[TITLE] The Issue-Writers' Convention
[THE ISSUE] Over the course of the past month and a quarter, you've received at least thirteen telegrams asking you to visit the Issue-Writers' Convention, "coming to @@REGION@@ soon!" Fed up, and more than a little curious about the elusive people who make it their business to mess with your country, you decide to go to the event.
[OPTION 1 - FERIA (yes I am a narcissistic idiot shoot me)] As you enter the building, a young, feisty girl with effect lines scribbled on her arm introduces herself to you, speaking so quickly you can barely hear the words. You're only able to decipher her nation name, which sounds suspiciously like a battery brand. She grins sheepishly, apologizing, then begins, "We issue-writers are severely underappreciated by the NationStates community. There are so many roleplayers and even more in Forum 7, but us? We're barely noticed, even though we're a pivotal part of this game, giving you something to do! Come on, @@LEADER@@, I beg you, give the issue-writers the respect they deserve and launch a campaign to honor us!"
[FALLOUT] Young issue-writers in @@NAME@@ are revered as the gods of their time.
[OPTION 2 - JUTSA] "Or... not." You turn to see a snazzily dressed man with a nametag reading Jutsa, who nods you a hello. "I, for one, am content with us remaining in general anonymity with those unfamiliar to the issue-writing community. What do you think will happen when we get attention? That's right, trolls. Trolls and people who can't even give constructive criticism. It's hard enough running the issue megathread. @@LEADER@@, the best thing you can do for us is leave us be — or maybe drop by to help me with Option 3!"
[FALLOUT] @@NAME@@'s issue-writers lead double lives as supermarket cashiers.
[OPTION 3 - AUSSIE] Walking around the small convention, a flag catches your attention. Australian RePublic is busy telling another nation leader about his most recent issue. He looks up, notices you, and smiles. "Hello! As I was telling this fine gentleman over here, issue-writing is a hard and lonely process. That's why I want to have more people in the Got Issues forums, and also why I want to have more issue-writers recognized for their work. The vast majority of issues have only one person writing them. What if we had three or four? That would inspire more people to help!"
[FALLOUT] The list of credits on an issue is often longer than the issue itself.
[OPTION 4 - SINGAPORE] In the booth next to Australian RePublic, Singapore no2 sits, calmly fielding questions from those curious to know how he wrote over 20 issues. You make your way over as he calls your name. "@@LEADER@@, the secret to my success is that I've been here so long, I know just what to write and how. If Got Issues gets more attention, my drafts will be swept away by so many other ones! That'd lead to every issue being about the newest meme on the market! What we need are more people to help edit the issues, give us advice. Not more people to write them!"
[FALLOUT] Issue-writers are a dying breed as issue editors profit from their demise.
[OPTION 5 - RANDOM TROLL] "Singapore, you suck!" yells a remarkably insignificant convention-goer next to you. "Every issue writer sucks! They should all burn for their crimes! Issues suck! Issues can get deleted from the game! Nobody cares! Issues are biased and wrong and nobody likes them! They shouldn't exist anymore!"
[FALLOUT] @@NAME@@ is in perpetual vacation mode.
[OPTION 6 - CANDLEWHISPER] "You have been discussed specifically by the team backstage. That's an honour reserved for a very small number of super-annoying people. You are not worth our time." A man rolls his eyes, stepping between you and the troll, who goes off to bother Australian RePublic. "Candlewhisper Archive, at your service. I'm working on educating the new issue-writers. It's really hard when they just assume anyone can write an issue. They can't. I swear, 95% of my Got Issues posts boil down to "Be a better writer, please," while the other 5% go something like "Yep, you're a good writer, as we already knew." You know what, it'd be a good idea for prospective issue-writers to have to pass a test of sorts before being allowed to write issues. It'd just be so much easier for me to keep up!"
[FALLOUT] Aspiring issue-writers commit every issue to memory before sitting their Issue Initiation Examinations.
[OPTION 7 - RANSIUM] After Candlewhisper gives you a "How to Write Issues" pamphlet, you set off to search for the troll again. Before you can find him, however, a boom can be heard from just behind you. Another man, wielding a banhammer, had come up from behind and whacked the troll out of existence. He adjusts the hammer, wipes his face of sweat, then smiles at you. "Sorry, @@LEADER@@, but you see what I mean when I say we have problems with bad faith posting. You could really help by helping us enforce those rules, here and everywhere else on NS." Ransium swings the banhammer around once. "Oh, and maybe move to Forest while you're at it! We could use the help!"
[FALLOUT] @@NAME@@'s best security is devoted to an insignificant online forum.
~~~
This, kids, is why it's so hard to write an issue about the writers of issues. Seven options. And I haven't even scratched the surface of the community. Holy cow...
This is a META issue. I'm unsure if it would actually even work in-game, and I'm also unsure if the people in the issue will allow themselves to be in it. Thus, don't get your hopes up on my submitting it. However, it'd be fun to have this as an Easter Egg issue or something like that. What do y'all think? Editing advice is, as Singapore here said, always appreciated! Thanks in advance!
