[DRAFT] The Rulers of Space

by **Huan-Sheng** » Wed Feb 07, 2018 1:40 pm

Author's Notes:
First off, I would like to thank Kenmoria for providing me for the initial inspiration for this issue, through his own issue draft "Ruler of Law" (currently abandoned). Your idea will live on.
Some of you might think that the options I provide are too many; and indeed, they do look like a lot. But you might also notice that many of them are gated by further restrictions, or even mutually exclusive; that's because many of the options are simply different variations of the same option, made to deal with different narratives created by the player's combinations of policies. So, don't let the initial clutter confuse you- the avalaible options at a time are much less.
Feel free to share your opinions!

Description:
@@NAME@@’s national space program has taken a major hit today as the first flight of your new rocket, @@ANIMAL@@ IIIa, resulted in a spectacular fireball in the stratosphere. The people responsible for the construction of the rocket have come to discuss with you and your trusted advisors about the implications of the cause of the failure, which was traced back to a simple unit conversion error.

Validity:
Valid for nations with the Space Program policy.

Options:
[validity] Valid for nations with the Metricism policy.
[option] “I think it’s saying something that even the greatest minds of the nation can be fumbled by those... archaic anachronisms!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, Deputy Administrator of the @@NAME@@ Aerospace Agency, accidentally pushing a toy rocket off your desk. “It’s more obvious than ever now that we must push for the universal use of the metric system more aggressively than we have before, to prevent such errors from happening again. This is an issue that hinders our nation’s scientific advancement- and our citizens’ familiarity with the older system, no matter how strong it is, will NEVER outweigh such a hindrance.”
[effect] even the mention of Farenheit in public can result in a sizable fine

[validity] Valid for nations with the Metricism policy.
[option] “I do not believe there’s a reason to be that drastic” argues @@RANDOMNAME@, the Chief Engineer in charge of the @@ANIMAL@@ IIIa, wearing a sleeveless shirt of Spock with a hardhat and the words “Build Long And Prosper” on it. “I have personally interacted with many of the engineers and designers of the projects, and I’ve seen they come from all walks of life; some are too old to familiarise themselves with metric, some come from countries where the metric is not used at all… Plus, the environment of rocket assembly is much more crowded than you think; many components come from the private sector, which cannot be as easily controlled in such procedures. The best course of action is simply to make more extensive measures to ensure any future conversion errors are detected and corrected early in the production line.
[effect] a third of the time needed for research and development is spent on double-checking documents and triple-measuring the circumference of fuel tanks

[validity] Valid for nations with the Metricism policy.
[option] “And why, exactly, do we have to pin the problem to the old units?” interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a native @@NATIONDENONYM@@ Launch Vehicle Assembly Technician, and opponent of the metric. “Why is the METRIC always the system that everyone thinks infallible? Boiled down, both systems are based on arbitrary and irrational measures- and at least our old units are based on concepts that the human brain can more intuitively comprehend. @@NAME@@ thrived scientifically for decades and decades on the old system, and never had to deal with this sort of buffoonery until the international community answered a question we never asked for us. So I say, @@LEADER@@, let’s go back to the ways we know best as a nation!”
[effect] scientists and engineers from abroad are required to answer an extensive “So You Think You Know Your Units?” test before being allowed to work in @@NAME@@
[flag] The Metricism policy is cancelled.

[validity] Valid for nations without the Metricism policy.
[option] “Do you see now in how great an extent our noble scientific endeavors can be rendered moot by those ...backwater archaic anachronisms!” bursts out @@RANDOMNAME@@, Deputy Administrator of the @@NAME@ Aerospace Agency, accidentally pushing a toy rocket off your desk. “We cannot stay stuck at our ancient imperial units while almost every other scientifically advanced nation in the world uses the metric! I implore you, @@LEADER@@; for the good of the nation, you have to enforce metric upon the nation AT ONCE- and don’t let the people’s familiarity with the older system be an excuse!”
[effect] even the mention of Farenheit in public can result in a sizable fine
[flag] The Metricism policy is enacted.

[validity] Valid for nations without the Metricism policy.
[option] “I do not believe the solution to this is as easy as that” argues @@RANDOMNAME@, the Chief Engineer in charge of the @@ANIMAL@@ IIIa, wearing a sleeveless shirt of Spock with a hardhat and the words “Build Long And Prosper” on it. “I have personally interacted with many of the engineers and designers of the projects, and I’ve seen they come from all walks of life; some are too old to familiarise themselves with metric, some come from countries where the metric is not used at all… Plus, the environment of rocket assembly is much more crowded than you think; many components come from the private sector, which cannot be as easily controlled in such procedures. The best course of action is simply to make more extensive measures to ensure any future conversion errors are detected and corrected early in the production line.
[effect] a third of the time needed for research and development is spent on double-checking documents and triple-measuring the circumference of fuel tanks

[validity] Valid for nations without the Metricism policy.
[option] “And why, exactly, do we have to pin the problem to the old units?” interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, a native @@NATIONDENONYM@@ Launch Vehicle Assembly Technician, and opponent of the metric. “Why is the METRIC always the system that everyone thinks infallible? Boiled down, both systems are based on arbitrary and irrational measures- and at least our own units are based on concepts that the human brain can more intuitively comprehend. @@NAME@@ thrived scientifically for decades and decades on the old system, and never had to deal with this sort of buffoonery until the international community tried to solve a problem that we never even had. I say, @@LEADER@@, we make it clear to the world that in the sovereign lands of @@NAME@@, things ar edone the way WE know best.”
[effect] scientists and engineers from abroad are required to answer an extensive “So You Think You Know Your Units?” test before being allowed to work in @@NAME@@

[option] “May I share my opinion with you, sire?” says a voice under you, belonging to @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your more creepy advisors, who has been worshipping you for reasons unbeknownst to anyone but him. “The problem is, all those foreign measurement units are simply not able to capture the grandeur of your glory. Abandon those inferior units, sire, and create your own system- based after your majesty, of course!”
[effect] the @@LEADER@@gram units proved an unexpected hit with the population.
[flag] If previously enacted, the Metricism policy is cancelled.

[validity] Valid for nations without Planned Economy, and whose private industry is larger than the state industry.
[option] “Interesting debate. But may I… propose an alternative?” interjects a voice behind you. As you jerk back in surprise, you realise the voice belongs to the hologram of Leon Skum, Jr., famous billionaire playboy and CEO of the SpaceY space agency and Ohm car company, being projected on your window by a shiny Ohm quadcopter. “You see, this is only one of the many problems that arise on projects as large as space exploration- and you have a country to run at the same time. While here in SpaceY, on the other hand, we can focus all our attention to the finer detail, and create results much more efficiently. So how say you, @@LEADER@@, you stay back for a while and let us do the exploring for you- in the name of mankind?”
[effect] the new Ohm Astroman deal delivers your new car right on your doorstep via rocket
[flag] The Space Program policy is cancelled.

[validity] Valid for nations with the AI Personhood policy, but without the AI-Planned Economy policy.
[option] “A gargantuan project like this lost from a blasted conversion error? God, such a human thing to do” grumbles PAL-8999, your robotic economist, visibly disgusted. “A robot would NEVER, I say NEVER do such a simple mistake as that! In fact, we’re so superior to the complex equations and simulations needed for rocket design that I seriously cannot understand why you even let the flesh people have a say on the matter! In fact, things all over the nation would go much more smoothly if you just let my people take care of the more complex operations!”
[effect] every profession that requires more than first-grade arithmetic now requires a robotic overseer
[flag] The AI-Planned Economy policy is now enacted.

[validity] Valid for nations with the AI-Planned Economy policy.
[option] “It is only expected that such a gargantuan project could be brought to ruin by a most mundane human error” says PAL-8999, your National Fiscal Planner mainframe, in a chillingly expressionless voice that resembles neither a male nor a female voice. “This is only one of many forms of proof that maybe our much more efficient and accurate digital network would be more fit to be delegated at tasks requiring as much precision as this, and redistribute our human resources to less arithmetically-taxing operations.” It beeps ominously. “All simulations support this with a specific error value of 0.002.”
[effect] most citizens toll away in manual labor as all professions requiring more than first-grade arithmetic are now occupied by AI workers

Draft 1:

by **Palos Heights** » Wed Feb 07, 2018 3:30 pm

Overall, effect lines do not start with capitalization and do not end with punctuation. So I'd fix that.

Your issue basis is pretty solid, except that your entire premise that, in nations where the metric system is already in place, the problem wasn't a stringent enough enforcement of the metric system is hard to believe. The very idea of a switch from imperial to metric would undoubtedly cause some upheaval at first, and the process of total conversion would be lengthy, but if a nation has already adopted the metric system then how is the average player supposed to assume that it wasn't total and all-encompassing? You should try to have something additional in your issue that elucidates this for Option 1. I mean, based on my initial reading of it, you make it sound like those involved in the government space agency are subverting the governments plans by purposely ignoring the mandate to switch or are so oblivious to what is going on that there are serious problems. Unless you run a nation filled with idiots, which would be a point of validity, it is reasonable to expect your foremost rocket scientists and engineers to have already made the switch; problems would have arisen farther down the ladder in this scenario. Furthermore, aggressively pushing the metric system sounds off. I mean if you want to basically create a secret police that beats people for cooking in Imperial instead of metric, be my guest. But the way your premise is written (and the fallout therewithin for option 1), I dont think it helps your issue at all. Also, Fahrenheit is capitalized.

For option 2 everything seems fine but I dont understand the long-eared reference. Maybe you were going for something and forgot? Aside from that, something bugs me about it but on a third-over I can't see anything sticking out to me about it. It seems fine otherwise.

Option 3, "stay stuck at" should be "stay stuck in ". Also it's not royalist, it's called the imperial scale.

Reading the rest of the options, I think you need to seriously rework them because you're basically pushing the player into the idea that imperial is bad and metric is good. Maybe that's why option 2 felt off but there is a noticeable bias against imperial in general in your issue that I think you need to address. As issue writers it is not our job to insert our opinions and to drive narratives, rather, it is our job to create well-rounded issues that explore as many sides of an argument as possible while punishing a player for choosing any of them equally. Someone once told me (or I read somewhere) that a good issue makes every option turn out poorly. An option would be cracking down on imperial measurements leading to a secret police deporting kitchen staff to gulags for measuring in cups and pounds while cooking. Right now your options make it seem like the player is wrong for even wanting imperial and there should be an option there to reflect the metric system being to blame in some way.

The Elon Musk option is fine.

The AI option though needs serious reworking. I hardly doubt freaking would fly in an issue, let alone sound realistic coming from a robot. It's a robot right? So why does it sound like snarky 20-something bitter over being passed over for a job opportunity? If the robot is so superior to humans then write it as its vocabulary being superior. Just make the character fit the dialogue better is my point I guess.

That's all I've got for feedback.

by **Huan-Sheng** » Thu Feb 08, 2018 4:22 am

Answers are marked in bold.

Palos Heights wrote:Overall, effect lines do not start with capitalization and do not end with punctuation. So I'd fix that.
Really? Huh, didn't know that. Thanks, will hotfix.
Your issue basis is pretty solid, except that your entire premise that, in nations where the metric system is already in place, the problem wasn't a stringent enough enforcement of the metric system is hard to believe. The very idea of a switch from imperial to metric would undoubtedly cause some upheaval at first, and the process of total conversion would be lengthy, but if a nation has already adopted the metric system then how is the average player supposed to assume that it wasn't total and all-encompassing? It all depends on how long the policy has been around, and how long of a tradition the nation had with the imperial unit. Besides, not all disciplines adopt the metric at the same rate; even in Physics, many units not included in the SI system are still the norm teached.You should try to have something additional in your issue that elucidates this for Option 1. I mean, based on my initial reading of it, you make it sound like those involved in the government space agency are subverting the governments plans by purposely ignoring the mandate to switch or are so oblivious to what is going on that there are serious problems. Unless you run a nation filled with idiots, which would be a point of validity I mean, the conept of idocracy is all over the NationStates issues , it is reasonable to expect your foremost rocket scientists and engineers to have already made the switch; problems would have arisen farther down the ladder in this scenario. In the end, it's all a matter of chance; a similar issue resulted in the loss of an American orbiter as "far up the ladder" as 1999:https://edition.cnn.com/TECH/space/9909/30/mars.metric.02/ Furthermore, aggressively pushing the metric system sounds off. I mean if you want to basically create a secret police that beats people for cooking in Imperial instead of metric, be my guest. But the way your premise is written (and the fallout therewithin for option 1), I dont think it helps your issue at all. It is supposed to show the more extreme interpretation of such a restriction; which I find is very common in issues for even very mundane options.
But Also, Fahrenheit is capitalized. Good catch, will fix.

For option 2 everything seems fine but I dont understand the long-eared reference. Maybe you were going for something and forgot? Aside from that, something bugs me about it but on a third-over I can't see anything sticking out to me about it. It seems fine otherwise. It is a reference to Spock from Star Trek. Gotta go around copyright claims smh

Option 3, "stay stuck at" should be "stay stuck in ". Good catch, will fix. Also it's not royalist, it's called the imperial scale. I was trying to distance it from the real world a little- since "imperial" hints to British colonialism. But if it bugs people, sure I can change that.

Reading the rest of the options, I think you need to seriously rework them because you're basically pushing the player into the idea that imperial is bad and metric is good. Maybe that's why option 2 felt off but there is a noticeable bias against imperial in general in your issue that I think you need to address. I plead guilty. I might, in fact, be of the idea that the metric is just a more logical unit of measurement. But I am thinking of adding a pro-imperial option.As issue writers it is not our job to insert our opinions and to drive narratives, rather, it is our job to create well-rounded issues that explore as many sides of an argument as possible while punishing a player for choosing any of them equally. Someone once told me (or I read somewhere) that a good issue makes every option turn out poorly. An option would be cracking down on imperial measurements leading to a secret police deporting kitchen staff to gulags for measuring in cups and pounds while cooking. ...but... isn't that EXACTLY what the fallout of Option1 says? The one you complained about?Right now your options make it seem like the player is wrong for even wanting imperial and there should be an option there to reflect the metric system being to blame in some way. As I said, I am thinking of adding more options regarding the return/stay to Imperial.

The Elon Musk option is fine.

The AI option though needs serious reworking. I hardly doubt freaking would fly in an issue, let alone sound realistic coming from a robot. I can fix that if it's an issue. It's a robot right? So why does it sound like snarky 20-something bitter over being passed over for a job opportunity? If the robot is so superior to humans then write it as its vocabulary being superior. Just make the character fit the dialogue better is my point I guess. That's actually part of the joke; that the supposedly superior robots, if suficiently human, end up just sounding pompous and self-centered; an unlikeable nerd of sorts. But your point is still valid. I might create different variants based on whether AI Personhood is enacted or not- which would imply that AI is advanced enough to be humanlike.

That's all I've got for feedback. Thank you for your extensive feedback. I will take all of your points in consideration in my next draft.

by **Huan-Sheng** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:05 am

Draft updated!
Changelog:
1) Fixed some typos.
2) Added separate robotic options, based on whether the AI Personhood or the AI-Planned Economy policies are enacted (if both are enacted, the latter options take priority)
3)Added a pro-Imperial option (with two variations, based on whether the Metricism policy is already enacted or not)
4)Optimised some descriptions' flavor text (e.g. now Spock is referred to by name. Judging from other issues, it seems copyright is not an issue.)

by **Palos Heights** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:45 am

Huan-Sheng wrote:Draft updated!
Changelog:
1) Fixed some typos.
2) Added separate robotic options, based on whether the AI Personhood or the AI-Planned Economy policies are enacted (if both are enacted, the latter options take priority)
3)Added a pro-Imperial option (with two variations, based on whether the Metricism policy is already enacted or not)
4)Optimised some descriptions' flavor text (e.g. now Spock is referred to by name. Judging from other issues, it seems copyright is not an issue.)

Much better. Much, much, much better. I'd change *BLEEP*ing to something like blasted. Fahrenheit is spelled with a capital F.

Option 1 seems a bit wordy, but it works!

All in all, much better draft you have.

by **Huan-Sheng** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:59 am

Palos Heights wrote:
Huan-Sheng wrote:Draft updated!
Changelog:
1) Fixed some typos.
2) Added separate robotic options, based on whether the AI Personhood or the AI-Planned Economy policies are enacted (if both are enacted, the latter options take priority)
3)Added a pro-Imperial option (with two variations, based on whether the Metricism policy is already enacted or not)
4)Optimised some descriptions' flavor text (e.g. now Spock is referred to by name. Judging from other issues, it seems copyright is not an issue.)

Much better. Much, much, much better. I'd change *BLEEP*ing to something like blasted. Fahrenheit is spelled with a capital F.

Option 1 seems a bit wordy, but it works!

All in all, much better draft you have.

Oh my God, did I forget the Farenheit thing again? I was sure I remembered XD I'll fix it right away, as well as the "blasted" part; it sounds alright. And I will try to shorten Option a bit, but this will probably have to wait until the next draft.
Anyways, thank you!

I didn't change a lot to be completely honest, so I'm happy to know what I did change counts. Feel free to provide any further feedback you want along the way.

by **Kenmoria** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:45 am

The last option says "in a chillingly expressionless voice that resemble neither a male nor a female voice" I would replace the latter "voice" with "one".

by **Huan-Sheng** » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:34 am

Kenmoria wrote:The last option says "in a chillingly expressionless voice that resemble neither a male nor a female voice" I would replace the latter "voice" with "one".

Good idea; sounds redundant. Will fix in next draft.

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:55 am

The options are a little long. Not the number of them, which is fine given validity restrictions, but the length of each option needs to be reduced by 30-50%, and many effect lines need to get shorter too.

For example this one:

[validity] Valid for nations with the Metricism policy.
[option] “I do not believe there’s a reason to be that drastic” argues @@RANDOMNAME@, the Chief Engineer in charge of the @@ANIMAL@@ IIIa, wearing a sleeveless shirt of Spock with a hardhat and the words “Build Long And Prosper” on it. “I have personally interacted with many of the engineers and designers of the projects, and I’ve seen they come from all walks of life; some are too old to familiarise themselves with metric, some come from countries where the metric is not used at all… Plus, the environment of rocket assembly is much more crowded than you think; many components come from the private sector, which cannot be as easily controlled in such procedures. The best course of action is simply to make more extensive measures to ensure any future conversion errors are detected and corrected early in the production line.
[effect] a third of the time needed for research and development is spent on double-checking documents and triple-measuring the circumference of fuel tanks

could be cut to something like:

[validity] Valid for nations with the Metricism policy.

[option] “That's too drastic,” argues Chief Engineer @@RANDOMNAME@ of the project, wearing a t-shirt with the words 'Build Long And Prosper' on it. “The engineers and designers on the project come from all walks of life and many aren't familiar with metric - some are too old, some come from countries where metric isn't used at all… You can't force them to work with units they don't know. Instead, you should hire more checkers to ensure any future conversion errors are detected and corrected early."
[effect] two engineers watch each time one engineers uses a screwdriver

That's shorter, gets 90% of the information and humour across, and compresses the effect line joke into something that can be used in the middle of a longer sentence.

You've got a good issue here. Inflict some brevity on it, and it'll be good to go.

by **Huan-Sheng** » Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:32 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:The options are a little long. Not the number of them, which is fine given validity restrictions, but the length of each option needs to be reduced by 30-50%, and many effect lines need to get shorter too.

For example this one:

[validity] Valid for nations with the Metricism policy.
[option] “I do not believe there’s a reason to be that drastic” argues @@RANDOMNAME@, the Chief Engineer in charge of the @@ANIMAL@@ IIIa, wearing a sleeveless shirt of Spock with a hardhat and the words “Build Long And Prosper” on it. “I have personally interacted with many of the engineers and designers of the projects, and I’ve seen they come from all walks of life; some are too old to familiarise themselves with metric, some come from countries where the metric is not used at all… Plus, the environment of rocket assembly is much more crowded than you think; many components come from the private sector, which cannot be as easily controlled in such procedures. The best course of action is simply to make more extensive measures to ensure any future conversion errors are detected and corrected early in the production line.
[effect] a third of the time needed for research and development is spent on double-checking documents and triple-measuring the circumference of fuel tanks

could be cut to something like:

[validity] Valid for nations with the Metricism policy.
[option] “That's too drastic,” argues Chief Engineer @@RANDOMNAME@ of the project, wearing a t-shirt with the words 'Build Long And Prosper' on it. “The engineers and designers on the project come from all walks of life and many aren't familiar with metric - some are too old, some come from countries where metric isn't used at all… You can't force them to work with units they don't know. Instead, you should hire more checkers to ensure any future conversion errors are detected and corrected early."
[effect] two engineers watch each time one engineers uses a screwdriver

That's shorter, gets 90% of the information and humour across, and compresses the effect line joke into something that can be used in the middle of a longer sentence.

You've got a good issue here. Inflict some brevity on it, and it'll be good to go.

Yeah, shortening the options is my main focus on the next draft. Thank you!
(Also, can I use your version of the option? I do like it a bit

)

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:04 am

Sure, good of you to ask, but please feel free to presume.

I got a spare "s" on the third engineer in the effect line though.

by **Australian rePublic** » Fri Feb 16, 2018 4:36 am

Hello, not a bad little issue you got here. Now let's take a look:

As a rule of thumb, the more options you have, the shorter each individual option should be

[DRAFT] The Rulers of Space

[DRAFT] The Rulers of Space

Who is online