[ACCEPTED] - Halting the Heirloom Heist!

[Candensia]

I think this might be my most insane draft yet! So this either going to work, or it's not.



First Draft

[DRAFT] - Halting the Heirloom Heist!

[The Issue] - Recent intelligence reports indicate that the next target of the Archive Specters, a sensational and skillful group of international artifact thieves, is none other than the Crown Jewels of @@NAME@@. Royal officials have already assembled with strategies to secure the priceless treasure from the pinchers.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must posses the Monarchy or Feudalism policy.

[Option1] - "@@LEADER@@, if we want to keep our national treasures under lock and key; where they should be; we need to lock them down and invest in some extra security," informs Minister of Justice @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Authorize the police to thoroughly and extensively secure the royal heirloom. If we just leave this to the law, I'm sure they'll bust these ghosts."
[effect] - royal artifacts are nearly impossible to access behind the thick blue line


[Option2] - "We should ask for help from the international community," suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level official with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. "Other nations, like Ausblic, would be delighted to help us take down these spectral scoundrels, given that they've already been robbed by them! Let's request that their finest law enforcement professionals help us out."
[effect] - the nation has assembled an international tag-team of inspectors to hunt down jewel thieves


[Option3] - "How about letting the Archive Specters swipe whatever they want? I know it's crazy, but hear me out," insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, Deputy Minister of Sleuthing. "All we have to do is place tiny tracking devices on the Crown Jewels, and feign as if security is lax. Once they're stolen, we track the thieves back to their hideout. And then we pounce!"
[effect] - large flashing neon signs entice thieves to steal bait jewelry


[Option4] - "If those punks get anywhere near the Crown Jewels, we will have already failed miserably!" interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spectacle-wearing intelligence officer. "Instead of letting that happen, let's set up a massive observation operation covering all major points of travel in the nation! National intelligence has a pretty good idea of the identities of these so-called "specters", so we'll snatch them before they snatch our stuff."
[effect] - hidden surveillance operations have yielded countless hours of close-up spider footage
[policychange] - Adds "State Surveillance"


[Option5] - "Hello? I think the general point is being missed," snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@ an adviser with a top-secret security clearance as well as a top-tier attitude. "We're here to ensure the Crown Jewels aren't stolen. So, I say we just steal them away to a top-secret bunker somewhere, until these archive sausages or whoever bugger off. This way they'll have nothing to steal."
[effect] - gallery frequenters send in theft threats to clear out disliked exhibitions

Second Draft

[DRAFT] - Halting the Heirloom Heist!

[The Issue] - Recent intelligence reports indicate that the next target of the Archive Specters, a sensational and skillful group of international artifact thieves, is none other than the Crown Jewels of @@NAME@@. Royal officials have already assembled with strategies to secure the priceless treasure from the pinchers.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must posses the Monarchy or Feudalism policy.

[Option1] - "@@LEADER@@, if we want to keep our national treasures under lock and key; where they should be, we need to lock them down and invest in some extra security," informs Minister of Justice @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Authorize the police to thoroughly and extensively secure the royal heirloom. We can also minimize the risk of the crown being stolen in the future by adopting more protective precautions. And rest assured, if we just leave this to the law, I'm sure they'll bust these ghosts."
[effect] - ascending monarchs appear before the royal telecourt for video coronation


[Option2] - "We should ask for help from the international community," suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level official with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. "Other nations, like Ausblic, would be delighted to help us take down these spectral scoundrels, given that they've already been robbed by them! Let's request Ausblic send over their finest investigative professionals to help us protect the Crown Jewels. After all, I'm sure they'll want to settle the score."
[effect] - the arrival of expert paranormal investigators has left the government looking as if it saw a ghost


[Option3] - "How about letting the Archive Specters swipe whatever they want? I know it's crazy, but hear me out," insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, Deputy Minister of Sleuthing. "All we have to do is place tiny tracking devices on the Crown Jewels, and feign as if security is lax. Once they're stolen, we track the thieves back to their hideout. And then we pounce!"
[effect] - large flashing neon signs entice thieves to steal bait jewelry


[Option4] - "If those punks get anywhere near the Crown Jewels, we will have already failed miserably!" interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spectacle-wearing intelligence officer. "Instead, let's set up a massive observation operation covering all major points of travel in the nation! National intelligence has a pretty good idea regarding identities of these so-called "specters", so we'll try to snatch them before they snatch our stuff. All we have to do is catch these ghosts on camera."
[effect] - surveillance operations have yielded countless hours of close-up spider footage
[policychange] - Adds "State Surveillance"


[Option5] - "Hello? I think the general point is being missed," snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@ an adviser with a top-secret security clearance as well as a top-tier attitude. "We're here to ensure the Crown Jewels aren't stolen. So, I say we just steal them away to a top-secret bunker somewhere, until these archive sausages or whoever bugger off. This way they'll have nothing to steal."
[effect] - gallery frequenters send in theft threats to clear out disliked exhibitions

Third Draft

[DRAFT] - Halting the Heirloom Heist!

[The Issue] - Recent intelligence reports indicate that the next target of the Archive Specters, a sensational and skillful group of international artifact thieves, is none other than the Crown Jewels of @@NAME@@. Royal officials have already assembled with strategies on how to handle the situation.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must posses the Monarchy or Feudalism policy.


[Option1] - "@@LEADER@@, if we want to keep our national treasures under lock and key; where they should be, we need to lock them down and invest in some extra security," insists @@CAPITAL@@ chief of police @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Dreyfus. "We can secure the heirloom. So rest assured, if you just leave this to the law, I'm sure we'll bust these ghosts."

[effect] - monarchs only get custody of the royal crown on holidays and weekends


[Option2] - "Regular cops aren't enough to catch these thieves," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level official with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. "It's time to broadcast an SOS to the finest detectives in @@REGION@@. Perhaps to someone like @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Clouseau, who prevented the crimson cougar diamond from getting nabbed in Ausblic just last week!"

[effect] - international inspectors have responded to the government's "save our stones" distress signal


[Option3] - "I'm sure the Archive Specters wouldn't expect a setup." states Auguste @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, Deputy Minister of Sleuthing. "All we have to do is plant high-tech tracking devices on the Crown Jewels, and then feign as if security is lax. Once they're stolen, we track the specters back to their hideout. And then we pounce!"

[effect] - would-be crown thieves find themselves caught in a hat trick


[Option4] - "Hello? I think the general point is being missed," snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@, an adviser with a top-secret security clearance as well as a top-tier attitude. "We're here to ensure the Crown Jewels aren't stolen. So, I say we just steal them away to a top-secret bunker somewhere, until these archive sausages or whoever give up. This way they'll have nothing to steal."

[effect] - gallery frequenters send in theft threats to clear out disliked exhibitions

Current Draft

[DRAFT] - Halting the Heirloom Heist! SUBMITTED 8/22/18

[The Issue] - Recent intelligence reports indicate that the next target of the Archive Specters, a sensational and skillful group of international artifact thieves, is none other than the Crown Jewels of @@NAME@@. Royal officials have already assembled with strategies on how to handle the situation.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must posses the Monarchy or Feudalism policy.


[Option1] - "@@LEADER@@, if we want to keep our national treasures under lock and key; where they should be, we need to lock them down and invest in some extra security," insists @@CAPITAL@@ chief of police @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Dreyfus. "We can secure the heirloom. So rest assured, if you just leave this to the law, I'm sure we'll bust these ghosts."

[effect] - monarchs only get custody of the royal crown on holidays and weekends


[Option2] - "Regular cops aren't enough to catch these thieves," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level official with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. "It's time to broadcast an SOS to the finest detectives in @@REGION@@. Perhaps to someone like @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Clouseau, who prevented the crimson cougar diamond from getting nabbed in Ausblic just last week!"

[effect] - international inspectors have responded to the government's "save our stones" distress signal


[Option3] - "I'm sure the Archive Specters wouldn't expect a setup." states Auguste @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, Deputy Minister of Sleuthing. "All we have to do is plant high-tech tracking devices on the Crown Jewels, and then feign as if security is lax. Once they're stolen, we track the specters back to their hideout. And then we pounce!"

[effect] - would-be crown thieves find themselves caught in a hat trick


[Option4] - "Expensive things are always going to be targeted by thieves, what we need is an affordable way to replace them," explains an economic adviser. "Valuable crowns are out of style, and it's time the royal family caught up to the standards already achieved by daydreaming schoolchildren! Fabricate petrochemical carbon-copies of the Crown Jewels, and melt down the originals to pay for them!"

[effect] - thieves have made off with the entire collection of royal plastic

[Sacara]

Now You See Me

Personally, I'm not entirely sold on the premise. Option four shouldn't outright say "state surveillance", imo.

[Candensia]

Now You See Me

Personally, I'm not entirely sold on the premise. Option four shouldn't outright say "state surveillance", imo.

I'll address your comment early, Sacara. The description has been changed to make it less.....insane.

It should be a bit more believable now. (Or as CWA would put it, "I've addressed your verisimilitude concern")

"surveillance" in option four has been changed to "observation", although it's still pretty obvious what that option is calling for, and purposefully so.

[Australian rePublic]

Why is this a @@LEADER@@ issue? Isn't it a security issue?

[Sacara]

What if the nation has banned hunting? Add a validity for option three or just change the speaker's job, like "Deputy Minister of Sleuthing" or "Minister of Catching Bad Guys".

[Sacara]

Why is this a @@LEADER@@ issue? Isn't it a security issue?

NationStates has a ton of trivial issues. I'm not saying this issue is on the right side of the line, but it is worthy of consideration nonetheless.

[Candensia]

Why is this a @@LEADER@@ issue? Isn't it a security issue?

I think it's conceivable that @@LEADER@@ (given the validity) would be very interested in ensuring their familial jewelry isn't stolen. In other words, this is a personal issue for @@LEADER@@, literally.

[Candensia]

What if the nation has banned hunting? Add a validity for option three or just change the speaker's job, like "Deputy Minister of Sleuthing" or "Minister of Catching Bad Guys".

Oho. Thanks for that catch. Sleuthing it is, then.

(since it's so early, I've edited it into the original draft, rather than updating the whole thing to a new version)

[Chan Island]

This definitely falls into one of those windows where it is kinda a leader issue, but so fun as an idea that it ought to be an issue.

Let's have a look...

Description less whimsical; fair.

Option 2 is... missing something. I can't quite lay my finger on it. Perhaps it's because it feels like it is the set-up for a movie (starring a @@DENONYM@@ squad leader, a United Federation guy with a minigun, a Smalltopian bodybuilder, an East Lebatuck demoman, a mysterious Dagouren swordsmaster who duels it out with one of the villains for half an hour during the climax and a new guy from a small nameless nation who tragically dies...... this already feels awesome just writing this).

[Trotterdam]

Needs to have some humor about the crown being under such heavy lock and key that the monarch barely ever actually gets to wear it, or how to avoid that from happening.

[Candensia]

I agree, Chan, there is something missing from option 2, it was the option that gave me the most "hmmmmmmmmm" when I was writing the issue.

Trotterdam, I agree, and that's giggle material right there. So how about I try to include that in the effect for option 1. Let's try these on for size.

[effect] - the thick blue line prevents even @@LEADER@@ from accessing the crown jewels

or

[effect] - citizens struggle to remember the last time the monarch wore the royal crown

or

[effect] - some say the existence of the royal crown is a royal hoax

What say you all?

[Sacara]

I like the last one personally

[Candensia]

So, I'm working on the second draft of this issue. I'm considering wiping the 2nd option, in which case option 3 would advance up to become option 2, and so on.


I'm also thinking of adding an option that would reverse the "Monarchy" Policy.

[Optionvalidity] - Only valid for nations with the "Monarchy" Policy

[Option] - "Y'know, @@NAME@@ would be better off if it didn't have this stupid crown weighing it down," mumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@, a daydreaming aide who clearly has better things to do. "Honestly, the royals are nothing but a royal pain. Let's just sell off the Crown Jewels, and sell @@NAME@@ as a shining crown jewel free of coronation, succession, abdication and oppressi-" the aide awkwardly falls silent, realizing @@HE@@ was speaking aloud.
[effect] - the royal family has been archived
[policychange] - Cancels the "Monarchy" Policy

thoughts?

[Sacara]

It's always been my option that validity specific issues should not always remove what validity it addresses. Most of the time, including the one you suggested, it feels forced. I really do not think this issue needs an option reversing the monarchy policy.

[Candensia]

It's always been my option that validity specific issues should not always remove what validity it addresses. Most of the time, including the one you suggested, it feels forced. I really do not think this issue needs an option reversing the monarchy policy.

I’d normally agree with you, but given the fact that few monarchy reversals exist (and I think one of them is unavailible for nations that have absolute primogeniture, which currently has no reversal)

I thought I could craft a reversal by having @@NAME@@ sell its crown jewels, which is absolutely hilarious, imo.

EDIT: This draft is all over the place. I'll correct it (hopefully) in the second draft.

[Candensia]

Okay, the second draft is up!

Options 1,2, and 4 have been reworked considerably.

The effects of options 1 & 2 have been redone as well.

What needs to be spirited away?

[Candensia]

Bumperino

[Sacara]

[The Issue] - Recent intelligence reports indicate that the next target of the Archive Specters, a sensational and skillful group of international artifact thieves, is none other than the Crown Jewels of @@NAME@@. Royal officials have already assembled with strategies to secure the priceless treasure from the pinchers.

The bolded phrase sounds awkward.

[Option1] - "@@LEADER@@, if we want to keep our national treasures under lock and key; where they should be, we need to lock them down and invest in some extra security," informs Minister of Justice @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Authorize the police to thoroughly and extensively secure the royal heirloom. We can also minimize the risk of the crown being stolen in the future by adopting more protective precautions. And rest assured, if we just leave this to the law, I'm sure they'll bust these ghosts."

The semicolon should be a comma. Why is it the minister of justice making this statement? What's this option really do? Just give more funding to law enforcement? Something seems off while reading this, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

[Option2] - "We should ask for help from the international community," suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-level official with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. "Other nations, like Ausblic, would be delighted to help us take down these spectral scoundrels, given that they've already been robbed by them! Let's request Ausblc send over their finest investigative professionals to help us protect the Crown Jewels. After all, I'm sure they'll want to settle the score."

Another question of the same nature; what does this option do? Instead of requesting Ausblic's help explicitly, change it to something such as "Let's request the help of nations that have already been raided..." or something.

[Option3] - "How about letting the Archive Specters swipe whatever they want? I know it's crazy, but hear me out," insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, Deputy Minister of Sleuthing. "All we have to do is place tiny tracking devices on the Crown Jewels, and feign as if security is lax. Once they're stolen, we track the thieves back to their hideout. And then we pounce!"

There is no reason for the last sentence to stand on its own.

[Option4] - "If those punks get anywhere near the Crown Jewels, we will have already failed miserably!" interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spectacle-wearing intelligence officer. "Instead, let's set up a massive observation operation covering all major points of travel in the nation! National intelligence .. has a pretty good idea regarding identities of these so-called "specters", so we'll try to snatch them before they snatch our stuff. All we have to do is catch these ghosts on camera."

across. Add 'already' where I put the ellipsis. The last sentence seems forced, imo.

[Option5] - "Hello? I think the general point is being missed," snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@ an adviser with a top-secret security clearance as well as a top-tier attitude. "We're here to ensure the Crown Jewels aren't stolen. So, I say we just steal them away to a top-secret bunker somewhere, until these archive sausages or whoever bugger off. This way they'll have nothing to steal."

What kind of stat changes will this option trigger?

[Hediacrana]

I think the speakers could stand a bit more of character. For instance, maybe make the Minister of Sleuthing a Sam Spade or Inspector Clouseau reference?

Edit: or, on second thought, though this would be a more extensive overhaul, turning the entire issue in a Pink Panther reference could work really well!

[Candensia]

I've brought this one back from the dead, because I think the topic is too fun to let die.

I've taken Hediacrana's advice and reworked this draft with 'Pink Panther' references. If it's too heavy-handed, guidance is appreciated. ( )

In the latest version of "Halting the Heirloom Heist!" I've done the following;

The original fourth option has been removed, with option five taking its place.

All options have seen a reduction in length and have been reworded, considerably in some places.

Effects 1,2, and 3 have been reworked.

[Chan Island]

would-be crown thieves find themselves caught in a hat trick

+1, that made me laugh!

This draft in general is much better than the previous versions. Looking forward to seeing this develop.

[Candensia]

would-be crown thieves find themselves caught in a hat trick

+1, that made me laugh!

This draft in general is much better than the previous versions. Looking forward to seeing this develop.

Thanks, Chan!

Bumping this one for further feedback, as it's presented in a style I'm inexperienced writing in.

[Candensia]

Option two has been reworded slightly.

Effect 2 has been redone.

I've reworked option 2, in order to set up its effect joke better. How does it look?

[Jutsa]

Oh, this is a very fun draft, Candensia.

Not really much for me to say, although personally I'm kinda iffy about option 4.
I feel like it should instead be about destroying the real one and giving royalty a cheap, plastic one or something, just so the thieves don't get their hands on anything.

(Honestly though if you think that idea sucks then don't roll with it, although it would make the "need a monarchy" thing somewhat more relevant.)

All I've got to add. Really, I think you could probably submit this soon, given how long it's been up, how swell a writer you are, how little commenting's been needed, and how well the drafts reads.

[Candensia]

I appreciate your comment, Jutsa.

I do believe I shall consider the plastic crown idea. I intend to put some finishing twists on that option, and then prepare to mail it off to the guys and gals in gold.

Further comments are very much welcome.