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[Accepted] Jailhouses Rocked!

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Altmer Dominion
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Psychotic Dictatorship

[Accepted] Jailhouses Rocked!

Postby Altmer Dominion » Mon Mar 12, 2018 10:34 am

Draft 3:
[validity] Must have prisons, youth rebelliousness

[name] Jailhouses Rocked!

[description] A controversial concert at @@NAME@@'s largest penitentiary headlined by guitarist Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@ went awry after he began playing his newest song, '@@CAPITOL@@ Prison Sues.' Buoyed by the anti-establishment message, the inmates became increasingly rowdy, resulting in a massive cell block riot. With news of the incident spreading, emboldened inmates at other institutions are causing further disturbances, plunging the @@DEMONYM@@ prison system into mass chaos.

[validity] State-Owned Prisons
[option] "@@DEMONYM@@ prison guards need immediate support!" gasps @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the @@DEMONYM@@ Department of Corrections. "We’re being completely overrun! With our current personnel numbers, there’s no way that officials can effectively contain these incidents. I don’t care if you need to take police off the streets: if something isn't done, we're going to have multiple prison breaks on our hands!"
[effect] police officers spend their time dealing with prison infractions instead of street crime

[validity] Private Prisons
[option] "My prison guards need immediate support!" gasps @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the penitentiary franchise CorrectiveCorp. "We’re being completely overrun! With our current personnel numbers, there’s no way that my mercs—I mean, officials, can effectively contain these incidents. I don’t care if you need to take police off the streets: if something isn’t done, we’re going to have multiple prison breaks on our hands!"
[effect] police officers spend their time dealing with prison infractions instead of street crime

[option] "That won't be enough," booms General @@RANDOMNAME@@, entering your office with a firing squad behind him. "We can't afford to hold back. At this point, these inmates should be considered enemy combatants…and will be dealt with extreme prejudice. Soldiers are waiting at the ready, @@LEADER@@: just give the signal."
[effect] the military conducts bombing runs on state prisons

[option] "My engineers have you covered," confidently advertises @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ Johnson, founder of the start-up tech firm Optical Experiments. "@@NAME@@'s institutions need a long-overdue upgrade, anyway. With proper video cameras, automated sentries, high-grade lasers, et cetera, that pesky human factor will be swiftly eliminated. In more ways than one, of course."
[effect]each new prison turret comes with 65% more bullet per bullet

[option] "A non-violent solution is still perfectly attainable," beams @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of a parental watchdog group. "If that detestable Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@ had never thought to poke the @@ANIMAL@@'s nest, none of these incidents would have occurred in the first place. That type of music is too much trouble for its own good, wouldn’t you agree? If their inspiration is removed, inmate riots will naturally lose motivation."
[effect] prison labor involves smashing banned records instead of rocks

[option] "Perhaps y'all should have listened to the concerns of these inmates," sarcastically ponders Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@, having been taken in for questioning. "Something was going to happen eventually; I just happened to be the flashpoint. It’s never too late to make a difference, though. Call a meeting between the two sides, then sit down, shut up, and listen. Give these inmates a voice, and let them control the conversation for a change."
[effect]solid-gold toilets are @@DEMONYM@@ prisons least-expensive furnishings


Draft 2:
[validity] Must have prisons, anti-establishment music (?)
Jailhouses Rocked!

[description] A controversial concert at @@NAME@@'s largest penitentiary headlined by guitarist Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@ went awry after he began playing his newest song, '@@CAPITOL@@ Prison Blues.' Buoyed by the anti-establishment message, the inmates became increasingly rowdy, resulting in a massive cell block riot. With news of the incident spreading, emboldened inmates at other institutions are causing further disturbances, plunging the @@DEMONYM@@ prison system into mass chaos.

[validity] State-Owned Prisons
[option] "@@DEMONYM@@ prison guards need immediate support!" gasps @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the @@DEMONYM@@ Department of Corrections. "We’re being completely overrun! With our current personnel numbers, there’s no way that officials can effectively contain these incidents. I don’t care if you need to take police off the streets: if something isn't done, we're going to have multiple prison breaks on our hands!"
[effect] police officers spend their time dealing with prison infractions instead of street crime

[validity] Private Prisons
[option] "My prison guards need immediate support!" gasps @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the penitentiary franchise CorrectiveCorp. "We’re being completely overrun! With our current personnel numbers, there’s no way that my mercs—I mean, officials, can effectively contain these incidents. I don’t care if you need to take police off the streets: if something isn’t done, we’re going to have multiple prison breaks on our hands!"
[effect] police officers spend their time dealing with prison infractions instead of street crime

[option] "That won't be enough," booms General @@RANDOMNAME@@, entering your office with a firing squad behind him. "We can't afford to hold back. At this point, these inmates should be considered enemy combatants…and will be dealt with extreme prejudice. Soldiers are waiting at the ready, @@LEADER@@: just give the signal."
[effect] the military conducts bombing runs on state prisons

[option] "My engineers have you covered," confidently advertises @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ Johnson, founder of the start-up tech firm Optical Experiments. "@@NAME@@'s institutions need a long-overdue upgrade, anyway. With proper video cameras, automated sentries, high-grade lasers, et cetera, that pesky human factor will be swiftly eliminated. In more ways than one, of course."
[effect]each new prison turret comes with 65% more bullet per bullet

[option] "A non-violent solution is still perfectly attainable," beams @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of a parental watchdog group. "If that detestable Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@ had never thought to poke the @@ANIMAL@@'s nest, none of these incidents would have occurred in the first place. That type of music is too much trouble for its own good, wouldn’t you agree? If their inspiration is removed, inmate riots will naturally lose motivation."
[effect] prison labor involves smashing banned records instead of rocks

[option] "Perhaps y'all should have listened to the concerns of these inmates," sarcastically ponders Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@, having been taken in for questioning. "Something was going to happen eventually; I just happened to be the flashpoint. It’s never too late to make a difference, though. Call a meeting between the two sides, then sit down, shut up, and listen. Give these inmates a voice, and let them control the conversation for a change."
[effect]solid-gold toilets are @@DEMONYM@@ prisons least-expensive furnishings


[validity] Must have prisons, anti-establishment music (?)

[name] Jailhouses Rocked!

[description] A controversial concert at @@NAME@@’s largest penitentiary headlined by guitarist Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@ went awry after he began playing his newest song, ‘@@CAPITOL@@ Prison Blues.’ Buoyed by the anti-establishment message, the inmates became increasingly rowdy, resulting in a massive cell block riot. With news of the incident spreading, emboldened inmates at other institutions are causing further disturbances, plunging @@NAME@@’s prison system into mass chaos.

[option] “@@NAME@@’s prison guards need immediate support!” gasps @@RANDOMNAME@@, Warden of @@CAPITOL@@ Grounds where the concert occurred. “We’re being completely overrun! With our current personnel numbers, there’s no way that officials can effectively contain these incidents. I don’t care if you need to take police off the streets: if something isn’t done, we’re going to have multiple prison breaks on our hands!”
[effect] police officers spend their time dealing with prison infractions instead of street crime

[option] “That won’t be enough,” booms General @@RANDOMNAME@@, entering your office with a firing squad behind him. “We can't afford to hold back. At this point, these inmates should be considered enemy combatants…and will be dealt with extreme prejudice. Soldiers are waiting at the ready, @@LEADER@@: just give the signal.”
[effect] the military conducts bombing runs on state prisons

[option] “A non-violent solution is perfectly attainable,” beams @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of a parental watchdog group. “If that detestable Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@ had never thought to poke the @@ANIMAL@@’s nest, none of these incidents would have occurred in the first place. That type of music is too much trouble for its own good, wouldn’t you agree? If their inspiration is removed, inmate riots will naturally lose motivation.”
[effect] prison labor involves smashing banned records instead of rocks

[option] “Perhaps y’all should have listened to the concerns of these inmates,” sarcastically ponders Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@, having been taken in for questioning. “Something was going to happen eventually; I just happened to be the flashpoint. It’s never too late to change, though. Call a meeting between the two sides, then sit down, shut up, and listen. Perhaps a couple of my performing buddies can sit in on deliberations too, contribute to the conversation if you will.”
[effect] @@NAME@@’s prisoner rehabilitation program focuses on assigning convicts to work as groupies for popular tour acts
Last edited by Altmer Dominion on Tue May 01, 2018 4:08 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Chan Island
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Chan Island » Mon Mar 12, 2018 10:16 pm

Modern prisons have a huge number of technological tricks to keep the inmates inside. This issue sorely needs an option advocating for rebuilding the prisons to be much more hightec, thus negating the need for more officers.
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Tue Mar 13, 2018 3:05 am

I love this issue!

Straighten the smart apostrophes and smart quotes. Swap @@NAME@@'s for @@DEMONYM@@. Otherwise, looking pretty damn good.

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Drayxaso
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Drayxaso » Tue Mar 13, 2018 1:46 pm

This is really impressive!

Some nations have private prisons, though, which you could probably use to improve this issue. It's already pretty lengthy as is, but adding some alternate options via option validities couldn't hurt. I think you might want to add a version of option one for nations with private prisons, in which the Warden not only desperately begs for aid but blames the riot on private prison ownership.

The only other complaint I have is that, as it stands now, the last option seems like the obvious 'rational' option, with no major downsides. You should either make option 1 more appealing or option 4 less appealing. Perhaps you could suggest that the prisoners may take advantage of the negotiation and use it to gain extravagant privileges or something.
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Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Mar 13, 2018 11:58 pm

Option 2- or you could just stop hosting concerts at prisons
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Altmer Dominion
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:19 pm

Thanks for the feedback!

Chan Island wrote:Modern prisons have a huge number of technological tricks to keep the inmates inside. This issue sorely needs an option advocating for rebuilding the prisons to be much more hightec, thus negating the need for more officers.


There's a new option that deals with tech advancement now.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:I love this issue!

Straighten the smart apostrophes and smart quotes. Swap @@NAME@@'s for @@DEMONYM@@. Otherwise, looking pretty damn good.

Made the quotes stupider. Going forward, I really ought to do quality control on that for my initial drafts.

Drayxaso wrote:This is really impressive!

Some nations have private prisons, though, which you could probably use to improve this issue. It's already pretty lengthy as is, but adding some alternate options via option validities couldn't hurt. I think you might want to add a version of option one for nations with private prisons, in which the Warden not only desperately begs for aid but blames the riot on private prison ownership.


I made a variant accommodating for private prison ownership. It doesn't advocate against such a set-up, mostly because the speaker in that situation has a vested interest in keeping the scheme going. Still pokes fun at the concept, though.

The only other complaint I have is that, as it stands now, the last option seems like the obvious 'rational' option, with no major downsides. You should either make option 1 more appealing or option 4 less appealing. Perhaps you could suggest that the prisoners may take advantage of the negotiation and use it to gain extravagant privileges or something.


Reworked the last option's effect. Toyed with the idea of making the inmates run the house, but didn't see how that was feasible. Extravagant privileges seem like something that would more realistically come out of negotiations, anyhow.

Australian rePublic wrote:Option 2- or you could just stop hosting concerts at prisons

Well, lesson learned is lesson learned on the Department of Correction's part. The issue is inspired by Johnny Cash's 1968 performance at Folsom Prison. Only with more riots.
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Altmer Dominion
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Sun Mar 18, 2018 5:28 pm

Any other thoughts?
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Palos Heights
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Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Palos Heights » Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:15 pm

Altmer Dominion wrote:Any other thoughts?


You need a boy named Sue!
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Altmer Dominion
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:32 pm

Palos Heights wrote:
Altmer Dominion wrote:Any other thoughts?


You need a boy named Sue!

You are absolutely right. *nods*

I thought for a good while about how to best integrate that little tidbit in, but ultimately just butchered the song Ronnie @@CURRENCY@@ is singing. I'm rationalizing it away as a dual-reference that could also be perceived as a commentary about institutions emasculating their inmates...but that's a lot of words for what's essentially a quick-fix.
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Belle Ilse en Terre
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Postby Belle Ilse en Terre » Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:35 pm

Maybe youth rebelliousness instead of anti-establishment music?
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Altmer Dominion
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Postby Altmer Dominion » Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:39 pm

Belle Ilse en Terre wrote:Maybe youth rebelliousness instead of anti-establishment music?

Noted.
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Altmer Dominion
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Postby Altmer Dominion » Wed Mar 21, 2018 4:40 pm

I'm really liking how this issue has come together. Are there any last things that stand out?
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Belle Ilse en Terre
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Postby Belle Ilse en Terre » Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:09 am

The first effect is not as humourous as the rest, but I can not think of a better sentence. All in all though, it seems an excellent issue, and I look forward to getting it.
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Postby Fauxia » Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:32 pm

Wow, this is really really good, I love it!
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Altmer Dominion
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Postby Altmer Dominion » Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:12 pm

Thank you for the encouragement. I will submit this shortly.

Belle Ilse en Terre wrote:The first effect is not as humourous as the rest, but I can not think of a better sentence. All in all though, it seems an excellent issue, and I look forward to getting it.


I agree that the first effect is more matter-of-fact. I'll leave it to editor discretion, should the draft be accepted.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:23 pm

Good luck, Altmer Domains. You're really very good at this. :)
(I haven't actually read this draft, myself, but the replies speak pretty well of it :3)
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Altmer Dominion
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:25 pm

Jutsa wrote:Good luck, Altmer Domains. You're really very good at this. :)
(I haven't actually read this draft, myself, but the replies speak pretty well of it :3)

Thank you!

(And it's Altmer Dominion. Like the Aldmeri Dominion in Skyrim and ESO. No worries. :p )
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Postby Jutsa » Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:26 pm

(And it's Altmer Dominion. Like the Aldmeri Dominion in Skyrim and ESO. No worries. :p )


My word... to think, all this time I've been remembering it wrong... :blush:
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