The Bisemitriweekly Report, with Llamas

[The Republic of Llamas]

You can read the Bisemitriweekly Report here! It's by me!

I know, who would've guessed that from the extremely cryptic title?

If you have an idea for an article, or would like to contribute as a correspondent, just shoot me a telegram!

[The Republic of Llamas]

19 August, 2017 – Audible groans could be heard coming from the capitol as the most recent citizenship application was processed.

“Goddammit, not this fucker again,” responded Ikania when reached for comment.

“I literally came back from being DOSed just to spit on this app,” stated the newly reborn Milograd.

When asked to comment, Celestial Being Aumelodia declared “I don’t even know this guy, and I already hate him.”

Who is this mysterious individual getting such rave reviews from Lazarus’ greatest voices?

None other than Llamas, former Vice Chairman of the PRL. After a return from a long hiatus, Llamas came up with the goddamn awful idea of spoofing the Daily Show by starting a new paper called the “Bisemitriweekly Report.”

As of press time, Aumelodia was said to be desperately searching for any excuse to reject the app, possibly including Llamas’ formerly commission of felony treason against Lazarus during the Sinker War. However, he has now resigned himself to the fact that the Lazarene freedom movement needs any help it can get, no matter how pathetic.

The Bisemitriweekly Report airs a+bi times a fortnight, assuming Llamas gets drunk enough to spout such idiotic bullshit. Or maybe earlier. What am I gonna do about it? I’m an italicized text, not a cop.

[The Republic of Llamas]

20 August, 2017 – Shock broke out in the capitol today as Funkadelia’s approval rating dipped below Donald John Trump’s. (Yeah. His middle name is John. Doesn't sound very good, does it?)

“My approval ratings are tremendous, just, the absolute biggest,” declared Funkadelia. “One-hundred and ninety endorsements? This is one of the biggest crowds we’ve ever seen in history. I didn’t even, like, know there were 200 people in the region.”

“And, I mean, my opponents? They’ve only gotten there with three to five million illegal immigrants voting for them.”

When asked for evidence of this, Funkadelia simply pointed at Cormac, saying “Would Cormac ever support someone who said something wrong?” This reporter notes that Cormac is, indeed, known for sticking to good causes and very rarely switches sides, if ever.

However, I believe this isn't quite enough evidence. Despite having an individual of such impeccable character on his side, Donald Funk’s suggestion was somewhat difficult to swallow. If three to five million illegal residents are endorsing Loftegen, Funk’s closest rival, how does he have only 130 endorsements?

“(Unintelligible),” said Funk when reached for comment.

Clearly, the words of a political genius. “(Unintelligible)” shall echo throughout history as the rallying cry of all who supported Funkadelia’s grand coup of Lazarus. It’s the best defense of Funk they’ve managed to articulate so far, after all.

The Bisemitriweekly Report airs a+bi times a fortnight, assuming Llamas gets drunk enough to spout such idiotic bullshit. Or maybe earlier. What am I gonna do about it? I’m an italicized text, not a cop.

[The Republic of Llamas]

August 21, 2017 – Confusion broke out this week as Funkadelia and his cronies attempted to smear Llamas as a hypernationalist with no loyalty to any region.

“What… what the hell?” said one passerby who was asked to comment. “How does that even work?”

Indeed, after a rousing sermon in which Llamas pleaded with the international community to recognize the plight of Lazarus and support its struggle for liberty, Funkadelia recognized this threat to their oppressive regime for what it was and attempted to perform damage control.

Unfortunately, however, they found it impossible to do so even remotely cogently.

“This is the same thing Nazi Europa is doing, this is a blatant attempt at creating an aura of zealotry and nationalism within your ranks,” said one poster.

Because obviously, participating in NSGP politics out of a commitment to democracy is the exact same thing as supporting a vicious ideology calling for the violent extermination of particular races of people. To even begin to argue otherwise would result in bewildered looks and gasps of incredulity.

Meanwhile, Cormac tried a different track: Accusing former Vice-Delegate Llamas of being a foreigner with no connection to Lazarus simply seeking to gain more power for himself.

Yeah. Cormac tried that. I swear to god I’m not joking.

If you need the quote to believe it: “The idea that these people [Llamas and Ikania] are committed to Lazarus or anywhere else is absurd. They're committed to power grabs, plain and simple.”

Clearly, if there’s one person you can believe in this world, though, it’s Cormac, the Independent Defender Imperialist Raider whatever will get him elected today from Lazarus the West Pacific TRR TSP Europeia every notable region ever Osiris. There’s nobody I’d rather have guarding my baby than Cormac. Other than a dingo. Or maybe a pack of dingos. Perhaps I could call them “Lone Dingos United.” That sounds like a good, not-at-all oxymoronic name.

As for the claims that Funkadelia is a tyrannical dictator? “I absolutely am not,” said Funkadelia between banjections.

Truly the words of someone who is definitely not a dictator.

The Bisemitriweekly Report airs a+bi times a fortnight, assuming Llamas gets drunk enough to spout such idiotic bullshit. Or maybe earlier. I’m an italicized text, not a clock.

[Cormactopia Prime]

“This is the same thing Nazi Europa is doing, this is a blatant attempt at creating an aura of zealotry and nationalism within your ranks,” said one poster.

Are you ever not going to find new and creative ways to call Funkadelia a fascist? More importantly, is the "resistance" ever going to do anything about you?

[The Republic of Llamas]

“This is the same thing Nazi Europa is doing, this is a blatant attempt at creating an aura of zealotry and nationalism within your ranks,” said one poster.

Are you ever not going to find new and creative ways to call Funkadelia a fascist? More importantly, is the "resistance" ever going to do anything about you?

You realize that's one of your people calling me a Nazi, right? Not a "Fascist." A Nazi. And unlike you I didn't whine and cry about it for the next day.

[Cormactopia Prime]

Are you ever not going to find new and creative ways to call Funkadelia a fascist? More importantly, is the "resistance" ever going to do anything about you?

You realize that's one of your people calling me a Nazi, right? Not a "Fascist." A Nazi. And unlike you I didn't whine and cry about it for the next day.

I'm going to need to see actual logs, but a "hypernationalist" -- especially in a gameplay context -- is not the same thing as a Nazi. We call people regionalists (I've also seen "ultraregionalist") all the time in gameplay and I don't think there is a single person who thinks that's the same as a real life nationalist. At least I would really hope not, but it's super hard to tell how far people will take things in this game these days.

[The Republic of Llamas]

You realize that's one of your people calling me a Nazi, right? Not a "Fascist." A Nazi. And unlike you I didn't whine and cry about it for the next day.

I'm going to need to see actual logs, but a "hypernationalist" -- especially in a gameplay context -- is not the same thing as a Nazi. We call people regionalists (I've also seen "ultraregionalist") all the time in gameplay and I don't think there is a single person who thinks that's the same as a real life nationalist. At least I would really hope not, but it's super hard to tell how far people will take things in this game these days.

This is the same thing Nazi Europa is doing, this is a blatant attempt at creating an aura of zealotry and nationalism within your ranks.

[Swarshengaggen]

This is something I'd consider to be a relatively low-quality satire.

If you'd really want to help the Resistance, you should up your game.

[The North Polish Union]

I'm going to need to see actual logs, but a "hypernationalist" -- especially in a gameplay context -- is not the same thing as a Nazi. We call people regionalists (I've also seen "ultraregionalist") all the time in gameplay and I don't think there is a single person who thinks that's the same as a real life nationalist. At least I would really hope not, but it's super hard to tell how far people will take things in this game these days.

This is the same thing Nazi Europa is doing, this is a blatant attempt at creating an aura of zealotry and nationalism within your ranks.

How do you know who that guy is or which side he's affiliated with, or in what capacity?

[Cormactopia Prime]

I'm going to need to see actual logs, but a "hypernationalist" -- especially in a gameplay context -- is not the same thing as a Nazi. We call people regionalists (I've also seen "ultraregionalist") all the time in gameplay and I don't think there is a single person who thinks that's the same as a real life nationalist. At least I would really hope not, but it's super hard to tell how far people will take things in this game these days.

This is the same thing Nazi Europa is doing, this is a blatant attempt at creating an aura of zealotry and nationalism within your ranks.

Oh, I didn't at all understand from your article that this was said about you. I thought you were saying it about Funkadelia. I apologize.

I have no idea who that person is, and I suspect Funkadelia doesn't either, but that's terrible and they shouldn't have said that.

[Mostly Benevolent Tyranny]

This load of baloney easily takes the medal of the week for utter nonsense. Better luck next time.

[The Republic of Llamas]

This load of baloney easily takes the medal of the week for utter nonsense. Better luck next time.

Medal of the week for utter nonsense? Thank you! This is such a high honor I never expected to come out on top over SillyString!

[Consular]

This load of baloney easily takes the medal of the week for utter nonsense. Better luck next time.

A Rahl hating on your work is basically an endorsement as far as I'm concerned.

[Cormactopia Prime]

This load of baloney easily takes the medal of the week for utter nonsense. Better luck next time.

A Rahl hating on your work is basically an endorsement as far as I'm concerned.

Not you too. Good grief.

[Consular]

A Rahl hating on your work is basically an endorsement as far as I'm concerned.

Not you too. Good grief.

Come on Cormac. Join the club.

[The Republic of Llamas]

Not you too. Good grief.

Come on Cormac. Join the club.

Agreed. It's a pretty good sandwich.

[RiderSyl]

This load of baloney easily takes the medal of the week for utter nonsense. Better luck next time.

A Rahl hating on your work is basically an endorsement as far as I'm concerned.

This is actually true. Also, When a Rahl doesn't hate on your work, they're actually despising it.

Strange creatures, them.

[Mostly Benevolent Tyranny]

This load of baloney easily takes the medal of the week for utter nonsense. Better luck next time.

A Rahl hating on your work is basically an endorsement as far as I'm concerned.

Looks like someone's been taking lessons from Glen-Rhodes and the book of paranoia.

[Canton Empire]

I got a couple of good chuckles out of this, which is good, considering most of my gameplay reaction these days is rolling my eyes at whatever most of Osiris (Nothing against the Pharaoh, pretty cool guy), TWP, Balder (nothing against Rach, I like her), Funk and Co, and Cormac is putting out.

[Zaolat]

I got a couple of good chuckles out of this, which is good, considering most of my gameplay reaction these days is rolling my eyes at whatever most of Osiris (Nothing against the Pharaoh, pretty cool guy), TWP, Balder (nothing against Rach, I like her), Funk and Co, and Cormac is putting out.

I'm pretty sure that is most people's reaction on all sides with you.

[Th Empire of Wymondham]

I'm pretty sure that is most people's reaction on all sides with you.

I can confirm from what I've seen that is indeed people reaction when they see Canton however I could attempt to organise a poll just to be sure

[Consular]

I got a couple of good chuckles out of this, which is good, considering most of my gameplay reaction these days is rolling my eyes at whatever most of Osiris (Nothing against the Pharaoh, pretty cool guy), TWP, Balder (nothing against Rach, I like her), Funk and Co, and Cormac is putting out.

I'm pretty sure that is most people's reaction on all sides with you.

For someone who has been randomly commenting on how unhelpful my posts are, that was a pretty harsh and unhelpful comment to make my bro.

[Canton Empire]

I'm pretty sure that is most people's reaction on all sides with you.

For someone who has been randomly commenting on how unhelpful my posts are, that was a pretty harsh and unhelpful comment to make my bro.

It's unsurprising.

[Zaolat]

I'm pretty sure that is most people's reaction on all sides with you.

For someone who has been randomly commenting on how unhelpful my posts are, that was a pretty harsh and unhelpful comment to make my bro.

I post in most threads in gameplay Consular. This is a text based game -- posting is how we play it. I'm not particularly sorry if that somehow upsets you. Feel free to put me on ignore.