[SUBMITTED] All Hands On Tap!

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Draft 3

[description]Hoping to enjoy a quiet afternoon at your office after a busy week full of Cabinet meetings, you are startled by the sudden sight of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your Minister of Health, who has rushed in without even knocking on the door. @@HE_1@@ is flushed with indignation, and is obsessively rubbing @@HIS_1@@ hands with an antibacterial wet wipe, making you feel that @@HE_1@@ will again complain that @@NAME@@'s bathroom hygiene practices have gone right down the drain.

[validity]all

1. [option]"Oh, this is a public health disaster, @@LEADER@@!" your Health Minister clamours, proceeding to take a pair of rubber gloves out of @@HIS_1@@ pocket and slip them on before grasping your hands in supplication. "I was in the restroom just a moment ago, and what should I see there? A vile, vulgar villain who left the stall and strode straight away! And this is the third time this week I have seen this disgusting behaviour. @@LEADER@@, we should install security cameras in all public restrooms and fine the people who do not wash their hands after using the toilet! This is an emergency!"

[effect]teachers across @@NAME@@ have noticed a big drop in the number of students asking for permission to go to the bathroom

2. [option]"Excuse me: a villain?" asks Morgan @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your secretary, brushing dandruff off your shoulder and blowing a raspberry at your Health Minister. "For your information, I am the villain that @@HE_1@@ complains about, and I did not wash my hands. So what? This whole bathroom-hygiene thing is overhyped, if you ask me. Everyone knows that door handles and money have more germs on them than a human bottom, yet nobody washes their hands after touching those. In fact, I think coming into contact with germs probably boosts our immune system. So just let us be, @@LEADER@@!"

[effect]handshaking is no longer a part of greeting etiquette in @@NAME@@

3. [option]"This is gross!" grunts your mom, who came to your office unannounced to bring you brownies for your afternoon tea. "My little darling, we talked about this. Wash, wash, wash your hands; wash those germs away. Soap and water do the trick to keep them clean all day. Remember? But installing cameras in bathrooms goes too far. I think you should instead equip all public bathrooms with speakers that play songs and chant slogans about the importance of hand hygiene round-the-clock. It helped you develop your healthy hand-washing habits; it'll surely help other citizens as well."

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking their ears for earplugs

DRAFT 2

[description]Hoping to enjoy a quiet afternoon at your office after a busy week full of Cabinet meetings, you are startled by the sudden sight of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your Minister of Health, who has rushed in without even knocking on the door. @@HE_1@@ appears to be flushed with indignation, and is obsessively rubbing @@HIS_1@@ hands with an antibacterial wet wipe, presumably after yet another distressing encounter in the bathroom with people who did not wash their hands - for the third time this week.

[validity]all

1. [option]"Oh, this is a public health disaster, @@LEADER@@!" your Health Minister clamours, proceeding to take a pair of rubber gloves out of @@HIS_1@@ pocket and slip them on before grasping your hands in supplication. "I was in the restroom just a moment ago, and what should I see there? A vile, vulgar villain who left the stall and strode straight away! @@NAME@@'s bathroom hygiene practices have gone right down the drain! @@LEADER@@, we should install security cameras in all public restrooms and fine the people who do not wash their hands after using the toilet! This is an emergency!"

[effect]teachers across @@NAME@@ have noticed a big drop in the number of students asking for permission to go to the bathroom

2. [option]"Excuse me: a villain?" asks Morgan @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your secretary, brushing dandruff off your shoulder and blowing a raspberry at your Health Minister. "For your information, I am the villain that @@HE_1@@ complains about, and I did not wash my hands. So what? This whole bathroom-hygiene thing is overhyped, if you ask me. Everyone knows that door handles and money have more germs on them than a human bottom, yet nobody washes their hands after touching those. In fact, I think coming into contact with germs probably boosts our immune system. So just let us be, @@LEADER@@!"

[effect]pre-packaged sandwiches are the new favorite snacks of hygiene-conscious citizens

3. [option]"This is gross!" grunts your mom, who came to your office unannounced to bring you brownies for your afternoon tea. "My little darling, we talked about this. Wash, wash, wash your hands; wash those germs away. Soap and water do the trick to keep them clean all day. Remember? But installing cameras in bathrooms goes too far. I think you should instead equip all public bathrooms with speakers that play songs and chant slogans about the importance of hand hygiene round-the-clock. It helped you develop your healthy hand-washing habits; it'll surely help other citizens as well."

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking their ears for earplugs

[description]You were hoping to enjoy a quiet afternoon at your office after a busy week full of cabinet meetings when you were startled at the sudden sight of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your Minister of Health, who rushed in without even knocking on the door. @@HE_1@@ has turned completely white in the face, and is obsessively rubbing @@HIS_1@@ hands with an antibacterial wet wipe.

[validity]all

1. [option]"Oh, this is a public health disaster, @@LEADER@@!" @@HE_1@@ clamours, proceeding to take a pair of rubber gloves out of @@HIS_1@@ pocket and slipping them on before grasping your hands in supplication. "I was in the restroom just a moment ago, and what should I see there? A vile, vulgar villain who left the stall and strode straight away! And this is the third time this week I have seen this disgusting behaviour. Our people seem to have stopped caring about cleanliness! @@LEADER@@, we should all be installing security cameras in public restrooms and fine the people who do not wash their hands after using the toilet! This is an emergency!"

[effect]teachers across @@NAME@@ have noticed a big drop in the number of students asking for permission to go to the bathroom

2. [option]"Excuse me, a villain?" asks Morgan @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your secretary, brushing dandruff off your shoulder and blowing a raspberry at your health minister. "For your information, I am the villain that @@HE_1@@ complains about, and I did not wash my hands, so what? This whole bathroom-hygiene thing is overhyped, if you ask me. Everyone knows that door handles and money have more germs on them than a human bottom, yet nobody washes their hands after touching them. In fact, I think coming into contact with germs probably boosts up our immune system. So just let us be, @@LEADER@@!"

[effect]pre-packed sandwiches are the new favorite snacks of the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@

3. [option]"This is gross!" grunts your mom, who came to your office unannounced to bring you brownies for your afternoon tea. "My little darling, we talked about this. Wash, wash, wash your hands, wash those germs away. Soap and water does the trick, to keep them clean all day. Remember? But installing cameras in bathrooms goes too far. I think you should instead equip all public bathrooms with speakers that play songs and chant slogans about the importance of hand hygiene round-the-clock. It had helped you gain a healthy hand-washing habit, it'll surely help other citizens as well."

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking if they are wearing earplugs

[Chan Island]

The disappointment that this isn't called "All Hands On Tap" knows no bounds.


In all honesty though, this is exactly the sort of light-hearted NS issue draft that we all know and love. The problem I have with it though is that this just seems a bit too silly. The entire premise revolves around a single person not washing hands.

Also, I'm assuming that the minister is also male? Because not everyone has mixed sex bathrooms.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

The disappointment that this isn't called "All Hands On Tap" knows no bounds.

Hey, I can change it!

In all honesty though, this is exactly the sort of light-hearted NS issue draft that we all know and love. The problem I have with it though is that this just seems a bit too silly. The entire premise revolves around a single person not washing hands.

I thought about giving a survey result in the beginning, saying something like "a survey showed that over 50% of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ do not wash their hands after using the toilet," but I quite dislike those monotonous beginnings.

Maybe the health minister should also hint that this is not the only instance where s/he saw someone not washing their hands.

Also, I'm assuming that the minister is also male? Because not everyone has mixed sex bathrooms.

I thought Max was a unisex name??? That's why I chose it. Isn't it used as a woman's name as well?

[Chan Island]

The disappointment that this isn't called "All Hands On Tap" knows no bounds.

Hey, I can change it!

In all honesty though, this is exactly the sort of light-hearted NS issue draft that we all know and love. The problem I have with it though is that this just seems a bit too silly. The entire premise revolves around a single person not washing hands.

I thought about giving a survey result in the beginning, saying something like "a survey showed that over 50% of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ do not wash their hands after using the toilet," but I quite dislike those monotonous beginnings.

Maybe the health minister should also hint that this is not the only instance where s/he saw someone not washing their hands.

Also, I'm assuming that the minister is also male? Because not everyone has mixed sex bathrooms.

I thought Max was a unisex name??? That's why I chose it. Isn't it used as a woman's name as well?

My delight at this new title also knows no bounds!

Hm, perhaps, and your suggestion is a very good one. Have the minister say something along the lines that this is the 3rd time this week they have seen this disgusting behaviour.

Max is a unisex name? That's news to me.... though in fairness, that doesn't quite fall into my expertise so I'll let you make the call.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Hey, I can change it!



I thought about giving a survey result in the beginning, saying something like "a survey showed that over 50% of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ do not wash their hands after using the toilet," but I quite dislike those monotonous beginnings.

Maybe the health minister should also hint that this is not the only instance where s/he saw someone not washing their hands.




I thought Max was a unisex name??? That's why I chose it. Isn't it used as a woman's name as well?

My delight at this new title also knows no bounds!

Hm, perhaps, and your suggestion is a very good one. Have the minister say something along the lines that this is the 3rd time this week they have seen this disgusting behaviour.

Max is a unisex name? That's news to me.... though in fairness, that doesn't quite fall into my expertise so I'll let you make the call.

Alright, I implemented your suggestion about the minister saying that s/he witnessed this behaviour for the 3rd time this week.

Also, I thought Max was a unisex name, because there was this comedy series entitled Two Broke Girls, and one of the girls was named Max. It seems it is a short form of Maxine.

But whatever, I changed it to Morgan. Is this more easily recognized as a unisex name now?

[Chan Island]

My delight at this new title also knows no bounds!

Hm, perhaps, and your suggestion is a very good one. Have the minister say something along the lines that this is the 3rd time this week they have seen this disgusting behaviour.

Max is a unisex name? That's news to me.... though in fairness, that doesn't quite fall into my expertise so I'll let you make the call.

Alright, I implemented your suggestion about the minister saying that s/he witnessed this behaviour for the 3rd time this week.

Also, I thought Max was a unisex name, because there was this comedy series entitled Two Broke Girls, and one of the girls was named Max. It seems it is a short form of Maxine.

But whatever, I changed it to Morgan. Is this more easily recognized as a unisex name now?

As things stand, I quite like this new draft. Will come back to critique this in much more depth when I'm not completely hammered though

[Baggieland]

brushing dandruff off of your shoulder

'Of' isn't needed here.

My little darling, we have talked about this years ago

Should be: we talked about this, because of the time frame use.

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking if they are wearing earplugs

I don't get this one, what's the connection between people not washing their hands (those I assume to be wearing earplugs) and constipation?

Nice issue here F & F!

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

brushing dandruff off of your shoulder

'Of' isn't needed here.

My little darling, we have talked about this years ago

Should be: we talked about this, because of the time frame use.

Done and done.

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking if they are wearing earplugs

I don't get this one, what's the connection between people not washing their hands (those I assume to be wearing earplugs) and constipation?

Nice issue here F & F!

No, the option suggests playing songs and slogans about hand-washing in public restrooms 24/7. The idea is that listening to this would be particularly unbearable if you are constipated, and have to sit on the toilet for a longer time Hence, the earplugs.

Thank you!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I like this issue, but I'd like it even more if by the end of the opening description we'd established what the issue was about. Imparting that information in option 1 instead isn't verboten, but in my mind is a weaker approach for Nationstates, as people should be able to decide whether an issue interests them or not before they even start the options.

[Ab Humanitatis Scientiam]

I thought about giving a survey result in the beginning, saying something like "a survey showed that over 50% of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ do not wash their hands after using the toilet," but I quite dislike those monotonous beginnings.

I'm reminded of a study and/or urban legend from grade schools concerning whether the boys or girls were more gross. An enterprising student, as a science fair project, cultivated petrie dishes containing swab samples from the sinks in the boy's and girl's restrooms.

When the boy's sample grew eyes and threatened to escape the dish, it was concluded that boys are dirtier. The counterargument was, however, that the boy's sinks were dirtier cause they washed their hands more frequently. Ergo, boys are actually cleaner.

Anywho. Mayhaps instead of "boys vs. girls" this could be framed as an international incident between delegations from @@NAME@@ and Maxtopia, or something. Seems like the kind of silly thing delegates would waste time on.

[Australian rePublic]

Effect for option 2- so this doesn't apply to food handlers?

[Esterild]

I like this issue! I don't quite get the effect on option 2.

Minor grammar and wording edits. My changes are in red. In a lot of cases, I just added capitalization or changed a punctuation mark.

Hoping to enjoy a quiet afternoon at your office after a busy week full of Cabinet meetings, you are startled by the sudden sight of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your Minister of Health, who has rushed in without even knocking on the door. @@HIS_1@@ face has turned completely white, and @@HE_1@@ is obsessively rubbing @@HIS_1@@ hands with an antibacterial wet wipe.

1. [option]"Oh, this is a public health disaster, @@LEADER@@!" @@HE_1@@ clamours, proceeding to take a pair of rubber gloves out of @@HIS_1@@ pocket and slip them on before grasping your hands in supplication. "I was in the restroom just a moment ago, and what should I see there? A vile, vulgar villain who left the stall and strode straight away! And this is the third time this week I have seen this disgusting behaviour. Our people seem to have stopped caring about cleanliness! @@LEADER@@, we should install security cameras in all public restrooms and fine the people who do not wash their hands after using the toilet! This is an emergency!"

2. [option]"Excuse me: a villain?" asks Morgan @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your secretary, brushing dandruff off your shoulder and blowing a raspberry at your Health Minister. "For your information, I am the villain that @@HE_1@@ complains about, and I did not wash my hands. So what? This whole bathroom-hygiene thing is overhyped, if you ask me. Everyone knows that door handles and money have more germs on them than a human bottom, yet nobody washes their hands after touching those. In fact, I think coming into contact with germs probably boosts up our immune system. So just let us be, @@LEADER@@!"

3. [option]"This is gross!" grunts your mom, who came to your office unannounced to bring you brownies for your afternoon tea. "My little darling, we talked about this. Wash, wash, wash your hands; wash those germs away. Soap and water do the trick to keep them clean all day. Remember? But installing cameras in bathrooms goes too far. I think you should instead equip all public bathrooms with speakers that play songs and chant slogans about the importance of hand hygiene round-the-clock. It helped you develop your healthy hand-washing habits; it'll surely help other citizens as well."

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking their ears for earplugs

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

I like this issue, but I'd like it even more if by the end of the opening description we'd established what the issue was about. Imparting that information in option 1 instead isn't verboten, but in my mind is a weaker approach for Nationstates, as people should be able to decide whether an issue interests them or not before they even start the options.

Thank you. I have transferred some information (about the Health Minister witnessing this behavior for the 3rd time this week) from Option 1 to the description. I hope it is better now?

Effect for option 2- so this doesn't apply to food handlers?

Well, no, never mind. I see why it was confusing. What I meant was that pre-packaged sandwiches (which I assume to be packed by an automated machine, and please let me know if there is a specific English adjective to describe food items that have been packed automatically) would be preferred by hygiene-conscious citizens, as in a country where hand-washing is not promoted and where people don't have the habit of regularly washing their hands... well, I'm guessing eating out wouldn't be very popular, right?

I re-worded the effect line a bit to make my point clearer.

I thought about giving a survey result in the beginning, saying something like "a survey showed that over 50% of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ do not wash their hands after using the toilet," but I quite dislike those monotonous beginnings.

I'm reminded of a study and/or urban legend from grade schools concerning whether the boys or girls were more gross. An enterprising student, as a science fair project, cultivated petrie dishes containing swab samples from the sinks in the boy's and girl's restrooms.

When the boy's sample grew eyes and threatened to escape the dish, it was concluded that boys are dirtier. The counterargument was, however, that the boy's sinks were dirtier cause they washed their hands more frequently. Ergo, boys are actually cleaner.

Anywho. Mayhaps instead of "boys vs. girls" this could be framed as an international incident between delegations from @@NAME@@ and Maxtopia, or something. Seems like the kind of silly thing delegates would waste time on.

Thank you for this! Brilliant idea, to be honest, but I was reluctant to implement it. First of all, it will require me to change the direction of the narrative quite radically, and secondly, one previous issue has a very similar option, I am afraid. (There was one issue where @@LEADER@@ attends an international meeting where the Prime Minister of Brancaland does not shake his/her hand, and in one option we see a hygiene-obsessed person who tells @@LEADER@@ that s/he should be happy about it, because who knows what germs are to be found on the hands of the Prime Minister? I know this is different, but there are some thematic correspondences, like theme of an international meeting, and the theme of hand hygiene, etc. So I had reservations about that. But thank you very much for making this suggestion. I really appreciate it, and it was a truly good one.)

I like this issue! I don't quite get the effect on option 2.

Minor grammar and wording edits. My changes are in red. In a lot of cases, I just added capitalization or changed a punctuation mark.

Hoping to enjoy a quiet afternoon at your office after a busy week full of Cabinet meetings, you are startled by the sudden sight of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your Minister of Health, who has rushed in without even knocking on the door. @@HIS_1@@ face has turned completely white, and @@HE_1@@ is obsessively rubbing @@HIS_1@@ hands with an antibacterial wet wipe.

1. [option]"Oh, this is a public health disaster, @@LEADER@@!" @@HE_1@@ clamours, proceeding to take a pair of rubber gloves out of @@HIS_1@@ pocket and slip them on before grasping your hands in supplication. "I was in the restroom just a moment ago, and what should I see there? A vile, vulgar villain who left the stall and strode straight away! And this is the third time this week I have seen this disgusting behaviour. Our people seem to have stopped caring about cleanliness! @@LEADER@@, we should install security cameras in all public restrooms and fine the people who do not wash their hands after using the toilet! This is an emergency!"

2. [option]"Excuse me: a villain?" asks Morgan @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your secretary, brushing dandruff off your shoulder and blowing a raspberry at your Health Minister. "For your information, I am the villain that @@HE_1@@ complains about, and I did not wash my hands. So what? This whole bathroom-hygiene thing is overhyped, if you ask me. Everyone knows that door handles and money have more germs on them than a human bottom, yet nobody washes their hands after touching those. In fact, I think coming into contact with germs probably boosts up our immune system. So just let us be, @@LEADER@@!"

3. [option]"This is gross!" grunts your mom, who came to your office unannounced to bring you brownies for your afternoon tea. "My little darling, we talked about this. Wash, wash, wash your hands; wash those germs away. Soap and water do the trick to keep them clean all day. Remember? But installing cameras in bathrooms goes too far. I think you should instead equip all public bathrooms with speakers that play songs and chant slogans about the importance of hand hygiene round-the-clock. It helped you develop your healthy hand-washing habits; it'll surely help other citizens as well."

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking their ears for earplugs

Thank you, Esterild! I loved your grammar & wording edits. All implemented.

Cheers,

FuF

(Any more comments?)

[Esterild]

Thank you. I have transferred some information (about the Health Minister witnessing this behavior for the 3rd time this week) from Option 1 to the description. I hope it is better now?

I would recommend a little change to the way you have it worded. How about:

"... an antibacterial wet wipe. He complains that @@NATION@@'s bathroom hygiene practices have gone right down the drain."

I overlooked a minor nitpick: you don't need "up" after "boosts" in the second option.

In the third option, there should be a semicolon and not a comma after "It helped you develop your healthy hand-washing habits."

Also, if you feel like being extra-punny, maybe instead of having a completely white face your Health Minister could be "flushed" with indignation. Heh.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Thank you. I have transferred some information (about the Health Minister witnessing this behavior for the 3rd time this week) from Option 1 to the description. I hope it is better now?

I would recommend a little change to the way you have it worded. How about:

"... an antibacterial wet wipe. He complains that @@NATION@@'s bathroom hygiene practices have gone right down the drain."

I overlooked a minor nitpick: you don't need "up" after "boosts" in the second option.

In the third option, there should be a semicolon and not a comma after "It helped you develop your healthy hand-washing habits."

Also, if you feel like being extra-punny, maybe instead of having a completely white face your Health Minister could be "flushed" with indignation. Heh.

Yeah, thanks, I implemented your suggestions, though not without some differences here and there. But thank you.

I incorporated those changes in the current draft, as they were rather minor.

[Caracasus]

As usual F&F, a good draft here.

[description]Hoping to enjoy a quiet afternoon at your office after a busy week full of Cabinet meetings, you are startled by the sudden sight of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your Minister of Health, who has rushed in without even knocking on the door. @@HE_1@@ appears to be flushed with indignation, and is obsessively rubbing @@HIS_1@@ hands with an antibacterial wet wipe, presumably after yet another distressing encounter in the bathroom with people who did not wash their hands - for the third time this week.

Last sentence could do with perhaps flipping a bit? A little clumsy as it stands. Perhaps:

@@HE_1@@ appears to be flushed with indignation, and is obsessively rubbing @@HIS_1@@ hands with an antibacterial wet wipe, presumably making it the third time this week he has had a distressing encounter in the bathroom with people who did not wash their hands.

Although now I look at it maybe not... still, the "third time this week" bit feels like it should come first somehow.

1. [option]"Oh, this is a public health disaster, @@LEADER@@!" your Health Minister clamours, proceeding to take a pair of rubber gloves out of @@HIS_1@@ pocket and slip them on before grasping your hands in supplication. "I was in the restroom just a moment ago, and what should I see there? A vile, vulgar villain who left the stall and strode straight away! @@NAME@@'s bathroom hygiene practices have gone right down the drain! @@LEADER@@, we should install security cameras in all public restrooms and fine the people who do not wash their hands after using the toilet! This is an emergency!"

[effect]teachers across @@NAME@@ have noticed a big drop in the number of students asking for permission to go to the bathroom

I'm reminded of this.... https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ff/1e/b9 ... 99d898.jpg

Perhaps something along these lines? Public shaming of those who don't wash after they go?

2. [option]"Excuse me: a villain?" asks Morgan @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your secretary, brushing dandruff off your shoulder and blowing a raspberry at your Health Minister. "For your information, I am the villain that @@HE_1@@ complains about, and I did not wash my hands. So what? This whole bathroom-hygiene thing is overhyped, if you ask me. Everyone knows that door handles and money have more germs on them than a human bottom, yet nobody washes their hands after touching those. In fact, I think coming into contact with germs probably boosts our immune system. So just let us be, @@LEADER@@!"

[effect]pre-packaged sandwiches are the new favorite snacks of hygiene-conscious citizens

I think that this is good, but I do feel the effect line is a bit lacking... Stumped as to what else to suggest though.

3. [option]"This is gross!" grunts your mom, who came to your office unannounced to bring you brownies for your afternoon tea. "My little darling, we talked about this. Wash, wash, wash your hands; wash those germs away. Soap and water do the trick to keep them clean all day. Remember? But installing cameras in bathrooms goes too far. I think you should instead equip all public bathrooms with speakers that play songs and chant slogans about the importance of hand hygiene round-the-clock. It helped you develop your healthy hand-washing habits; it'll surely help other citizens as well."

[effect]it is easy to recognize constipated people by checking their ears for earplugs

Excellent! Nice to see another appearence from dear leader's mother.

[Esterild]

[effect]pre-packaged sandwiches are the new favorite snacks of hygiene-conscious citizens

I think that this is good, but I do feel the effect line is a bit lacking... Stumped as to what else to suggest though.

How about "hygiene-conscious restaurant diners spray their meals with Lysol before digging in"?

I still think that instead of the "presumably" part in the intro paragraph, you should just say, "He complains that @@NATION@@'s bathroom hygiene practices have gone right down the drain." The leader couldn't possibly just presume that the Minister had seen someone skip hand-washing for the third time in a week - and your Option 1 still has the Minister explaining that that's what happened.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Bump

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Any other comments on this? (I'm literally tired of re-phrasing and shuffling around the sentences in the description and in Option 1)

I hope they are better right now. Or are they not??? I don't know, just tell me if the issue needs any more touching up, please.

Or should I send it off?

[Palos Heights]

Any other comments on this? (I'm literally tired of re-phrasing and shuffling around the sentences in the description and in Option 1)

I hope they are better right now. Or are they not??? I don't know, just tell me if the issue needs any more touching up, please.

Or should I send it off?

Effect line for 3 seems a bit weak, but honestly, this one looks good to go. Send it FuF!

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

OK, I submitted this one. Many thanks to everyone who has contributed to the draft by making comments.