[ACCEPTED]Marche Noir’s Leader Angling for Votes in @@NAME@@

[Ransium]

Yeah, you can't reproduce random names, so you'll have to give him a fixed name.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Yeah, you can't reproduce random names, so you'll have to give him a fixed name.

Thank you for the prompt response

Any suggestions for a funny dictator name?

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Edit: Maybe I should call him Dick Tator?

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

OK, I posted a slightly changed new version of the draft. But I also added the note that this dictator may be rigging the elections. (One protestor says that he does, and one of Dick Tator's supporters says that he got 99% of the votes in the latest elections, so there is a VERY good chance that he is rigging the elections.)

You might ask why he is campaigning abroad for votes if he can rig the elections anyway. I'd say in that case one could still want to organize a campaign, not solely because one is interested in getting votes, but because one wants his/her regime to gain publicity. A dictator might not need the approval of his people to come to power, but s/he will need to avoid the disapproval of his/her people not to lose his/her power. I mean, a dictator would still need to shower his/her people with pro-government propaganda, to make them believe that they are the greatest country, etc. This appears to be true even if the elections are by all measures rigged (e.g. Azerbaijan).

[The Grim Reaper]

I like it. There's things I would still change where I editor but I don't think anything is too critical. Try to make it a bit less wordy and if you can, a bit more funny. I'd cut the last sentence from the opening text. The first sentence is a bit unwieldy and needs to be broken up, I think. The comma after Noir seems unnecessary and confuses my reading.

+1

This is a very good concept for an issue, and the execution seems sound, but a five option draft with three-line options on the forums needs to either have shorter options, or have fewer options.

The obvious choice, for me, is Option 5 - I know you're using it to tie the issue more explicitly into foreign relations, but that should really be done throughout rather than as an afterthought. The option itself is just too bogged down in political minutae for my liking.

[Ivenoo]

Spent an entire evening writing an issue with the exact same premise and the exact same March Noirian backstory before discovering this little gem... (-_-｡)

[description]Your advisors have notified you that Dick Tator, the autocratic leader of Marche Noir, wants to come to @@NAME@@ with several ministers in his cabinet and organize rallies to campaign for the votes of Marche Noirian immigrants in the upcoming elections in Marche Noir. Angry protestors demand that the dictator be not allowed to propagate his extremist views on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soil.

a. Although the name Dick Tator does make for a nice pun, I'd suggest something more stylish. If this issue is accepted, it does make it part of the March Noirian lore, and it would be a shame if Mr. Tator were immortalised. Going with the Marche Noir name, I came up with:

1. Val de Noire, named after the region of the town 'Marchenoir' in France (Val de Loir). Definetely my favourite seeing as it's a unisex name, thus keeping the allure intact.
2. Guéret Limousin-Poitou, named after capital city and neighbouring territories of the province of La Marche, once again France. Not an actual name, but official sounding nonetheless.
3. Marc Fesneau, the current mayor (IRL) of Marchenoir.

In my opinion these are all vastly superior to Dick Tator, no matter how much I might dislike Erdogan, which brings me to:

b. For all his murder accusing, fear mongering and name calling Erdogan is not a dictator (yet?), and it seems a bit one sided to call him that. Furthermore, according to issue #384, Marche Noir is a democratic country with a government opposed to your country. In this case, the status quo as it is currently on NS matches the real life situation much better already. It adds a lot more nuance and highlights the absurdity of the issue, thereby creating no 'perfect' choice.

[validity]has above-average civil rights & political rights, allows immigration

c. Perhaps add 'has had issue #384. This way, the player knows a lot more about Marche Noir already.

1. [option] ''This is a travesty!'' yells @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, the leader of the ‘Freedom for Oppressed Peoples’ initiative. ''Mr. Tator is a dictator oppressing his people and he maintains his power simply by sowing seeds of hatred in Marche Noir against @@NAME@@ and rigging the elections! @@NAME@@ is a democratic country and we cannot allow dictators to use our country as a stage for their farcical propaganda. @@LEADER@@, ban these people from coming to our country immediately!''
[effect] Border police is on alert as some politicians from Marche Noir attempt to enter @@NAME@@ illegally.

d. Quite good, although going on point b again, a comparison between the Marche Noirian campaigning and the player's own nation might be fun. Although as a Dutch citizen myself, I stood by Mark Rutte while the 'diplomatic spat' played out, I can't deny that it most probably done to save Rutte's own campaign from Wilders. A necessary show of strength perhaps, but one he definitely capitalised on. I'm certain that if this incident hadn't played out days before the election, we'd have let big daddy Germany fight our battles for us like we usually do. I might be rambling a bit, but it does show that a bit of self reciprocating humour might be a good addition.

2. [option] ''This is a travesty!'' yells @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a Marche Noirian immigrant carrying a life-size cardboard cutout of Dick Tator and showering his image with sloppy kisses. ''We love Dick Tator! He is the democratically elected leader of Marche Noir who got 99% of the votes in the latest elections and he has every right to talk to his supporters here. You keep saying that people have freedom of speech here, will you deprive our Supreme Leader of his freedom of speech now? @@LEADER@@, allow our leader to organize rallies here.''
[effect] @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are stunned as the leader of Marche Noir proclaims them to be ''@@ANIMAL@@-eating fascists'' on live TV, applauded by Marche Noirian immigrants.

3. [option] ''This is what happens when a softy like YOU becomes the leader,'' sneers @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, an extreme nationalist in the parliament; even as he runs his fingers through his fluffy hair looking in the mirror behind you. ''For years you have been admitting these filthy barbarians into our country, they took our jobs, they survived on our welfare, yet they were never thankful. And now they want to impose their skewed ideology on us! None of this would have happened if we had no Marche Noirian immigrants to begin with. Be a leader just for a day and deport them all to their country which they seem to love so much!''
[effect] Thousands of immigrants who had come to @@NAME@@ to escape from the dictatorship in Marche Noir are applying to Maxtopia for asylum.

e. Legitimately hilarious. You actually had me laughing after reading this; brilliant! It pokes fun at everyone, not just everyone that's not you (the player).

[effect] Marche Noirian immigrants are transformed into full-blood @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ patriots overnight.

f. I could be wrong, but I do believe it's 'full-blooded' in this case

5. [option]''Maybe we can do this without antagonizing Marche Noir,'' whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Foreign Affairs consultant, who had been hiding in your closet all this time. ''Don’t forget that our @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry depends on our cooperation with our Marche Noirian friends. In addition, we wouldn’t want our friends in @@REGION@@ to think that we are a xenophobic government. I suggest that you tell Dick Tator to hold his rally in the backyard of the Marche Noirian embassy in @@CAPITAL@@, which is technically Marche Noirian soil. That way, his supporters will be happy, and @@NAME@@ will not have hosted his rally.''
[effect] The pro-government media in Marche Noir proudly announce that the 100-square meter backyard of the embassy was overflowing with enthusiastic voters who came to hear Dick Tator’s speech.

g. I'm probably just nitpicking at this point, but instead of the major industry reference, talk about the many (economically critical) immigrants already in the country and they're often religious fundamentalists (violent violetists?) who might riot if not handled with tact (which many Turkish residents did do in Rotterdam).

If you want I can tg what I had, not that it was of any significant quality, I'd be happy to do so. I've only tried writing an issue once before, and I've never tried editing someone else's, so if I'm out of line, please tell me so.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Spent an entire evening writing an issue with the exact same premise and the exact same March Noirian backstory before discovering this little gem... (-_-｡)

[description]Your advisors have notified you that Dick Tator, the autocratic leader of Marche Noir, wants to come to @@NAME@@ with several ministers in his cabinet and organize rallies to campaign for the votes of Marche Noirian immigrants in the upcoming elections in Marche Noir. Angry protestors demand that the dictator be not allowed to propagate his extremist views on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soil.

a. Although the name Dick Tator does make for a nice pun, I'd suggest something more stylish. If this issue is accepted, it does make it part of the March Noirian lore, and it would be a shame if Mr. Tator were immortalised. Going with the Marche Noir name, I came up with:

1. Val de Noire, named after the region of the town 'Marchenoir' in France (Val de Loir). Definetely my favourite seeing as it's a unisex name, thus keeping the allure intact.
2. Guéret Limousin-Poitou, named after capital city and neighbouring territories of the province of La Marche, once again France. Not an actual name, but official sounding nonetheless.
3. Marc Fesneau, the current mayor (IRL) of Marchenoir.

In my opinion these are all vastly superior to Dick Tator, no matter how much I might dislike Erdogan, which brings me to:

b. For all his murder accusing, fear mongering and name calling Erdogan is not a dictator (yet?), and it seems a bit one sided to call him that. Furthermore, according to issue #384, Marche Noir is a democratic country with a government opposed to your country. In this case, the status quo as it is currently on NS matches the real life situation much better already. It adds a lot more nuance and highlights the absurdity of the issue, thereby creating no 'perfect' choice.

[validity]has above-average civil rights & political rights, allows immigration

c. Perhaps add 'has had issue #384. This way, the player knows a lot more about Marche Noir already.

1. [option] ''This is a travesty!'' yells @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, the leader of the ‘Freedom for Oppressed Peoples’ initiative. ''Mr. Tator is a dictator oppressing his people and he maintains his power simply by sowing seeds of hatred in Marche Noir against @@NAME@@ and rigging the elections! @@NAME@@ is a democratic country and we cannot allow dictators to use our country as a stage for their farcical propaganda. @@LEADER@@, ban these people from coming to our country immediately!''
[effect] Border police is on alert as some politicians from Marche Noir attempt to enter @@NAME@@ illegally.

d. Quite good, although going on point b again, a comparison between the Marche Noirian campaigning and the player's own nation might be fun. Although as a Dutch citizen myself, I stood by Mark Rutte while the 'diplomatic spat' played out, I can't deny that it most probably done to save Rutte's own campaign from Wilders. A necessary show of strength perhaps, but one he definitely capitalised on. I'm certain that if this incident hadn't played out days before the election, we'd have let big daddy Germany fight our battles for us like we usually do. I might be rambling a bit, but it does show that a bit of self reciprocating humour might be a good addition.

2. [option] ''This is a travesty!'' yells @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a Marche Noirian immigrant carrying a life-size cardboard cutout of Dick Tator and showering his image with sloppy kisses. ''We love Dick Tator! He is the democratically elected leader of Marche Noir who got 99% of the votes in the latest elections and he has every right to talk to his supporters here. You keep saying that people have freedom of speech here, will you deprive our Supreme Leader of his freedom of speech now? @@LEADER@@, allow our leader to organize rallies here.''
[effect] @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are stunned as the leader of Marche Noir proclaims them to be ''@@ANIMAL@@-eating fascists'' on live TV, applauded by Marche Noirian immigrants.

3. [option] ''This is what happens when a softy like YOU becomes the leader,'' sneers @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, an extreme nationalist in the parliament; even as he runs his fingers through his fluffy hair looking in the mirror behind you. ''For years you have been admitting these filthy barbarians into our country, they took our jobs, they survived on our welfare, yet they were never thankful. And now they want to impose their skewed ideology on us! None of this would have happened if we had no Marche Noirian immigrants to begin with. Be a leader just for a day and deport them all to their country which they seem to love so much!''
[effect] Thousands of immigrants who had come to @@NAME@@ to escape from the dictatorship in Marche Noir are applying to Maxtopia for asylum.

e. Legitimately hilarious. You actually had me laughing after reading this; brilliant! It pokes fun at everyone, not just everyone that's not you (the player).

[effect] Marche Noirian immigrants are transformed into full-blood @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ patriots overnight.

f. I could be wrong, but I do believe it's 'full-blooded' in this case

5. [option]''Maybe we can do this without antagonizing Marche Noir,'' whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Foreign Affairs consultant, who had been hiding in your closet all this time. ''Don’t forget that our @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry depends on our cooperation with our Marche Noirian friends. In addition, we wouldn’t want our friends in @@REGION@@ to think that we are a xenophobic government. I suggest that you tell Dick Tator to hold his rally in the backyard of the Marche Noirian embassy in @@CAPITAL@@, which is technically Marche Noirian soil. That way, his supporters will be happy, and @@NAME@@ will not have hosted his rally.''
[effect] The pro-government media in Marche Noir proudly announce that the 100-square meter backyard of the embassy was overflowing with enthusiastic voters who came to hear Dick Tator’s speech.

g. I'm probably just nitpicking at this point, but instead of the major industry reference, talk about the many (economically critical) immigrants already in the country and they're often religious fundamentalists (violent violetists?) who might riot if not handled with tact (which many Turkish residents did do in Rotterdam).

If you want I can tg what I had, not that it was of any significant quality, I'd be happy to do so. I've only tried writing an issue once before, and I've never tried editing someone else's, so if I'm out of line, please tell me so.

Wow, what a detailed commentary! Thanks for taking the time to write this. I'll consider your suggestions when I edit my issue for submission, thanks!

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SUBMITTED! Thanks to everyone who have helped me with my draft with their insightful comments

[Tinhampton]

This issue has been accepted as Issue #731, which carries the spectacularly long title "Is There An Election In Marche Noir Or Are You Just Happy To See Us?" (with Options 3 and 4 cut, and the other options edited to a minor extent). Nice work, FuF!

[Ivenoo]

Congrats!

[Australian rePublic]

Congrats!

[The Atlae Isles]

Congrats!