[Submitted] A Dangerous Game

[Westfacto]

Backstory:
- The title is inspired by the short story The Most Dangerous Game.
- The idea is based on an event that occurred last year, where Millionaire Forrest Fenn hid a box of treasure hidden in the Rockies which lead to two treasure hunters dying

Title: A Dangerous Game

Validity: All Nations*

A public uproar occurred when millionaire @@RANDOMNAME@@ said that @@HE@@ hid a treasure chest full of @@CURRENCY@@ around @@CAPITAL@@. Several cases of trespassing and two deaths have caused great debate if the hunt should go on. When entering your closed office, you noticed a line of eager treasure hunters had formed outside your office door.

Option One*
"Excuse me, coming through!" booms your overworked Police Minister @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ who had just roughly detained a teenager who was outside your door. "Look at this chaos! Can you imagine the logistics nightmare of this treasure hunt, thousands of people stampeding and tearing up @@CAPITAL@@. If you care about the SAFETY and SECURITY of your citizens you should put an end to these shenanigans" @@HE@@ mutters while leaving with a shiny wooden chest that happened to be an heirloom from your parents.
[EFFECT FOR OPTION ONE] @@NATION@@ has just banned treasure hunting despite national outcry.

Option Two*
"Hold on, @@LEADER@@!" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@ a young teenager who had sneaked past when the Police Minister was leaving. "You can't put an end to this hunt..." @@HE@@ trails off as @@HE@@ investigates your shelf. "The nation has spoken and they clearly want this treasure hunt to continue. This is the happiest I've seen people, and not to mention it would really help my family if I found the chest" @@HE@@ exclaims disappointed as @@HE@@ realizes the chest isn't in your office.
[EFFECT FOR OPTION TWO] The Great National Treasure Hunt of @@NATION@@ is one for the history books.

Option Three*
You open a postcard from your Secretary of Tourism and Commerce that lays on top of the pile of junk mail on your desk. It reads "Dear @@LEADER@@, it would be foolish to put an end to this treasure hunt! Imagine people traveling all over the world to experience the exhilarating and exciting event such as this. In fact, you should propose a yearly treasure hunt! @@NATION@@ will be flushed with tourist loaded with @@CURRENCY@@ ready to spend!"
[EFFECT FOR OPTION THREE] @@NATION@@ Customs office if full of treasure hunters.

Option Four
[VALIDITY = Must have adequate Environmental Beauty]
As you rest in your chair, you are shockingly greeted by your Environmental Minister @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ who happened to be hiding behind your office plant. "@@LEADER@@, I happened to overhear your past visitors and I have a great compromise! Imagine if you had these treasure hunts in our great national park system! Imagine the rush of people exploring and appreciating the great wilderness that @@NATION@@ has to offer" @@HE@@ says while gazing out the window.
[EFFECT FOR OPTION FOUR] Treasure hunters are occasionally found equipped in military-grade survival gear.

Option Five*
"@@LEADER@@ you have an unknown caller on line two" your secretary calls out. "Hello @@LEADER@@, I can't help but notice that there are some key opposition members who are also searching for the treasure. Wouldn't it be funny if they got lost following some faulty clues..." a gruff voice says followed by an immediate dial tone.
[EFFECT FOR OPTION FIVE] Treasure hunters are known to be hunted in @@NATION@@.

Main Changes:
- Shorten Issues
- Added Option Five
- More Dramatic Issue Plot

Issue:

An uproar of commotion occurred when millionaire @@RANDOMNAME@@ said that @@HE@@ hid a treasure chest full of @@CURRENCY@@ around @@CAPITAL@@. When entering your closed office, you noticed a line of eager treasure hunters had formed outside your office door.

Option One*

"Excuse me, coming through!" booms your Police Minister who had just roughly shoved a group of chattering people forming outside your door. "Look at this chaos! Can you imagine the logistics nightmare of this treasure hunt? Thousands of people stampeding and tearing up @@CAPITAL@@ for a supposed treasure chest that might not even exist?" the Police Minister exclaims while switching the lock on your door. "Our police force would have to work overtime to put up with this. If you care about the SAFETY and SECURITY of your citizens you should put an end to these shenanigans" your Police Minister mutters while leaving with a shiny wooden chest that happened to be an heirloom from your parents.

[EFFECT FOR OPTION ONE] @@NATION@@ has just banned treasure hunting despite national outcry.

Option Two*

"Hold on, @@LEADER@@!" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@ a young teenager who had sneaked past when the Police Minister was leaving. "You can't put an end to this hunt..." @@HE@@ trails off as @@HE@@ scans your office. "The nation has spoken and they clearly want this treasure hunt to continue..." @@HE@@ says while going through a drawer in your desk. "Everyone would be so disappointed if you canceled this hunt.This is the happiest I've seen people, and not to mention it would really help my family if I found the chest" @@HE@@ exclaims disappointed as @@HE@@ realizes the chest isn't in your office.

[EFFECT FOR OPTION TWO] The Great National Treasure Hunt of @@NATION@@ is one for the history books.

Option Three*

You open a postcard from your Secretary of Tourism and Commerce that lays on top of the pile of junk mail on your desk. It reads "Dear @@LEADER@@, it would be foolish to put an end to this treasure hunt! Imagine people traveling all over the world to experience the exhilarating and exciting event such as this. In fact, you should propose a yearly treasure hunt! @@NATION@@ will be flushed with tourist loaded with @@CURRENCY@@ ready to spend!"

[EFFECT FOR OPTION THREE] @@NATION@@ Customs office if full of treasure hunters.

Option Four
[VALIDITY = Must have adequate Environmental Beauty]

As you rest in your chair, you are shockingly greeted by your Environmental Minister who happened to be hiding behind your office plant. "@@LEADER@@, I happened to overhear your past visitors and I have a great compromise! Imagine if you had these treasure hunts in our great national park system!" your minister mumbles while petting your fake office plant. "Imagine the rush of people exploring and appreciating the great wilderness that @@NATION@@ has to offer. Who knows, maybe our parks will be more popular" your Minister says while gazing out the window.

[EFFECT FOR OPTION FOUR] Treasure hunters are occasionally found equipped in military-grade survival gear.

This is my first issue, and I would love to hear all criticism/comments/ideas!
- Thanks, Westfacto

[USS Monitor]

It's not bad at all for a first try. It needs some cleaning up, but please do stick around to work on this or write more.

An uproar of commotion occurred when millionaire @@RANDOMNAME@@ said that @@HE@@ hid a treasure chest full of @@CURRENCY@@ around @@CAPITAL@@. When entering your closed office, you noticed a line of eager treasure hunters had formed outside your office door.

Say, "An uproar occurred," or, "A commotion occurred," not "An uproar of a commotion." You don't need both words. Since issues are short, you want to convey the most story in the fewest number of words.

"Excuse me, coming through!" booms your Police Minister who had just roughly shoved a group of chattering people forming outside your door. "Look at this chaos! Can you imagine the logistics nightmare of this treasure hunt? Thousands of people stampeding and tearing up @@CAPITAL@@ for a supposed treasure chest that might not even exist?" the Police Minister exclaims while switching the lock on your door. "Our police force would have to work overtime to put up with this. If you care about the SAFETY and SECURITY of your citizens you should put an end to these shenanigans" your Police Minister mutters while leaving with a shiny wooden chest that happened to be an heirloom from your parents.

Similar to the above point about keeping down the number of words, you should cut down on how often you interrupt the dialog to say things like, "booms your Police Minister," or, "the Police Minister exclaims." You don't need to remind us so many times who the speaker is.

You should also keep this in mind when you go over the rest of the options.

Since you have "Dangerous" in the title, and your inspiration was an incident where someone died, maybe you should play up the danger a little more. Like maybe have someone try to sneak into a government building because they think the treasure might be inside, but then a security guard thinks they are a terrorist or a spy and kills them.

[Queen Yuno]

I love the issue ^_^

Hope to see it added

[Westfacto]

^ ^ Thank you for the feedback!

It's not bad at all for a first try. It needs some cleaning up, but please do stick around to work on this or write more.
Say, "An uproar occurred," or, "A commotion occurred," not "An uproar of a commotion." You don't need both words. Since issues are short, you want to convey the most story in the fewest number of words.

I have fixed the introduction and made it fit the title a bit more.

Similar to the above point about keeping down the number of words, you should cut down on how often you interrupt the dialog to say things like, "booms your Police Minister," or, "the Police Minister exclaims." You don't need to remind us so many times who the speaker is.

You should also keep this in mind when you go over the rest of the options.

Since you have "Dangerous" in the title, and your inspiration was an incident where someone died, maybe you should play up the danger a little more. Like maybe have someone try to sneak into a government building because they think the treasure might be inside, but then a security guard thinks they are a terrorist or a spy and kills them.

I shorten and limited the number of times the person was referenced.
Is there any other comment/idea/criticism you have on the issue? Thanks!