Help my wifi's out. Using a hotspot. Writing this to avoid succumbing to the despair.
Title: Tell my Wifi Love Her
Restrictions: Must have internet & computers, @@LEADER@@ must have break days, @@LEADER@@ must be addicted to the internet, & @@LEADER@@ must be antisocial
Description: On your break day, the internet in your home has gone out due to your modem finally reaching the end of its long, reliable life.
Option 1: "I'm so, so sorry, @@LEADER@@," mourns your Minister of Technology, spontaneously popping out of nowhere to comfort you while you cry at your modem's grave. "Unfortunately, it looks as though we won't be able to get the modem today — so it seems, all the nearby stores that sell these are all closed, and the nearest producer is a week away. Looks like you'll have to endure this. I'm sorry." He lays a flower on your modem's grave.
Fallout 1: @@LEADER@@ has never been the same since The Accident
Option 2: "Oh come on, this isn't so bad!" claims your Minister of Common Sense, who also popped out of nowhere. "You really should get out and enjoy the sunshine a lil', rather than mourn something as absurd as this. I mean, have you ever tried some Brancalandian truffles down at the cafe? They're delicious. Come on, let's go and enjoy life without the internet for once!"
Fallout 2: @@LEADER@@'s addiction to the internet has been replaced by an addiction to mushrooms
Option 3: "Those bloody Dàgúorén!" fumes your racist Minister of Warfare, parachuting in. "I knew they were up to something. Isn't it convenient that the modem of the... hermetic, internet-loving leader dies on the one day they have to themselves? And, to make matters worse, even the stores — who, might I add, all sell products from them — are shut off. Clearly, it's their fault! It's time we put an end to this whole affair... with a strongly-worded, passive-aggressive letter!" Everyone stares at the minister in heavy confusion.
Fallout 3: Dàguó and @@NAME@@ are constantly exchanging passive-aggressive letters
Option 4: "Ugh, kids these days!" says an old Amish man, walking into the scene. "Back in m'day, we didn't have the Internet and we were all better for it! Shee this fellow here. That's right, I'm talking about you, @@LEADER@@! Look at how this newfangled technology has ruined you, you fool! If you're interested in making this country prosper, you really ought to blow up the Internet, and remove it from our minds forever! It's nothing but trouble, I tell you!"
Fallout 4: internet speakeasies are frequented by @@LEADER@@ to feed their addiction
(I'm not saying that issue editors are evil)
Option 5: "Wait, why's this an issue?" questions a talking mangrove, accompanied by a small menagerie of other strange objects, people, and creatures, including the Grim Reaper. "It's a bit absurd, don't you think? In fact, that's why my friends and me are here! We'd like to offer our service as issue... pruners to ensure that only good issues get through." The mangrove leans in maybe a bit too close before whispering into your ear. "No, just kidding, we're already in your government."
Fallout 5: a talking mangrove has taken over @@NAME@@
