponsored stars to provide educational content, driving existing stars in to obscurity with the massive resources the government could provide.

The effect text would obviously have to change if the above things were done, but would be wildly different depending what direction you choose to go. One thing to bear in mind is that effect text shouldn't need to have commas in it (due to how it is displayed to players).

OPTION FOUR

Your cynical niece, a devout PooDiePoo follower, looks over at you with a pale look on her face,. "You want to ban PooDiePoo? WhoTube?" she yells with fear,. "No, please, no.! I mean, you could use them to help you, right? Make them endorse the government in every video if they want to continue to be played in @@NAME@@? That's a compromise, and some of them even do charity work. The government would be beloved by the youth if all their favorite WhoTubers supported it!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism


A couple comma-to-period alterations here (after "face" and "fear").

An exclamation mark after "No, please, no!" definitely is fitting for an outraged/wailing tween.

One extra and, to help sentence flow.

Hope these suggestions continue to be helpful! You're doing a good job taking a "why would anybody care about this?" issue and turning it in to a "I'd like to see this come up" issue.

Done and Done! I redid the options so that it works out so Atheist nations get a "reintroduce religion" option for the first option!
HAPPY YULETIDE!

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Australian rePublic
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Posts: 14384
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:19 pm

Verdant Haven wrote:
Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:your advisors are noticing the profound effect it is having on younger @@DEMONYM@@, and have met with you to discuss the effects and possible uses of the large influence these individuals and labels hold."


What kind of effect is it having? I'd want to see something notable (and believable) lain out in the description, because I can not imagine many things less important than what YouTube streamer has more 13 year olds watching. I mean, Pewdiepie is just plain obnoxious. He's smart enough to make a crapload of money off dumb children, but he certainly isn't respectable, and I've never heard of him or his followers having any notable influence on reality beyond the bounds of internet marketing.

The other question I'd have is why does it matter who has the most, other than bragging rights? If one person has 10 million subscribers, and another show up and gets 11 million subscribers, that doesn't reduce the number of subscribers the first one has. Once again, internet marketers and tweens might care, but I fail to see the significance. I spend a couple hours a day with YouTube playing, and have never even heard of "T-Series." It's like "beef" between rappers. Nobody cares except people who already are obsessed with that subject, because it doesn't affect anybody else. As such, even if the government wants to use the influence of a chosen star to spread propaganda, how does it effect the government whether the 10 million people it's reaching are following the first or second most popular star? There will have to be some compelling reason why the specific fact of being in first place matters to this decision.

I can see a valid issue being made of the use of streamers' influence by the government, but the specifics feel like they might need to be a bit different.

Not to mention that 11 million people is stupidly small. Let's say that all of the 11 million people are from the USA. That's 11 million of 350 million, or approx. 3.2% of the population (and that includes people who aren't elidgable to vote). And that's assuming that all of those 11 million come from the USA. Given the number of countries who have unrestricted access to YouTube, the number of Americans would be tiny, or in other words, there are too few followers to matter
Last edited by Australian rePublic on Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions.
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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:20 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:Not to mention that 11 million people is stupidly small. Let's say that all of the 11 million people are from the USA. That's 11 million of 350 million, or approx. 3.2% of the population (and that includes people who aren't elidgable to vote). And that's assuming that all of those 11 million come from the USA. Given the number of countries who have unrestricted access to YouTube, the number of Americans would be tiny, or in other words, there are too few followers to matter

Actual advice for the new version of the issue?

The post you quoted was addressing an old version of it.
HAPPY YULETIDE!

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:59 pm

Okay! It seems like this issue has gone through its fair share of editing! With that in mind, I am going to wait twelve (12) hours and then submit it! Any final recommendations for things I change are very welcome, and I would like to thank all those who helped this issue take shape:

Australian rePublic
Candlewhisper Archive
Verdant Haven (You are amazing!)
South Ccanda
Sougra

You guys are all fantastic! I will be submitting it soon!
HAPPY YULETIDE!

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Verdant Haven
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Founded: Feb 26, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Verdant Haven » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:29 pm

Only the most minor of notes on this draft!

DESCRIPTION:

After tensions between WhoTube Streamers PooDiePoo and WeSeries reached a breaking point, a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo". The news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@. With all this chaos, your advisors have decided to bring this situation to your knowledge.


Looks reasonable to me!

OPTION ONE (1) Validity: Nation Not Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! These fanatical, and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers are now considered heresiarchs


- remove the comma after "fanatical"

OPTION ONE (2) Validity: Nation is Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Second Thoughts, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those horrible, moral-less, idiots on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! I knew it was a bad idea to ban @@FAITH@@ in name, that caused this! Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should bring back @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers find themselves competing with the recently reintroduced @@FAITH@@


- Can replace the term "moral-less" with "immoral" and probably drop the comma after it
- Need something stronger than a comma before "that caused this!" It could be a period with a new sentence, in fact.

OPTION TWO

"I am not sure about this" whispers your rather stout Minister of Tradition, "The problem here isn't who the children are serving, or devoted to. That is a matter of choice that we shouldn't infringe upon. But, I do think we could curb this violent behavior by-" he lowers his voice, "banning the internet. I mean think about it, it is such a dangerous tool. It isn't just WhoTube. People use the internet to recruit children into terrorist groups. I mean, we just caught a young boy trying to go off and become a Liliputian rebel. The internet is bad stuff. I say we get rid of it altogether, and let @@NAME@@ take a breath of fresh air!"

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ Children can often be found secretly trading WhoTube CDs


- You can replace the comma after "Minister of Tradition" with a period
- No comma after "serving"

OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw, PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why do we care? This is corrupting the minds of the youth, and dragging their minds out of the real world and into to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if the government sponsored new WhoTubers to produce educational content! The government has massive resources, after all! It would only take a couple @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ here and there, and boom! It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at his watch before saying "I need to take a class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: when @@DEMONYM@@ kids meet foreigners they are shocked to lear that YayHistory and FunMaths are not their favorite WhoTube Shows


- Period instead of comma after "stick in my craw."
- I would suggest again that you probably don't want "corrupting the... youth" to be in both Option 1 and Option 3 - it's repetitious.
- I'm not sure if "take a class" is exactly the right phrase, since that usually means being a student in one. Perhaps "I need to head to class" or similar?

OPTION FOUR

Your cynical niece, a devout PooDiePoo follower, looks over at you with a pale look on her face, "You want to ban PooDiePoo? WhoTube?" she yells in fear. "No, please, no! I mean, you could use them to help you, right? Make them endorse the government in every video if they want to continue to be played in @@NAME@@? That's a compromise, and some of them even do charity work. The government would be beloved by the youth if all their favorite WhoTubers supported it!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism


- Period instead of comma after "look on her face."


I think this is pretty nearly submittable :-D

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Posts: 107
Founded: Mar 17, 2016
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:47 pm

Verdant Haven wrote:Only the most minor of notes on this draft!

DESCRIPTION:

After tensions between WhoTube Streamers PooDiePoo and WeSeries reached a breaking point, a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo". The news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@. With all this chaos, your advisors have decided to bring this situation to your knowledge.


Looks reasonable to me!

OPTION ONE (1) Validity: Nation Not Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! These fanatical, and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers are now considered heresiarchs


- remove the comma after "fanatical"

OPTION ONE (2) Validity: Nation is Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Second Thoughts, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those horrible, moral-less, idiots on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! I knew it was a bad idea to ban @@FAITH@@ in name, that caused this! Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should bring back @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers find themselves competing with the recently reintroduced @@FAITH@@


- Can replace the term "moral-less" with "immoral" and probably drop the comma after it
- Need something stronger than a comma before "that caused this!" It could be a period with a new sentence, in fact.

OPTION TWO

"I am not sure about this" whispers your rather stout Minister of Tradition, "The problem here isn't who the children are serving, or devoted to. That is a matter of choice that we shouldn't infringe upon. But, I do think we could curb this violent behavior by-" he lowers his voice, "banning the internet. I mean think about it, it is such a dangerous tool. It isn't just WhoTube. People use the internet to recruit children into terrorist groups. I mean, we just caught a young boy trying to go off and become a Liliputian rebel. The internet is bad stuff. I say we get rid of it altogether, and let @@NAME@@ take a breath of fresh air!"

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ Children can often be found secretly trading WhoTube CDs


- You can replace the comma after "Minister of Tradition" with a period
- No comma after "serving"

OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw, PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why do we care? This is corrupting the minds of the youth, and dragging their minds out of the real world and into to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if the government sponsored new WhoTubers to produce educational content! The government has massive resources, after all! It would only take a couple @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ here and there, and boom! It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at his watch before saying "I need to take a class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: when @@DEMONYM@@ kids meet foreigners they are shocked to lear that YayHistory and FunMaths are not their favorite WhoTube Shows


- Period instead of comma after "stick in my craw."
- I would suggest again that you probably don't want "corrupting the... youth" to be in both Option 1 and Option 3 - it's repetitious.
- I'm not sure if "take a class" is exactly the right phrase, since that usually means being a student in one. Perhaps "I need to head to class" or similar?

OPTION FOUR

Your cynical niece, a devout PooDiePoo follower, looks over at you with a pale look on her face, "You want to ban PooDiePoo? WhoTube?" she yells in fear. "No, please, no! I mean, you could use them to help you, right? Make them endorse the government in every video if they want to continue to be played in @@NAME@@? That's a compromise, and some of them even do charity work. The government would be beloved by the youth if all their favorite WhoTubers supported it!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism


- Period instead of comma after "look on her face."


I think this is pretty nearly submittable :-D

Done, and done!

Regarding the "Taking a Class" thing, I live in south India, so it may just be local slang.
HAPPY YULETIDE!

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
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Posts: 107
Founded: Mar 17, 2016
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:41 pm

Verdant Haven wrote:Only the most minor of notes on this draft!

DESCRIPTION:

After tensions between WhoTube Streamers PooDiePoo and WeSeries reached a breaking point, a young @@DEMONYM@@ man threw himself in front of a car "to save his King PooDiePoo". The news has cooked up a storm about the tremendous, and even dangerous amount of influence these "WhoTubers" have in modern @@NAME@@. With all this chaos, your advisors have decided to bring this situation to your knowledge.


Looks reasonable to me!

OPTION ONE (1) Validity: Nation Not Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Religion, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those faithless heathens on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! These fanatical, and dangerous acts of devotion are blasphemy. Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should subsidize @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers are now considered heresiarchs


- remove the comma after "fanatical"

OPTION ONE (2) Validity: Nation is Atheist

After some heated debate, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Deputy of Second Thoughts, tearfully speaks up. "This is terrible... that poor boy. He threw himself in front of a car for no reason other than some 'WhoTube' channel being about to pass this 'PooDiePoo'. This can tell us only one thing; WhoTube is extremely dangerous. Those horrible, moral-less, idiots on WhoTube are corrupting the youth, and are treated like gods for it! Gods! I knew it was a bad idea to ban @@FAITH@@ in name, that caused this! Children shouldn't be devoted to these WhoTubers, they should be devoted to the faith! @@LEADER@@, you should bring back @@FAITH@@ to teach children morality and devotion from a young age, because if they do not know what the faith is, they won't ever escape from the horrific trap that is WhoTube."

OUTCOME: aspiring @@DEMONYM@@ WhoTubers find themselves competing with the recently reintroduced @@FAITH@@


- Can replace the term "moral-less" with "immoral" and probably drop the comma after it
- Need something stronger than a comma before "that caused this!" It could be a period with a new sentence, in fact.

OPTION TWO

"I am not sure about this" whispers your rather stout Minister of Tradition, "The problem here isn't who the children are serving, or devoted to. That is a matter of choice that we shouldn't infringe upon. But, I do think we could curb this violent behavior by-" he lowers his voice, "banning the internet. I mean think about it, it is such a dangerous tool. It isn't just WhoTube. People use the internet to recruit children into terrorist groups. I mean, we just caught a young boy trying to go off and become a Liliputian rebel. The internet is bad stuff. I say we get rid of it altogether, and let @@NAME@@ take a breath of fresh air!"

OUTCOME: @@DEMONYM@@ Children can often be found secretly trading WhoTube CDs


- You can replace the comma after "Minister of Tradition" with a period
- No comma after "serving"

OPTION THREE

Local @@CAPITAL@@ International School principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ sighs dramatically, before @@HE@@ says "You know, this whole ruckus has put a stick in my craw, PooDiePoo? WeSeries? Why do we care? This is corrupting the minds of the youth, and dragging their minds out of the real world and into to some virtual feud, instead of actually paying attention and trying to be a good citizen of @@NAME@@ and @@REGION@@ on the whole. Why do we even put up with this? Kids these days would be much better off if the government sponsored new WhoTubers to produce educational content! The government has massive resources, after all! It would only take a couple @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ here and there, and boom! It would keep their mind on studies, reading, and modern world issues." @@HE@@ looks at his watch before saying "I need to take a class. Students can't teach themselves..."

OUTCOME: when @@DEMONYM@@ kids meet foreigners they are shocked to lear that YayHistory and FunMaths are not their favorite WhoTube Shows


- Period instead of comma after "stick in my craw."
- I would suggest again that you probably don't want "corrupting the... youth" to be in both Option 1 and Option 3 - it's repetitious.
- I'm not sure if "take a class" is exactly the right phrase, since that usually means being a student in one. Perhaps "I need to head to class" or similar?

OPTION FOUR

Your cynical niece, a devout PooDiePoo follower, looks over at you with a pale look on her face, "You want to ban PooDiePoo? WhoTube?" she yells in fear. "No, please, no! I mean, you could use them to help you, right? Make them endorse the government in every video if they want to continue to be played in @@NAME@@? That's a compromise, and some of them even do charity work. The government would be beloved by the youth if all their favorite WhoTubers supported it!"

OUTCOME: all WhoTube Channels in @@NAME@@ exhibit tremendous patriotism


- Period instead of comma after "look on her face."


I think this is pretty nearly submittable :-D

Done, and done again!

I think the "take a class" thing may just be colloquial language, considering I live in South India.
Changed it!
HAPPY YULETIDE!

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Sougra
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 132
Founded: Mar 20, 2018
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Sougra » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:43 pm

Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:Okay! It seems like this issue has gone through its fair share of editing! With that in mind, I am going to wait twelve (12) hours and then submit it! Any final recommendations for things I change are very welcome, and I would like to thank all those who helped this issue take shape:

Australian rePublic
Candlewhisper Archive
Verdant Haven (You are amazing!)
South Ccanda
Sougra

You guys are all fantastic! I will be submitting it soon!

Thank you, but I recommend waiting a bit longer before sending it. You've only been drafting for about 6 days, and I think that there are certainly some things that may come up regarding this issue that may come up if people have the time to read it that you haven't considered that could massively help it become even better. I think that if you keep polishing this idea and wait a few more days, you may end up having a well-deserved issue under your belt.
"Nobody here on NSG is sane, including me."



Just in case, whenever I really discuss something, it's usually under the pretense of the Socratic Method or the devil's advocate, so just know that I don't always advocate for what I'm saying. Thank you.

P.S. I know my sig is ugly, so send me tips through TGs if you're really that bothered by it. Thanks.

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Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 107
Founded: Mar 17, 2016
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:48 pm

Sougra wrote:
Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar wrote:Okay! It seems like this issue has gone through its fair share of editing! With that in mind, I am going to wait twelve (12) hours and then submit it! Any final recommendations for things I change are very welcome, and I would like to thank all those who helped this issue take shape:

Australian rePublic
Candlewhisper Archive
Verdant Haven (You are amazing!)
South Ccanda
Sougra

You guys are all fantastic! I will be submitting it soon!

Thank you, but I recommend waiting a bit longer before sending it. You've only been drafting for about 6 days, and I think that there are certainly some things that may come up regarding this issue that may come up if people have the time to read it that you haven't considered that could massively help it become even better. I think that if you keep polishing this idea and wait a few more days, you may end up having a well-deserved issue under your belt.


You know, that sounds fair. I should wait a few more days of re-drafting. Maybe until Candlewhisper can give some final feedback.

Do you have any tips for the current version? I do, after all, want it to be as polished as possible upon submission.
HAPPY YULETIDE!

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