[DRAFT] Much Ado About Everything

[East Oceania]

So, I recently submitted this issue and it appears it didn't make the cut. I've on the site for quite some time and I'm a site donor, but decided I maybe wanted to get a bit more involved in the creative process behind issues. I have some creative writing experience, so I thought "why the heck not." I didn't post the draft here as I thought I understood what was expected, but would really appreciate you lovely folks' feedback on what could be done better here.

So here goes nothing:

[title] Much Ado About Everything

[description] An unlikely alliance of Liberal comedians and Baby Boomers has barged into your office while your secretary was distracted getting their morning coffee. They appear to be concerned about how often young people seem to be offended these days. You listen to their demands while trying to suppress the shock of how easy it is to break into your office.

[option 1]"What these punks need is a good ol' beating!" says local resident Peter Daly, known by his neighbors as Crazy Old Pete, while shaking his fist furiously. "Back in the day we didn't have the time to be offended by everything. We were busy fighting for the @@TYPE@@. Conscript these fruitcakes. The military will set them straight in no time."

[effect]Young soldiers have their feelings too hurt to serve in battle.

[option 2]"That seems... extreme" says famous comedian, @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, while @@HE_1@@ takes a selfie with your staff. "Look, I'm just trying to make a living here. You know how difficult that is with these kids posting how insensitive my jokes are all over social media? Artists like myself should not have their careers destroyed just because some college student can't appreciate a good joke when they hear one.”

[effect]Crude jokes are the golden standard of the @@CAPITAL@@ stand-up comedy circuit.

[option 3]"STOP MICROAGGRESSIONS!" yells @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, not looking at you as @@HE_2@@ stares and types intently on @@HIS_2@@ cell phone. "It is high time people like Peter Daly and @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ stop benefiting from the misery of this nation's downtrodden, @@LEADER@@. Young people like myself understand how language is only a social construct to keep the oppressed subjugated, but the old ones don't. Sensitivity training should be mandatory for all people over 40”

[effect]Helping grandma with her Misgendering 101 homework is a national right of passage.

[option 4]"It doesn't have to be either way" says your Secretary of Innovative Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, as @@HE_3@@ emerges from behind a curtain, where @@HE_3@@ has apparently been hiding this whole time. "What we need is government-approved word and phrases lists. That way kids aren't offended and comics can make their jokes. It's a win-win! Well, except for freedom of speech, but that's not the issue here, now, is it?”

[effect]Saying the word "eggplant" is now a criminal offense.

[Chan Island]

In future, make sure you post your ideas here first, that way the lovecraftian abominations that live here can review and improve the idea before submissions. Also, even once you have submitted something, be patient. It usually takes months for an issue to be implemented, if it ever does.

The main problem I see in your draft is the use of the term 'baby boomers'. That aspect won't age well, because I imagine that in 30 years time there won't be all that many baby boomers knocking about. Please consider changing it to something like 'the elderly'.

Meanwhile, I swear there is an issue just like this, or at least very similar?

[The Marsupial Illuminati]

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Deleted by The Marsupial Illuminati on Sun May 32, 2008 13:11 pm, deleted 1 time in total.

[The Official United Nations]

I won't comment much on it. I would note that the first option isn't that clearly related to the issue itself. It seems more like a humorous 'third option' than a clear response. It involves military interests instead, and doesn't really explain the relevance of the choices offered to the issue. Perhaps preface it with something introducing the youths, and explaining the speaker's frustration with them. You summarise how their concerns 'appear,' but let them explain their concerns.

However, obviously we'll see if this requires further draft editing.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 2- they're not crude though. They're just politically incorrect

[Tinhampton]

This issue has been accepted as Issue #1073 "Much Ado About Everything," with a few changes (like Option 2 explicitly banning the internet instad of offering the more neutral approach originally proposed.) Mind if I give you a pat on the back?

[Australian rePublic]

Yeay you!

[Mellywood]

Lack of impartiality and really the only neutral option is still very drastic and liberal, while the military and comedic option are too conservative and extreme

[Jutsa]

I think that's the point. It's meant to be a satire about how everyone's complaining about everything and can only offer extreme solutions to trivial issues.

That said, option 2 was definitely made far more extreme in the actual issue than the submitted draft... probably because it was so relatively mundane. xD

If you think it's a non-issue, there's always the dismiss option; a valid technique used by politicians all the time, and a major reason why overly neutral / do-nothing options don't exist.